I grumbled in response and walked inside, shielding myself from the wind. The air alone in Texas could kill you.
“Where’s Taylor?”
Thinking, I looked around the small living room before sitting on the couch. “At the dorms.”
She looked around, not sure what to say or do. To say it was odd for me to stop by, would be the understatement of the year. “Can I get you anything?”
I shook my head. “Mind if I stay here a couple days?”
I could almost feel her heart grow from across the room, and I instantly regretted asking.
“Of course you can. Is Taylor coming, too?”
Not gonna let that go, are you? “Maybe.”
Accepting my lie, she took off down the hall. Probably warning Glenn the prodigal son is home. My phone chimed with text. Like the pathetic, whipped bitch that I am, I grabbed it quick.
Wanna go half? Joel asked.
No. But I’ll buy some from you. I replied.
I didn’t want to sell with him, but I could use. Taylor was out of my life. I’m staying away for good now. I can do whatever the hell I want and not feel bad about it. This was the life my dad always talked about, and I know now that this is the one I’m destined for.
27
THE DAYS AFTER
The faint sound of a bag slapping against the wall brought me to consciousness. I laid in my childhood bed with my eyes closed, waiting. Did she finally come looking for me?
“Is the plan to lay here until you die?” My annoying little sister asked. I was hoping to hear Taylor’s voice, but I had no such luck.
“As of now,” I said.
“You tired?” She asked as she sat on the edge of my bed.
“People are usually tired after a three-day binge of coke,” I smirked.
When she hit me in the stomach, I doubled over. “I hate you,” I murmured when I caught my breath.
“Well, I love you and I’m tired of you being stupid!”
“How am I being stupid?” I asked, sitting up. I rubbed my eyes and found her glaring at me not amused.
“Have you talked to her?”
“Nope, and I’m not going to.”
She threw her fist at me again, but I caught it. “Watch it. You haven’t been able to kick my ass in a few years,” I laughed.
She shook her head. “What’s going on with you, Hayze?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing.”
“You love her…I know you do.”
“If you love them, set them free…or some shit like that,” I said, chuckling. I tossed a pillow at her, but she was only growing more irritated with me.
“Stop being a dick. I’m about to go over there. Come with me?” She asked and her eyes swelled with hope.
“No, Lea,” I said, falling back on the bed.
“Hayze…”
“Leave me the fuck alone.”
She groaned as she stood up. “We’re gonna get coffee…you should think about stopping by.”
When she left, I got out of bed. I pulled a pair of jeans on and grabbed the keys from my table. Joel’s been blowing my phone up, and I need to see what that’s about.
When I got back to the apartment, Joel and some chick are on the couch. His hand is half-way up her shirt. I slammed the door and he jumped, laughing in my direction.
“What did I tell you about fucking on the couch?” I asked and the girl frowned.
“I figured since Taylor left your worthless ass for good, we were back to no rules.”
That hurt. I looked at him, then back at the girl. What the fuck am I thinking? Throwing the only person I’ve ever loved away because I was scared.
“You guys wanna go get some coffee?”
“I don’t need coffee,” Joel said, looking at me strange.
I shuffled my keys in my pocket and walked to the door. “I’m running over to the campus to get coffee.”
Joel stood up, laughing. “I guess I need to keep your ass out of a fight.”
He knew what I was doing, but he came anyway. When we got to the campus, I went to the coffee shop Lea always goes to. Scanning the room, I came up short. Taylor wasn’t anywhere in sight. Rubbing the back of my head, I sat at a table. This was a mistake.
“Are you gonna get some coffee?” Joel asked, amused. He sat across from me, smirking. The girl sat next to him, looking between us.
“In a minute,” I said.
He laughed, “You can lie to yourself, man. She dumped you, move on.”
I wasn’t exactly honest with him. I’d sound like a shitty human being if I admitted I was leaving to set her free so I could do all the things I did prior to her. I always felt guilty. I knew what she would think if she knew, and it was driving me to the point of insanity.
“I just wanted to get out,” I said.
The door opened and Taylor walked in. Her eyes narrowed in on me as she stalked toward me. Fuck. I don’t want to do this here. I shouldn’t do it anywhere. Why the hell am I even here? I’m supposed to be letting her move on.
“Sure you did,” Joel said, following my line of sight. Ignoring him, I stood up and walked to her so Joel’s dumbass couldn’t hear.
"Where have you been?" She asked already pissed.
“Around," I said. I looked around the shop, making sure no one was listening.
"Yeah...everywhere except work and my dorm."
"Do we have to do this?" I asked and I swear her eyes teared-up.
"I think you owe me an explanation, Hayze! You don't get to just decide it's over and never speak to me again,” she practically yelled.
Although it was true, I didn’t like the way she said that. I can’t keep stringing her along when I know I have an addiction. I’ll only drag her down with me.
"It's not over...I just, I've been busy,” I said. Leading her outside, I grabbed her hand. She picked a table away from the others. I collapsed in a chair across from her. The minutes were ticking by painfully slow before I finally said something.
"You were fine until I came along..."
"You're not making any sense," she said, scrunching her nose.
"I am. For the first time in my life. Hear me out, it actually makes sense. You were doing fine and I fucked everything up for you. When I woke up after getting so drunk that night, I knew something had to change...So I left."
She laughed without a trace of humor. "Something had to change? So instead of making the effort to let me in or change, you just completely write me off?"
It sounded better in my head. "God Damnit Taylor, it isn't like that. Stop putting words in my mouth," I said through clenched teeth.
Like a child, she slumped into the back of her chair and crossed her arms. "Then tell me what it's like!"
"You'll hate me soon enough anyways. Why not just step out now?"
She rolled her eyes and huffed. "You're making zero sense, Hayze! You said it isn't over now you're talking like we're done...like you're leaving me as a favor."
I rested my face in my hands, thinking. How do I make her understand? She says it as if she’s mocking me, but it makes sense. If she only knew, she would understand.
I should tell her. Sighing, I opened my mouth to explain, but she jumped up instead.
“Let me make this easy for you! Fuck you,” she said as she stalked off.
I snapped up, going after her. "See! Like that! You wouldn't have said shit like that before I came around. You wouldn't do half of the things you do...and you don't know half of it."
"You didn't know me before! I was going to be like this with or without you," she said, stalking away from me.
When she gets to the dorms, she runs down the hallway and shuts the door. I almost laughed out loud. I was getting in whether it be knocking the door down or not. She isn’t going to take a jab at me and walk off without letting me explain.
“You never give me enough time to explain myself, that’s one of the many things you do that piss me the fuck off. Should I go on?”
&n
bsp; “If you’re going to do this, you need to leave. That shouldn’t be hard for you anyways…You seem to like leaving,” she said, throwing her arms up.
Oh my god, this girl in front of me tests my patience. “If you were listening earlier you’d know I said I didn’t want to. I did that for you!”
“Don’t pretend like you did that for anyone but yourself,” she said, sitting on her bed. I kicked my shoes off and sat beside her. “W-What are you doing?” She asked, glaring at me.
“Sitting beside you…After Lea left, I started thinking a lot,” I said, falling back on her bed. Tucking my hands behind my head, I studied the ceiling. “I kept telling her I was done; I was leaving you alone. But being Lea, she told me a hundred times that she was going to pick you up and take you to get coffee. Telling me it would be nice if I’d stop by…She’s the only person that gets under my skin more than you.”
She tried to yawn, but failed. “Can you hurry up? I’m getting sleepy—”
“Nice try. I tried so fucking hard to stay away. It’s ridiculous when you work with the person you’re avoiding. My mom asked where you were every single day…If my phone would go off; she would have to make a stupid ass comment about you. What you were saying and shit…I never told her.”
“You’re getting off track,” she said, raising her brow.
“I couldn’t get Joseph out of my head, the way your dad threw him in my face. Like he knew that’s who you would end up with and he wanted me to know. And it hit me, that’s who you should be with,” I said. From the second it left my mouth, I was scared of what her reaction would be. What if she agrees?
“Your big, life changing revelation is that I should get back with my ex-boyfriend?” She asked, laughing.
“No, it’s not like that…I’m afraid you’ll hate me. You should be with someone your family likes, too. Not someone…like me.”
“It’s just my dad, and he will literally never be happy. It doesn’t matter who I’m dating…And besides I tried that for eighteen years, you know? It wasn’t really my thing…” She smiled, running her finger along my hand. I sat up; tucking stray hairs behind her ears, I looked her in the eyes.
“Are you really going to sleep?”
She shook her head. “No, I was pissed and wanted you to leave.”
I leaned in, letting my lips brush against hers. “And now? Do you still want me to leave?”
“I don’t want you to leave. But you probably should.”
I pushed myself off the bed and she fell over in the process. I almost apologized, but I was seeing red.
“Do you have someone coming over?”
“WHAT?” She asked, looking at me as if I’d grown two heads.
“You said I should go…And that look you gave me! You always pull this when you’re pissed at me,” I said through clenched teeth.
She stood up, getting closer to me. She was didn’t look angry as she tried to calm me. “Yeah, I said you should probably go, not because I don’t want you to stay, but because this happens every single time.”
“Fuck!”
Rubbing my temples, I collapsed on her bed How do I managed to screw up every single time I try to make it right? She didn’t say anything. She stood beside me, waiting for me to work out whatever I had going on in my head.
“Why didn’t you just say that?”
“I shouldn’t have to explain myself. Normal couples don’t do that…You’re going to have to tone the jealous boyfriend thing down. Just a tad,” she said.
“Fuck normal,” I said, annoyed with that word. “Boyfriend? So do this mean…?”
“It just slipped,” she said as heat rose to her cheeks.
Grinning, I walked over and tugged her to me. She didn’t fight back, so I decided to play my luck.
“Tell me you want me to stay, Taylor, or I’m leaving right now.”
Chewing on her bottom lip, she ducked her head. Testing her, I pressed my lips to her; then pushed her on the bed and climbed on top. I knocked her knees apart, making room for me lie on her. With my elbows on each side, I held her gaze.
“Stay,” she said.
That was all it took for me. The second I pressed my lips to hers, I was kicking myself from staying away from her. I moved down her neck, nicking as she shivered. I slipped my fingers in her shirt, and she leaned up, letting me slide them off. She pulled my shirt off; waiting for me to unbutton hers, she sighed with frustration.
“Impatient, are we?” I asked, leaning into her ear.
She doesn’t respond; just watches me with hooded eyes. As I reached the last button of her shirt, she rocked into me. I tossed her shirt on the ground and dipped down to her chest. Her fingers weave through my hair then tug the sheets. I can’t hide my smug smile.
“These fucking pants. Don’t wear them when I’m not around,” I said, slipping her leggings off. With her fingers lingering down my body, she stopped on the lines under my chest. I wanted to knock her away, but I let her feel. Quickly losing interest, she fumbled with my belt and jeans before pulling them off.
Fuck. I need a condom. I’m way too careless with this girl.
“Shit.”
I pushed myself off of her and crouched by my jeans. I felt the pockets, grinning like I won the lottery when I heard the crinkling sound. I stood up, tore the package with my teeth and slid it on. She sat up, watching me.
I leaned on the bed, with my hands on each side of her thighs. “This your last chance to make me leave…and keep your virtue.”
“I think you ran off with that long ago.”
I shook my head. If she only knew. “It comes back to you when I leave. And then I fuck everything up…”
With my hand supporting my weight, I leaned on her. My lips never left hers as I pushed my fingers inside her. With a moan, her mouth flew open. I looked down between us before making up my mind. I wanted to see everything. We didn’t really experiment, which was okay, but I wanted to try everything with her.
“Let’s try something new. You on top.”
Confused, she straddled me. Chuckling, I patted her thighs as she blushed. “No, babe, turn around. Face the other way.”
Still unsure, she scanned my face. Encouraging her, I rubbed her back. I gave her a slow, sensual kiss and helped her turn in position.
“Trust me, you know I want to make you feel good.”
I looped my arm around her waist, helping her adjust. When she slid down on me, I exhaled a long breath. No doubt, I’d down this a thousand times, but it was different with her. Everything was better with this girl.
I rock into her, matching her pace. Hugging her back isn’t enough, I need to see her face. My motivation to quit; my motivation to be better. My Taylor.
“Turn around. I wanna see you riding me.”
I patted her back. With my help, she switched without skipping a beat. Grinning a shit-eating- grin, I watched her ride me. The way her face looked as she was about to release; the way her tits bounced; I took everything in until it was too much. I slipped my hands between her thighs, sending her over the edge.
“Oh, Hayze,” she moaned.
Grinning, “That’s right baby, I’m the only one that make you feel like this.”
Hooking my arm around her neck, I tugged her down. With my hand rubbing her, she began to tremble. Bracing myself, I rolled over, laying her on her back before I pumped out of her for the last time.
I collapsed beside her and she rolled into me, laying on my arm. I squeezed her tight, hoping I’d never put her through this shit again. She didn’t say anything else, so I assumed she was asleep. I kissed the side of her head and drifted to sleep.
****
I knew she was awake when I woke up. She didn’t say anything, nor did she move, but I could almost feel her mind overworking.
“Stop over thinking it,” I said. She jumped and I laughed as I pulled her near me.
“I’m not thinking about anything.”
“Bullshit. I didn’t come over here f
or that…Just so you know,” I said, hoping she knows the truth.
“Sure you didn’t, Hayze.”
I watched her as she stared at the ceiling. I don’t know what to say or do to win her back. I’m still not sure I should try.
“I uh, I’ve been thinking…We’ve never been on an actual date. I tried once, but it doesn’t count, you couldn’t keep your hands off of me. Like today.”
She nudged my side, smiling. I sat up, letting the sheets pool in my lap. Rubbing the back of my head, I wasn’t sure if I should do this.
“What is it?”
“Do you wanna go out…with me? On a date?” I asked.
“No.”
My brows bumped into a scowl until she laughed. Shaking my head, my face broke into a grin. “You just used me? What are you going to say next, that you want me to leave?”
“Well—”
I leaned over, pushing my lips to hers. “Huh uh, not happening. You’re stuck with me forever.”
Waiting for her answer, I laid my head on her chest and she tangled her fingers in my hair. The door slammed into the wall and Taylor squeal and held the covers up. I laid over her, blocking her from the door. I swear to God if its Joel…
“Fuck, Lea! You could knock!” I said as soon as she came into view.
“What in the actual hell, guys? I ran after you when Joel told me about your little scene! Seriously?” She laughed. “I guess I’ll come back…Please be decent.”
“My place?” I asked, falling down beside her.
“Hayze! That could’ve been Joel coming after you! Why didn’t you lock the door? If she would’ve walked in two minutes before,” she said, rubbing her temples.
I almost laughed out loud at that thought. Joel knew better. I’ve walked in on him with girls and he’s done the same with me, but it was different and he knew it.
“First of all, I said I didn’t come in here for this. It would’ve been a little cocky to lock the door,” I said and she scowled at me. “And if Joel, or any of my friends ever walk in on us they won’t make it out the door.”
She gulped. Chuckling, I searched her room for my clothes. When we were dressed I put my hands on her shoulder, swaying her from side to side.
Ruined (The Hazed Series Book 3) Page 19