Completely Captivated

by A. D. Justice

  She didn’t give me any choice but to hug her in return, because she obviously was not releasing me soon. “The exhibit was all a surprise to me, so I had no idea any of this was happening. It’s great to meet you, too.”

  I know I sounded like an idiot, but I was more than a little flabbergasted.

  She leaned back, and her hands rested on my biceps, still holding on to me. “You’re even more beautiful than I’ve heard. It’s not like Lance to describe two women as the most beautiful women he’s ever seen, both in the same week. But that’s exactly what he said when he told me about you and Allie.”

  Lance’s face had turned multiple shades of red when I glanced over my shoulder at him. Leigh Anne kissed me on both cheeks then grabbed my hand to pull me along with her. “Honey, you’ll never guess who I just met.” We stopped at a handsome man, but there was no doubt as to who he was. Lance and Aaron were cloned replicas of him. “Brian, this is your daughter-in-law.”

  His surprised expression quickly turned endearing when he smiled at me. I could see where Aaron got the sparkle in his eye when he looked at me. Brian had the same sparkle when he looked at Leigh Anne.

  “Christa, I can’t believe we didn’t know you’d be here, but I’m so glad to finally meet you. With everything Aaron told us about you, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Rivers.”

  “You can call me Dad. You’re one of my kids now. We haven’t even officially welcomed you into the family yet, but we’ll rectify that very soon.”

  I almost choked, not only because I’d wanted someone to step in and be my father for so long, but because there was no hint of hesitation in his voice. He was welcoming me into his family, seemingly treating me as one of his own, and there were no strings attached.

  Were other families always this open and affectionate?

  “Christa?” a voice I would have recognized anywhere called out from behind me, and I turned to face her.

  “Jen! I haven’t seen you in forever. What are you doing here?”

  “Apparently, this exhibit is the place to be tonight.” She looked over at the centerpiece then back at me. “These photos have a lot of feeling in them, some very deep meaning behind them.”

  “They do,” I replied, surprised at her keen eye for art. “How’s Jared doing?”

  “He’s doing really well. His employer has been very supportive since he sought help before he lost control.”

  I nodded, keeping that night in my apartment to myself. He’d tell them the details when he was ready. “I’m glad to hear that. I hope everything works out for him.”

  “Speaking of working out, are you and Aaron back together?”

  “They sure are,” Leigh Anne replied before I could and introduced herself to Jen. “I’m already planning family vacations with my favorite daughter-in-law. I’ve been in a family full of testosterone for so long, I’m just grateful to finally have another woman in the mix.”

  “Congratulations, Christa. I’m happy if you are.”

  I felt the weight of Aaron’s stare on my skin, so I searched the room until I found him. Our connection was strong, but I was afraid we were moving too fast. I’d just met his parents, and his mom was planning family vacations. His brother had apologized, but I wasn’t quite over my anger at him. Aaron and I seemed to be both moving at light speed and standing still.

  When I looked at him, when I was with him, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

  When we were apart, I struggled with the whole forgive and forget concept.

  Something had to give.

  Always on My Mind

  Christa

  Spending the weekend with Aaron was even better than I’d anticipated. After his exhibit opening, we went back to his condo. I thought the painful memories would hit me when I walked in, but I was surprised I felt at home there. It was late when we arrived, and Aaron was exhausted from being in the spotlight all night, but that didn’t stop him from revering every inch of my body until just before sunrise. Then we collapsed, spent and sated from feasting on each other.

  I awoke Sunday morning to find Aaron resuming his focus from just a few hours before, though I had no objections. As promised, we soaked in his jetted tub together, spending every moment talking—when we weren’t making love. We learned more about each other during those hours alone than in the rest of the time we’d been together combined. I wouldn’t trade any of the time we spent together. We needed it.

  Also as promised, Aaron brought me to work that morning, helped me get everything arranged to start cooking for the day, then left to finish his work in progress. I had been a bundle of nervous energy since he walked out the door, but I didn’t know why. With my earbuds in and the music blaring, I baked, cleaned, and prepared food like a madwoman. By the time I’d run out of chores to accomplish, I already had the lunch sandwiches made, the soups ready to start, the kitchen completely cleaned, and not much left for Allie to do when she came in later today.

  The long line of early morning customers occupied my time and my mind, keeping my thoughts from wandering too far off target. But the ominous foreshadowing I’d felt growing around me all morning never fully went away. The knot in the pit of my stomach warned me to beware.

  But beware of what?

  Allie and I were cleaning out the display case at the end of the day when the chimes alerted us of another customer. When I stood to offer a greeting, my voice was frozen in my throat.

  “Hi, Christa.” The door closed behind him as he stood rooted in place.

  Allie grabbed my hand, her gaze cutting between him and me. “Christa, are you okay? Who is he?”

  “I’m her father,” he replied, his eyes dropping to the floor. At least he had the decency to look ashamed of even referring to himself that way.

  “What?” Allie demanded and stepped between us, as if she was my human shield.

  “I know I gave up my rights to be your father years ago, but we really need to talk. Please, Christa. It’s important.”

  “Make it quick. I have plans tonight.” I took a seat and gestured for him to do the same. He sat across from me and fidgeted with the centerpiece on the table for a few seconds before he spoke.

  “How long has it been since you talked to your mother?”

  That wasn’t how I thought he’d start the conversation, but I assumed he was leading up to something. “She called a few weeks ago, looking for money. The only time I hear from her is when she wants something. Why?”

  “The sheriff’s deputy showed up at my place today. Christa, there’s no easy way to say this. She was found dead in her apartment. It’ll be several weeks before the official toxicology report is back, but for now, it appears to be an overdose. I’m so sorry to have to tell you, to be the one who brings you the bad news.” He stopped and looked at me, thinking I’d fall apart and he’d be there to put me back together. The hero. The ultimate father figure.

  But I felt nothing.

  The day I turned to him for any kind of comfort would be the day hell froze over.

  He was still waiting for a reaction from me. “Had you stuck around, you’d understand why this news doesn’t surprise me. Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

  “Umm… Yes, I guess,” he stammered. “Here’s the key to her apartment. I’ll let you go through her things for anything you want to keep. Whatever you leave behind, I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”

  “Fine. You’ve done your duty and conveyed the news. Now, if you don’t mind, we’re trying to close the shop for the night.” I stood and moved toward the door, ready to lock it once he was out.

  “Can I come back soon? Just to see you, so we can talk?” He walked toward me, his eyes pleading for me to say yes.

  But I couldn’t.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Whatever you had to say to me should’ve been said years ago.”

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled then turned and walked out, his s
houlders drooping and his head hanging low.

  I couldn’t help but watch him walk away, down the sidewalk to his car. Part of me wanted to follow him, to see if he had a new family who’d had all his attention for the years he’d been out of my life. The years I spent under my mother’s abusive thumb. Instead, I turned away from the door to finish working as soon as humanly possible, only to be stopped by Allie’s intense stare.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Oh, wait, there was something. What was it again? Now I remember. Your father just walked in here and said your mother died!” Her bellow echoed off the walls of this small café, making me cringe.

  “I know he did, Allie.”

  “Then he said he wants to see you again.”

  “Again, I know, Allie. Let’s just finish up so we can get out of here.”

  “I understand you need time to process this. If you need me for anything, all you have to do is call me, and I’ll be there. If you need to talk, cry. Even if you need an alibi or someone with a good shovel. I’m your girl.”

  “You’re always my girl.” I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her like the sister I never had. “You always know exactly what to say. But I need some time alone with this one. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to feel, or even how I truly feel.”

  She nodded in understanding then we finished the final chores and left the shop, the weight crushing my chest becoming more unbearable with every step. I just needed to make it home and deal with my issues alone. When I walked into my apartment, I realized I didn’t even remember the drive home. Then an overwhelming feeling of being alone hit me, and my apartment no longer felt like home.

  Aaron wasn’t there.

  On cue, my phone began ringing, his assigned ringtone filling the dead air in my living room. “Hello?” I found the phone and answered before it rolled to voice mail, thankful to hear from him in the very moment I needed him.

  “What’s wrong, Christa?”

  “How do you know something’s wrong?”

  “Because I know you better than you think, sweetheart. Because I know that tone in your voice, and I can hear it in your one-word answer. Do you want me to be there with you?”

  “More than anything, Aaron.”

  There was a knock on my door, and I couldn’t stop the smile in spite of the growing ache in my chest. I took a second to look through the peephole first, and then I jerked it open as soon as I saw his handsome face on the other side. That smug smile, the one that melted my heart and my panties, covered his face, and I collapsed into his arms. He walked me backward into my apartment while my face was still buried in his chest, inhaling the spicy scent of his cologne that both excited and calmed me.

  “Talk to me,” he murmured into my ear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Over the next several minutes, I gave him a play-by-play of my father showing up out of the blue, my mother’s death, my lack of reaction, and my near breakdown once I reached my apartment. Through it all, his muscular arms held me, his strength carried me, and his love sustained me.

  He didn’t leave me to bear the burden alone.

  “I’ll go with you to her apartment. You shouldn’t do it alone.”

  I raised my face to look at him, and my heart swelled with love for him. “You’re spoiling me.”

  “Every chance I get.”

  He ordered a pizza while running a hot bath for me, and this time he used scented bath oils instead of bubbles. I sank down into the steaming water, and all my anxiety melted away. The lavender and vanilla scent was soothing and calmed my frayed nerves. Or maybe it was the man kneeling beside my tub. The one who was bathing me in his love every bit as much as with the water. Any other time, the way he touched me would be sensual, erotic, electrifying. But I was so attuned to his moods, I knew sex was the furthest thing from his mind. His sole focus was on me and what I needed to get through that terrible time.

  When the pizza arrived, he left me long enough to grab the pie and pay the delivery guy. Then he was back at my side with an outstretched bath towel, waiting for me to step into his loving embrace. He was breaking down every wall I’d so carefully constructed around my heart and my life, with one act of love at a time.

  Once I was dried off and my short robe was tied on, he led me to the kitchen and took care of the entire meal. Then he carried me to my bed and held me all night. When the morning sun streamed through the blinds, I awoke in the same position I fell asleep—my head resting on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me protectively, and his hand holding mine.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, not expecting a reply.

  “I love you. You never have to thank me for loving you,” he whispered back, and I squeezed him closer to me.

  “Can we go get this over with now? I don’t want to spend my entire day off dreading it.”

  “Absolutely. We can get up and go right now if you want to. I’m yours all day.”

  “Only for today?”

  “Yes, only today. All day, for every today, till death do us part.”

  We were both quiet while we dressed. I suspected Aaron was giving me a little space to get my head in the right place before going back to my former home. He took my hand as we left my apartment and headed toward his car. I gave him the address, and we were on our way, while I chewed my fingernails and lip the entire drive.

  When we pulled up to the run-down one-story building, my stomach clenched, and I was glad I decided against having breakfast first. I thought I’d lose it right about then. Aaron squeezed my hand in support, then lifted it to his mouth and placed soft kisses along my knuckles.

  “I’m here for you, whatever you need. I can go in and do this for you if you want me to. You don’t even have to step foot inside. We can leave. I’ll throw the car in reverse, and we can forget this whole plan. Or, we can walk in there together, face this together, and put it behind us—together.”

  “I love you for offering to take me away, but this is something I need to do. There’s no way I’m doing it without you, though. So, together it is.”

  “Every step of the way.”

  Inside the dilapidated apartment, memories I’d pushed aside assaulted me from every direction, flying at me at the speed of light. Compartmentalize. Dodge. Deflect. One step at a time. That was how I’d make it through that ordeal, but only with him at my side. I walked through the few sparsely furnished rooms, looking at what was left of my mother’s entire life. Aaron stayed one step behind me, sharing his strength with me as I went. A deep sense of regret and loss hit me when I realized something staggering.

  There wasn’t one thing there I wanted to keep as a reminder. Nothing held sentimental value to me. Not one personal item was attached to a pleasant memory.

  A small stack of papers on the kitchen table caught my eye on my way out, and I stopped to look through them. Holding those papers in my hand and reading the words on the pages hit me nearly as hard as receiving the divorce papers from Aaron did. I collapsed into the chair. My hands shook uncontrollably, and my breath seized in my chest.

  “What is it, Christa? What does it say?”

  “She was filling out the paperwork to enter a rehab facility. The date on here is when she called me, asking for money. I turned her down flat. I didn’t even ask her what she wanted the money for. Oh, Aaron, she wanted help to clean up her life, and I dismissed her. This is all my fault. She overdosed because of me.”

  “It’s not your fault. She made her own choices, and she chose to use drugs your entire life. Hell, probably her entire life. That’s not on you.”

  “But if I’d just helped her when she asked…”

  “You had no way of knowing she wanted the money for treatment. She may have wanted it for something else entirely. You can’t blame yourself when her entire life has been the same problems repeated.”

  This paperwork for a detox facility was the only memento I wanted from my dead mother. I asked Aaron to take me away from that place, and I left the key on the ta
ble before locking the door and closing it behind me. Then there was no way back inside. The door was forever shut behind me, closing in the past. The past hurts. The past ghosts. The past fears.

  I was quiet in the car while I stared at the paperwork, the date in her handwriting attempting to taunt me one last time. But the lessons I’d learned from Aaron over those last five months wouldn’t allow the doubts to take over again. He showed me how to value myself. He taught me how to love. He helped me overcome what I thought were insurmountable odds.

  “Aaron?”

  “Yes, my love?”

  His reply was so open, so honest. Whatever I asked for in that very minute, he would’ve gone to the ends of the earth to make a reality for me. He put my needs first. Before his own. Before anyone else’s. He was my better half, though he’d argue with me if I said that to him.

  “Do you know why I kept these papers?”

  “Honestly, I hope it’s for a better reason than to beat yourself up over what you told me about them.”

  “All my life, my mother put drugs and alcohol ahead of me. Getting high and partying were more important than her only child. There were times I wouldn’t eat for days because she was too strung out to make sure her child was nourished. She always put me last, without fail.

  “Over the past five months, you’ve always put me first. You haven’t just broken down walls to get in, you made me want to tear them down myself and forget they were ever there. You’ve shown me more love in this short time than she did my entire life. Her last act in this world was to selfishly overdose on the drugs she loved more than her child and leave me to deal with the aftermath of her choices again.

  “I took these papers as a reminder of how precious our time together is, how short life is, and how it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye. They’re important to me because I don’t want to waste one more second fearing what the future may hold because of what my past held. And I don’t want to spend one more night apart from you or take baby steps in our relationship while I make up my mind. If I lost you tomorrow, my biggest regret would be the time I’ve wasted not showing you how much I love you every single minute of every single day.