by Lori Avocado
Alexa had woken Ana so Lani changed one and then the other. The supply of cloth diapers had been working great, even though the laundry had to be done quite often. Carrying both girls into the living room, Lani spotted Nick standing by the tree. She walked over to him, and he turned.
Alexa leaned forward, arms outstretched toward Nick. “Ba, da da,” she babbled.
Da da. Lani knew Alexa was using sounds common to her age, but it sounded exactly as if she was calling Nick, Da Da. A twist of sorrow pained her heart. He wasn’t her daddy, but if there really was a Santa Claus….
“Hey, Lex, look at our tree,” Nick said, taking the baby. “Ana, see the creative decorations your mom came up with?”
The girls stared at the tree, babbling, giggling, and, of course, Alexa tried to pull at every branch and decoration.
“Let’s go feed them so we can start our Christmas day,” Lani said.
Once the girls had their juice and Nick fixed oatmeal, they all ate breakfast together. Ana sat fine in the chair Nick had fixed for her and only occasionally slipped down so Lani had to straighten her.
Lani took a spoonful of oatmeal and stared at the tan glob. “Yuck, now I know how a prisoner feels. Do you realize we’ve been eating oatmeal almost every morning since I came here?”
Nick laughed. “I’d give anything for bacon, crispy and hot, two eggs with yolks running down the sides to dip my buttered toast into—”
“Stop! I can hardly swallow this stuff anymore. Please don’t make it worse.”
The babies joined in the laughter, Alexa bubbling oatmeal as she giggled. Lani reached to wipe the baby and then paused. She could feel Nick watching. Slowly she set down the napkin, leaving an oatmeal-faced Alexa.
Lani cleaned the kitchen while Nick volunteered to wash the girl’s hands and faces and dress them. When she’d finished, she went into the living room. “Need any help?” she called down the hallway.
“Nope. Stay there. We’ll be right out.”
In the living room, Lani sat on the couch and watched the flames reaching upward, listening to the crackling wood, and inhaling the pungent smell of burning logs. She’d finally felt warm after running outside without a coat.
With a smile, she looked at the tree. It looked taller today as rays of sunlight gleamed through the window to sparkle on the balls of foil. Beneath sat two boxes. Last night Nick had said the large one was for the girls, then the other…. Oh no! She sat upright. She didn’t have a present for Nick. He’d never give it a thought, but she loved giving presents. The joy of picking something special out for someone you cared about was the best part of the holiday. Watching the excitement, and hopefully their pleasure at what she’d gotten them, was the other best part. She still felt sad that she didn’t have anything for the girls and a little jealous that Nick did.
“Okay, Mom, turn around.”
Lani stood and gasped. Through blurry vision, she looked at Nick holding each girl’s hand at his sides as they stood next to him—dressed in frilly pink dresses. She recognized the dresses as shower gifts she’d received, and they must have been packed at the bottom of her carryall. They were the ones she’d intended for the girls to wear to Midnight Mass at her mother’s.
“Well?”
She managed a nod, knowing the lump in her throat prevented her from speaking. Nick had combed his hair back and managed to get it to stay so that his widow’s peak stood out. He was so handsome and Lani grabbed onto the couch for support.
He had on his usual jeans, but instead of his leather jacket, he wore a tweed sports coat with leather-padded elbows.
“Take notice, ladies, it isn’t often that your mother is rendered speechless.”
“Everyone looks wonderful. I…I wish I had something nicer…”
Nick scooped the girls into the playpen and came toward Lani. He touched beneath her chin to lift her face. “You look perfect, Cabot.”
She looked down at her beige sweater and navy leggings. At least, she didn’t have on her robe and slippers that she usually wore on Christmas morning.
“Well, girls, looks like Old Saint Nick found Hunter’s cabin last night.” Nick lifted both girls from the playpen. They gave him curious looks with their little eyes widened.
“I’m afraid I haven’t had time to explain that tradition yet, Nick—”
Nick froze.
Lani noticed his smile fade. Was her reminder that the girls were adopted from Russia the cause? A nervous feeling settled in her stomach. Was this wonderful day going to be ruined?
“Well, if you were good little girls…” Nick started to say, “A large man in a red suit and white beard flies across the sky in a sled pulled by reindeer…” He leaned toward Lani.
She felt her muscles tense, but Nick’s smile sent her fears away.
“You know if you take it out of context, this sounds pretty bizarre—”
She poked at his arm. “Stop that!”
“Anyway, look what Santa left for Alexa and Ana Cabot.” He set down the girls on the carpet near the tree and held Alexa’s hand as she tried to grab for anything close by. Nick lifted the big package and placed it in between the girls.
Of course, Alexa pulled first, but when Ana saw the fun of being allowed to rip something, she joined in. Their actions sent cracklings sounds in the air, even louder than the fire itself.
Nick pulled Lani into his arms as they watched the girls unwrap their gift.
“Oh, Nick, that’s what you were saving the wood for.” Lani leaned forward and peeled away the rest of the paper from the handmade wooden swing.
Nick couldn’t tell her the other day since he had no idea that the wood he’d chopped would become a swing. Just by being near him, her presence had taken away his logical thoughts. “We can tie it to the large branch near the front porch.”
Lani touched the crude swing as if it were made of priceless china. Knotted pine slates formed the bottom with two ropes on the sides. A leather belt tucked in back to hold the babies in, and he’d even made a wooden bar to slide in front of them.
“It’s beautiful, Nick. They’re going to love it.” She stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for thinking of my girls.” He must have been working on the gift when she thought he was out smoking.
Nick tensed under her hold.
Maybe she’d hurt his feelings by reminding him that he didn’t have any children when he’d obviously become so attached to the twins. “Are you all right?” she asked.
He seemed to pull himself from his thought, looked at her and smiled. “Fine.” He bent to reach under the tree. Taking the smaller package, identically wrapped in brown paper, he handed it to Lani. “Merry Christmas, Cabot.”
“But I don’t have anything for—”
He kissed her lips. “Open it.”
She fumbled with the paper worse than the babies had. Beneath her sweater, her heart galloped inside her chest. She was certain Nick would ask what all the racket was, but she couldn’t control her excitement. Wonderful childhood memories flooded back as she ripped the paper, only today’s excitement was more intense. What on earth would Nick Hunter give her for a present?
Looking at her gift, Lani’s eyes welled with tears. “Oh my, Nick…” She swallowed hard to continue. “Thank you—”
His kiss took her words and beneath them, Alexa and Ana babbled as if they approved of Nick’s action.
With the girls safely in the playpen, Nick excused himself to check on the turkey.
Lani sat on the couch, clutching the copy of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet Nick had given her as a gift. The red cover smelled like genuine leather and the edges and printing were gilded in gold leaf. It had to be an old edition. One that had to have been in the library since the days of his grandfather.
With shaky fingers, she opened the cover. On the first page, she read Nick’s inscription:
Cabot,
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name wo
uld smell as sweet.
Nick
He’d taken the quotation from Shakespeare, and it fit perfectly. Tears dripped onto her sweater as she reread it over and over. He hadn’t had much time to choose a book and wrap it last night. Even if Nick had a year, he never could have picked out a better gift for Lani. Not only did the quotation fit appropriately, but also the theme of the lovers mirrored Lani and Nick. Only a family feud wasn’t keeping them apart—the past was.
“Hey, how about some help in here?” Nick called from the kitchen.
Lani swiped her hand across her cheeks and placed the book on the couch. The girls were fine in the playpen so she went into the kitchen. “Um, smells great.” She kept her face turned from Nick to hide her eyes, knowing they had to be red.
“Thanks. It’s nearly done so if you peel those potatoes, we can boil them.”
She watched him make his way around the kitchen like some chef, opening the canned corn, basting the turkey with what little butter they could spare and setting the table, linen napkins included. The cabin had been well stocked, and Nick obviously learned to cook since he lived here by himself.
Lani wanted to thank him again for the book, but she knew her voice would crack with emotion, and she sensed Nick didn’t want her going on and on about it. He wasn’t that type. No, Nick was the type to surprise someone and never mention it again.
“Hey, Cabot, today is Christmas.”
“Hm. I know.” She raised her eyebrows at him.
“Well, we need those potatoes today.”
She looked down to see she’d been re-peeling the same area over and over while the other two potatoes sat on the counter. “Oops, sorry.”
“Here.” Nick took one and grabbed a knife from the counter. Together they finished in a few minutes and the potatoes cooked on the stovetop.
Within a quarter hour, Nick pronounced the turkey done and carved as much as they would eat. He cut the girls’ pieces into tiny squares and gave each a scoop of mashed potatoes. They’d come out rather stiffly since there wasn’t enough milk to use in them, so Lani had made a gravy out of the drippings from the turkey and some flour. However, the gravy she’d made looked an unappetizing light tan, since she didn’t have any of the browning and seasoning sauce that she usually added to it. But that didn’t matter. Today, everything tasted as if it’d been cooked in a four-star restaurant.
“This is all so wonderful, Nick.” Lani took a bite of turkey. The meat had a stronger, gamier taste than the ones she’d always bought frozen in the grocery store, but the food could have been hot dogs and beans and today would have still been a magical Christmas.
“Let’s try out the swing before the girls’ nap,” Nick said.
“That’s a great idea, I’ll clean up—”
“Let it go for now.” He touched her hand as she went to lift her dish.
Lani groaned, knowing the cleanup would be harder if delayed. “Since today’s Christmas….” She took her dish to the sink, but caught Nick shaking his head in mock disgust as he wiped the girls’ faces with a napkin.
“Shall we put on their fur parkas?” Lani asked.
“The air is real cold, and swinging causes more of a breeze.”
She took Ana and Nick took Alexa into the bedroom where they dressed the girls the same as the day it had snowed. Lani paused, thinking that the water in the river had to be fairly frozen since the weather had been so cold lately. She gave herself a mental shake.
No sad thoughts today.
Ana had the first turn on the swing as Nick pushed and Lani chased Alexa around so the baby wouldn’t walk under the swing. Both girls seemed thrilled to be outdoors even though it was very cold. The snow had a thin coat of ice and even Alexa’s tiny footprints marked the ground.
“Time to switch. Mom’s worn out after following this one around.”
Nick laughed and unbelted Ana from her seat. She started to fuss, so Lani snatched her from him and spun her around in circles. Alexa squealed with laughter on her first swing ride. Lani noticed he was a bit rougher, in a playful sort of way, with Alexa, targeting her personality perfectly. The baby adored him. They both did—just like their mother. But…it wouldn’t or couldn’t last.
Pulling herself back to the moment, Lani collapsed on the porch steps. “I think it’s nap time.”
Nick gave Alexa an extra hard push. “Neither looks very tired.”
She let out a tired breath. “Not them—me!”
He laughed and slowed the swing. As he unbelted Alexa, he gave her a peck on her cheek, and the baby’s eyes brightened. Lani picked up Ana who’d been playing with the snow on her boots. She hugged her daughter tightly and locked the picture of her makeshift family into a special corner of her mind. Nick’s corner.
Soon that is all she would have of him.
They headed inside the kitchen and started to unwrap the girls from their layers of clothing.
“How about some juice for the girls?” Nick asked.
Lani nodded as Nick poured apple juice into the girls’ bottles. How thoughtful he was. She had been ready to get them drinks, but Nick beat her to it. He fit his temporary father roll perfectly.
“You’re…you’re going to make a wonderful father someday, Nick—”
He knocked one bottle over and fumbled with the other.
Lani reached to help.
Instead, he grabbed a dishtowel first. “I’ll get it.”
Although he’d only turned for a few seconds, she saw the sparkle had dulled in his eyes. She’d never have mentioned that he’d make a wonderful father if she knew he’d get upset. Maybe Nick never wanted children and didn’t want to admit it? But he’d related so well to the girls. Her earlier fears that he might feel the same as Stephen had about adopted children had started to wane. But now….
This was only a temporary situation, and the girls weren’t Nick’s. She shut her eyes. How she wished they were. It was all too confusing. Nick behaved great with the girls, Lani knew he cared a lot about them, but when she mentioned him being a father—something had burst his wonderful mood.
Nick handed the twins their bottles without a word and walked out the kitchen door. Cold air blasted into the room. Lani pulled Ana closer, wishing she could have snatched back her words from the air.
****
White flakes sparkled in the sunlight as Nick kicked piles of snow into the river. As glistening white melted into the current, he thought of what Lani had said. You’re going to make a wonderful father someday. He’d been doing so well lately dealing with his past hurt. But when she’d said that, he’d been taken by surprise, and he couldn’t shield his heart fast enough. If he could only tell Lani about his children.
But he knew what Lani was like.
The twins had managed to chip away at the icy barrier he’d built around his heart. With each giggle, with every smile, with each new step, they’d lessened his pain and allowed him to enjoy them. Now, when he thought of Emma or Nicky he could smile. He’d never forget either, but he could enjoy the memories he’d had with both of them.
Maybe subconsciously he knew the situation was temporary, and his heart had prepared itself for the fact that the girls wouldn’t be around forever. Maybe that’s why he allowed himself to enjoy them so much and fall head over heals for the two, dark-hair beauties—and their mother. If he had known what a short time he’d have with his kids, he would have been there more.
Standing in the freezing December air, Nick allowed crystals of ice to form around his memories, around his heart once again.
Chapter Thirteen
The rest of the day Nick kept to himself.
Lani had put the girls down for a nap and kept busy cleaning the kitchen. Nick’s rocker sat empty on the porch. She wanted to go find him, but knew he must want to be alone. The way he’d left the kitchen, she could tell he didn’t want to talk about why her comment had upset him.
Once the dishes were cleaned and put away, Lani went into the living room. Wit
h nothing else to do, she took the book Nick had given her and curled her legs beneath her on the couch. Love had a way of making a major impact on someone’s life. Romeo and Juliet loved each other despite their families. Nick’s wife’s death had apparently made him bitter toward life. If only she could soften the pain, maybe he’d deal with the past and release himself from his self-imposed prison.
That must be why he lived in this cabin alone most of the time. She remembered that he had said he flew cargo at night. Nick must not have wanted contact with people, maybe it hurt him too much—especially to be reminded of his wife by seeing other women.
Lani tried to read another line, but she couldn’t keep her concentration on Romeo and Juliet. She kept looking out the window, listening for the kitchen door to open, and looking at the clock on the mantel. Not that it mattered what time it was, but she just couldn’t focus on reading. She took the book and went into her room. Tucking it into her carryall, next to her how-to book on raising babies, she went to check on the girls.
Ana had beaten her sister in waking up and sat in the corner of the crib playing with her teddy bear. Before Lani could scoop up the baby, Alexa opened her brown eyes and gurgled.
Once the babies were changed, Lani took them into the living room. They seemed to like the play area of the playpen since, being wooden and older, it was much larger than the new ones made nowadays. She put the girls in and played several games of hide the ball under the blocks. While she played, she hummed songs and occasionally sang the words to a Christmas carol. She struggled to remember that today still was Christmas. The day had started out so wonderfully in the magic of the mountain cabin, but now it seemed like any other day.
Lani looked at the clock. Nearly four. Nick hadn’t come back inside. She hoped he was in the shed. Almost the size of a barn, it’d be warmer in there than in the open air. It took all of her control to stay inside and not go look for him. Instead, she decided to make soup from the leftover turkey as her grandmother always did on Thanksgiving night. Of course, she wouldn’t have all the spices and fresh parsley, but she’d make do. She had to do something to take her mind off Nick.