The Dream Catcher Diaries

by Alexander Patrick

  ‘What about people like me?’ she asked. ‘How do we fit in?’

  I shrugged my shoulders. ‘We require either a Commitment or a simple Oath of Allegiance. It’s up to you if you want to give us that. You’ve already given us so much; I’ve never asked for anything more.’

  ‘Why not? Is it because I’m a woman? Is this club for men only?’

  I laughed. ‘No, Gill, it’s not. We have plenty of women in all our ranks.’

  ‘Then, why not?’

  I looked at her. ‘Probably because you once held the General in your arms when he was a baby, and he’s terrified of you.’

  She roared with laughter and then shook her head. ‘Send him to me. You can have my commitment or allegiance. Just tell me what to do.’

  ‘For your Commitment a simple initiation ceremony and an Oath to Matrix and the General,’ I said, ‘and for your allegiance it’s a straightforward declaration of loyalty. Nothing like a Blood Brother.’

  ‘You can have my blood,’ she growled. ‘If Andrew can do this, so can I.’

  ‘I’ll be sure to inform the General,’ I said.

  We sat and watched Euan and Angus. They were setting up the stage. They were performing tonight – ostensibly our reason for being here in Carlisle. They were dressed in their long kilts. They always dressed as Highland warriors for their performance, not the tidy kilts of the townie, but the ragged long kilts, hitched up to show the knives. It made them look wild, fierce and untamed. Sometimes they wore white shirts, sometimes vests, whichever it was, it always looked angry.

  They appeared to have thrown on anything to hand; the reality was they had taken a great deal of care to look the part. In the past they had done it because they liked the look, now they did it to impress. They wanted the audience, our audience, to know that the Blood Brothers were warriors from a long tradition. This was important because the real reason we were here was to recruit members for the Brotherhood. We had a long night in front of us, but these nights were crucial. Bràithreachas was growing and we needed to keep up the impetus.

  Stewart came and joined us; Gill chose that moment to join her brother who was still propping up the bar. He was talking to some young people who were obviously new recruits. They kept glancing across to me but no one came any closer. The room was filling up fast; many were already part of the Brotherhood others were here to find out more. It was a dangerous time for us; we were at our most exposed. These occasions always made me nervous.

  Stewart lit a cigarette and smiled softly to himself.

  ‘Angus looks tired,’ I said.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I don’t think having a baby around suits him.’

  Fiona, who was married to Angus, had given him a baby boy. Hamish was now four months old, and Angus was finding any excuse to be out of the house. Stewart, who had been a father now since August, was amused by all of this. Bonnie, his new daughter, was, apparently, a model baby and he loved spending time with her. He showed no understanding of his brother’s discomfort.

  He grinned now, maliciously. ‘Oh, he’ll get used to it,’ he said. ‘Fiona’ll make sure of that; she’s a canny lass.’

  I doubted it, but said nothing.

  ‘What about Euan, though?’ he said through a cloud of smoke. As far as I was aware, Euan had not got his girlfriend pregnant, and I said so.

  Stewart laughed. ‘He’s only fucking your whore!’ he said.

  ‘Euan? No, I don’t think so ...’ I thought back to the last time I had been to see Tanya. I had guessed then that there was a man. I had seen signs in her apartment to tell me so. It had worried me. I always worried about the men in her life, as much for Caitlin’s sake as Tanya’s. ‘Not Euan, surely?’

  Stewart was enjoying my surprise. ‘My God-fearing brother is fucking a whore. Can you believe it? He says he’s going to marry her and bring her to God.’

  I stared in front of me.

  **********************

  ‘So, what have we here curled up on my doorstep?’ I jumped at the voice; fear trembled through every fibre of my body. It was a woman’s voice and a smoker. I was instantly taken back to my dark bedroom and living nightmare. I was sure it was Mother’s voice.

  I opened my eyes, expecting nothing but my empty, lonely world; instead, I was looking up at a woman. She was standing over my slumped body and she was scowling. She actually sounded and looked nothing like Mother. She was younger, prettier and Scottish. She was also a tart, a whore. It was freezing cold – her breath hung in the air – and yet she wore hardly any clothes; those she did wear barely concealed anything.

  ‘This is my doorstep you’re dossing on!’ she said angrily. She moved to manhandle me out.

  I gazed up at her, confused from the sleep and drug deprivation. She stepped back, startled. ‘Well, you’re a weird looking one and no mistake,’ she said. ‘Are those eyes for real?’ She tilted her head to one side. ‘You know who you remind me of?’

  I turned my face away, into the shadows.

  ‘Guess I’m not the first to say that. Still, you’ve got the tattoo so it can’t have worried you too much.’ I had no idea what she was talking about. ‘Cat got your tongue?’

  I nodded.

  She noted the crutches. ‘You poor wee bastard,’ she said. ‘You’re all skin and bones. And no crack to speak of, I expect.’ She lifted her eyes skywards. ‘I’m so going to regret this!’ She turned back to me. ‘You can come in, but you have to behave. That means playing to my rules. I get to keep the bag and the weapons.’ She knew exactly what I was.

  I scrambled to my feet, pulling myself up awkwardly onto my crutches. She opened her front door and it led directly to a steep flight of stairs. My heart sank at the thought of climbing them. She bounded up two at a time. I vaguely remembered that I could do that once. At least I thought so. Sometimes it was hard to tell; sometimes I thought that it must have been somebody else. I was slow climbing the stairs. There is no easy way for someone with a buggered leg and hip to negotiate a flight of steep stairs without it causing agony at every step. By the time I had reached her door. She had a welcome waiting for me. The lights were all switched on, the heating turned up and the curtains were drawn.

  I hobbled in. ‘First things first,’ she said, holding out her hand. I fumbled for my knife and needles and passed them to her. She smiled. She knew what a leap of faith I had taken to entrust her with my most precious possessions.

  ‘Second thing,’ she continued. ‘No sex. I’m a working girl and I expect to get paid when I give satisfaction. I rarely do it for pleasure.’ She looked me up and down, ‘and I would guess that you haven’t got a penny. Anyway, I’ve finished work for tonight and I’m shagged out.’ She stared at me intently, waiting for a response. I nodded. That seemed to satisfy her. ‘I have a floor you can sleep on. It may not be much, but it’s safer and warmer than my doorway, and it’s probably better than you usually have. I’ll make you some food and, if you’re a good boy and eat it all up, I’ll give you a reward.’

  I looked dubious.

  She laughed. ‘Your idea of a reward is clearly none too pleasant.’ She gave me a narrow look and stepped up close. ‘You look like a man who’s been to hell and back,’ she said gently.

  She was wrong, of course; I was still there.

  **********************

  Angus and Euan had finished setting up, and some nervous looking young people had wandered up on stage in a brave attempt to make conversation. Word had obviously got around that it was none other than the General himself moving crates and boxes around.

  I could see both brothers frowning – if not glaring – at the couple standing there. They glanced across to us. Angus signed to Stewart.

  Stewart punched out his cigarette. ‘Time to go.’ He saluted me and joined his brothers on the stage.

  The lights flashed to warn people that the music was about to begin and almost straight away Angus breathed into the microphone. There was a moment’s hush and everyone see
med to hold their breath. He howled, an animal howl, he threw out an obscenity, the bagpipes wailed, the drums beat and then it all stopped.

  Silence.

  Angus moved to the microphone again, everyone waited for him to cry out, but he didn’t; he whispered:

  ‘No more secrets

  No more lies

  We share each other’s reality

  Your reality is now mine

  And mine is yours.

  This is for you Matrix.’

  And then he screamed.

  Chapter 54

  Edinburgh

  ‘I’ve been invited back.’ Alban sat shivering on a damp bench in the cool breeze of our favourite cemetery. This time we were tucked under a tree.

  ‘Same place?’

  Alban nodded. ‘Aye, it’s to be next month back at Galmpton Court; Henry Fuller’s rather splendid mansion. Have you had time to study the plans of the house I sent you?’

  ‘Yes, but more importantly, Fly has.’

  ‘Fly?’

  ‘The man you’ll be working with.’

  ‘What sort of name is that?’

  ‘What sort of a name is Alban?’

  ‘My code name, and one to be proud of.’

  ‘Listen, when you see how Fly can climb up walls, you’ll see that he has something to be proud of as well.’

  ‘So, what is the plan exactly?’

  ‘I decided to keep it simple.’

  He groaned. ‘That’s code for you haven’t got a plan.’

  ‘Just make sure you have your bedroom window open at the right time.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘Fly’ll be in touch with you with all the details as soon as he gets out.’

  ‘Gets out?’

  ‘He’s currently serving time for deception.’

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ He gave a huge sigh. ‘You do know that it’ll be almost impossible to get a window open in that place. Everything’s security logged.’

  ‘Talk to Fly.’

  ‘So, what’s so special about Fly – besides the fact that he can walk up walls?’

  ‘He’s brilliant at hacking into freelancers. You’ll need to make sure you know where Harrison and Fuller keep their freelancers.’

  ‘You intend to take both of them?’

  ‘We need to have the option of two just in case one proves difficult.’

  ‘Just out of interest, how did you come to know this Fly, and how can you be sure we can trust him?’

  I smiled to myself. Fly was serving time with Hamish MacKay or Wallace as he had now coded himself. Wallace had recruited Fly into the Brotherhood. It hadn’t proved difficult. Fly had been targeted by Fabian guards; he had plenty to hate. He was set for revenge. As well as that, Wallace rated him and that meant something.

  ‘Good questions, Alban.’ I said getting up. ‘I can see why you’ve done well in your chosen profession.’

  ‘Cheeky bastard!’

  ‘Fly’ll be in touch,’ I said. ‘He’s due to be released in the next week or so.’

  ‘Can’t wait,’ he grumbled. I think he was still feeling sore about having had the Fabian mark tattooed onto his underarm.

  ‘How’s the arm?’ I asked.

  ‘Bugger off, Matrix.’

  I smiled again. That was the first time he had ever called me that, and he hadn’t even noticed.

  Some things do change.

  Chapter 55

  What do you do if you can no longer trust the man standing next to you? The woman serving you a hot drink? Or the child who turns and waves as you walk by?

  What do you do if you know that someone has infected your dreams with their nightmares?

  The nightmares that you gave them when no one else was looking?

  What do you do if everything you planned and hoped for is being attacked by the very creatures you despise?

  Why, fight back, of course. Beat them at their own game.

  After all, you invented it.

  ***********************

  It was a beautiful summer’s day in the Highlands. When the sun shone here it was absolutely glorious. The sky seemed everywhere, the smells were bright, fresh and overpowering and there was always a sharp little breeze to touch your skin.

  I loved the landscape surrounding me with its mists and rain and its rocky glens and wide, sweeping straths; its angry rivers and even angrier skies; its bitter north-easterly winds that chilled the bones not only in winter but also in summer. I soaked in the bleak, uncompromising landscapes of eternal nights, skeleton trees and brown hills of winter and I welcomed how it melted into long days of summer sunshine, broad blue skies and orange and green hills.

  It was a world of immense stillness and tremendous noise, of lonely birdcalls floating in the sky and haunting sounds in the blackest of nights. It was a place of incredible beauty that had surrendered its soul to those who chose to understand and accept the completeness of its reality. The Highlands simply existed; despite the presence of man, it existed; its freedom and independence created a world separate from humanity. To live within its boundaries felt like an honour and a privilege. To be there filled me with fear, joy and humility.

  As I tramped across the heather and grass I could feel the sponginess beneath. I ignored the pain in my leg and listened to the stillness in the air and a silence that could only be found on the roof of the world.

  I was here now, in the present and in the past, not a murky dirty past that held me in its grip most of the time, but an innocent clear past full of sad and sweet memories, poignant and precious thoughts. I shouted into the sky until my voice seemed to fill up the space and I breathed in the wild smell of the heather – and I thought of Sonia.

  It was in some ways an unwelcome thought because she was unfinished business. Everything that Andrew and Angus had said to me filled me with remorse at my failure, yet I had no idea what I could do about it. She was in love. I had heard that distinctive passion in her voice. I was sensitive to tone and I knew I was not mistaken in this. Why would she listen to me? I sighed and rolled a cigarette. In the distance I could see the ever-present, ever-brooding lochs. I paused and lost myself for a time in their spell. I loved them, more than I was willing to admit to myself or anyone else. I loved their mystery, their wildness and their gloom. I loved the fact that they could never be mine. They could never belong to anyone. They would always be free and alone. I loved the lochs, and I pitied them because they would always be alone – and that is a terrible thing to be.

  I pulled my gaze away to the present, to the world of light, and watched Hades run, chasing his tail, barking into the silence. He was a dark blur, tongue out, tasting his freedom. He at least made me smile. Then the time came at last when we both tired of the silence and the space and decided to head for home.

  As soon as I entered my house I smelt the cooking. This was not that unusual; all of my friends chose to feed me from time to time. They all complained about me being too thin; it could be Andrew or any of the Mackay brothers. I did not expect it to be Sonia, not after our last meeting. I swung into the kitchen and stared into it, squinting in my surprise. It was Sonia. She turned around. ‘I’ve brought you some stew,’ she said. ‘I’ve cleaned the house. I was beginning to think you had gone off on one of your ...’ She let the sentence drift and turned back to her pot.

  ‘Sonia, I’m sorry about last time,’ I said. She turned back to me. I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I carried on. ‘I was out of order. I spoke from the heart. I didn’t mean to hurt you ...’ The clichés dripped out.

  She stood and watched me. I could see her clearly. She looked small and vulnerable. She looked tired and defeated. She looked like she needed someone to take her and hold her tight. I knew she wouldn’t want it to be me, though, so I stood by, uncertain at what to do next.

  ‘Did you mean it?’ she asked abruptly.

  I frowned, puzzled. ‘Mean what?’

  ‘You called me a wild spirit.’

  I was about t
o demur; was that what had offended her?

  ‘It’s just.’ She hesitated. ‘It sounded rather nice – rather special.’

  I smiled suddenly and then remembered how she hated to see me smile. So I looked serious again. ‘You smell wild,’ I said.

  ‘And that’s good?’

  ‘I think so.’

  She nodded thoughtfully. She was standing in my kitchen with a large spoon in her hand and I was totally confused about her mood. I had no idea what her thoughts might be. It occurred to me at that moment that I didn’t really know what she thought about me. I knew she disapproved, even disliked me. She came every week to clean Judith’s house – as she still thought of it – and she watched how I spent Judith’s money, beyond that she was complete darkness. I was the Dream Catcher, the man who could see into people’s hearts but Sonia’s heart remained obscure.

  ‘I had no idea,’ I said, ‘how much you loved Fraser Drummond. I would never have said what I did if I had known the place he has in your heart. You spoke with great passion. You put me in my place. I would never have presumed ...’

  ‘I’ve cancelled the wedding,’ she said firmly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I listened to what you said. You spoke with great eloquence and I thought about it and you’re right, I don’t love Fraser. I’ve never loved him. I was flattered that a man such as he, a man of such quality and integrity should think of me as a possible wife, but that’s not a reason to marry. It’s not fair to him; so I, that is, we have cancelled the wedding. I thought you would like to be the first to know.’

  I was overjoyed and relieved – more than I had realised I would be. I was also astonished. This was the last thing I was expecting.

  ‘How did Fraser take it?’ I managed to squeak.

  ‘Very well, obviously! What do you expect?’

  From a man who apparently had no blood in his veins; nothing, I suppose.

  She carried on. ‘He’s asked permission to propose to me again at the end of the year.’

  Well, he was persistent. ‘Did you agree?’

  ‘It would’ve been churlish to say no,’ she said.