Between Darkness & Light

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  Lane finally nodded. “All right, Samuel.” He stared at him for a moment. “Thanks,” he said in an odd tone of voice. The next second he was gone.

  Matthew looked at me. “I’m surprised you didn’t make that offer, Julia.”

  I shook my head. “It wasn’t my place to.”

  He frowned slightly as Samuel turned back to us. “You both seem confused.”

  I nodded a little. “You told me you couldn’t help him.”

  “No, I told you I couldn’t teach him. I never said I couldn’t offer help if he needs it, which is very different than having him stay with us,” he replied.

  I sighed and rested against the wall behind me. “All right. By the way, why was Lane here? I can understand why he stayed after the fight where we lost Jeffrey; Matthew was the only one of us still able to fight. This time there were several of us able to fight if Amita and the other two were foolish enough to double back. So why did he stay?”

  Matthew shrugged. “Why did he decide to escort you back to Villa Medici after Gregory attacked us a few nights ago? You and Christina were both still able to fight.”

  “Barely,” I replied. “I was pretty drained and I doubted she was feeling much better.”

  Samuel’s gaze landed on me again, a flicker of concern in his good eye. “I told Lane he didn’t have to stay around, that we would be fine. He said he would wait until you woke up,” he stated.

  “Even when I said you might not wake until tomorrow night, he just shrugged and remained with us,” Matthew replied.

  I looked at them in bewilderment. “Are you saying he stayed just because of me?”

  “It appears so. I mean, I don’t think he hung around for my company, Julia,” Matthew replied with a grin.

  “He was interested in how Kali was doing as well,” Samuel said.

  “True,” Matthew replied. “However, he knew that answer an hour or two ago. He really wanted to wait until you woke up. I’m not sure if you should take it as a compliment. You only seem to attract the strange ones.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “And if I hadn’t, you would have been in serious trouble a few times.” Frowning, I continued, “I don’t understand why it was so important to wait until I woke before he left.”

  “Matthew, be quiet,” Samuel said. Matthew scowled at him. For a second I thought an argument was imminent and I would have to deal with issues I was too tired for. Instead, Samuel kept to the topic at hand. “I think you started to forge a connection with him.”

  I glared at him. “What do you mean?”

  Samuel looked somewhat unsettled. “Julia, I think you somehow managed to connect with Lane . . . as Valerie did with me.”

  “Are you implying what I think you are?” I asked sharply. “Because if you are and you just let him leave –”

  “Yes and no,” Samuel said, interrupting me. “Yes, I believe now that you were able to make a connection with him. However, I also know it’s not strong enough to allow you to help him, Julia. Not in the way you’re thinking. There’s not enough trust established for you to teach him.”

  I stared at him in confusion. “But there was something?”

  “He doesn’t see you as a friend. But yes, there was something,” Samuel acknowledged, appearing genuinely puzzled. “He wouldn’t have stayed tonight if there wasn’t. A connection with you and perhaps a little with Kali as well.”

  “Samuel, you must remember Lane’s been on his own a lot longer than you were,” Mary Anne hollered from the other stall.

  He glanced in her direction. “Oh yes, I keep forgetting that.” He looked thoughtful. “Lane’s been alone decades longer than I was. When I met Valerie I was still somewhat used to socializing. I wasn’t isolated for years. That probably explains why I was able to bond with her so quickly. Perhaps you do have the same kind of connection, but it’s much weaker because of all the time he’s spent alone.”

  Matthew sighed. “All I know is that it seemed obvious that Lane wanted to know that Julia would be all right,” he said.

  Samuel slowly nodded. “The bond is two-way. Lane felt something for you, Julia, even if it was simply surprise and gratitude. It’s been so long since he felt anything positive about anyone, I’m sure. And because of that he doesn’t know what to think of you. He knows you’re different, that you won’t try to hurt him, but he’s too guarded to let himself get close. Friendship or even a teacher-pupil relationship takes a certain amount of trust, and you simply don’t have it.”

  I nodded, a little disappointed.

  “You should be happy you achieved this slight bond. Until now I didn’t think Lane could connect with anyone.”

  I nodded, but asked, “How’s Kali?”

  “Still unconscious but she seems stronger. I’m pretty sure she’ll survive,” Samuel replied gently.

  “Good,” I whispered and stifled a yawn. Dawn might still be an hour or better away, but I was exhausted. Everything else could wait until tomorrow. Carefully, I lay back down, trying not to jostle my wounds any more than necessary. “I’m going back to sleep. If she seems worse, wake me please.”

  “All right. Get some rest, Julia,” Matthew replied.

  “Thanks,” I said and pulled the blanket tight around me.

  Chapter 28

  I woke the next night to find myself alone in the stall. As I stared at some bales of hay stacked near me, I expected to feel excited or overjoyed that Gregory was dead once again. But I just felt numb and exhausted. Was it definitively over or would he come back yet a third time to torment me? What else really mattered?

  Nothing . . . no, that wasn’t true. My daughter. She mattered. I slowly got up, my right side and hip throbbing in protest. My blood-stained clothes were stiff to move in. I glanced around again as I heard laughter from up in the loft. Some people seemed in good spirits tonight.

  I blinked, noticing for the first time a gray dress hung over the door with a bucket of water close by. For a second I was confused, but then remembered Matthew saying this was a neighbor’s farm. Obviously, they wouldn’t want me wandering around in stained men’s clothes scaring the farmer. Somehow I summoned the energy to wash myself and change into the dress.

  A few minutes later, I hobbled into the stall next to mine. Kneeling beside the bed of hay, I studied the girl. She was wrapped in blankets similar to mine. I watched her even breathing for a few minutes, then reached out and stroked her hair. “It’s all right now, Honey. You’re safe,” I whispered.

  She stirred at my touch. “Julia?” she whispered as her eyes fluttered open. She stared at me in sleepy confusion.

  Someone walked up behind me. “Is Kali awake, Julia?”

  I looked up, startled, to see Matthew. I looked back down and blinked. This was Kali, not Marie. A wave of emotion threatened to overwhelm me. I knew it was Kali I had saved last night, but still my mind had somehow tricked me into thinking it was Marie I had saved. After all, if Gregory could possess someone, why couldn’t Marie possess her?

  Stop! I ordered myself. That is not a road you want to go down. Haven’t things been unbalanced enough? This girl is not Marie, nor would you truly want her to be. She was a baby when she died; how would she ever adapt to being a fifteen-year-old vampire? I was being stupid and selfish.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, staggering back to my feet. “I need . . .” I fled out of the stable. There was a pasture to my right and a path directly in front of me leading to a house. On my left there was a large hill on the property. I climbed to the top, though the effort made my side hurt more, and sat there.

  It was a warm night. A gentle breeze picked up and I tilted my face heavenward to catch the wind on my skin. I gazed up at the hundreds of twinkling lights in the night sky. It was lovely to have some solitude outside to think, without worrying about someone trying to kill me.

  My thoughts drifted back to what happened a few minutes ago. I was sure I had confused both Kali and Matthew. “I beat you this time,” I said. “Kali didn’t die,
you monster. I saved her.”

  There was no reply, at least not from Gregory. Or any ghost for that matter. It was my own mind that answered, the one part that will probably never be satisfied: Don’t sound so smug, Julia. You won this once. He won every other time. He still won the most important battle. No matter how much you wish it, that girl will never be your daughter. She is dead and probably wishes you were damned to hell with her father for saving Kali but not her.

  I sighed. I knew that little voice was right. Yes, I had killed Gregory and was overjoyed that I had saved Kali, but the events had also deepened the always present guilt and sadness I felt over not being able to save my own child. Anger also bubbled up. How dare that fiend nearly kill the girl I cared for as my own! It’s not fair that he could show himself and talk, when all I wanted was to see my daughter. Does she love me or hate me?

  Honestly, that’s all I wanted the past few months. I let my tears flow freely down my cheeks. The nightmare was over and I still didn’t know what I wanted to know.

  “Julia?” Kali asked tentatively from behind me. I froze when I heard her voice, but didn’t turn around. “Julia, are you all right?” she asked, sounding young and unsure.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” I snapped, turning to look at her. She wore a black dress similar to mine. Her expression crumbled into one I’d never seen on her face before, an expression of fear and rejection.

  “You’re angry at me, aren’t you?” Kali asked, taking a step backward. “I did something to make you irate. That’s why you left earlier. I’m sorry to bother you; I’ll go see if Matthew or Samuel will take me hunting.” She paused, then blurted out, “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re angry because you had to make me a vampire!” She spun and started back down the hill.

  I stared after her a moment in bewilderment. Kali sounded frightened and upset. I guess I had expected her to adapt right away. I had forgotten how young she was; despite all her abilities she was just a child who was almost killed the night before. A child who would have died if I hadn’t changed her. And I was attending to my own emotional wounds rather than hers.

  Her emotional wounds had to be great. Being near death scares anyone, but Kali was young and she had thought nothing could touch her, never mind how absurd that idea was to begin with. She probably thinks I’m upset with her because she antagonized Gregory and made him stab her, although I’m sure he had planned to do that all along.

  “Kali, wait!” I called, struggling back to my feet. I caught up with her halfway down the hill. I reached out and grabbed her arm. “Kali, I’m not angry at you.”

  She stopped and looked at me in confusion. “I thought you were because I provoked Gregory and you had to turn me.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not mad at you. He would have hurt you anyway to get to me. I’m sorry if you mistook my mood for anger.”

  “Why did you leave?”

  “My thoughts went down a very dark path.” I shrugged. “I needed some time alone to gather my wits.”

  “Did you mistake me for your daughter?” I stepped past her. “Julia?” she asked again, catching my sleeve. “Did you think I was Marie?”

  “Yes,” I replied without looking at her. “I thought you were – wanted you to be – Marie.”

  “I know what Gregory did must have created many confusing emotions.” She sighed. “Julia, you must realize I will never be your daughter. I cannot take her place, do you understand?”

  I nodded, even though I felt a part of my heart break again. “I know. I thought about Gregory’s possession of that Hunter and my mind just wandered away.”

  “What Gregory did was an aberration.”

  I flinched at her harsh tone. “I understand that. I couldn’t help but wonder.” Frustrated, I walked a few steps from her. “I’m having a hard time with this. I know it has been better than half a century since I lost her, but now it feels as if it was only yesterday.”

  Kali’s eyes softened. “I can’t imagine how difficult the last few months have been for you. Marie will have an opportunity to experience life again. She will go through the normal cycle and be reborn. I know it’s not much comfort, but it is all I have to give you.”

  “Thank you, Kali.” I smiled. “You are my surrogate daughter whether you like it or not.”

  She frowned slightly. “I have trouble being a proper daughter to anyone.”

  “I don’t need a ‘proper’ daughter. I was never thrilled with ‘proper.’ A daughter to teach and share with is all I want.”

  Kali sighed. “Julia, I –”

  “Yes, I’m well aware you’re different than others your age. It doesn’t matter. But in some ways you are just like any other young woman your age. You weren’t invincible, Kali.”

  Kali stared at me. Tears moistened her eyes. “I liked to think I was.”

  “I know. And until recently you had no reason to think otherwise. You were the most powerful human I have ever seen.”

  “But I was only human.”

  I walked back to her and enfolded her in my arms. She held on tightly, a few shuddering sobs shaking her frame. “I’m sorry, Kali. I wish I had gotten there sooner.”

  We held each other for a few minutes before she pulled away. “How were you three there? I hadn’t called for help and I don’t remember the others from your ka-tet doing so either.”

  “I had a vision,” I replied.

  She tilted her head to study me. “Is that so? Your timing was quite good then.”

  “I think the timing could have been better.”

  “You were in time to help and save me.”

  I smiled again. “And now you may very well be invincible.”

  Kali raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t go quite that far yet. We’ll wait and see.”

  I nodded. Kali sounded more like her usual self now and I was relieved. “Let’s go hunt. You’ll have to tolerate being the one in the learning role for once.”

  Kali smiled. “I’m looking forward to it. Matthew told me the city is just a little that way,” she continued, pointing to the east.

  As we walked, I looked at her with a knowing smile, one that was tinged with sadness. “I’m sure you’ll catch on fast. You’ve observed us for a while.”

  The stable wasn’t very far from where the villa had been in the city. As we walked the main road, she shrugged. “That was only the start. I think it’ll take me a year to learn most of what I need to. After that, maybe it’ll be good to spread my wings and try my luck on my own.”

  “I think you’ve already spread your wings, Kali. You spread them long before we met.”

  She didn’t reply to that. I stopped when we saw a couple of men traveling down the road. I hypnotized one of them and coached Kali through the hypnotism process. I fed first so I would have enough strength to stop her if she got carried away. She waited, though I could sense her hunger and impatience. I carefully lowered my dinner to the ground and went to help her. I pointed out the artery we use to drink from. “Bite there. Be careful not to rip,” I cautioned.

  She nodded and sank her fangs in. I watched closely. A minute later I said, “Kali, that’s –” I reached out to pull her away, but as I spoke she let go of the man with a soft growl.

  I was stunned she had been able to stop herself. Most newborn vampires, actually all I have ever met or heard about, had needed someone to stop them the first time or two. New vampires generally don’t know when to stop. “How did you know when to quit drinking?”

  Kali seemed distracted when she answered. “His life essence was getting too low,” she replied. “And I didn’t want to end his destiny.”

  I shook my head. The girl can literally sense when she’s about to end a person’s destiny. She probably had a better idea when exactly to stop than any other vampire because of that power. “Well, I guess you know how to feed already. Or at least know when to stop.”

  Kali thought with a guilty smile.

  thing I can teach you now?> I smiled, somewhat exasperated.

  She shrugged. “You taught me how to hypnotize mortals and how to start feeding. That’s all I need right now. The rest will come in time,” she answered.

  I nodded. Kali was right. The woman in white had called her a destiny reader. Between that and being telepathic she was extremely easy to teach. Her powers had proven to be a real advantage. “Let’s go back.”

  “All right,” she replied and followed me back to the stable at the outskirts of the city. I opened the barn door and walked in. Samuel sat where Lane had been yesterday, seemingly lost in thought.

  Kali looked around, amazement crossing her face as she fully took in what had happened. She looked at me. “What happened after he stabbed me?”

  I explained what had occurred as simply as possible. “So Lane left for Ireland,” I finished with a shrug.

  She tilted her head as she absorbed the information. “I’m sorry I missed him. I enjoyed our talks.”

  “I know you did.”

  Kali shrugged. “Ah well. It’s best he left this area anyway. Valentino knew he was here.”

  “True,” I replied, turning to walk back outside. Kali touched my arm. I looked back at her quizzically.

  “Shouldn’t you talk to Samuel?” she asked softly.

  I glanced at Samuel, then back at my fledgling. “Not right now,” I replied. I looked around again and saw Stephen and Mary Anne feeding the horses. It must have been part of the agreement to let us stay in the stable last night and tonight.

  I hesitated before walking back out. I felt Kali’s concerned gaze as I left. As I told Matthew a few days before, I had wanted to hear Samuel’s voice. Discussing Lane yesterday might be the best I’d get. I headed back up the hill I had been sitting on earlier.

  I sat looking out over the city and wondered what to do now. I had told Samuel at Villa Medici that he had to figure out if he could trust me and not to come back until he knew the answer. Of course circumstances changed our location, but my stance on that matter was unchanged.