“How bad is it for you?” Jess asked.
“Well,” she said with a smile, “it’s not so warm and friendly at the lunch table anymore.” She held up her sandwich for emphasis. “And that’s fine. Football season is over, so I don’t have practice. At least I don’t have to deal with that. I probably won’t have to deal with it next fall either.” She looked at Jess knowingly.
“Yeah, I guess you’ll get some mysterious injury that takes you off the squad,” Jess joked.
Stephanie stared ahead. “You know,” she said, smiling. “I have to take art for sixth period now. We had to sketch something that reveals who we are.” She took a bite of her sandwich. “You know I have no artistic talent. I drew a circle. I wanted to fill it with things I like, but the teacher said it was too much like a pie chart. Screw it.”
Jess smiled at her.
Stephanie said, “What?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you lookin’ at me like that?” Stephanie asked. “That’s a new look. I don’t recognize it.”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m amazed you can make me smile at a time like this.”
Stephanie put her arm around her shoulders and held her closer.
“You’re tryin’ to tell me it’ll be all right?” Jess asked.
“No, I’m cold.”
They laughed, almost the same hysterical laughter they’d shared that time during the holiday by the frozen river.
No matter what happened, Jess knew, she would always love her. There was no changing that. She leaned toward her, stealing a few quiet seconds of happiness on this winter afternoon.
“Look at the dykes!” A jock’s raspy voice broke the peacefulness. Then others joined in, hollering obscenities at them as a gym class started circling the track.
Jess and Stephanie hurriedly packed up their lunches and went inside, both of them shaken by the taunting. The vultures were beginning to circle. Clearly, things were only going to get worse and there was nothing they could do about it.
Chapter Seventy-Five
“I mean it! Stop talking! Or I’ll send you to the principal’s office!” Minnie Marshall couldn’t see where the talking was coming from in the study hall. But it was growing to a roar. The room was the worst place for Jess right now because, with no teacher lecturing, there was only gossip flying back and forth among the large tables.
Jess sat by herself, pretending to be consumed with the contents of her notebook.
“Writing love poems to your girlfriend?” Kelly laughed as she passed by en route to another table with her basketball posse.
Jess had begun writing a letter to her parents, trying to think of any words that could get them to change their mind. Even though school was a living hell, eventually things might blow over. Even if they didn’t, it would be worth being there to be able to see Stephanie every day or to protect her from the bullying, if necessary. She felt very protective of her; knowing that she was being hurt was worse than whatever Jess was going through.
Lisa paused by Jess’s table on her way in. “Hey,” she said in an almost pleasant tone.
Jess looked at her blankly. She knew everything Lisa had said in the girls’ restroom, though Lisa didn’t know she was there.
“Don’t freak out about all this…stuff,” Lisa said. “You know Kelly. She’s a total loser.”
“And so are you.” Jess sat back, crossing her arms.
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, she fed you some gossip and you ate it right up. I was there.”
“Where?”
“The bathroom,” Jess said. She felt some satisfaction in telling her.
“What kind of freak hangs out in the bathroom?”
“I don’t know,” Jess said. “I guess the kind that likes to talk shit with Kelly behind her friends’ backs. And then make sure everyone knows.” She looked contemptuously at her, remembering the cousin she’d seemed to defend.
“I never—”
“Get away from me.” Jess stood up, for the first time not minding being as tall as she was. She was formidable, intimidating. Her piercing blue eyes, her stance, everything about her sent a message that she wouldn’t back down.
Lisa slinked away, muttering indignant responses to herself.
Jess sat down again and tried to resume her writing, but loud whispering at a nearby table caught her ear.
“She had it all. Why would she want to throw it away?”
“Mike was so pissed! Did you see him?”
“Yeah. Did you see him grab her?”
“She shoved him back against the locker.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, when he called her a freak of nature. And he goes, ‘Is that why you never wanted to do it?’”
“Oh…my…God.”
The girls laughed and hissed as they gossiped about a scene so appalling that it was unimaginable to Jess. Her former teammates seemed to be laughing too.
Fran was the only one who wasn’t. She seemed upset, unsettled. Almost as soon as she’d taken a seat at Kelly’s table, she got up again and went over to Jess. This was a big risk, sitting next to one who had been branded with the Scarlet Letter. It might rub off on her too. But she didn’t seem to care.
“Hey,” Fran said, taking a seat next to her.
Jess didn’t look up. “I know. I lied to you…”
“How are you?”
Jess was surprised.
“You can’t be as bad as us,” Fran joked. “We’re on a real losing streak. They’re gonna have to change our name to The Loser Machine.” She always tried to make light of things when she was uncomfortable. The darker the news, the more she laughed.
“That’s not my fault,” Jess said.
“Oh, I know.”
Jess’s anger took hold and steered her mouth. “If I could’ve stayed, we could’ve won!” She put her head down; she wasn’t one to brag. “Sorry.”
“Forget it.” Fran waved her hand. “How did this all…happen?”
“I don’t know,” Jess said. “It just did. You know how you used to love that guy with the big Adam’s apple who never talked to you? What was his name?”
“Joel? Oh, you mean Jeff.”
Whatever. “Yeah, Jeff. You’d camp out near his locker to watch him come by. How did that happen?”
Fran laughed sheepishly. “I never thought about it.”
“I didn’t think about it either.”
“Well, like I said before, she’s pretty.” Fran smiled at her. “If you’re gonna be queer, at least you picked a good one.”
Jess couldn’t help but laugh. She hadn’t gotten a reaction like that from anyone. But the noise behind her was growing increasingly worrisome. Since Mike was such a good friend of Alex’s, his death most likely had made his rage greater. He might even do something violent now that the truth was out. In fact, it sounded like he already had.
“You know anything about what happened with Mike Austin today?” she asked.
“I didn’t see it,” Fran said softly. “I heard there was a big scene at Stephanie’s locker. The principal had to break it up ’cause there was a big crowd. That’s all I know.”
Jess rubbed her temples.
“I’m sorry,” Fran said before returning to the basketball table. Ironically, the girl Jess had thought was one of the flakier girls of their group was turning out to be a better friend than all of them.
Suddenly one of the fried hair, cosmetology girls who reeked of smoke, made a loud comment, as if she wanted Jess to hear. “Maybe Mike wasn’t enough of a real man, if you know what I mean. Maybe she hasn’t had the right guy yet. They say guys with little dicks get more violent ’cause they got somethin’ to prove.”
Her statement was followed by the mocking laugh that was distinctively Kelly’s. Jess flew at her in a rage, knocking her and the chair she was sitting in over.
Ms. Marshall, horrified, cried out, “Girls! If you don’t stop, you’ll be suspended!”
Jess coul
dn’t seem to control herself. The snake had put Stephanie at serious risk. She wasn’t going to sit by and let it happen. She felt her fists connect with Kelly’s bony body again and again. Ms. Marshall finally peeled her off Kelly.
“You’re goin’ to the office,” she said.
Jess tried to catch her breath. She stood up and tugged at her shirt. Then she scanned the room of gaping mouths. Maybe her actions would discourage anyone from talking about it again, but it was doubtful.
Kelly moaned in pain, touching her bruised shoulder. “She’s crazy!”
“Enough from you, Ms. Madison.” Ms. Marshall seemed to know about Kelly’s reputation.
“Aren’t you gonna suspend her?” Kelly wailed.
“No, she’s goin’ to the office, and so are you.” Ms. Marshall opened the door. “Both of you, out.”
Jess collected her books and stomped out.
Chapter Seventy-Six
As the two of them sat side by side, waiting for Principal Edwards to come in and decide their fates, neither said a word to the other. Jess stared at the cinder block wall in the office, wondering if she was more like her volatile father than she wanted to be.
Ms. Edwards came in and saw the two of them sitting there, Kelly with a bruise near her lip, Jess with hair that looked as though it had been plugged into a socket.
“Oh, what now?” Ms. Edwards groaned. She loathed dealing with issues at the end of the day. “Well? Who wants to tell me what happened?”
“She beat me up,” Kelly said. “Just lost her mind and started hittin’ me in front of a whole class of witnesses.”
“Really?” Ms. Edwards looked at Kelly suspiciously. “For no reason? Without provocation?”
“Huh?” Kelly was indignant. “You’re sayin’ I deserved to get beat up?”
Ms. Edwards turned her attention to Jess, who wouldn’t speak. “What do you have to say?”
“Nothin’.”
“You’re looking at a serious charge,” Ms. Edwards said. “I’d say something if I were you.”
“She’s spreadin’ rumors about me,” Jess said, keeping her head down.
Ms. Edwards told Kelly to wait in the next room, so she could speak to Jess privately. Kelly got up and hobbled pathetically, whimpering a little, to the next room.
Ms. Edwards leaned closer. In her forty-something years at the high school, Jess figured she’d seen it all. Was the rumor something she would never have heard of before?
“Would this have anything to do with the fight at Stephanie Greer’s locker today?” Ms. Edwards asked.
Jess was surprised. Why would she make that connection?
“I don’t know,” Jess said.
“I think you do.” The older lady smiled wisely at Jess. “Rumors about you two girls?”
Jess hung her head. She wasn’t ashamed of her feelings, but she felt programmed to assume some kind of shame for their relationship, at least in others’ eyes.
“We haven’t done anything,” Jess insisted. “I mean, we haven’t done anything wrong!”
“Kelly is telling everyone that…” Ms. Edwards stopped herself. She took note of the clock and slapped her hands on her knees. “You know what? I don’t need to know. Promise me you won’t get in any more fights. Can you do that?”
Jess swallowed, her gratitude toward this woman was overflowing. She hadn’t known any kindness from an adult since everything had begun. She wanted to hug her but decided against it. Instead, she simply nodded.
“Good,” Ms. Edwards said. “Now I’ll get your ‘friend’ to make the same promise, and we’ll be done with it.” She rolled her eyes and went to the room where Kelly was waiting.
When the bell rang, Kelly scurried out, apparently having made the same promise. Neither of them made eye contact with each other. Jess stayed put, prepared to tend to the office assistant tasks she was assigned to each day during sixth period. Soon afterward, Denisha Horton strode in, carrying a stack of books. There was no work for either of them today, so the principal told them to do their homework while she ran an errand.
Or hit the buffet early. Bet she wishes it wasn’t a dry county…
Denny was strangely quiet today, something rare for her. She kicked her feet up on a table and proceeded to do some work in her notebook. Jess watched her.
“You got somethin’ to do besides stare at me?” Denny grumbled.
“Oh,” Jess said. “So I guess you’ve heard.”
“Huh?”
“The rumors about me,” Jess replied. “It’s fine. I don’t need any friends.” She opened her French textbook to a page she wouldn’t read. The words on the page were all a blur—something about Jacques buying bread for Madeline…
“What the hell’s your problem?” Denny closed her notebook. “I’m havin’ a bad day, got it?”
Jess looked over at her with a blank stare.
“Yeah,” Denny continued. “That’s right. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you.” She made a grunting noise to show her exasperation.
“Sorry,” Jess said softly, which Denny took to mean she wanted to hear the whole story.
“That fool Shawn,” Denny said. “He tells me he wants ‘space.’ He has to find himself. I said, ‘What do you mean, find yourself? You’re right here, you idiot.’ Turns out, he was just shittin’ me ’cause he’s not sure I’m the one. Can you believe that shit?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well…” She put her pencil behind her ear. It didn’t look like she was really going to study either. “So what’s your problem?”
Jess thought better of sharing it with her. After all, Denny had told her she was religious. That would most certainly mean she’d judge her too. Then again, she’d likely hear it in the halls.
“I don’t know how you’ll take this,” she began, “and you know, I don’t care. I’m sick of everyone judgin’ anyway.” It was as though Jess was having a conversation with herself.
“Can you get to the damn point?” Denny interrupted. “The period’s only an hour.”
Jess laughed nervously. “There’s a rumor goin’ around about me and…this other girl. So you should know, you’re talkin’ to a social outcast right now. I might as well be a leper. At least they had leper colonies so other lepers could talk to each other. Maybe this is worse than bein’ a leper.”
“Oh, geez, give me a break.” She shook her head with a grin. “Somebody’s bein’ dramatic.”
“You think so?” Jess said sarcastically.
“Well, tell me, is it true? You and this girl?”
Jess’s eyes settled on her a long moment. She bit her lip. “What if it is?” She braced for the reaction.
“That’s cool,” Denny said.
“You’re serious?”
“Hello? Welcome to the club of bein’ different. Try bein’ black at an all-white school.”
Jess smiled and nodded. “I knew I liked you.” Then she quickly added, “Not like that.”
They laughed. Maybe the world wasn’t so bad, at least for a few minutes.
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Jess waited in the parking lot by Stephanie’s car until she showed up. Stephanie stopped in her tracks, obviously surprised to see her there. “I heard what happened,” Jess said. “With Mike.”
Stephanie walked around to the driver’s side and pulled out her keys.
“I wanna go home with you,” Jess said. She glanced around to make sure no one was listening.
“Not such a good idea.”
“Why? How much worse can it get?”
Stephanie tilted her head as if she had a point. She popped open the passenger’s side and Jess climbed in.
* * *
When they came inside Stephanie’s house, they found that her mother was not only drunk, but she was drunk and angry, the worst combination. And screaming into the phone in the kitchen at the back of the house.
“Usually, there’s wedding pictures all over the place at this point,” Stephan
ie whispered in warning. They froze in the foyer, waiting for a chance to retreat.
“I don’t know what you mean! My daughter is not a queer!” they heard her shriek.
“Get in the closet,” Stephanie commanded, instinctively blocking Jess with her arm.
“No.”
“Do it!” Stephanie whisper-shouted, pointing to the narrow coat closet to the left. “Trust me.”
As soon as she was inside, Stephanie walked a few more steps down the hall, her feet deliberately making the wood floor creak as she came closer.
Immediately upon hearing her daughter enter, Arlene Greer slammed down the phone and flew toward her like an angry hornet. Jess watched through the slightly open door. She didn’t want to be a spectator to what she felt sure was coming; she wanted to fight in case Stephanie needed her. But for now, she’d wait. Stephanie obviously knew her mother better than she did.
“You got somethin’ to tell me?” Ms. Greer screamed.
“Not when you’re like this, Mama.” Stephanie tried to scoot past her, using her backpack as a shield.
Her mother got her in a choke hold, the backpack fell to the floor and she pushed her daughter up against the wall. “The phone’s been ringin’ off the hook!” She breathed a cloud of whiskey that was so strong Jess could smell it from the closet.
“Stop it, Mama!” Stephanie screamed.
Jess prepared to burst into action, but Stephanie kept glancing toward the closet as if warning her not to.
“I didn’t raise my daughter to be a…” Ms. Greer couldn’t finish.
“A freak?” Stephanie taunted.
Jess thought Stephanie wanted her mother to say something she could never take back, so it would be easier for her to hate her or easier to leave. She wasn’t sure.
“No daughter of mine is gonna be a dyke!” Ms. Greer yelled. She squeezed harder on Stephanie’s throat.
That was enough. Jess tore out of the closet and grabbed the woman from behind, pulling her off Stephanie in one swift motion.
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