by Azalea Ellis
Sam used his Black Sun Skill more often, its effects allowing him to escape from the boredom and growing sense of defeat we all felt. He’d started helping Kris upgrade Pinocchio by healing her wounds when she cut herself for blood to use on her puppet’s wooden body.
Gregor kept having nightmares and falling through the floor due to activating his Shadow Skill while asleep. He could control his level of corporeality to some degree while awake, which allowed him to walk across the floor without sinking into the floorboards, and even keep his clothes or small objects with him when he shifted, but while asleep and panicked, that control abandoned him.
I wondered if there was some prerequisite we had to meet or some requirement we hadn’t fulfilled that kept the god hidden. If so, I had no idea what it might be, and I was losing hope of that changing. I even wondered if we might never find him. Maybe we weren’t meant to. I’d lied about the quest reward for killing the God of Knowledge, and, as soon as I did that, it seemed like circumstances kept bending to make my words the truth. But maybe I’d just deceived myself as much as everyone else. There was a saying, after all. “If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself.”
Weeks of darkness and fruitless searching had passed, and Chanelle's condition was worsening. She was lucid more often than ever, but she also often grew nasty and violent. “You’ll never find him,” she snarled at me one day after I came back from fruitless hours spent searching. “You’re going to fail, and keep failing till everyone in the world is like me!” She clawed at her own chest, yanking at her clothes as if to punctuate the last word. “You liar!” Then her expression crumpled, and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing miserably.
Torliam stepped forward and picked her up gently, and we carried her back to bed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean it.”
I shared a grim look with Torliam, because I doubted that was completely true. Without the Sickness, Chanelle wouldn’t have lost her composure like that, but, deep down, I knew she must be scared and full of doubt, maybe even rage at her own helplessness. “It’s okay,” I said softly. “Keep fighting it, okay? I’m not giving up, so you can’t either.”
We stayed with Chanelle for a while, till she fell asleep, tear tracks staining her cheeks.
We returned downstairs. As soon as I saw everyone standing around the dining table, staring at the wall where the link was projecting the news, I knew something was wrong.
Then I saw the smoke, the molten earth, the charred hole of a scar stretching as far as the eye could see. The camera drone flew above what had once been the quarantined city. Occasionally, part of a building that had survived the attack poked out, the only evidence of what the land had once been.
The station cut back to a reporter, ash and hot wind blowing around him as he stood with the razed remains in the far distance behind him. His hands shook on the microphone, and a mix of ash and tears had dried on his face. “As our viewers know, the aliens have had the city and surrounding areas behind me quarantined for the past two weeks. This was the second time they had done so, after their forces were attacked from within the city and the barrier was destroyed along with some of their ships. After renewing the quarantine, their smaller ships went on periodic raids, destroying buildings and killing thousands of those trapped within who had not joined one of the emergency shelters. There is speculation that this was in retaliation for our earlier defiance, or as blackmail to dishearten our soldiers fighting against them elsewhere. Others believe they were attempting to cleanse the city of the new disease, though most experts believe the disease, which is similar to rabies and highly contagious, was originally introduced by the aliens themselves. Despite numerous attempts, the military was not able to break through the barrier from the outside. However,” his voice broke and he paused to swallow a few times, clearly forcing down tears, “this morning those periodic raids on the city and surrounding areas stopped. The destroyer lived up to its namesake. When it was finished with the annihilation of the city, it lifted the barrier. The ships were last tracked into Earth’s outer atmosphere.”
The camera panned past him to the smoking ruins as he continued speaking. “No survivors have been found thus far. The emergency shelters did not stand up to the destroyer’s heat attack. The death toll has not been confirmed, but estimates put the loss of life to be around four million people.” The reporter choked again, and this time couldn’t hold back the tears. “Damn you,” he said. “To the aliens, I say, damn you. We will never forget, and we will never forgive.”
Denial lurched within me. I bolted up from the table, slammed the door open and stumbled outside without my winter gear. I fell to my knees in front of the cabin and shook with suppressed rage, fear, and guilt.
My fingers curled, clawing uselessly against the ground, and I let out a low moan as tears ran freely down my cheeks. They turned cold and began to freeze, but I didn’t care.
Inside, the others were shouting. I heard something break. Someone was crying, sobbing.
Footsteps crunched behind me, and then Torliam was sinking onto the hard-packed snow beside me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me toward him.
I shuddered, gasping around the pain in my heart and the tears soaking into his shirt. “My fault,” I managed, the words half-mangled.
“No,” he said, and I was surprised at the thickness of tears in his own voice, the feel of his breath hitching in his chest. “No, not your fault.”
But I knew the queen wouldn’t have ordered the attack on Earth if not for me.
“My mother, she caused this. Not you. And before her, NIX is responsible. They did this, all of them, playing with the lives of others without regard.”
I knew that wasn’t the whole truth of it. I was responsible, in my own way, because I’d been so afraid to die that I’d pushed for people to believe I was the chosen one who could find their lost god. I’d given Queen Mardinest the reason and the justification to attack Earth.
I was the reason China was dead. I was the reason Chanelle had the Sickness, and the kids, too. I was the reason Adam’s back was broken. Blaine was assassinated because of me. It was all me. All my fault.
If I’d just been willing to die from the beginning, maybe none of it would have happened. Maybe that city would still be standing. I couldn’t even find the Champion. Maybe because I was never going to be the one to find him.
“No,” I rasped. “My fault. I…I lied.” The confession almost made me dizzy.
Torliam didn’t respond.
“I lied from the beginning,” I continued. “My quest to defeat the God of Knowledge, the reward didn’t have anything to do with the Sickness. It was information about the Seed of Chaos, and it was killing me. You weren’t going to help, so I lied, and then everything seemed to work out with the Seal of Nine and the prophecy, but what if I can’t find the Champion? That means it’s my fault—” I stopped rambling as I ran out of air. I looked up slowly, afraid to see the look on Torliam’s face.
When I did, it was like a punch in the gut.
Pain, anger, and disgust. He drew back from me and stood up. He took another step backward and paused for a moment, as if he wanted to say something. Then he shook his head and walked away, moving into the darkness instead of back toward the cabin.
I didn’t watch him go, but after a few minutes I heard his ragged shout echo back to me, full of all the same emotions his expression had held.
I stayed in the dark for a while. The air felt brittle with frustrated hope and despair, as if the wrong word would shatter it like glass, and me with it.
Footsteps crunched from behind me again, but this time it was Zed, wrapping a blanket around me and helping me to my feet.
I told him what I’d done, and waited for judgment.
He was silent for a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t care. I’m still on your side, you know. And even if you were lying to start off
with, it doesn’t mean you weren’t accidentally telling the truth. We have the Seal of Nine, after all. Do you think that’s something the gods give out so easily?”
I turned my head to look at him dubiously. “You don’t care? A whole city just burned to the ground.”
The arm around me squeezed a little tighter. “I do care about that. But I don’t agree that it’s your fault. And even if it was… Let me ask you this. If you found out that I was a murderer, but it was an accident, would you turn me into the police?”
“No.” I replied without even thinking about it.
He grinned. “You’d help me hide the body, right?”
I let out a startled, half-sobbing laugh. “And you’re going to do the same for me?”
“Well, we’ve still got a god to find. Once that’s done, I’ll disown you like a red-headed step-child.”
He grinned widely, watching for my reaction from the corner of his eye.
My mouth fell open, and I shoved him away.
He laughed, then shoved me back.
I had a hard time falling asleep at first. I couldn’t help but think of Torliam, still out there in the dark, coming to accept the fact that he’d been betrayed by me.
Adam, grim-faced, called for Sam to force me to sleep with his Harbinger Skill.
When I woke, both Adam and Zed were sitting in the corner of the room talking to each other in murmurs.
When Adam saw my eyes were open, he stood up and walked over to me. He put his hand on my head, as if to check for fever, and then nodded in satisfaction. “You got a little warm last night, while you were sleeping. Sam said you were showing the effects of long-term stress, and you need to rest more, or even a Resilience as high as yours won’t be able to keep you healthy forever.”
I blinked up at him, then wiped the crust from my eyes. “Am I dreaming?”
He snorted and ran a hand dramatically through his hair. “I know I’m handsome, but this isn’t a fantasy.” He shot a smug look toward Zed. “I told you my good looks make the ladies lose their wits.”
I snorted. “Okay, now I know I’m definitely awake. I’d never think up dialogue that ridiculous by myself. But how are you walking?”
Zed covered his mouth and laughed, pointing a finger at Adam, who huffed and rolled his eyes.
Adam turned his back to me and lifted up the bottom of his shirt, baring part of his back. Thousands of little ink strands intertwined, running along his spine and branching out from there, disappearing below the waistband of his pants. “I found a more efficient way to replace my legs. I’m still experimenting, but I think I’m on the right track.”
My smile almost split my face in two. “Adam, that’s wonderful! Is this the secret project you’ve been working on?”
“I didn’t want to tell everyone and make a big deal out of it in case it didn’t work. It’s still not perfect, but it’s useable at least.”
I indulged him by making impressed sounds as he walked back and forth a few times, but then he turned back to me with a serious expression. “After what happened last night, the rest of us have been talking,” he said.
I sat a little straighter, hoping I wasn’t about to get more bad news. “Talking about what?”
“We’ve been shirking our responsibilities, and placing them on you,” he said.
I frowned. “What?”
Zed grimaced. “It’s true. Every day, you and Torliam have been going out there to search, and most of the time the rest of us stay here and train or laze about. It started because there isn’t enough room in the snow pod for everyone, but we shouldn’t have let it continue, especially when you couldn’t find anything yourself. Just because you have that Perception Skill doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t find anything. And maybe that’s why you haven’t had success. What if he’s going to keep hiding until the whole Seal of Nine appears? I mean, can you imagine the danger you’d be in, suddenly having to petition a god with only two people? Maybe it’s a good thing you haven’t found him.”
“I…hadn’t considered that,” I said. “I assumed I’d find some clue to his location and then come back and tell everyone.”
Adam waved his hand impatiently. “It makes sense that you wouldn’t be able to find him alone. So we’re all coming out with you today. Except Torliam, I guess. That selfish asshole is still somewhere outside moping.”
I knew Torliam was still alive because I could vaguely sense his location through the blood-covenant bond. The fact that he was so angry he’d stayed out this long made me cringe, but I wasn’t worried for him. Besides, very few things could actually pose a threat to him on Earth.
After breakfast, everyone bundled up, and we headed out. Before I’d woken, Sam had gone into town and rented a trailer for the snow pod so that it could carry the whole team, some in the cab up front, and some being towed behind. The extra weight increased the vehicle’s energy consumption a lot, but with Adam coming along we were able to recharge the cartridge whenever we needed.
Since the kids and were more delicate, they rode with Adam and me inside the pod.
Everyone who could do so while moving kept their senses peeled and their Skills active in the hopes that maybe they would be able to find the clue I’d missed, and we stopped periodically for Zed to peek into the Other Place. I called out for the god to show himself, using Voice to lend weight to my words. When I managed to activate the stubborn Skill, that is.
Gregor stayed in his Shadow state, just corporeal enough that he didn’t shift through the pod and get left behind, looking around like a silent statue made of obsidian. His Skill gave him better night vision than the rest of us put together.
Kris kept her eyes closed in a kind of meditation as she practiced with her Summon Skill. Every once in a while, the lights of our snow pod would catch an animal form darting along with us, as she lifted the spirits of the land and guided them into a long-frozen carcass which had been preserved by the cold. We were passing through the vague circle where Torliam's Skill insisted our answer lay when she leaned close to me and, shivering, whispered, "This place is creepy."
I opened my own eyes, the world spinning dizzily as I drew my awareness back into my body. I could reach miles into the air and about a third that distance into the ground now, without even touching it directly, where before that would have been unthinkable in anything but the clearest of air. "The sun will rise in summer, and stay up all day and all night," I said.
She shook her head. "No, that's not it. I mean, yeah, the total darkness all the time is driving me crazy. Sometimes, when it’s cloudy outside, I look up at the sky and blink over and over again because I can't figure out if my eyes are actually open. I'm tired all the time, but I've stopped getting sleepy properly. But, that's not what I mean. This place we're at right now is creepy."
"How so?"
"It's dead. There aren't any living things."
"It's winter."
"And we're near the geomagnetic north pole. I know." She grimaced. "The other parts of the island have things that are hibernating. Or old frozen skeletons and dead things. This place hasn't had anything living here for a really long time. They would have left pieces of their bodies behind, and I would have been able to feel them with my power. There are no souls here, and our team, plus Pinocchio, are the only bodies recognizable as containers to my power."
I shared a look with Adam. "That may be significant, Kris. Does your Skill tell you anything else? When did this feeling start?"
"It started a few minutes back. And I don't really feel anything at all. I'll let you know if I sense any other bodies or anything strange." She straightened and looked up at me, eyes wide and excited. "Do you think this means the god is somewhere in the dead zone?"
"I hope so," I admitted. It would be a clue, where we hadn't had one for so long.
We stopped to let Zed open a rip into the Other Place, where once again there was more light than existed in reality. The hole hanging in the air shone like a kind of grey, washed-o
ut flashlight. He frowned, then widened the rip with a grin. “There's no ash-stuff. I didn't realize before, but everywhere else I've been there's always that ash-stuff falling from the sky."
I gave him a huge grin. "That's great!"
Adam nodded, but sighed. "But what does it mean?"
"It means we’re probably looking in the right place, at least,” Zed said. "Maybe we just haven’t been looking for the right type of signs."
Using Kris and Zed, we mapped out the space where the Other Place’s strange sediment ceased to fall, which coincided pretty cleanly with Kris' sense of where the dead things disappeared.
We went to the middle of the vague circle and looked around, but we still didn’t find anything. I closed my eyes and swirled my awareness outward one last time, hoping that I would miraculously notice something I hadn’t before. We had been out for a while, and everyone was ready to head back to the cabin.
“Maybe we need the jerk here with us,” Adam muttered. “It’s his Skill that’s supposed to be doing this in the first place, right?”
I opened my eyes and said, "Stop."
"Did you discover something?" Kris’ voice was almost heartbreakingly eager.
I grinned. "No. But I have an idea.”
Chapter 25
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
— Buddha
“Get out, Zed,” I said, scrambling out into the cold of the sunless wilderness.
"You want me to open the Veil again?”
I nodded eagerly.
"What’s the plan, Eve?" Adam said, joining us.
“You were right, about needing the rest of the team. We were able to discover a serious clue because of Kris and Zed, but now we’re stuck again, in pretty much the same situation as before. So, maybe what the search needs is another change of perspective. If the Other Place can show us where we should be looking because the ash doesn't fall, maybe it will have some other indicators as well. Something Zed can't know, because he can't do what I can."