He held his hands out to his sides. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating.”
“Ah, but I think you do.” I pointed the phone at him, laughing lightly. “Is the guilt too much for you? Can’t stand seeing the effects of your lies? Ready to run?”
“Yes, it’s too much,” he cried. “I hurt you and I’m sorry. I know you hate me, and I know why, but just fucking end it already, or I will.”
I shook my head. “No, you’re going to stay. You’re going to watch me forget all about you. Watch me move on. You’re going to do your duty, and you’re going to report back to him like the good little spy you are.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “Why the hell would I do that?’
“To save your father.” I tilted up my chin. “And because you owe me. You made me want to be with you, then you turned out to be nothing but a fraud.”
His face crumpled and he sank down on the couch. He looked as if he gave up. Stopped caring or hoping. “Fine. I’ll do it.”
“Good.”
“I really am sorry,” he rasped, his head low. I couldn’t see his face, but the sincerity in his voice almost broke me. “I hope you know that.”
I tensed, my whole body aching to go to him. To comfort him, of all things. I was really messed up in the head from all this crap. “The only thing I know now is what my father’s spy looks like, and I want to keep knowing. You’ll do your duty, but you’ll stay the hell away from me. I don’t want to see you, smell you, or even hear you. Just report back to my dad while leaving me the hell out of it.”
He lifted his head, and the vulnerability I’d caught a glimpse of was gone. “I can’t follow you around, watching you flirt with other men. Not anymore.”
“You should have thought of that before we did what we did.” I collected my books and lifted my phone to my ear. “Yes, I’d like a cab, please.” I told the operator my location and hung up. “Text him and tell him I studied and went to bed early.”
Finn picked up his phone and quickly typed. Then he threw it down on the couch. “You have no idea what you’re starting here. You should report me immediately.”
“I should, but I won’t.” I looked out the window, waiting for the cab.
“Why not?”
I forced a shrug. “Because I want to know what to expect. Because I’m more like my father than I realized. I like being in control too.”
“With me, you’ve never been in control.”
“Yeah, I know that now.” I blinked back tears, refusing to show him how much I hurt. Refusing to show him my weakness—him. “But from now on, I will be.”
I hurriedly gathered the rest of my things, including my shirt I couldn’t find earlier, and he stayed quiet. Thank God. I couldn’t pretend like I wasn’t dying inside any longer. Couldn’t pretend he hadn’t broken my heart, when he had. If he knew how hard I had fallen, he would never leave me alone. Never let me move on. And I needed to move on.
The cab beeped from outside, and I turned to face him. He watched me with a weird mixture of apprehension and longing. “I don’t want to see you watching me. Just do your job, and stay out of my way.”
When I headed for the door, he stood up. “I’m sorry, Gi—” He broke off. “Carrie. I really am.”
I paused with my hand on the knob, squeezing it so tightly my knuckles hurt. “So am I.”
I opened the door and walked out of his apartment for the last time. I had no intention of ever stepping foot inside it again. I didn’t want to see him again either. Didn’t need the reminder that he had stolen my heart and then stomped it into the dirt.
If only he had buried it too.
A few days later, and a hell of a lot of thinking and heartache later, I grabbed my phone, jotted off a quick text to Senator Asshole letting him know his daughter was still alive, and then grabbed my surfboard. It had been too long since I’d been out in the ocean alone. Too long, especially since it was pretty much the only place that no one bugged me or talked to me or told me to fuck off.
The past few times I’d come had been with Carrie, but those days were obviously over. Shit, we were over, and I was miserable because of it. I missed her. Missed having her in my arms. Missed the man I was with her. She made me better. Different. Whole.
But not anymore. I was destined to walk around half-filled for the rest of my miserable life. With a sigh, I juggled my board and closed the door, making sure to lock it, then headed for my bike. After sliding my surfboard into the special slot I’d had added on to the side earlier this week, I revved the engine and pulled away from the curb. The wind blew through my hair since I hadn’t grabbed my helmet, and I took a deep breath.
I hadn’t expected to miss her so damn much once she left me. It had been a relationship born out of lies and pretenses, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And she probably hadn’t even thought of me once since the other day, besides to curse me out.
In all three languages she spoke.
She’d told me she could speak three languages. I also knew she let out a tiny little snore every once in a while when she slept. She gave almost all of her allowance to the poor and rarely spent any money. She liked her milkshakes creamy, not watery. I hadn’t read any of that in her file. There was so much I knew about her that her damn file didn’t know. We had surpassed the working relationship I’d meant to maintain a long time ago. But to her, that’s all I’d ever be.
The guy who was sent to spy on her by her daddy.
Ever since she told me to leave her alone, she’d spent almost every passing second with Cory. They ate together. Walked together. Studied together. They seemed to be attached at the hip, and it was driving me insane with jealousy each time I saw them. Ripping my chest open until a tiny little monster grew bigger than fucking Godzilla. A part of me was sure she was hanging with that loser just to hurt me.
But she didn’t believe me about how much I cared for her—refused to believe me. So she wouldn’t be trying to hurt me if she thought I was just talking to her for the job, which only made it worse. It meant that every time she laughed at something Cory said and hugged the jerk closer, it was real. It wasn’t some scheme to torture me.
She actually liked the little fucker.
I parked my bike and slid off the seat. After taking off my shirt, I put on my wetsuit, my eyes on the blue water. It looked particularly impetuous today. Good. I was in the mood to get tossed around. Hard. I headed for the beach, excitement taking over for the first time since Carrie had broken it off with me. I would get out there, ride a few waves, and forget all about—
“Why are you here?” Carrie asked from somewhere behind me.
I paused midstride, my heart leaping at the sound of her voice. God, I had missed hearing that sass in her tone. That spark of something that no one else could possibly bring out in me. I forced a neutral expression to my face and turned to face her.
She wore her wetsuit, but had it down around her waist, and her unruly hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She had big bags under her eyes, as if she’d been sleeping poorly. I forced my attention to return to the ocean, and said, “I’m going to church.”
“Haha.” Out of my peripheral vision, I saw her eye my surfboard, her blue eyes cold and her lips pressed tightly together. Her small spattering of freckles danced across her nose, and her curly red hair already whipped across her forehead. She looked perfect. “Very funny, but don’t quit your day job of stalking college girls.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be funny or a joke. This is my version of church.” I felt stupid for letting her know how I really felt about surfing, but there was no going back now. I’d already opened my big fat mouth. I shrugged and tried my best to look like I didn’t give a damn what she thought about me. “When I’m out there, it’s just me, God, and the ocean. No one else can interfere with me except M
other Nature herself.”
She nibbled on her lower lip. “That’s awfully profound for a surfer boy.”
“I’m more than just a surfer boy, but you already knew that, didn’t you?”
She crossed her arms. “I’m going surfing today, so you can’t go.”
“Excuse me?” I laughed at her audacity. “I hate to break it to you, but you don’t own the ocean, Princess.”
She stiffened. “No, but you work for my family and I don’t want you out there with me, so you have to listen to me. I’m your boss.”
Okay, that stung a little bit. It would be a lie to say it hadn’t. “The hell you are. I work for your father.”
Her face turned red. “Just go away. I don’t want to be out there with you.”
“Then surf farther south. Or north, for all I care.” I gestured toward the ocean with my board. “This is my beach, and I’m not leaving it. Not even for you.”
“I thought no one owned the beach,” she called out, taunting me. Even her stance was aggressive, her feet spread wide and her eyes flashing with anger. She wanted a fight, and she wanted it bad.
I wouldn’t rise to the bait. Wouldn’t fight. But I sure as hell wouldn’t back down either. “They don’t, but this is the beach my mother took me to every weekend as I grew up. It’s where we had our last night together, before she was gone forever. And it’s the beach I rode my first wave on, with her by my side. I’m sure as hell not leaving it because you hate me.”
I brushed past her, fully intending to leave her standing on that beach alone, but her soft word stopped me. “Wait.”
“What now?” I asked, my entire body tense.
“I’m sorry. You’re right.” I turned to face her, and she swept her hair out of her face with a frustrated sigh. “I’m being a bitch. Just because I can’t stand the sight of you doesn’t mean I get to tell you to leave.”
“Such a heartfelt apology.”
She lifted a shoulder. “It’s the best I can do, considering.”
“May I go now, boss lady?” I cocked my head toward the ocean. “I’d like to enjoy the type of solitude only the ocean can give me before it’s too late.”
“You never mentioned wanting solitude out there before.”
“That’s because I was with you,” I reminded her.
She cocked her head. “Why did you take me, if you didn’t like going out there with other people?”
“Because with you? I didn’t mind.”
I headed for the ocean once more, leaving her standing there. She wouldn’t believe me anyway, so there was no point in waiting to see if she replied. She’d just accuse me of running a play on her, or trying to win her over so I could babysit her better. I wasn’t in the mood to get my heart trampled again.
Just my body.
I almost made it to the water before I got interrupted again. I bit back a curse when a blonde in a skimpy bikini stopped me. “Hey. Remember me?”
I scanned her face. Nope. I didn’t. “Uh…?”
“I work at Surf’s Up,” she said, punching my arm lightly. “I helped you pick out your girlfriend’s surfboard.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I said, my eyes automatically scanning the beach for Carrie. She stood a few yards away, her own gaze on me…and the blonde at my side. “We’re not even friends anymore, really.”
Her nostrils flared. Could she hear us? She looked ready to kill someone. I wasn’t sure if her target was the girl or me—maybe both.
“Oh, well, I like the sound of that.” She trailed her fingers over my tattoo, giving me a flirtatious smile. “I like your ink. What’s it mean?”
I hated when girls asked that. It wasn’t any of their damn business what my ink meant. “Thanks, and nothing. It’s just ink.”
“Oh. Hot.”
That was…deep. About as deep as a puddle. I cleared my throat and looked at Carrie again. Her fists were clenched at her sides. Was she jealous? Nah. Not possible. “You surf?”
The blonde laughed and punched me again. Why did girls think that was sexy? I only liked one girl hitting me, but she didn’t even want to touch me right now. Or ever. “No, I just help out at the store, and I date a lot of surfers. Only surfers.”
Before I could reply, Carrie walked up to some shirtless guy. She smiled at him and handed him sunscreen. The jerk smiled back at her and Carrie turned her back to the guy. When the jerk squirted sunscreen on his hands and massaged it over Carrie’s shoulders, I clenched my teeth. Carrie laughed at something the guy said, slapping his arm lightly. The jerk didn’t seem to mind either.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I murmured. “I’m going to kill her.”
Blondie shot me the dirtiest look ever. “Just friends, huh?” Then she was gone.
I stood there, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
Carrie. That’s what happened.
She thanked the helpful guy, then headed for the water, pulling up her wetsuit. I caught up to her within seconds. “What was that all about?”
“What?” She blinked at me innocently, but the smirk was harder to hide. “I needed sunscreen.”
“Under your wetsuit?”
“Sure. You can never be too careful.” She shrugged. “Did you have fun with Bambi over there?”
And just like that, I relaxed. “You’re jealous.”
She snorted and snorted again. As if such a preposterous statement required a double snort. “I am not.”
“Oh. So, if I go out there and flirt with her, you won’t give a damn?”
“Good luck with that. She probably hates you now.” Carrie splashed into the water, sending droplets my way. “As a matter of fact, I might have to watch you get rejected. It’ll be funny and good for your ego.”
I stared at her. “Is that a challenge?”
“No.” She eyed me. “Knowing you, she’d be in your bed by nighttime. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
I tensed. She made me sound like a manwhore, and I wasn’t. I wasn’t a virgin, but I didn’t sleep around either. “Because I’ve given you reason to believe I’m a manwhore?”
“Stop asking me rhetorical questions.”
I gripped my board tighter than I should have, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to scream. “That wasn’t rhetorical. I’d love to know why you think I’d bring her home with me mere days after we broke up.”
“You brought me home.”
I rolled my eyes and fought against the huge wave trying to knock me down. “Oh, well, then I must be a whore. If I’ll bring you home, anyone will do.”
She whirled on me. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“Wave.”
“What?”
A wave knocked into her, throwing her in my arms. I caught her, stumbling back a bit before I caught my own balance again. As soon as I gained my footing, she quickly shoved out of my arms. “Wave,” I repeated.
“I noticed.” She shoved her damp hair out of her face. “Thanks for the warning.”
I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic, so I nodded. “Might want to face outward from now on.”
“Gee, thanks for the pro tip.” Another wave crashed into us, and she stumbled back. I started to reach for her elbow, but she shot me a supersonic death glare. “I’m fine. Stop protecting me.”
“It’s my job. Don’t want my help? Go over there.” I pointed to a crowded spot in the ocean. “They won’t give a damn if you wipe out.”
She lifted her chin. “I’m staying here.”
“Thought you didn’t want to be near me.”
Did her chin go even higher? Yep. It did. “I don’t, but I refuse to run away just because you’re here.”
“Lucky me,” I drawled.
Another big wave c
ame, and she stumbled backward again. I swallowed the sense of premonition creeping up. The ocean was perfect for me today, but for a novice like Carrie, it could be a deathtrap. If she got taken under by a monster wave, I might not be able to reach her in time.
She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “Why do you look like someone might take away your favorite toy?”
I shook my head. “I was quiet. That’s all.” Another wave came, and I made a big show of getting knocked back. “Wow, the waves are pretty rough. Maybe we shouldn’t surf today.”
She eyed all the other surfers, who were smiling and laughing and catching waves. They weren’t exactly helping my cause. “They all look fine to me.”
“They’re idiots for being out here in this. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I grabbed her elbow. “Let’s go back to the shore.”
She jerked free. “No.”
“Carrie—”
“No.” She kept going farther into the ocean. I could tell by the way she stomped through the water that I wouldn’t win this one. “Now go away. You’ve got an appointment with Jesus, and he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
I squared my jaw. “It’s too dangerous for a newbie like you.”
“For your charge, you mean?” She glanced back at me over her shoulder. “Oh well. You’ll be earning your keep today, guard.”
Fine. She wanted to be like that? She could be like that. I followed her, muttering under my breath, “After you, boss.”
Looked as if my day of planned solitude was off. I wouldn’t get the brief time of no one bossing me around or bugging me. Instead, I’d have to save her life time and time again. If she went and tried to drown on me, I’d rescue her and then throttle her little ass for being so damn reckless.
Once I got out into the ocean, I straddled my board, determined not to let Mr. Worrywart take the fun out of my morning. It had been a long, painful week and I needed to let go. Needed to relax. But then he came. I knew there was an easy fix to this annoyance. Knew I could swim away from him, and our entire interaction would be over. But if I did that, he might start flirting with Bimbo Bambi again. And for some reason I didn’t want to name right now, thank you very much, I didn’t want him talking to her.
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