I jerked the door open, getting out of the car. “Forgive me if I don’t wanna have a heart-to-hear with you right now.”
I walked as fast I could, to the apartment. He jogged up beside me, stopping me. “Isn’t that her car?”
I looked around, seeing her car parked on the opposite side of the lot. “Goddammit, give me a break,” I said, throwing my hands up.
“Just tell her what happened.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Just go in there and tell her everything? She’ll be gone before I get everything out of my mouth.”
He sighed, annoyed. “Then fuck her,” he said, stressing each word.
I shoved my finger in his face. “When I don’t feel like shit, remind me to beat your ass.”
“How long are you gonna keep this from her?”
“I haven’t used coke in a while…I’m getting better. There won’t be anything to hide soon.”
He shook his head at me. “We’ll see.”
“When we get inside, go in your room. I’m going in mine and passing out. I’ve gotta think of something to tell her…”
We walked inside, finding that she wasn’t in the living room. Joel walked in his room and closed his door. I braced myself; if she’s in here, she’s in my room. I opened the door, tripping in the process. The door slammed into the wall behind it.
“Fuck,” I said, seeing I woke her up.
I grabbed my throbbing head and snapped my eyes shut. I stumbled toward the bed and fell on it beside her.
“Hayze! You have a hospital band on your wrist!” She said.
“When did you get here?” I asked. I wanted to know how long she knew I had been missing. That would help with my alibi.
“I’ve been here… You didn’t show up to work last night, so I came by,” she said, embarrassed. I turned my head away, wanting to sleep. I’ll talk to her later. She grabbed my wrist, looking at the band.
“What happened?” She asked.
“Tell you later.”
“Hayze, I don’t like this. Just tell me,” she said, pleading with me.
“Fuck you’re loud,” I grumbled, pressing my mouth into the pillow.
“SERIOUSLY? I was worried about you all night. People kept coming up to me at work, asking where you were. I feel like everyone knows something I don’t!”
Shit. People at work were talking. Joel, and everyone else is right, I won’t be able to keep this from her.
“We can talk when I wake up.”
“No, we won’t! Because I won’t be here,” she said, and I didn’t answer. “HAYZE!”
I laid there, waiting for her to say something. Moments ticket by before I felt the bed move as she got up. She was leaving, and I knew I should let her go. I should leave her alone and let Lea, someone who truly cares for her, tell her how fucked-up I am. As the front door closed, I let myself drift to sleep. I was no good to anyone right now.
****
Hours later, I knocked on her door. Lea let me in, watching me with narrow eyes as I stumbled inside. I sat on the bed beside Taylor.
“You look like shit,” Lea said.
“Yeah, well, I’ve felt better,” I said, flipping her off.
Scanning my face, Taylor pushed my hair back from my forehead, then grabbed my arm. “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” I said.
Her lips pressed in a hard line and I could see fire building inside of her. She stood up in front of me, putting her hands on her hips.
“Here we go,” I said.
“You can’t just disappear and show back up with a hospital band on and expect me not to be upset! Your attitude is pissing me off! What happened, Hayze? What the hell happened?”
I covered my eyes, nursing my headache. “First of all, stop yelling, I have a headache. I had my stomach pumped. It’s no big deal, babe.”
“Wait…What? Why?” She looks to Lea then back to me. “You dropped me off at school, drank so much you had to get your stomach pumped, and then you don’t come to work? Or even call me!”
Dropped her off at school? I racked my brain, trying to remember the last few days. I don’t remember dropping her off. Maybe I was getting out of hand again.
“Yeah…Something like that,” I said, confused.
“Just tell her,” Lea said. I shot her a look, but she didn’t back down.
“Yeah, Hayze, just tell me!” Taylor said, throwing her hands up.
“Lea,” I warned her. She frowned at me while walking from the room.
I propped my elbows on my knees, hanging my head. I couldn’t think straight, and I don’t know why I came over here. I guess I’ve been blacking out again, because I can’t remember taking her to class. Maybe she can tell I’m acting off, and that’s why she wanted to take a step back.
She knelt in front of me, putting her hand on my thighs. I looked up at her, and immediately regretted it. Her big, green eyes were full of worry. I did this to her.
“You’ve gotta give me some answers,” she said. I thought about it, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to tell her while I was out of control. I wanted to tell her when I put it behind me. “Is this a regular thing?”
“Not anymore,” I said.
“So, whatever this is, you just can’t talk about it right now? You will tell me some day, right?”
“I hope I don’t have to,” I said.
“You left class, got drunk. Some random person took you to the hospital? Did you lose your phone?” She said. Staring at me intently, she wanted answers, and I was in deep shit until I gave them to her.
“The details are not important. It won’t happen again,” I said.
“But what won’t happen again?”
“Your something shitty,” I said, turning the corners of my mouth up.
“I don’t know what to do. What were you doing? Do you even remember? I mean, you could’ve cheated on me,” she said, shaking her head with anger.
“I said I wouldn’t cheat on you!” I yelled and she jumped.
“You’re not exactly forthcoming with answers, so I don’t know what to believe,” she seethed.
“I wasn’t with a girl, Taylor! I was with Joel, my roommate! We were,” I stopped, groaning in frustration. The truth was, I had no damn idea what we were doing. But I knew, no matter what state of mind I was in, I wouldn’t cheat on her.
“Please, for the love of God, finish that sentence,” she said.
“You trust me right?” I asked. I grabbed her wrists, pulling her to me. She rolled her eyes, looking off.
“I thought I did.”
“Girls can talk to me in class and flirt with me at the bar. You name it, but I’ll never do anything to hurt you, I promise. You’re it for me; remember that. Stupid shit like this may happen, but it’s not another girl, Taylor, it never will be.”
“Then what is it?” She asked, still pissed.
“Something that will never come between us again,” I said, rubbing my thumb across her cheek. I pressed my lips to hers. “I don’t wanna be responsible for that frown on your face.”
“Then just freaking tell me what it is!” She took a step back, determined.
“Trust me, that wouldn’t make your frown go away.”
Lea came back in the room, looking between the two of us.
Taylor sighed, walking to the door. “I have homework to do, so, I’ll uhh… I’ll call you.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it,” she said.
I walked over, grabbing her hand. “C’mon Taylor, don’t do this!”
“Just go,” she said, nodding to the door.
When I didn’t make a move, she opened the door wide. I refused to budge until she forgave me. Her face was unreadable, showing no emotion, and that scared the shit out of me. What if this time she had finally had enough?
“Hayze, go,” she said. This time her voice was louder.
Lea walked up, standing between us. “Maybe you should go.”
“Don’t do thi
s,” I said, needing one more chance. I can’t be sent out like this again. I can’t function with uncertainty.
She gasped as her eyes went wide. “What…. Me?” She asked, pointing to herself. “Hayze, you don’t do this! Call me when you’re ready to grow up!”
“Taylor…”
“Go!”
Fuck this. I stormed from the room, slamming the door behind me. I didn’t need this shit from her or anyone else. Lea tried calling me and I denied each one. I knew she was worried about me, and she wanted me to tell Taylor the truth. That wasn’t going to happen. She was probably done with me now anyway.
21
THE APOLOGY
I gave her a day to cool off. When she opened the door, she frowned, but let me inside. I walked in, stopping in the middle of the room. She stood at the door, waiting for me to say something.
“Let’s grab some coffee,” I said.
She walked over and grabbed her purse without saying a word. I followed behind her as she led me across campus to the closest coffee shop.
She sat down while I ordered coffees. My hands shook as I walked them over to the table. I was going through withdrawals again. I knew cutting myself off completely wasn’t the safest thing to do, but I kept going back. I needed to try something drastic.
I sat the coffee in front of her. She looked at it, pushing it around the table, just to avoid eye contact with me. She was still pissed. Maybe I should’ve given her more time, but I couldn’t stay away any longer.
“So, about last night.”
She cocked her head to the side, laughing without humor. “Just last night? Or the entire relationship?”
I rolled my eyes at her. I get it, I’m a fuck-up, but I’m trying. “I’m trying to apologize.”
She shook her head, frustrated. “I don’t want an apology. I want you to change. You can’t keep things from me…. Not anymore.”
“I don’t want to,” I said.
“And you’re controlling,” she said, shaking her head until tears almost spilled over. “And you get so angry at me.”
I sighed, sitting back in my seat. I hated to see her fight tears on my account. I didn’t get angry with her. I was just angry all the time, and I tried to control it. I wish she knew none of this was her fault. I didn’t know how to show her. I grabbed her hand from across the table, but she jerked it back.
“All that’s about to change. Give me another chance. I’ll show you.”
She exhaled a long shaky breath, apparently she was considering it. If she would just let me show her how much I care, things would be different. I knew I was changing. I just fell back into a slump, but I was coming out of it. It wouldn’t happen again; I knew it wouldn’t
She stood, grabbing her coffee. “I can’t. Not right now.”
I watched her walk away, hoping she might turn around. I don’t know how long I sat there, waiting for her to think it over and come back to me…Even if it was just pity; I’d take anything right now to not be alone.
After my coffee stopped smoking, I grabbed it and tossed it in the trash. I looked in the directions of the dorms one last time before I walked off.
I shoved my hands in my pocket, fishing out my keys. I walked to my Mustang, needing to get the fuck out of here. At least she said not right now. This wasn’t a permanent thing…She would think about it and come back.
I gave her a week before I brought it up again. We saw each other at work and school, but only in passing. She was polite, but she wouldn’t talk to me about what she was thinking. As everyone left the bar, I caught up with her just as she was getting into her car.
“Taylor! Wait up,” I said, jogging to her.
“Yeah?” She asked, forcing a smile.
I looked around, wondering what the hell I was going to say now. “Just seeing how you’re doing.”
“Fine. You?” She asked. She threw her purse in her car and closed the door. She wasn’t trying to make a quick getaway, so that was an improvement.
“I’ve been better,” I said, leaning against her car.
She nodded, leaning on the car beside me. “Me too.”
“Then what are we doing here? Torturing each other?”
“Protecting myself,” she said, smiling. She was telling the truth though. If everyone stopped taking risks, no-one would truly be happy.
“From happiness?”
She kicked off the car, stepping in front of me. “From you…We’re just too different.”
I took a step closer, putting my hands on her arms. “I get that, but we just got off to a rough start…I know you still feel the same way,” I said, hoping it was true.
She shook her head.
“We don’t have to rush into again. Let’s just try?” I asked
She screwed her lips to the side, thinking. When her green eyes landed on me, I knew what her answer would be. She tried to fight the smile that was spreading across her face.
“Okay, but this is it this time, Hayze.”
Grabbing the side of her face, I pressed my lips to hers. This was what I missed the most. The closeness; the connection I had with her both physical and mental. Her words had the power to wreck me, and her lips had the power to silence every doubt I’ve ever had.
She stepped back, putting her hands on my chest. “But let’s take it slow for a little while, okay?”
I groaned, “Taylor.”
“I wanna be with you, but let’s ease into it,” she said, smiling at me until I agreed with her. Rolling my eyes, I nodded.
“Goodnight,” she said, climbing into her car. I stood in the parking lot, watching her drive off. God, she drove me insane.
22
TAKING IT SLOW
I checked my phone again, irritated. I had texted her twice without response. My mom asked me to come to Thanksgiving, as she did every year, but this time, I’m considering it. I wanted Taylor to meet her, but she wouldn’t answer.
Joel walked in the living room where I sat on the couch, watching a movie. “What are you doing tonight?” I asked.
“Party at the frat,” he said, clapping his hands once. “You coming?”
“No, I’m good.”
He looked around the room, laughing once. “Then what are you doing?”
“I was gonna take Taylor, but she’s not answering…I guess I’ll see what Lea’s doing.”
“Do you hear yourself when you talk?” He asked, popping the top of a beer. “Come with me.”
“I may show up later.”
“Do a line. That’ll change your mind,” he said, pulling on his worn tennis shoes.
“Is Jenny going with you?”
He snorted, “I’m not taking a girl to a frat party…I might bring one home though. Warn your girlfriend.”
He left, and I was completely alone with nothing to do for the night. He was right about doing a line. That would get me in the mood to go out. I walked over to the cabinet, pulling the bag out. I dumped a small pile on the counter, forming it into a line. Bending down, I inhaled, and wiped my nose off.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, growing annoyed when I saw it was just a text from some chick. I don’t know how they got my number. I deleted the text and found Lea’s name to call her.
“Hello,” she cooed on the second ring.
“What’s up?”
“She’s not here…” She said, and I heard rustling in the background. “And I’m trying to get ready to go eat.”
“Good to hear from you, too, asshole,” I said, looking at my watch. “It’s almost nine. Where is she?”
“I don’t know, Hayze. She left a note saying she was going to eat. Are you two even together right now?”
I thought we were trying. Who the hell is she eating with? Shea?
“Alright. Talk to you later,” I said, pulling the phone from my ear.
“Hayze! Don’t do anything stupid!” She shouted as I hung up.
Rolling my eyes, I searched my phone. I found Shea’s name and c
alled her. She answered immediately. “Hayze?” She asked, sounding concerned.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Umm…Studying. What are you doing?” She asked. Why was everyone concerned or suspicious when I called them? Don’t I just call to talk sometimes? Fuck.
“Are you with Taylor?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“No, I haven’t seen her today. Why?”
I grabbed a beer from the fridge. Snorting a line was the last thing I needed. I desperately needed to calm down, but I knew at this point, she must be with a guy.
“I haven’t heard from her…She said she was going out to eat with a friend.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t know anything about it. If I hear from her, I’ll tell her you called,” she said, and then she hung up.
I chugged the beer, threw it in the trash, and grabbed my keys. By the time I got to my Mustang, I was seeing red. I didn’t even know that she was with anyone, but I had a feeling I knew what was going on.
It takes a minute to get to the campus. Thirty seconds if I’m pissed. I parked in the garaged and walked to the dorms. I knocked on the door, but no-one answered. I pulled my debit card out, swiping it down the lock. It popped open, and I walked inside, looking around.
My eyes were fixed on the flowers on Taylor’s bed. Taylor or Lea have better bought those for the room or this was about to get ugly. I sat on the bed, clenching my fists.
If someone comes inside my girlfriend’s room tonight, I’ll be waiting, and that motherfucker will never see the outside of these walls again. The door opened, and Lea walked in, wearing pajamas.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Her jaw hung open. “What do you mean what am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?”
“You said you were going to eat.”
She walked over, throwing a bag on her bed. She pulled a comb out and ran it through her wet hair. “I grabbed fast-food and came back. Where’s Taylor?” She asked, looking at me through her mirror.
I shrugged my shoulders. “We’re about to find out.”
She rolled her eyes as she tossed her brush on her table. She pulled her covers back and laid in bed. “As much as I hate to miss out on your constant drama, I just took a sleeping pill.”
Ruined (The Hazed Series Book 3) Page 13