by Lori Avocado
She stepped out into the hallway and shut the door. Leaning against the frame, she remembered Nick’s words, “But thanks for trying to save my life.” Her muscles weakened and a dullness filled her inside. His life. What if the bear really was coming after Nick? What if…oh God, what if it had gotten to the other side….
She pulled herself upright. A tear trickled down her cheek. She hadn’t worried that the bear would hurt her as her old fears had always threatened. But the animal might have hurt Nick—or worse. Swiping her hand across her cheek, she shut her eyes and admitted that she couldn’t stand to see him hurt. Lani opened her eyes and scanned the hallway that had become so familiar. The water had to freeze soon, because she needed to leave this cabin. Everyday she stayed at the cabin was another day her feelings for Nick Hunter would grow.
And that could only bring her pain.
Chapter Ten
Nick opened his eyes as the bedroom door closed. Lani was gone. He leaned back on his arms and sighed. The sheet wrapping added enough support so moving wasn’t too uncomfortable, but already he was bored. He couldn’t stay in bed during the day. Hell, he needed fresh air. Having Lani taking care of him dredged up painful memories. He felt the desire to kiss Lani, to hold her, and to make love to her.
But at what cost? He grabbed the pillow and punched his fist into the softness. As the old urges resurfaced, he could feel the blood surging to his hands, and he punched harder. He cursed and shut his eyes, but pictured Lani. Despite the wall he’d built around his heart, he was caring too much about her. Fear stabbed deep inside, but the barrier he’d built started to slowly crumble because of Lani.
He turned to the side and pushed up. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he felt no dizziness, and he could live with the discomfort in his foot and chest. Maybe his ribs were only bruised. Of course, he’d never know without an X-ray, but it didn’t matter. Now that he wasn’t inhaling that damned spicy sweet scent of Lani, he could breathe without any problem. He reached to put on his boots.
When he stood, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He needed a haircut, and normally wouldn’t give it another thought. A foolish urge to shower and shave led him toward the bathroom. Usually he didn’t shave during his entire time here, nor would he care about his hair. On the way to the bathroom, he picked up the scissors Lani had left on the bedside table.
Within minutes, Nick finished shaving then lifted a handful of hair from the side of his head. With a snip, he took off about an inch. After cutting the other side, and as much of the top that he could reach, he looked in the mirror. His hair looked better, less wild, but he couldn’t reach the back. Taking the scissors, he left the bathroom. “How about a little help here?” Nick said as he entered the living room.
Lani looked up, startled. She had both girls out of the playpen, and they were holding onto the couch, with Lani inches away. “What are you doing out of bed?” She scooped up the girls.
“I’m not sick. What are you staring at?”
Lani scrutinized him. Her gaze traveled from his shirtless chest, still covered with the sheet she’d secured around him, to his face and head.
Great. She was only looking at the change in his hair, there was no reason for the damned arousal tightening his jeans. But she’d managed to make him feel her gaze.
“Your hair…looks—”
“Okay, so I’m no Sassoon—”
“No, it looks…nice.”
He wasn’t sure whether to believe her, but if he was reading her right, there was a look of desire in her eyes. The emerald glowed bright and hot like a newly polished gem. He shook his head. Maybe he was just hoping.
“Really, Nick. You did a good job…” She leaned to the side. “Except…the back—”
“That’s what I need help with.” He held out the scissors.
“You want me…I don’t know how to cut hair!”
“You can’t do any worse then I did. Here.” He waved the handle of the scissors toward her.
Lani set the girls in the playpen and took the scissors.
Nick pulled a straight chair away from the desk.
“There’ll be hair all over the floor.” She squinted at him. “Where’d you cut the rest of it?”
He knew she was talking about the mess he’d made. “The bathroom. I’ll clean it up later.”
“No point making a new mess. Come on.”
Once in the bathroom, Nick regretted asking for Lani’s help. She took three times longer to cut the back of his hair as he’d taken to do the front and both sides. Not that he had anyplace to go, but she’d made him sit on a stool, towel draped over his shoulders, and she kept leaning over to see if the length matched the sides—leaning and pressing her chest into his shoulder. If her pressing against him and her scent didn’t arouse him, her warm breaths tickling his ear each time she bent forward did.
And she hummed. Some kind of song, familiar, yet, he couldn’t place it. The more she hummed, the more annoyed he was at himself for paying attention and trying to figure out the tune.
Now she was back to pressing. The fullness of her breasts ignited a wild sensation in him each time she leaned forward. Pulling the towel over his lap, he shut his eyes and willed the desire to grab the damned scissors out of her hands and make love to her on the bathroom rug go away.
But it didn’t.
“Are you almost done?” He cursed at the croak in his voice.
“Don’t rush me. You don’t want crooked hair. Do you?”
Right now, he couldn’t care less if she left him bald. He needed to get away from her, or he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions. Why the hell didn’t it occur to him that she’d make a meticulous project out of cutting his hair? And why hadn’t he thought about the constant contact that it would cause?
“Nick?”
“Hm?” He opened his eyes to see Lani inches away from his face. Her usual smile formed on her lips, and even the dim bathroom light managed a sparkle in her eyes. Damn, she was beautiful at any distance. She’d put the scissors on the sink and held a mirror in her hand.
She cocked her head. “Nick, are you all right—”
Was he all right? He wanted to shout, how the hell do you think I feel with my jeans stretching like a second skin? Was he all right? Yeah, he was all right if he considered having his own shampoo clinging to her honey-colored hair making him crazy with desire. Well, then, sure, he was as right as any healthy red-blooded male trying to control his urges. But he’d never been great at self-control.
Before Lani could finish her question, he reached up and pulled her onto his lap—despite the pain in his chest.
She let out a soft gasp, and the mirror fell to the carpet without a crashing sound. She tensed at first, but then relaxed within seconds.
He placed hungry kisses along her smooth cheek. He cradled her head, and gently pulled her forward. Desiring her sweetness, he kissed her again. He wanted more contact, faster contact, and closer contact with her.
“You’re going to hurt yourself…” she murmured.
Pressing his lips against her temple, he managed, “Some things are worth the pain, Cabot.”
For the first time, Lani felt a sense of endearment at Nick using her last name. Usually she bristled but, she realized, it was all in the tone. And the sensual tone Nick had just used made her toes curl inside her sneakers. His kisses along her neck sent her pulse soaring through her veins faster than the eagle soared above the mountaintop.
When he touched his lips to hers, she held her breath. Every muscle of her body relaxed in pleasure until she thought she’d collapse on the floor if he released his hold. She ran her hands across the bandage on his chest and worried she might hurt him. But the moans from Nick were not ones of pain. “You’re sure you’re not hurting?”
“Even if I was…don’t stop.”
She could feel how Nick wanted her as he kissed her. The room spun freely, as if Nick had taken her on a wonderful carnival ride.
There had t
o be a point of no return in the lovemaking process and Lani knew they were on the verge. Nick’s kisses came faster, passionately releasing his hunger for her. And her body responded to him with increasing need. But a thread of doubt demanded she think instead of act on her desires.
She knew she was falling for Nick, but something from his past kept a heavy weight on his shoulders. She’d seen many positive sides to his personality, even if he tried to hide them. She’d always been good at judging people, and she judged Nick Hunter as a sensitive, caring man. But she needed him caring for her in a different way to continue. Gently, she pushed away his head. “Nick, I can’t.” Seeing the look of confusion in his eyes pained her.
Before she tried to explain how she felt, Nick guided her to sit on his lap and straightened her sweater. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started what we can’t finish.” He eased Lani to stand and followed.
Lani’s heart sped. She feared what he would say next. She knew why she was stopping, but why had Nick given up so fast?
“You don’t need to be sorry. It’s not like you forced yourself on me—”
He bent forward and kissed her quickly. “I know we have mutual desires for each other, but…”
But? Her heart stopped.
“You need a commitment before you can make love….”
She steeled herself for what he might say. She wanted to argue with Nick’s logic about her, but he was right. “Nick—”
He touched her lips with his finger and pulled her closer. “I married my wife right after college. We’d never dated anyone else. And when I lost Donna…I thought I’d never have any feeling for another woman again.” He eased Lani forward to look into her eyes.
Waiting for Nick to continue felt as if a million pins pricked into her body. By the way he paused, she knew it wasn’t easy for him to talk about this. She wanted to say something to make it easier, but had no idea what that would be.
“I’m so confused, Cabot, I’m glad you stopped us. I couldn’t go through anything like that again.” His chin rubbed against her temple. “But it’s not that I don’t want you.”
So he was telling her that he didn’t feel anything but a physical attraction. She bit her lip, and refused the tears that burned her eyes. At least he had the decency not to make love to her if he didn’t care. “I understand, Nick.” She pulled free of his hold. Maybe too brusquely but she had to. “I need to check on the babies.”
Nick watched Lani leave and knew she didn’t understand. And it tore him up inside.
****
“Nick!”
Lani’s scream had him running toward the living room.
“What the—”
She waved at him to stop.
In the center of the playpen was Alexa, standing unsupported and giggling as if she’d invented the idea of walking.
“She walked?”
Lani nodded. Nick could see the tears of pride welling in her eyes. He wanted to step closer and hold her, but he didn’t want to scare Alexa and make her fall.
The baby looked toward him and gave another giggle. While her sister watched from her seat on the playpen floor, Alexa toddled to the other side.
Nick let out a whoop, and Lani ran forward, scooping Alexa out of the crib. “What a big girl you are!” Not one to ignore either twin, she turned to Ana and said, “You’ll be next, sweetie. Then we’re in for real trouble around here!”
The moment had been so wonderful for Nick, watching Alexa take her first steps. He thought of Nicky at about the same age and how his eyes had filled with tears watching his son. He never had the pleasure of watching Emma walk. The pain in his heart seemed easier to tolerate after sharing the moment of Alexa walking. Sharing a little part of the twins’ lives made him remember the joy about his children, instead of wallowing in the sorrow of his loss.
But for some reason, he couldn’t explain how he felt to Lani. Almost as if he selfishly hid the memories of his children or else he’d lose them.
He should have told her about them, but at first he felt the information was none of her business. But that was when she was a stranger who’d knocked him out in his own cabin. Now, all he had left were those memories, and he hoarded them inside. On a conscious level, he knew Lani would probably try to share his sorrow, but no one could do that unless they’d been through the same pain. She had her little girls and would only offer pity to him for his loss. And he couldn’t take pity from anyone.
He looked at her holding both girls and nuzzling her soft lips against their pink cheeks. He could feel her lips on his, and the desire to kiss her was so strong, he stuck his hands into his pockets and fiddled with balls of lint. It was a beautiful picture, mother and daughters.
We’re in for real trouble.
Lani’s words struck Nick. She made it sound as if they were a family. He could see how she was assuming too much. He couldn’t let her mistakenly think that—she’d get hurt. But standing there and enjoying Alexa’s accomplishment—he felt the same way, too—and knew he could get badly hurt, again. He wouldn’t get into the position to let that happen again. He shook himself to return to common sense. Fate had been too cruel in the past, there was no reason he should trust in it now.
“Ba da.” With chubby arms, Alexa reached out to Nick.
He sucked in a breath and forced the past inside where it belonged. “Hey, Lex, good going!”
Lani leaned forward so he could touch Alexa’s outstretched hand.
“I’m sure she wants you to hold her, but what about your ribs—”
“I’ll take the chance.” Nick eased Alexa from Lani’s hold but not before giving Ana a tweak on her cheek.
Lani insisted on celebrating Alexa’s accomplishment with hot chocolate and crackers for the girls and tea for her and Nick.
He wished he had a camera, but before now, he no longer had a reason to take pictures up at the cabin.
“I’m taking the girls outside so Alexa can walk in the grass after they finish their snack.”
“I’ll be out after a shower.” Nick scratched at his neck, but the remnants of his haircut only reminded him of how good having Lani near felt. He groaned, knowing he couldn’t go down that path again. Forcing self-control, he stood and pinched both girls’ cheeks on the way out. His heart skipped at their happy babbling sounds as he passed into the living room.
Lani turned toward Alexa. “Mommy’s going to clean up, and then we’ll go outside. Maybe you could give Ana some pointers. Yes, you can—” She heard herself raising her voice in a cartoon-like pitch and groaned. Why did babies bring out that aspect in a perfectly intelligent mother? When she learned of the adoption, she’d vowed she wasn’t going to do that. Shaking her head, she laughed aloud. The girls both gave her a curious look.
“No, girls, your mother isn’t crazy.” She thought about how nice sharing the moment and celebration with Nick had felt. Again, it felt as if they were a family, even if a temporary one. “Well, maybe she is,” she mumbled.
****
The girls’ cheeks glowed bright red in the cold mountain air. Lani had bundled them up as best she could with layers of clothing since they didn’t have snowsuits to keep them warm.
Nick held Alexa’s hand as she made her way around the yard.
Lani put Ana down and let her walk, too, although she still needed to hold both of her mother’s hands above her head for support.
He knew it wouldn’t be long before Ana walked alone. When he moved, the dull ache in his ribs reminded him of his near miss. A damn feeling he refused to identify clutched at his heart, when he thought how Lani had been trying to save his life. It did feel good to have her care for him, but he wouldn’t let it go any further. He couldn’t.
“The girls are looking a little tired, Nick. I’m going to put them down for a nap.”
Thank goodness she’d interrupted his thoughts. Once again, he was thinking about her too much. After having been celibate so long, he could understand ogling her physical beauty. But
the danger now came when he dwelled on her mind and her behavior.
“Sleep tight, ladies.” He let go of Alexa’s warm little hand and watched Lani carry them into the house.
Once inside, Lani tucked the girls in tightly. The air had been getting much colder lately. Nick kept the fire burning all day and that helped. He had a peculiar way of stoking the fire and making sure the brick floor in front of the fireplace didn’t even have one spark on it before he’d leave the fire. His actions nearly bordered on obsessive regarding the fire.
After half a story, she could see the fresh air had tired out her little girls so she blew two kisses and left the room. Lani wanted to thank Nick for his help with Alexa’s walking, but the living room and kitchen were empty. She didn’t hear the chain saw so Nick wasn’t cutting any more wood. From the kitchen window, she could see him in the rocker on the porch. With a start, she noticed no thread of smoke sailed above his head. He hadn’t run out of cigarettes because a half carton was on the shelf in the living room. With a shrug, she pushed the kitchen door open. “Thank you for helping Alexa walk around the yard, Nick.”
He nodded toward her.
She could see a far-off look in his eyes. Since her arrival at the cabin, he’d always sought the refuge of this rocker, so she decided to respect his need for privacy and leave. When she grabbed the door handle, he spoke.
“Losing my wife hurt like hell.”
Lani turned and looked at Nick through widened eyes. He’d continued a rhythmic rocking, his boots tapping a pattern on the wood floor.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“When Donna died…the pain was…”
Lani stood near the other rocker. She wondered how Nick’s wife had died, but the how really didn’t matter. The hurt in his eyes couldn’t be any deeper, no matter the cause.
He reached inside his pocket and took out a cigarette.
She flinched. Obviously, the time he had spent with the girls took his mind off his pain and the craving to smoke, but now, talking about his wife, he needed a cigarette.
“We used to come up here a lot.”