by T. K. Chapin
Eyes watering and heartbroken, she turned and looked Tyler in the eyes. “Do you get it now, Tyler? Reality is painful and insufferable.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “There’s doctors who can help.”
She snapped. “Doctors don’t help! They just judge me, like you did!”
Tyler was silent.
The pain faded a moment later and she returned to the sink. She pulled the pot out and set it down on the counter and returned the noodles to the pot. She stopped and glanced at him over her shoulder. “You should’ve just left me. Sure, I didn’t have Molly, but you know what I had, Tyler? Relief.”
“No.”
“What?” She turned around and faced him, placing a hand on her hip.
“No,” he snapped, his voice loud. Tyler took a step closer to her as his anger flared. “You’re lying to yourself, Olivia, and you’re trying to lie to me. Remember? I can see through it all. You didn’t have relief at Champ’s doing what you were doing there. You were miserable! Sure, your hand didn’t hurt, but you were dead inside. Your soul hurt. Admit it!”
Tyler hadn’t ever been this loud with her before, and it caused her to recoil slightly within herself, then she got mad. She shook her head and yelled back at him. “No, I won’t admit that!”
He took a step closer, his voice lowering, softer now. “Admit it not to me, but to yourself. You were dead inside, Olivia.”
She quieted. “No.”
One step more, and he was only inches away from her. He brought a hand up and let the back of his hand glide softly against her cheek, and then he slid his fingers into her hair. His delicate touch conjured all the good she had felt with him while they were together. It ignited her soul and stirred within her a warmth that radiated comfort, security, and joy. He stared into her eyes, causing a rip in her soul that was both painful and pleasurable at the same time.
“Olivia. This is real, this life. If you don’t think that, then look at me and tell me you want to go back to Champ’s house, and I’ll take you there right now, and you’ll never see me again.”
She folded and jerked her head away, looking anywhere but into his eyes. “I can’t tell you it’s not real.”
Tyler adjusted and got in front of her eyes. “Why can’t you say it? If that’s really what you want, then say it.”
“Because it’s not true! I know I don’t belong there. I don’t want to belong there either.” She pulled away from Tyler, her heart pounding as she did. She grabbed the pot of noodles and returned it to the stove. Slamming it down on the stove, she turned to Tyler. “You’re right, Tyler. Is that what you want to hear? You were right. I don’t belong there. It’s just so hard to be in pain every day, and this isn’t something you can just fix. I’m not your little project!”
Tyler’s expression softened to a somber one, and he came over to the stove as she went to grab a pot from the cupboard to make the sauce. When his hands gently found her shoulders, it made her melt inside. His touch was so soft, so loving, so perfect. She turned to him, and with hot tears running down her cheeks, she frowned.
“Tyler, I don’t deserve a good man like you. I don’t.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what you think you deserve. It’s what you have. The sooner you embrace that, Olivia, the better.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing in response. “I need to make the sauce before the noodles get cold.”
Tyler waited a few moments more, then directed his words at her once more. “I’m going up to the house for a moment. I’ll be back in five minutes.”
She nodded. As he left the kitchen, she poured the jar of alfredo sauce into the small pot on the stove and turned on the burner. As the front door closed, she walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. She peered into the living room at Ace as he lay on the carpet near the crackling fireplace. Olivia’s eyes watered more as she thought about all she had done to Tyler. She had ruined a perfectly good man. All those hopes she held in her heart for a better man in her life had come true, and what had she done? She’d mistreated him and put his heart through the wringer. Covering her mouth, she shook her head as her own guilt weighed heavier and heavier on her heart.
Chapter 30
TYLER WENT INTO HIS HOUSE and flipped on the lights as he went into the kitchen. He grabbed the watering can from beneath the sink and filled it. Going to the living room, he went over to the coffee table and watered his ficus plant. Setting the can down, he rubbed a leaf between his fingers. The plant had done well without water for the last few days, and he was relieved it hadn’t started the dying process. He let out a relieved sigh and sat down on the couch for a moment. Olivia’s words pressed against his mind. Doctor’s don’t help. You should’ve left me there. Champ gave me relief when you never could.
Scooting to the edge of the couch, his shoulders sagged and he bowed his head in prayer. Help me, Lord. I don’t know how to get through to this woman. Only You can soften the soil of her heart. Amen.
He rose from the couch and looked again at the ficus. Slipping his phone out from his pocket, he saw a text from Olivia’s mother, Kora.
Kora: How is she doing? Hope all is well.
Tyler felt it was now time to move on to the next step in the process. It was a little soon, but he felt it was the right time to get Kora and Olivia speaking with one another. A short step, but a big leap toward Olivia’s moving in the right direction. She was still in pain, but Tyler knew that the pain she was experiencing wasn’t one that would go away anytime soon. On his way out the door, he called Kora and pitched her the idea of the two of them chatting.
“I’m ready for it. I have a lot to tell her, too.” There was an edge in her tone that Tyler knew wouldn’t help the situation.
“Listen, I mean this with all respect, but she can’t handle any negativity right now.”
“She needs to understand what she has done, Tyler!”
He was quiet for a moment, letting his initial anger cool before he spoke. “I agree, and I think she understands it, and with time, she’ll understand it more. We have to let God be involved in this process too, Kora. Not just ourselves.”
“Hearing you mention God in this brings my heart such a joy. You’re right, Tyler. We have to let God do the heavy lifting here, not us. It’s He who can save her soul. All we can do is sprinkle the seeds of His Word. I will stick with information on how Molly is doing and encourage her the best I can when we talk. Thank you for your words, and I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve been willing to do.”
“Everybody deserves a chance to redeem themselves.”
Ending the call with Kora as he pulled his car to the cabin, he paused before going inside. Lord, I need You right now. I need You all the time, but right now, I really need Your help. I know she’s going to want to jump into seeing Molly right now, and she can’t. Please help her understand that. Please help me sow seeds of truth into her life in word and deed. Amen.
As their dinner came to an end, Tyler offered to do the dishes and Olivia accepted with a smile. She seemed exhausted and went straight for the couch after leaving the kitchen table. As Tyler washed the dishes by hand in the kitchen, he called for Olivia. She came in.
“How do you feel about calling your mom? You can see how Molly is and—”
“Yes!” She retracted, lowering her excitement as she shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, yeah, that’d be cool.”
“In my left pocket.” He nodded toward his back jeans pocket, and she came up behind him. As she slipped her hand into his pocket, Tyler felt a twinge of tingles crawl up his spine at her touch. With the phone in hand, she went down the hallway and into Chet’s room, shutting the door behind her. Tyler almost stopped doing the dishes to go follow her to make sure she was calling only her mother, but instead, he lifted his eyes to the ceiling. God, You know I’m worried she’s going to call Champ to come get her out of here. You can see my fears. Please settle them. Please let her just call her mom. He
added, Scratch that. Help me to trust You more fully and not worry.
He finished stacking the clean dishes into the dish drainer and wiped his hands on the hand towel hanging from the stove. He started down the hallway but stopped short of the door and turned around, refusing to go in. Trust God. He went and sat in the rocking chair beside the fire across from Margret’s rocking chair. Tyler stared into the embers burning hot orange. An hour passed, and he thought about what she and Kora could be speaking about for so long. Trust. Then, in the hopes of distracting his thoughts away from the situation, he noticed it was about time for another log. Glancing at the empty metal rack where the wood sat next to the fireplace, he knew he had to go get more firewood. He got up and put his jacket on and went out to the wood pile. He grabbed a bundle of split wood and headed to the cabin, and as he did, a car came down the dirt road.
Tyler glanced at the night sky and said, “Really?” Anger and frustration filled him as he stepped to the edge of the yard and waited for the car to arrive.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jonathan’s gaze through the passenger-side window.
Jonathan shut off the car and got out.
“Figured you might like a visitor.” He held up a case of Coke. “And some energy.”
Tyler laughed. “Man am I happy to see you! For a second, I was worried. Come on in. I was just grabbing some wood.”
Walking inside together, Jonathan shut the door as Tyler placed the wood beside the fire. Tyler’s brother looked around the living room and stole a glance into the kitchen. “Where is she?”
“In Chet’s bedroom, talking to her mom.”
“I see.” Jonathan raised his eyebrows and lowered his voice as he sat down on the couch. Tyler tossed a log on the fire and joined him. “How is she?”
“Really good. Well, her hand pain came back to her, but outside of that, she seems to be on the good side of recovery so far.”
“Did she ever do the acupuncturist? Dr. Hall?”
Tyler nodded, smoothing a hand over his face as his heart went out for Olivia. “Yes. At first, it helped, she thinks, but not the second time. She doesn’t know what else to do. The doctors aren’t much help.”
“That’s got to be hard for anybody.” Jonathan rubbed his hands together, appearing to be in thought. “I wonder if some diet changes could help? Marie had a friend who went gluten-free and it helped with her nerve pain.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Anything is better than black-tar heroin. That’s all I know.”
Jonathan nodded. “Yeah, that’s for sure!”
The bedroom door opened down the hall and their conversation shifted right away.
“Rose is reading now. She’s brilliant.” Jonathan beamed, directing conversation to his daughter.
“I always had a feeling she’d be a quick learner once she started school.” Tyler peered at Olivia as she emerged from the hallway with tear-filled eyes. She looked away immediately and went into the kitchen. Jonathan shooed Tyler off the couch to go after her, and he did.
Entering the kitchen, Tyler came closer to her as she was standing at the sink, a hand resting on the counter. He didn’t know what was ailing her, but he was moved with compassion.
His tone soft and gentle, he came up to her side and put a hand on her back. “Everything okay, Olivia?”
She sniffled. “It’s fine.”
“What happened?”
She turned around and looked into Tyler’s eyes. He was overwhelmed as he could see her pain and hurt from the phone call. “My mom said that I can’t have my girl back until I’m stable and surviving on my own without help.”
“So what? You can do that. You would want the same for Molly if it were reversed.”
“So what?” She shook her head. “I have nothing! I don’t have a job, a place of my own, not even a car anymore!”
“What did happen to your car?”
She sighed. “Some addict wrecked it when I was at Champ’s house.” She shooed a hand through the air and went over to the table. She sat down in a chair and her face fell into her hands. “I’m so lost, Tyler.”
When she said she was lost, Tyler’s soul stirred within him. He knew God was prompting him to take the opportunity. He tried to think what he was going to say, but he felt the moment slipping. “It’s going to be okay, Olivia. You just have to give all of this time. And my offer still stands. You can have the cabin. It’s just sitting here.”
“You love me more than anyone else in this world ever has or ever will, and I can’t comprehend it for a second.”
Tyler’s soul again stirred. It was a second chance for him to witness to her, and he sat down at the kitchen table. His thoughts tried to worry him, to pull him away from witnessing. His mind even called to fact that his brother was sitting alone in the other room. The enemy threw one more excuse, reminding him how much Olivia had voiced her hatred for God. Despite all the fiery darts, Tyler’s courage strengthened in the moment.
“Actually, there is someone who loves you more than me.”
She lifted her gaze, an inquisitive look about her. “What? Who?”
“Jesus.” He paused, waiting for her to stop him or storm out of the kitchen, but she didn’t. She waited for him to go on. “His love for us is unconditional, Olivia. No matter how many times we mess up and do everything wrong, He is there and ready to take us into His loving arms. All we have to do is accept Him, believe in Him.”
“No, there are rules you have to live by.” She laughed, but it appeared to be out of nerves more than anything else. She wiped tears and continued. “Believe me, I know. I lived by those rules growing up in a Christian home.”
“What rules?”
“Go to church. Read your Bible. Never curse. Never touch alcohol. Never do drugs. Always listen to your parents. Put others before yourself. The list goes on and on.”
“Your parents were trying to help you by making those rules. Think about it. If you read your Bible and go to church, what is that going to do to you?”
“I don’t know, brainwash me?”
Tyler shook his head and the insult away, not letting it affect his tone or demeanor. He was still strong in spirit. “No, you’re going to be putting God into your heart. And not drinking? How many news stories do you hear that involve violence, broken families, and death that are alcohol-related? Sin leads to death, Olivia. True Christianity is not a list of rules you need to follow. Those rules you are talking about are just simply some of the evidences of a transformed heart and guidelines that protect you because God loves you so much.”
“Whatever they are, they aren’t me.” She laughed, shaking her head. “Plus, Tyler, I’ve done more sins in just a few months than most good church kids like yourself do in a lifetime.”
“Jesus said that if you even hate a man in your heart, you have committed murder. I’ve killed, I’ve lusted, and I’ve done all the bad things a person can do when you peel it down to the heart. You see, humanity has a heart condition, not a behavior one. The behavior is just the result of a heart gone wrong.”
“So we’re all hopeless. Great news!”
“No, we’re not hopeless. Jesus is the good news. God loves you so much, Olivia, way more than I could ever love you, that He came down in human form and died on a cross. God, who breathed into existence all the beauty and wonder we see in the world, came down to His creation and took on an earthly body, then He died so we can have freedom, so we could have a relationship with Him. Think about that for a moment. He died for us when we were already convicted and guilty and deserving of Hell. Sin leads to death no matter what the choice of poison is. It’s evident in our world all around us. Drugs, for example. They’ve ruined your life in the last three months and made you dead inside, and you temporarily lost your daughter. Adultery rips marriages and families apart and crushes dreams and hopes. Hate leads to wars and broken relationships. You don’t have to go very far to see how painful life is with sin in it, how it leads to death. This fa
llen world needs a Savior to save us from Hell, and that Savior is Jesus.”
Olivia was quiet as Tyler spoke, then for a moment afterward. Then, she looked at him. “How do you know you have the right God? There are tons of gods all over the world.”
“I know because I believe in Jesus as my Savior. After I made that choice in my heart to accept Him and believe in Him, the Holy Spirit came inside me and continues to bear witness to that truth, that there is one God. Ephesians 4:6 says, ‘there is one God,’ plus many other countless verses in the Bible say it too, and I believe the Bible is true.” Reaching a hand out, Tyler touched hers gently, seeing she was still listening. “Salvation is simple, Olivia. Believing in Jesus as your Lord and Savior and believing that God raised Him from the dead. You confess that, and you are saved. Christianity is not like the religions of the world. They desire to complicate it, though I do understand why they would do that. They complicate it because we, as humans, feel like we need to earn everything we get, but we can’t earn Salvation. The reality is it’s a free gift from God received by faith alone. He saves us from ourselves and from Hell. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, ‘For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.’ God loves us, Olivia, and He has sent us a way out of our heartache and pain, not only in this life, but in eternity. John 3:16 says, ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ ”
Chapter 31
OLIVIA’S HEART POUNDED AS SWEAT formed on her forehead. She didn’t feel well, but at the same time, she wanted to keep listening to Tyler. There was a way about how he spoke about God, about salvation, about love that resonated with her heart at the moment. The only sad part for Olivia was the fact that as he communicated God’s love to her, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being unworthy. Not after the talk with her mom she just had on the phone, and not after hearing from her father all about how much pain she had inflicted on the family through her three-month hiatus with Champ.