“Yeah. It probably would have.” She watched the ice cube melt in the grass at their feet. “Mac, did my brothers—”
“Beat me up? No. In a way I wish they had. It might have made me feel better.”
Tess glanced across the park. Joan and Rhino were walking back toward them. They didn’t have much time. She lowered her voice. “Dammit, I will not have you taking the blame for this. It was my idea and I should be the one feeling guilty, not you.”
“Like they said, I could have turned you down.”
“You knew I was going to nab somebody for the job, and you were afraid I’d end up with a dweeb.”
“Yeah. And then there was that dress.”
She glanced at him.
“Why did you wear it today, Tess?”
Because I was selfish enough to want you to look at me like that one more time. “I’d packed everything else.”
“And what about the necklace?” he asked softly. “Didn’t get around to packing that, either, did you?”
Her heart ached so fiercely she could barely breathe. “Mac, I—”
“Promise me something.”
“What?”
“That you’ll wear that necklace in New York.”
“Loafing, are we?” Joan said with a grin as they walked up. “Boy, I can’t leave my staff for a minute without discipline going to hell.”
Rhino’s glance shifted from Mac to Tess and he frowned. “I’ll put Big Mac to work for you, sweetheart. He’s probably distracting Tess so she can’t get anything done.”
“Oh, I don’t really care,” Joan said. “After all, we won’t have Tess around here much longer, so I’m sure everybody wants a chance to spend a little time with her today. Technically, I shouldn’t be making her work at all, since this is also supposed to be her party.”
“I wouldn’t feel right sitting around,” Tess said. She’d caught the brief look of disapproval on her brother’s face. He might have shelved his anger for the time being, but he wasn’t about to let Mac spend any more time alone with her.
“None of us are going to sit around,” Rhino said. “Come on, Mac. I have a bunch of lawn chairs in the van. Let’s go take them out and set them up.”
“Sure thing.” Mac glanced at Tess.
She realized she was clutching the pearl in one hand. She released it and turned away. His request completely confused her. He knew that wearing the necklace would be a constant reminder of him, preventing her from moving on to someone else. That sort of dog-in-the-manger attitude wasn’t worthy of him, and she couldn’t quite believe that was his motivation. Yet she could think of no other reason he’d want her to continue wearing the necklace.
The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. Who did he think he was, branding her like that when he didn’t have the slightest intention of making a commitment himself?
Her parents arrived soon afterward. Once the party was in full swing, Tess focused on making this a special day for her parents. More than once she felt the tug of tears as she realized that by next week she wouldn’t be able to see them and talk to them every day as she could now. She wondered if she’d made a terrible mistake taking the job in New York, but she couldn’t change her course now, and besides, she needed to get away from Mac. If she stayed around much longer, he would surely break her heart for good.
Although the festivities took most of her attention, she couldn’t forget that Mac was there, although she really tried. Despite her efforts, she always seemed to know where he was, whether he’d stripped off his shirt for the volleyball game, or had taken yet another kid for a ride on his shoulders, or was challenging one of her brothers to a game of horseshoes. His voice, his smile, his laughter drew her as if they were connected with an invisible string.
Finally she decided the pearl necklace was part of the problem. She couldn’t take it to New York, let alone wear it while she was there. And Mac needed to know that.
She excused herself on the pretext that she needed to head for one of the park rest rooms. When she was away from the crowd, she took off the necklace. Unclasping it wasn’t easy because her hands were shaking. Once she’d done it, she felt as if someone had wrapped her heart in barbed wire.
But this was what she had to do. She found Mac eating some of her parents’ anniversary cake while he talked with a couple of ranchers who lived on the outskirts of Copperville.
“Excuse me, Mac,” she said.
“Sure.” He glanced at her bare neck and his gaze grew wary. “What is it?”
She reached over and dropped the necklace in his shirt pocket. “I need you to keep this for me.” Choking back a sob, she turned and hurried away.
16
MAC WANTED to throw the necklace away. In the tortured days that followed, right up to the morning Tess was scheduled to leave, he tried to make himself pitch it in the garbage, in the river, over a cliff. He couldn’t do it.
The day she left, he drove to a bluff overlooking the highway winding out of town and waited there until he saw her car go by. He thought he’d fling the necklace over the bluff once he knew she was really and truly gone. But long after her car and trailer had disappeared from sight, he still clutched the necklace tight in his fist.
In the weeks that followed he kept the necklace in a drawer and fell into the habit of tucking it into his jeans’ pocket before starting the day. He’d meant for her to keep it on as a reminder of him and what they’d meant to each other. He’d held on to the slim hope that after some time of living in the big city she’d grow tired of it and come home. If she wore the necklace until then, he might have a chance. But she’d turned the tables on him…again.
He handled his ranch duties like a robot. The work had always seemed confining to him, but he’d been able to bear it while Tess remained in Copperville. Now the daily routine was intolerable without her. She’d been the one who had kept his life interesting, and the fact that she shared his desire to go out into the world had kept that fantasy alive for him. Now she was out there and he was left behind.
As the heat lifted in late September, he was rounding up strays down by the river one afternoon when he came to a life-changing realization. Once his parents were gone, he’d sell the ranch and travel the world. That wouldn’t take the place of losing Tess, but it would have to do. And if he was planning to sell the ranch eventually anyway, his parents’ dream of keeping it in the family and passing it down through the generations was doomed from the beginning.
Suddenly the whole charade seemed stupid. To pretend he wanted a ranch that he wouldn’t keep after his parents died was unfair to all of them. Telling his mom and dad the truth after all these years wouldn’t be easy, though. Still, he was determined to do it and end the hypocrisy.
He waited until dinner was nearly over. He’d barely been able to taste his mother’s prized beef stew, but he’d forced himself to eat every bite and carry on a conversation about the antics of the stud they’d bought from Stan Henderson in Flagstaff.
From the moment he’d come into the ranch house that night he’d seen the place with new eyes. Now that he’d decided the ranch would not be his ball and chain, he could appreciate the beamed ceilings and rock fireplace, the heavy leather furniture grouped around the hearth and the carved oak table and chairs in the dining room.
It wouldn’t be such a bad place to live…someday, and with the right person. But he couldn’t expect his parents to keep it going without him, holding on to it for when he was ready to settle down. And before that day came, he had many things to do.
Finally he pushed his plate aside and gazed at them. “I need to talk to both of you. It’s…pretty serious.”
“At last,” his mother said with a sigh.
Mac stared at her. “What do you mean, at last?”
“Your mother’s been worried sick about you ever since Tess left,” his father said. “I’ve been a mite concerned, myself. You’ve been moping around like you’ve lost your best friend, and I guess you have.
”
Mac felt his neck grow warm. It showed how self-absorbed he’d been lately, that he hadn’t even realized how his mood had been affecting his parents. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a pain in the butt.”
“You have,” his father said.
“No, he hasn’t, Andy.” Nora sent her husband a reproving glance. “He’s been sort of glum, that’s all.”
“Which translates to being a pain in the butt, in my opinion,” Andy said.
“I agree,” Mac said. “But I’m about to be even more of one.” He took a deep breath. “I know you’ve both worked hard all these years to build up this ranch.”
“It’s been a labor of love,” his mother said.
She wasn’t making it any easier for him. Mac cleared his throat. “I appreciate all that you’ve done, and I realize the goal was to pass the ranch on to me someday, but—”
“You don’t want it,” his father finished, his voice husky.
Mac met his father’s gaze and his resolve nearly crumbled at the deep disappointment he saw there. “I might,” he said gently. “Eventually, when I get some of the wanderlust out of my system. It’s a beautiful place, and tonight I really began to realize just how beautiful it is. But right now the ranch feels like an elephant sitting on my chest, choking the life out of me.”
“You want to go to New York, don’t you?” his mother asked quietly.
“Maybe.” Yes. He hadn’t allowed himself to get that far in his thinking, but now that his mother had put the idea into words, he knew immediately that he wanted to start with New York. He wasn’t sure how Tess figured into any of this, or if she even wanted to figure in, but he would never know if he didn’t go there and find out.
“What in hell would you do in New York?” his father asked. His tone of voice betrayed the depth of his hurt.
“I’m not sure.” The ideas started coming to him, and he realized they’d been simmering in his subconscious for years. “I’d probably try to get on with one of the small commuter airlines there. If that didn’t pan out I’d find some job at one of the major airports and work my way up until I could fly. I love airplanes, Dad. I always have.”
“You have a damn airplane! You can fly it around all you want!”
“Andy.” Nora laid a hand on her husband’s arm. “That’s not the point. He wants to go out on his own, the way Tess has. Plus, he misses her like crazy. I don’t know if something more than friendship is involved, but I’m beginning to think there is.” She glanced at Mac. “I didn’t want to interfere, but I had a strong feeling that you and Tess went beyond the boundaries of friendship this summer. Debbie thought so, too.”
“You and Tess’s mom talked about it?” Mac felt the heat climb from his neck to his face.
“To be honest, a lot of people in town had their suspicions,” his mother said. “We wondered if Tess might decide to stay home, after all. When she left, I felt so bad for you.”
“I knew it.” Andy threw his napkin on the table and pushed back his chair. “This is all about chasing after a woman. If Tess had had the good sense to stay in Copperville, then you two could get married and you wouldn’t be comparing the ranch to some damn elephant.”
“Don’t blame it on Tess!” In his agitation, Mac rose to his feet. “I’ve always felt this way. Both of us have, Tess and I. We spent hours as kids talking about the places we’d see, the exciting things we’d do once we left Copperville.”
“Lots of kids talk that way,” his father said. “Then they grow up and realize that what they have is better than anything they could find out there!”
Mac gazed at his father and tried to put himself in Andy MacDougal’s shoes. After nearly thirty years of breaking his back to create a legacy for his son, his son was rejecting that legacy. Mac hated hurting his father. “It probably is better, Dad,” he said gently. “But I’ll never appreciate that if I don’t see something of the rest of the world.”
“Of course you must,” his mother said.
“Maybe we should just sell the ranch right now,” Andy said. “No point in killing ourselves if it’s not going to be passed on.”
“Oh, Andy, for heaven’s sake!” Nora looked disgusted. “Forget your hurt pride for five seconds and listen to what your son is saying. He needs time to explore. And he needs to be with the woman he loves.”
Mac’s heart clutched. “Now, Mom. Don’t jump to—”
“I’ll jump to any conclusion I want, thank you very much.” She glanced at him. “And Tess feels the same about you, unless I miss my guess. I also fully believe that both of you will eventually get homesick for Copperville and come back here to raise your children.”
“Children?” Mac almost choked. “Last I heard, Tess had no intention of getting married, let alone having kids. I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.”
His mother smiled. “No, I think you’re behind. Time to catch up. Go to New York and ask those questions. See what kind of response you get.” She looked over at her husband. “All we need to do is hire someone to help out for a while, until these two come back home.”
Andy scowled. “And what if they don’t? Then it’ll all be for nothing.”
“Now that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Andy. Nothing? This ranch was your dream all along. You hoped it would be passed down, as a lot of parents do who work to build something, but you wanted it for yourself, too. You’ve had a wonderful time living this life, and don’t you dare pretend it was nothing but selfless sacrifice for your son!”
Gradually Andy’s expression changed from belligerent to sheepish. “Guess you’re right, Nora. I can’t imagine any other place to be. That’s why I can’t figure why anybody in their right mind would want to live in that rat’s nest they call New York City.”
“We’re all different,” Nora said. “As for these two, they were both born and raised here, and I say they’ll be back.”
“I can’t make any promises,” Mac said. But he couldn’t help weaving a few fantasies, either. Maybe he could have it all, a few years of adventures with Tess and then a family and security right here in Copperville with the only woman he’d ever wanted. But Tess might not be interested in such a plan. After all, she had given back the necklace.
“You don’t have to make any promises to us,” his mother said. “But I think you need to make a few to Tess.”
NEW YORK WAS EVERYTHING Tess had imagined and more. She’d used her weekends to walk Manhattan from end to end, and each excursion brought new delights. She’d become addicted to pretzels sold by sidewalk vendors, and corner deli markets, and the ride up to the top of the Empire State Building.
But she’d never expected to be so completely, utterly lonely. She’d made friends with people on the staff of her school, but friend didn’t seem like the right word to describe someone she’d only known a couple of months. Friends were people you’d known for years, people who knew your family and all your other friends. Friends were people like…Mac.
She’d thought the ache for him would have begun to wear away by now, but if anything, it grew stronger. Today was worse than most days, because it was both Sunday, a time for families, and Halloween, a holiday she and Mac had shared for twenty-three years. They’d never considered themselves too old to dress up. A year ago they’d gone to a party together as a couple of Beanie Babies.
Tess had been invited to a party given by one of the teachers at school, and she’d accepted, but as she sat in her tiny apartment trying to come up with a costume, she couldn’t get excited about it. Her simplest option was to wear the harem outfit she’d bought for the belly-dancing demonstration she’d given Mac. She thought she’d thrown it away, but she must have been in a real fog when she’d packed, because it was in the bottom of a box. Once she discovered it, she’d been so desperate for any reminders of Mac that she’d kept it.
Wearing it, however, might present a few emotional problems. Yet she didn’t have any other great ideas for a costume, and this one was com
plete. With a sigh she started putting it on for a test run to see whether it made her cry, or worse yet made her hot and bothered. Sexual frustration had been a constant companion along with loneliness, but of the two, loneliness was the worst. She missed having Mac to talk to even more than she missed his lovemaking.
Still, she’d give anything to be held and caressed by him again, and it was definitely his lovemaking that she wanted. She’d turned down several dates already. The thought of even kissing someone besides Mac made her shudder.
If that attitude persisted, she might have to resign herself to staying single all her life. Damned if she wasn’t beginning to believe she was a one-man woman. She’d never have believed it before the scorching events of this summer, but it seemed that Mac had taken not only her virginity, but her heart. And she wasn’t getting it back.
After putting on the filmy harem pants and the jeweled bra, she stood in front of the mirror in her small bedroom and fastened the veil in place. Heat washed over her as she remembered the look in Mac’s eyes as she’d danced for him. She’d never felt so sensuous as when she’d leaned over him and shimmied her breasts practically in his face.
He’d meant to end their affair that night without making love to her, but she’d tempted him beyond endurance and even made him forget he’d agreed to meet her brothers for a darts tournament. In all the turmoil that had followed, she’d forgotten that her seductive dance had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. She had made him lose his mind. Maybe he didn’t want to marry her, but for that moment, he had been completely, utterly hers.
And he’d said that he loved her. It had turned out to be an empty pledge, and now she wondered if he’d only meant that he loved the fantastic sex they’d made together. But when he’d said it that night, he’d filled her heart to overflowing.
She couldn’t wear the harem outfit to the Halloween party. It made her long for Mac in every conceivable way—physically, mentally and emotionally. Maybe she’d skip the party altogether and rent a video. She reached for the hook on the jeweled bra just as the doorbell rang.
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