by T. K. Chapin
Tyler was silent, seeming to be waiting for her to say something. Olivia didn’t know what to say or how to respond. “I think I need to lie down. I don’t feel well.”
As she stood up from the kitchen table, she was light-headed and her legs gave out, but Tyler somehow got to her in time and caught her in his arms.
“You have a habit of catching me, don’t you?” She smiled softly as her eyes were half-shut. He lifted her into his arms and carried her down the hallway.
He smiled. “I guess I do.”
Pushing open the bedroom door, Tyler walked over to the bed and laid her down gently. He turned on the standing fan and pointed it toward her.
“Good?”
She nodded. As he left the room, Olivia felt the pounding in her chest still there. She thought of what Tyler had told her about Jesus, that God’s love was far beyond any love that Tyler had shown her. She thought that was impossible, but then again, she’d thought a man like Tyler was impossible too, at one time. If there was a God out there, she knew she didn’t deserve His love. She felt worthless and undeserving of merely Tyler’s love. How could she ever feel like she could have God’s love that surpassed it? As her mind spun around the idea of God and His love for her, her thoughts came to a standstill. Like a beckoning light, her thoughts drifted back in time.
She was at the night around the fire pit with the youth group at Tyler’s house. He was speaking about God being a lamp that lit the way we should go in life. She could see the embers lifting into the star-filled night sky and smell the logs on the fire still burning. Her mind leapt again, all the way back to the car wreck two summers ago, Tyler pulling her out of the wreckage. Tyler, who gave all the credit to God. God had saved her from death that night. She realized it was the truth. And not just a physical death. She had been given a second chance to find Him. Again, her thoughts traveled. She was now driving out on the streets of Newport, looking for Alex. Farther up ahead, she saw Tyler walking down the sidewalk. It was right after he had lost Chet. Then finally, when she was lying in that bed with Champ, seeking death as her eyes rolled from the drugs hitting her system. Tyler broke through the bedroom door, saving her yet again, giving credit to God, yet again.
Olivia’s thoughts came back to reality. She recalled the talk she had with Daisy and how she’d said that God had placed people in her life. She realized God had been guiding her, calling her, and using Tyler and others to do it. Her whole body tingled as she was suddenly overwhelmed by the revelation and everything coming together perfectly.
As a new reality, a new belief set into her mind and heart, all pointing to the fact that God does exist and God does love her, waves of guilt lapped against her. The weight of her own sins she had committed toward the God she now knew existed weighed heavily on her soul. The turmoil in her heart was far more grievous than anything she had ever experienced, and she could barely breathe from the weight of the crushing guilt inside her. As the darkness clamped down on her heart, she cried out to God, hot tears running down her cheeks.
“Save me, Jesus! Forgive me! I want to know who You are, and I need You to be my Savior!”
In that very moment, as she confessed with her tongue, the weight and darkness vanished. A strange sensation of tingles washed over her whole body, and she sat up in her bed. She looked around Chet’s room. Everything was the same, but she knew it was different inside her soul. There was no more weight, no more burden. She still held remorse for her actions, but the guilt and condemnation had left her. Bowing her head, she prayed to God, tears still flowing, but these tears were from the joy of being saved.
“Lord.” She paused, crying and heaving as she replayed the horrible things she’d thought and said about God surfaced. “Thank you for saving a horrible person like me, Jesus.” She found the name to be pleasant on her tongue. She had never liked the name before. She said it again. “Jesus. Oh, how sweet that name sounds now on my lips.” She wiped her eyes and continued. “I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know where I’m going from here, but thank You so much. Please be the light that guides me in my life. I’m so sorry it took so long to see the truth of who You are. And thank You for saving me. Amen.”
There was silence in the room.
Remembering her talks with her father earlier in life, she knew that the Bible was how God spoke to His people, not through voices in their heads. Promptly, she got out of bed and went down the hallway toward the living room. As she entered, both Tyler and the other man she had seen earlier were sitting on the couch. They both looked at her.
“I don’t believe I got a chance to introduce myself earlier. Sorry about that. I’m Olivia.” She stuck out a hand, and both of them just stared at her for a whole moment.
The man jumped off the couch a moment later and shook her hand. “I’m Jonathan, Tyler’s brother. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You feeling better?” Tyler inquired as he stood up, seeming to recognize something was different about her.
Olivia nodded. “A whole lot better! I just gave my heart to God!”
“That’s fantastic, Olivia!” Jonathan smiled and came over and hugged her. “Welcome to the family! You’re a sister in Christ now.”
Tyler came over after her and Jonathan’s embrace and hugged her too. As he released her, he looked into her eyes. She could feel herself melting at the love she could see in him.
“I’m glad you found Jesus.”
“I feel so much better already. Thank you for not giving up on me. You still spoke to me about Jesus even though you knew I didn’t want to hear it. You allowed Him to use you to get to me, and I am so grateful for that.” Olivia smiled. Even though she had physical pains still present in her body, they had seemed to take a break for the moment. She lifted the Bible off the coffee table. “I’d better go and hear what God has to say.”
“You want me to join you?” She could see Tyler’s eyes twinkle with hope to join her, but she declined, shaking her head.
“I think right now, no. I hope that doesn’t offend you. God and I have a lot of catching up to do.”
“Okay.” Tyler’s lips tipped a smile.
Olivia turned and headed back to Chet’s room. Once in the room, she climbed onto the bed and flipped open the Bible with a deep hunger in her soul. She prayed and asked for help to understand the Book that in the past was more like hieroglyphics than the living, breathing Word of God. As she opened her eyes from prayer, she saw highlights and underlines all through the pages in the Bible. These must be important passages to Tyler, she thought as she thumbed through Psalms. She continued for a while and then came to Psalm 119. She wept as she read. The verses resonated with her heart in a deep and painful but pleasant way. She saw connections not only to herself, but with Tyler and her parents. The lives of those she loved were woven right there into the Scriptures. The life-giving Words of God were moving mountains in her heart and mind and giving new life to her soul.
Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.
Psalm 119:67
The verse stopped her cold in her tracks as she read it. A chill ran the length of her spine and she wept at realizing that she would’ve never found God if it weren’t for her pain, if it weren’t for the car wreck which ultimately led her to tonight. And now, though her pains was still present, she had God, she had a Savior who loved her more than anyone, and she knew it. Her hand pulsed in pain right then, and she grabbed it, but this time, she prayed. I don’t want drugs to fix this, Lord. I want You to fix it, and if You won’t, I’ll be okay with that too.
There was no miracle for Olivia that night, but the pain did subside a few moments later. She kept reading, letting her soul soak up the Words of truth and of life that she had missed out on for years.
A while later, after his brother had left, Tyler came and knocked lightly on the bedroom door.
“Come in.”
He walked in and his gaze fell to his Bible on her lap. “You’ve been reading a wh
ile, huh?”
“I have.” She slipped the Bible off her lap and set it to the side and got out of the bed. Olivia was glad to see Tyler and had a newfound appreciation for the man who had been so instrumental in her finding Jesus. She hugged him. “Thank you, Tyler, for everything.”
“You’re welcome.” They released from a long embrace and his eyes found the Bible on the bed again. “What have you been reading?”
“A lot.” Olivia turned toward the bed. “I’ve been in here for hours just poring over the Scriptures. A lot of verses, I knew from growing up with my parents, but they took on a whole new life to me now that I have Jesus.” Olivia felt guilt for the wasted time and went and sat on the edge of the bed, her shoulders sagging. “I can’t believe I resisted for so long. I feel kind of bad.”
Tyler joined her side and put his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t focus on that. Focus on the fact that you belong to Jesus now. You have a new life. You are born again. Focus on what a future with God at the center looks like for you and for Molly.”
She smiled and nodded, her shoulders straightening. “I think life is going to be different now that I know I have God with me.”
“Yep. He doesn’t promise life will go smoothly, but knowing Your Savior intimately helps a great deal when there are bumps along the way.” He stood up and headed for the door. Ace strolled in through the doorway, tail wagging. “By the way, no calls yet for Ace. I think between that and the fact that none of the neighbors knew about him, we have a good chance of his staying around.”
“Awesome. He’s kind of growing on me.”
“Me too. Hey, Jonathan wants us to join him and his family for dinner this Friday. Do you think you might be up for it?”
“Yeah, that should be fine. I’d like to meet his family. Hey, would you mind teaching me more about being born-again and the life of Jesus? I don’t know where to look, really.”
Tyler smiled. “I would love to. Come out into the living room and we’ll study together.”
“Why can’t we stay in here?”
He laughed, his gaze turning to the bed. “Less temptation in the living room.”
Olivia grabbed the Bible and got up off the bed. She didn’t say what went through her heart and mind in that moment, but she sure felt it inside her heart. She didn’t have a desire to be with Tyler anymore, at least not right now. He was loving and kind and pure and all sorts of right, but she knew who had the first spot in her heart, and that was her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Chapter 32
TYLER WOKE EARLY AND BREWED a pot of coffee. After his coffee was ready, he slipped a jacket on and went outside onto the patio with his Bible and mug. He dusted off a chair and table of some light snow and took a seat facing the lake. His heart’s desire for Olivia to find God, to find salvation in Jesus Christ, had come into existence merely two weeks ago, and he was overwhelmed with a never-ending joy in his heart. He couldn’t say thank you enough to God. Every time the Lord crossed his mind since that fateful evening in the cabin, Tyler lifted praise and admiration to God for His transforming grace. Olivia’s new nature in Christ was growing each day, and Tyler saw change after change. Even at dinner with Jonathan’s family, she was easily staying in the conversation around the dinner table when it pertained to God. She had come so far from who she was when he talked to her that day at the inn. All this talk of God was good, but they hadn’t once touched the subject of their future together.
His phone rang in his coat pocket. He set his coffee down on the table beside him next to his Bible. He pulled it out of his coat pocket and smiled, seeing it was Olivia.
“Did you get snow?” she asked.
A laugh escaped his lips. “Of course, I did. I’m merely a half-acre away from you.”
“It’s only a dusting, but it’s refreshing after all that rain washed away the little snow we had. It looks like a beautiful white blanket, and with the backdrop of the lake, wow. Isn’t God good?”
A smile curved on his lips. Tyler’s love for Olivia had grown even deeper and wider the last couple of weeks as he watched her take baby steps in faith and leaps in trusting God. One leap in particular was when she agreed to the terms set forth by her mother and father about only having conversations with them for an unspecified amount of time. She spoke with her mother daily in the evenings, right at eight o’clock, shortly after Molly was put to sleep, and was filled in on all the happenings. Though she didn’t like being subjected to her parents’ control over her daughter, she told Tyler that she fully trusted God with the situation.
“You’re right. God is good, Olivia. It’s a gorgeous view from this vantage point. Are you looking forward to getting back into school today?”
“Yes, I’m thankful that they let me come back to finish, but I’m a little nervous to leave the cabin, if I’m totally honest about it. I don’t trust myself.”
“You don’t have to trust yourself. Just trust God.”
“You’re right. Thanks again for letting me use Chet’s truck and his cabin and everything. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say thank you enough.”
Tyler was quiet for a moment, then his gaze caught the Bible out of the corner of his eye. “I’ll be praying for you today, Olivia. I’d better get my reading done before I head to work.”
“Okay. And thank you. See you tonight for dinner?”
“I’ll be at the cabin by six.”
Hanging up with Olivia, Tyler returned the phone back into his pocket. He thought about the dinner tonight and his plan to bring up the topic of their future together. He recalled the moment a few days ago where they almost kissed in the barn when they were doing some cleaning and organizing. It was when Olivia was reaching over Tyler’s arms to grab hold of a box that was about to fall off a shelf. After she had pushed it back into place and she was only an inch or two away from his face, he started to lean, but she pulled back and away. Ever since that moment, he had become concerned about where the two of them were heading in their relationship, if they were heading anywhere at all. If she didn’t want to pursue a relationship together, that was okay with him—or rather, it would be with time and prayer, but he needed to find out and stop feeling as if he was in a never-ending limbo.
Picking up his Bible, he opened it. Before he started to read, he prayed. God, let me understand what I’m about to read. Help me to let You guide me in all my thoughts, actions, and words today, and especially tonight. Amen. He read for the next hour, taking sips of his coffee ever so often and letting the Word of God sink down into his bones. After he was colder than he could handle any longer, he went inside and got ready for work.
Jonathan was already hard at work sketching on his new architect desk in his office that morning. After dropping off his jacket in his own office, Tyler walked across the way to Jonathan’s and knocked on the door frame.
“Hey, Brother.”
He set his pencil down and peered up at Tyler. “Hey. I didn’t even hear you come in. By the way, Rose was asking about Olivia last night and when the next time she was coming over. No mention of you, though.”
Tyler laughed. “Rose knows who to gravitate to, doesn’t she?”
“She sure does.” Jonathan smiled and stood up from his seat and walked over to his office desk. Scooping up a folder, he brought it over to Tyler. “In the efforts of staying completely honest and transparent, I wanted to show you what I’m working on for free in the Spring. If you don’t want to do it for free, that’s fine. I’ll pay you for what I would’ve charged, like we discussed before.”
Opening the folder, Tyler saw it was a design mock-up for a new children’s museum downtown. Notes toward the bottom were jotted down. Noah’s Ark, Nativity Scene, Interactive Exploration of the Bible. His heart was moved upon seeing it was going to be dedicated to teaching children the Scriptures in a fun way. Peering up at his brother, Tyler closed the folder and handed it back to him.
“I’m in.”
“You sure? You seemed pretty ups
et back in August about my freebies before.”
“I know. But if something furthers the kingdom of God and spreads the good news, I want to be a part of it at no cost.”
“The other projects were related to kingdom building too. Some were just brothers and sisters in Christ in need. I have stories.”
Tyler took a step closer and rested a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “That may be true, but you didn’t tell me those stories up front before you did it. I just felt robbed of the choice.”
Jonathan nodded, and it appeared as if a light had turned on in his brain. “That makes sense. I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I should’ve listened and not been so hasty. We’re good now. Chances are, if you’re down for it to be free, I probably will be too. Just talk to me.”
“Sounds good.”
Tyler headed into his office and started making calls to current clients and potential new ones. As he worked, he thought of Olivia and wondered how she was doing back in the real world for the first time in a while. She hadn’t left the cabin alone since she’d arrived two and a half weeks ago, and he knew the temptation of old sins were very present. She had confessed the night before over dinner that she had thought about Champ and the feelings of being high on more than one occasion, but she had prayed through the inner struggle. He had worries about her, but he knew God was ultimately in control, and it’d take her relying on Him alone to make it through. He had showed her in the Bible that same evening where Jesus was tempted and how He’d rested in God alone to get through those trying times.
At lunch, Tyler headed down the block to Hayden’s Bistro and ordered a ham and cheese sandwich. Jonathan didn’t join him but instead ordered in for lunch. As Tyler sat near one of the windows in the bistro, he watched the passersby as they went up and down Main Avenue in downtown Spokane. His phone rang as he was three-quarters of the way through his sandwich, and he set it down to answer the call. It was Olivia.