“Okay, when?” He had written back and: “Do I need to worry?”
It was the second half of the message that has a strange effect on her, because didn’t everyone know what the text she had sent meant? Her annoyance quickly gave way to worry. Obviously, he was hoping that she obliviously wrote in that kind of way.
“Tonight?” She wrote back. “You can pick me up from word and we head out for dinner.”
Again, Alice put the phone aside and tried to refocus on work, as in proofreading the latest presentation she had read., including the hand-out. Everything had to be perfect the next morning.
When her phone buzzed again, she decided to keep Tristan waiting. Not because she wanted to hang him out to dry, but because she wanted to make sure that no error escaped her. She didn’t want to embarrass herself or any of the board members. Only as she had finished her task, she reached out for her smartphone again.
“Okay, what time?” Was his answer.
Alice was annoyed, because how difficult was it to suggest a time and not be so passive? But he probably knew what was going to happen and wanted to avoid unnerving her. It backfired.
Looking at the files she had gone through, there was only one presentation and handout she had to look at, and she hoped that there wouldn’t me any last-minute changes the next morning, although there always was. Luckily, there was a compare-function to help her out, but it also meant for Alice that she would have to get to bed early, so that she could be at work early.
“In an hour, out front at the office,” she wrote back, sent Jimmy a message that she wouldn’t be needing him tonight, and set her phone on do-not-disturb.
As she stepped out the building fifty-five minutes later, Alice knew that she should have checked her phone before finishing work, but she just didn’t want to torment herself with thinking about something she wasn’t able to foresee. For the first time in a long time, actually, she was willing to let herself be surprised, not caring about if it was in a good or bad way. Telling Tristan that she had changed her mind couldn’t possibly be pleasant.
The moment she reached in her purse to check her phone for Tristan’s message, she saw him getting out of a different car than the last time. It was a small, silver coupé. Alice frowned, but forced herself to not try to figure out what this could mean. So, instead, she decided to give him a friendly smile as she walked towards him.
Alice didn’t expect him to try and kiss her as he opened the car’s door for her, and she barely managed to evade him. So, she placed her hand against his chest to make him back off.
This was going to be awkward.
“Oh, okay,” Tristan commented and gave her some space.
For an investigative reporter, he was slow catching up, or maybe he didn’t want to understand the clear message she had sent him.
“Maybe it’s not a good idea that we’re going to get some dinner,” Alice forced herself to look him straight in the eye; after all, this situation was her fault.
From the corner of her eye, she could see Tristan’s hand clenching around the doorframe he was still holding.
“So, you are breaking up with me,” he emphasized the third word and Alice couldn’t help but expect his hand to deform the metal he was gripping too tightly.
“Yes,” she confirmed even before she could make the well-thought decision to be straight forward and honest.
This was a new side of her. Usually she was someone beating around the bush until her counterpart couldn’t help but speak out the truth.
“I’m really sorry,” she added, her eyes fled from his face, trying to hide by glancing at the pavement at her feet, but again Alice forced herself to look at Tristan, waiting for him to ask her why, to be angry, sad or anything, but he simply stared at her.
“It’s King, isn’t it?” He suddenly asked.
There he was, the investigative reporter.
Alice had no idea how Tristan possibly could have connected the dots, and her mind started racing. There was only one situation these two men had met, and that was when she had forced him to watch her getting fucked by Jason in the alley.
“By all means, be surprised,” Tristan sighed. “But I’m not stupid and I am attentive.” He pushed the door closed and leaned against the elegant frame of the coupé, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Obviously,” was Alice’s comment.
Not too long ago, she his words would intimidated her and maybe even attracted to the way he was acting right now. But not anymore. He was stating a fact, a truth, and there was nothing impressive about it. She didn’t give him a chance to say anything else.
“Honestly,” she continued, “I wanted to ignore the fact that you’ve tried to blackmail me. But my mind continues to bring it up when I think about becoming serious with you. I really tried, I really wanted to give us a try, but then I realized that I was doing it for the wrong reasons.”
“That’s the only reason?” Tristan cocked one brow, being skeptical about her words.
“It’s the reason you should think about,” Alice gave back, trying to come off cool, when she was starting to become angry.
“I didn’t think it through when I did that,” he admitted, gesturing with one hand. “I knew it was wrong, the second it came out of my mouth.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Alice shook her head. “Fact is that you did it. It’s good that you’re aware of how wrong it was, but it doesn’t change the fact that you said it. That you were willing to force me to get what you want. Everything else, any other reason I might have, shouldn’t concern you as much as that reason. You can’t undo what you did, even though you know it was wrong. I can’t erase it from my mind, even if I wanted to.”
“I get it, I screwed up and it’s all my fault,” Tristan nodded, dropping his hands to his sides, but there was something off in his voice.
“No, it’s not all your fault,” Alice pressed her lips to a thin line, again shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have gone against my instincts and started to date you. I used you to flee from myself and from what I really wanted and you were right there to help me with that. And for that, I’m sorry.”
Tristan just looked at her, his face close to blank if it hadn’t been for the sadness hiding in the corners of his eyes.
“And on top of that,” Alice added. “We don’t really know each other. Not even enough to think about being friends after this. I only know that you have a little brother and that he works at the Alley, that you are an investigative reporter and have two cars.” She gestured at the coupé.
“It’s my brother’s,” Tristan explained but didn’t tell her the things he knew about her, which should be close to nothing, but somehow, Alice wasn’t so sure about that.
And yet, she couldn’t help but wonder why Tristan had borrowed his brother’s car. She shouldn’t do that. Even if it had been to impress her, it wasn’t important and it wasn’t the point. So, she stayed silent.
“Do you need a ride home?” Tristan suddenly offered and Alice wasn’t sure what to answer. “If you want to, we can still head out for some dinner. I wouldn’t mind. To be honest, I would like that. Maybe we can… I don’t know… be friends after all?”
Alice hesitated for a second and wondered what his agenda behind this could be. Then again, she didn’t want to be suspicious about every little thing around her.
“Sure, why not,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I’m starving.”
So, Tristan opened the car door again and helped her getting in, shutting it behind her. All the while Alice did her best to not expect the worst out of him. Maybe he was inviting her because he still hoped that he could win her over. Maybe he was just completely honest about what he had told her. She probably would never know, unless she would be able to miraculously mind-read all of a sudden. And yet, somehow, she felt trapped in the small vehicle, wondering if this was the right decision. But even if this turned out to be the wrong idea, Alice knew that she could still call a taxi and even Jimmy to
take her home.
Thinking about that, Alice realized that none of those she used to regard as her friends had come to her mind. Bianca was out of the question, because Alice didn’t want to endanger her unborn child in any way. But what about the others? All the women that had gone out with her on the night she met Jason and got invited to the Dark Alley? Alice had barely talked or exchanged messages with them. Of course, she could argue that they could have tried to stay in contact, too, but friendship isn’t a one-sided thing. Alice was to blame in the same way as her old friends. Of course, they had their families to take care of, and she had recently gotten a new job and moved, but right now there was no acceptable excuse on her side to not contact them.
“Alice?” Tristan’s voice derailed her train of thought.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” She said apologetically, adding a timid smile.
“I asked if you wanted to pick the restaurant,” Tristan repeated his question, reservedly, she couldn’t blame him.
“I wouldn’t know which to pick,” Alice admitted.
The only restaurant she went to on a regular basis, was the one Bianca and she went when they met for lunch, and she didn’t want to compromise the sanctuary of that place.
“Let’s go to the big one at the beach?” She suggested, remembering a spot her ex always wanted to drag her to because they served all kinds of beer.
“The brewery?” Tristan asked, and Alice nodded, not sure if it was the same place, but she’d rather not have an eternal conversation about where to go.
Another great thing about restaurants at the so-called beach, which was on the shore and without any sand, just broad pavement, was that it was close to home. And, if it really was the place her ex had showed her, it wasn’t very romantic but rather a place you took your friends to.
Just as Alice had hoped for, the place was close by and also huge. The whole building had been built with wood to give it a vintage appearance. Even the interior was from the same material, and the tables, benches and chairs had been carved from huge tree trunks. It looked even better in reality.
Alice and Tristan didn’t have to wait since a waitress was already waiting at the entrance and guided them through the huge room towards a table at the window which had just been vacated, fortunately. Alice didn’t like sitting in the middle of the room, especially not now, when she didn’t know what topic Tristan would pick for their conversation. Secretly, she hoped that he would just move on and try to become friends with her. That, she wouldn’t mind, but it became more and more clear to her that he wasn’t best friend material either. Now that she had made her choice, it was all the clearer to her that she wasn’t able to look past that enormous mistake he had made, and what kind of character flaw that action had revealed.
And when Alice compared him to Jimmy, whom she knew for an even smaller period of time, she would easily pick her driver over the man who had tried to blackmail her into his … what?... submission?
No, Tristan didn’t seem to be the guy to be into that. And even if he was, she wouldn’t want him as her master. It was no surprise but still a shock as Alice realized that she didn’t trust Tristan, and that she had considered him as a worthy partner. All because of what she had been taught what society expected of her.
“You’re not really here with me,” Tristan said, looking at her across his menu.
“Sorry,” she apologized. “I’ve got so much going on right now, I easily get distracted.”
“I would, too,” Tristan responded, but she didn’t feel as if he was accepting her explanation. “New job, new apartment, your best friend getting married. That is a lot.”
Had she told him all this already? She should be more careful about what she told other people from now on.
“Yes,” Alice quickly recovered from her confusion. “It actually is. I’m the maid of honor, and there is so much going on at work. I’m working for two while I am still learning. I barely have time for my friends, let alone my family.”
Her family had been a topic she had stayed clear from, because she always did with people, most of her friends didn’t know much, only her closest friends did, and they knew that Alice had severed ties with almost everyone of her kin. But that was something Tristan couldn’t and didn’t need to know.
“All work, no play, huh?” He commented. “Are you trying to tell me that you changed your mind because you want to focus on your career?”
“You did listen to me earlier, didn’t you?” Alice tried to remain calm and push down her annoyance. “I told you why I changed my mind.”
Luckily for Tristan, and also for her, the waitress came to serve their drinks, and take their orders. Although she had lost all appetite, she still chose a dish and smiled at the young girl. It was enough time for Alice to calm down.
“You tried to blackmail me,” she continued coolly, as the waitress had left. “Knowing that it was wrong doesn’t change that you did what you did.”
“And you’re not willing to let me make up for that?” He responded, making Alice wonder if he was really asking or accusing her of being unfair.
“No, I am not,” she straightened up. “I told you why.”
So, he was really going there. He wouldn’t accept her decision and would try to change her mind. Her ex had managed to do that far too often and Alice had enough, enough of letting herself being pressed by a bad conscience she shouldn’t have in the first place, because she was looking out for herself.
“I can’t forget that you tried to do that, simple as that,” Alice continued after a deep breath. “That I am sitting here with you, talking about this with you, is me giving you a chance to make up for it. But not as my boyfriend.”
Tristan opened his mouth and shut it again. At least he seemed to listen this time. Maybe he simply needed a few more years’ life experience before he arrived to the point where he realized what he had done wrong, and that some things once broken would never be the same.
Alice thought of continuing to try and explain that he had screwed up and had to accept that he lost her trust before he had even earned it, but she felt as if she was just turning the knife.
“So, friends,” Tristan finally answered.
“Yes,” Alice nodded. “We can try and be friends.”
She knew she had to be very clear about this, otherwise he might get his hopes up. Alice didn’t know Tristan very well, but if he was just a little bit like her ex, she would be rather safe than sorry.
“With benefits?” He winked at her, and for a moment Alice thought he was simply trying to loosen the tension between them.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she answered, dropping her gaze to the table. “I think I’ll quit.”
“You are?” Tristan asked in disbelief. “Why?”
Alice hesitated. She really was thinking about quitting the Alley, especially since Jason asked for them to be exclusive, but she didn’t know if he wanted her to continue coming to the club. So, it was a grey zone.
“It’s all I have done the past weekends,” she answered honestly. “I need to have a normal life. Regular sex is all good, but it’s not everything.”
“You’re not kidding,” Tristan deduced.
“No, I’m not,” she looked up to look him straight in the eyes again. “I really thought everything through. And I need to change things. Even if I stay a member, I won’t go regularly anymore and I won’t…”
She stopped herself right there. Telling him that she didn’t want to know who she had sex with was a blatant lie; and she didn’t want to lie.
“I guess, I need a little bit more normal, right now,” she eventually said.
“And a relationship with me is not normal?” Tristan asked again, and this time Alice couldn’t hold back her annoyance.
“Do you want to be friends with me?” Alice exclaimed, clearing her throat, and continuing in a lower tone. “Cause that’s all you are going to get. Until I say otherwise. As in speaking words, not between the lin
es. Simple as that. Take it or leave it.”
“Okay, okay,” Tristan lifted both his hands. “I get it. I’m sorry. I got it.”
“Good, because I really am hungry and I’d hate to bail on paying my part of the bill,” Alice glared at him.
By the way he looked back at her, Alice finally had the feeling that he had understood and accepted her decision. Or at least he knew that if he was trying to nudge at the line she had drawn one more time, she would get up and leave him without turning back.
The rest of the evening was less frustrating and less awkward. They actually got to talk a little bit more about him. That’s how she learned that Tristan had borrowed his little brother’s car because his own had broken down. Alice chose to just accept that explanation and ignore the little voice telling her that it wasn’t the entire truth.
Alice knew that Tristan would always have a hidden agenda. After all, he was an investigative reporter. It had to be part of his nature if he wanted to be good at his job. For her, it only meant that she would never be able to really confide in him. He would be a friend, but never more than that. She already knew that, but something told her that Tristan wouldn’t give up that easily.
So, when he drove her home and stopped the car in front of the building, Alice was relieved when he didn’t ask if he could come with, or if she wanted to show him her new apartment.
“Let me know when you’ve got some time to spare,” Tristan told her when she opened the door of his little brother’s coupé. “I’d love to go out with you again. On a friend basis,” he looked at her trying to express that he wasn’t trying anything again. “I’ll wait for you to text me. I don’t want to bother you at work.”
“Okay, I will,” Alice smiled back at him.
“I’ll be waiting until you’re inside,” Tristan added. “Just to be sure that you’re safe.”
“Thanks,” she said, got out and shut the door.
Dark Alley: The Complete First Season (Dark Alley Seasons Book 1) Page 37