by T. K. Chapin
She shook her head. “I really don’t want to go anywhere, Rach. Plus, Molly is ready for bed.”
Rachel got out of the car and walked toward the steps as she hung up the phone. Stopping at the base of the steps, she peered up at Olivia. “Then let me come in. I’m already here.”
“Okay. Fine.”
Her cousin ran up the steps and into the house. Olivia followed her inside and shook her head.
“Why are you sprinting?”
“I had to get in before you changed your mind.” Rachel walked through the living room and into the kitchen. She started to open cupboards. “I’m hungry. Do you have anything to eat?”
“You picked the right day to intrude. Just went to the store. I was going to eat after I put Molly down. Just toss in a pizza from the freezer while I put her to bed.”
“Okie dokie.”
Going into her daughter’s nursery, she placed Molly gently onto the changing table and gave her a new diaper for the night ahead. As she did, she couldn’t help but think Rachel was acting more obnoxious than usual, and it annoyed her that it had to be today. She had enough going on without Rachel adding stress. After the change, she placed Molly in the crib, being sure to hit the On switch for the Noah’s Ark mobile before going out to the kitchen for a pacifier.
Upon entering the kitchen, she found Rachel attempting to set the oven. “How does this blasted thing work?”
“Like most ovens. It has to pre-heat before you set the timer, dear.” Reaching past her, Olivia set the temperature, then went to the fridge to grab some wine, noticing Molly’s binky on the counter.
“Hey, Olivia.”
As she picked up the binky to go give it to Molly, she looked up at Rachel. “Yeah?”
“I lost my job today.” Rachel’s eyes watered, tears flowing down her cheeks a moment later. “That’s why I just showed up. I didn’t know who else to turn to. You’re the only person I really have in my life.”
Olivia’s heart broke apart and guilt overwhelmed her as she set the binky down on the counter. She rushed to Rachel, throwing her arms around her. “Oh, Rach! I’m sorry for trying to be so brick-wallish with you on the phone. I’m such a bad cousin.”
She laughed. “No, you’re quite the opposite. You’re too good. I’m scared to death I’m going to lose everything. My house, my car . . .”
Releasing from their hold, Olivia shook her head. “No, you won’t. With your experience in management? You’ll have a job in no time. Hey, let me get this binky to Molly before she has a fit, and I’ll be right back out.”
Walking down the hall to Molly’s bedroom, Olivia felt grieved over her cousin’s loss of employment. She didn’t really know if things would work out, but she knew that if Rachel wasn’t careful, she’d be back to dealing drugs and being on track going nowhere quick. It was bad enough that she was into the drug scene part-time. If she became desperate for money, it’d only grow into a bigger problem.
As she approached her daughter’s crib, Rachel left her mind and the pains of her life melted away in that moment. All she cared about was her precious baby girl. Molly held a smile on her face as she took the binky. She had grown so much in so little time, and Olivia knew she’d only grow more day by day. Giving Molly a motherly gentle brush of her hand along her temple and cheek, Olivia peered into her eyes. “I love you, Molly. Sleep well.”
She turned and left, closing the door gently.
Pouring her fourth glass of wine later that night, she emptied the last bottle Rachel and she had been sharing. She was a lightweight when it came to drinking, somewhat because of her weight, but also because she never drank the stuff more than a handful of times in her life. Luckily, the wine had done the trick for her pain. She hadn’t felt much of anything since her second glass. Olivia walked into the living room, grinning at Rachel as she sat on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table.
“Bottle is out. Oh, well.” She plopped onto the couch cushion beside Rachel and leaned her head against her shoulder.
“You never told me what possessed you to get wine in the first place. You don’t drink, Olivia, at least not since we were kids.”
She shrugged, sitting upright. Her walls were down now, her defenses sent home for the evening. “The pain is back in my hand. I’m so sick of it.”
“So, wine helps?”
Olivia closed her eyes, nodding a few times as she turned her way. “I think I’m stuck forever with having the pain. It’s so . . . annoying. I do the right thing and leave that cheating scumbag, and I get punished with lifelong chronic pain. Yay.”
Rachel shook her head. “Things just happen sometimes. I lost my job because of my till being off by $100. I know that jackweed Tommy took it, but I’d let him use my till and that’s my responsibility. Things happen. I’ll figure out a new job like you were saying, and you’ll eventually figure out this pain thing.”
“You know what makes me mad, Rach?” She rested a hand on Rachel’s shoulder. “You worked at that job for so long, and poof! They toss you out like a sack of garbage at the end of the night. Zumiez lost more than an employee today. They lost the best employee they ever had or ever will have.”
She laughed. “Sure. Hey, are you still seeing that Tyler guy?”
Realizing that she hadn’t seen her cousin in almost two months, she nodded. “Yes, he met Molly a couple of days ago. Hey, you know what? We need to hang out more.”
“I know, right? Maybe if you called me once in a while instead of calling Romeo, we could.”
Olivia laughed. “Calling is a two-way street, giiiirl.”
As the evening progressed, so did the conversations. Eventually, they stumbled onto their old days, and more specifically, Olivia’s old boyfriend, Champ, out in Nine Mile Falls. Olivia called those the dark years while Rachel always referred to them as the golden times of youth.
“Come on, those were great times!” Rachel shook her head as she paused for a second. “What about that time when we went to Long Lake with Champ and his friend Skully? Remember? We sneaked in the back way after dark.”
“Oh, when Skully snapped his collar bone falling down the hill on the way out? Fantastic.”
“Forgot about that.” Rachel leaned against the couch cushions. “But the rest of that night was fun. We were jumping off the docks in the moonlight and had the music from Champ’s boom box blasting. Oh, and when Forever Young came on and we all sang at the top of our lungs standing on the edge of the dock.”
“We were blitzed.” Olivia was sobering up from the wine now, and clarity was coming back to her. “Sure, there were good times sprinkled in, but to say they were nothing but good times is an outright lie. It’s just not true.”
Rachel shrugged and stood up. “I guess it’s a matter of perspective. Did you know Champ moved back from Chicago?”
“What?” Olivia felt her heart stop for a moment. “When did this happen?”
Panic began to fill Olivia’s heart. Champ was one person she never wanted to see again. He was a vile and horrific individual, and if there were such a thing as souls, he didn’t have one, in her opinion, or if he did, it was as black as night.
“About a week and a half go. He’s back out in Nine Mile Falls, actually.”
Hearing that Champ was back in the area moved an old and rusted part inside Olivia, a part she didn’t like. She and Champ had a short relationship years ago, and he had ended up cheating on her with one of his old ex-girlfriends. When Olivia had heard about it, she went and slashed his Cadillac tires and took a baseball bat to both headlights. “Wow. I never thought I’d hear about him again.”
“Right? I went out and saw him a few days back. He seems matured.”
“Is he still doing drugs?”
Rachel’s lips tightened, forming a thin line.
“Should’ve figured as much.”
“Yeah, that’s Champ. So, what about you and this Tyler guy? You two getting close?”
“Yeah, I’d say pretty close.” Ol
ivia thought about the wine, the pain she had been hiding from him. “He doesn’t know about the pain being back. Nobody does but you.”
“Why aren’t you telling him?”
She shrugged. “He’s a guy. He just wants to fix it.”
“Typical guy mode there. Just explain it to him.”
Olivia shook her head. “I don’t want to burden him, Rach. He’s such a good and kind man, and he . . .”
“He what?”
Rachel already knew about the pain. She might as well know about it all. “He deserves someone better than me.” Shame had Olivia tilting her head down as she absentmindedly rubbed her wounded hand even though there was no pain at the moment.
“That’s not true! You are awesome, and any guy would be lucky to have you!” Rachel seemed outraged that Olivia would think lowly of herself, her voice picking up a couple of octaves.
“Thanks, but he can have someone whole, which it seems like I will never be, at this point.” Glancing at her cell phone, Olivia saw it was now past eleven o’clock. She smiled and raised an eyebrow. “I’d better get to bed. You know, Rach, some people have jobs.”
They both laughed. Rachel shook her head. “That was a low blow.”
“I couldn’t resist.”
Olivia walked her to the door and shut it behind her. Turning around, she saw the wine bottles sitting on the counter. It had worked, and it didn’t put her daughter and herself at risk of anything—that is, as long as Molly didn’t need to be rushed to the ER in the middle of the night. This could work out in the long run for a solution to the pain. All she had to do was make sure she didn’t overdo it and make a habit of it. Olivia felt a measure of relief in her heart as she headed down the hallway to her bedroom. Finally, she was able to control the pain in her own legal way, without doctors looking at her like she was making stuff up. She didn’t have to worry anymore.
Chapter 21
WAKING EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING, TYLER sat up in bed covered in a layer of sweat. Raking a hand through his hair, he glanced over at the clock. It was just shy of four thirty in the morning. He had another dream, the same repeating dream he had been having for a little over two weeks now, ever since the last time he’d heard from Olivia. He blamed it all on stress from the change in his and Olivia’s relationship. They had been obsessive in their relationship the last few months. The two of them were seeing each other and talking daily, and now there was a deafening silence between them. She didn’t call or text anymore and he’d altogether stopped trying after being ignored repeatedly. He’d even tried going to her work twice, and Jasper had intercepted him, saying she wasn’t there and he couldn’t give out her work schedule.
He pushed the comforter off with a huff and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Hunkering over, head almost between his knees, he clasped his hands together and prayed. God, she’s not answering my calls or texts. She doesn’t want to see me. I know she’s not a believer, but I think she’s close to being one. I don’t want You to lose her, God, and I don’t want to lose her either. Please . . .
Slipping off his bed, he headed down the hallway toward the kitchen. The dream replayed in his mind as he walked. He was in a forest, the sun was shining down across the tops of the trees, and the birds were singing. He felt joyful, exuberant. It felt as if someone was walking beside him, but when he turned to look, there was nobody there. Then, he came to the end of the path and pushed his way into shrubs and bushes. It was dark, he felt unsure of what was happening, and then he pushed through past the shrubs and was suddenly out on a grassy mountainside. His vision lifted from himself and the whole picture came into view. A lake, and more mountains, and the sun was shining brightly. He was overwhelmed with the scenery, the breathtaking awe he felt in every part of himself, and then poof! He woke up.
After the coffee brewed, he poured himself a mug and took his Bible with him out the sliding glass door that led to the cement patio with a fire pit facing the lake in the east. It wasn’t very often that he had a chance to sit in the twilight of the morning and enjoy his coffee and his time with the Lord. He set his mug of steaming-hot liquid on the small table beside the chair and sat down. He looked out to the peaceful lake and thought of God. He thought of how God had spoken into existence such beauty and majesty. Turning his gaze, he followed the tree line around the lake, and in the far distance, he could see houses.
Being overwhelmed by his Creator, Tyler bowed his head. Forgive me, Lord. I fail time and time again to trust You. It’s You who holds the breath in my lungs and it’s You who knows the future. My insecurities and shortcomings are all flesh, and I pray You help me to take my eyes off myself and place them on You alone. Now I ask You to please clear away the gunk from my heart and let me be open to Your Word and Your truths. Amen.
Opening the Scriptures, Tyler began to read the story about Jesus and how He had calmed the storm. As he read, the truth of God’s Word tore open his eyes and heart, putting Tyler in his place.
That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
Mark 4:35-40
Tyler’s eyes welled and his heart twisted in agony at the light being shed on his sin. Tyler knew where he would be on that boat that day, and he wouldn’t have cozied up next to Jesus on that cushion, taking a nap. No, he would’ve been with the rest of the disciples and in an all-out panic. He had not spoken with the girl he liked for just two weeks and was losing sleep over that fact alone. Wiping his moistened eyes, Tyler saw the words that twisted the dagger of conviction tighter in his soul. It was the words Jesus had spoken. ‘Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?’
His heart heavy, Tyler had to pause his reading and let the words trickle through his entire being. He had to let them soak into every bone and find every corner of his life. Then, after a few minutes, he prayed. Oh, how I long to be one who would be napping on the pillow in the boat beside You, Lord. Yes, at peace while the storms whip around me, resting in Your security. I need Your help, Lord. Not with Olivia per se, but with me. I’m broken and I am flawed and I need to rely on You only and stop fretting. Loose me from this bond that I have inflicted onto myself by getting too close to Olivia. Let me only have eyes for You, Lord. Only eyes for You . . .
Arriving at the office at eight o’clock, Tyler put another pot of coffee on, then went and got settled in his office. Still having an hour before Jonathan would be in to go over the proposal for the new youth building for the YMCA, Tyler decided to do some side-work on filing the physical copies of invoices. It wasn’t a very important task since everything was digitalized, but good recordkeeping of hard copies was still considered a good business practice. As he filed each invoice going back over the last year, he noticed an unsettling recurring theme—a lot of freebies. Anger began to fill Tyler.
Giving Jonathan the benefit of the doubt, he took the stack of invoices that had been zeroed out and went to his computer to double-check the digital records. He didn’t want to accuse his brother of something until he first had all the facts. First, he checked the digital copies—they all were zeroed out also. His anger grew. Then he went and checked the receivables to make sure there hadn’t been payments that were being diverted somewhere else. Tyler then breathed a heavy sigh of relief to find that wasn’t the case. That would’ve meant his brother was stealing. At the end of it all, it appeared to be exactly what he had seen in the beginning. His brother was working for free and doing it often, without Tyler knowing. How could he do this to me?
Tyler wondered as he felt betrayal and hurt pressing on his heart.
Hearing the Willow Design office door open, Tyler jumped from his seat and headed for the door to go confront him. He was in such a hurry he almost forgot the stack of papers and had to double back to his desk to get them. He was full of anger toward his brother for working for free. He knew he had done it a few times here and there, but not this many.
Tyler walked out into the lobby area as Jonathan was pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“We need to talk.”
“Whoa.” Jonathan chuckled. “Let me get a cup of coffee in before we talk.”
“No, this is serious.”
Jonathan obliged and they went into Jonathan’s office. He took his coffee with him and took a seat behind his desk. Tyler tossed the stack of invoices on the desk and they slid to Jonathan.
He picked up the invoices and flipped through the first couple silently. Then, he set them on the desk and peered at Tyler. “Okay?”
“Okay?” Tyler clenched his jaw and walked away from the desk, going over to the window. He was so angry he couldn’t speak. His brother stood up from behind his desk and came around the front of it and up behind Tyler.
Tyler turned his head slightly over his shoulder without fully turning around. “Why do you not care about this company?”
“I do, Tyler.”
He whipped around and looked Jonathan squarely in the eyes. “Then why do you work so much for free? I don’t get it. Please, explain it to me.”
Jonathan held open his hands and lowered his head. “I can explain.”
“Good! Do it.”
“Come sit down.” Jonathan walked over to his desk and sat down. Tyler did also, sitting across from him. Jonathan brought his hands up on the desk and opened his arms, palms up. “It was wrong of me not to disclose each invoice we zeroed out. I will admit that.”
“You bet it was wrong!” Tyler snapped, then he leaned forward over the desk and tapped the table. “I’ve worked just as hard as you, and for you to tell people we don’t want money without talking to me at all? My goodness, Jonathan. It’s not fair of you. If you want to give your portion of your earnings back to clients, whatever, but don’t volunteer my money!”