She listened but heard nothing. The bathroom door was open, its light out. She slipped off her jacket, let it fall to the floor and then crossed the bedroom and cautiously stepped out onto the landing. The landing stretched into hallway in both directions, stopping at one of the other bedrooms whose doors were, of course, closed, their occupants doing what couples should be doing before one of them goes off to war. She leaned over the oak railing and scanned the semi-dark living room below. There was no one. The light that did exist spilled from the office, Tony’s Cave she’d called it. Annie’s eyes locked onto that entryway as she made her way down the curving stairway, the plush of the carpet seeming to add to the deathly silence.
At the bottom she paused to take a deep breath and then stepped over to the entryway. She didn’t see him, the spacious room seemingly empty. A few papers laid on his desk, the chair pushed back as though he’d just gotten up to go do something.
“Hi Sweetheart.”
Annie jumped. The source of the voice appeared to be the leather sofa of which she could only see the back. She moved slightly and noticed the toes of a socked foot sticking up, the socks she gave him for Christmas.
“Please call as soon as you get this. I want to hear your voice one more time.”
Annie recalled that message, but on that cold January morning in Cambridge she hadn’t noticed she had voice mail until mid-morning when it was too late. She had wondered at the time how the phone could have not awakened her. Since he had been gone she kept it with her at all times, on her nightstand when she slept or often on his pillow if she wasn’t already using it. Now it was obvious. She didn’t hear it because she wasn’t there. She was here, standing right here listening to him calling her, hearing the concern in his voice because she didn’t answer.
“I love you,” he said.
Annie felt her heart thump a few more times and then after sucking in saliva so she wouldn’t falter in her words, said, “I love you, too.”
Tony’s head and shoulders popped up over the top of the sofa. “Annie! What?” Before she knew it he was over the sofa and had her off her feet, spinning her around. “How did you get here?”
He let her down and she placed her hands on his face. He seemed to be taller than she remembered. Five months and she was already starting to forget him. But she didn’t forget his face, or his hair, the hair she so loved even after most of it was cut off when he joined the Marines. “It’s not important how I got here. I love you and I’m sorry I said those things at the airport. I didn’t mean it. I’m really, really sorry.” She started crying and he pulled her against him.
“Of course you didn’t mean it.”
“But do you forgive me?” she blurted through her sobs.
“Yes, a thousand times over, I forgive you.”
She pressed her face against his chest, tears fully out of control. And then she was off her feet once more, cradled in his arms, and he was climbing the stairs.
They lay together on top of the bed—he in his camouflage sleeveless t-shirt and sweats, she in her MIT sweatshirt and cargo pants—not moving, not talking, until her sobs subsided and her tears completely stopped. This was where she belonged . . . right here, right now. “Make love to me,” she whispered.
He rolled her to her back, propped himself up on his elbow and then bent forward and kissed her. “I didn’t think you’d ever ask.”
“Ask, hell!” She pushed him onto his back and then climbed on top of him. “Where did you get the idea it was a request? Make love to me, now! The Marines did teach you how to take orders, didn’t they? Am I going to have to talk to your boss?”
He saluted her. “Yes, ma’am!”
“Much better, soldier,” she said and wondered if she could keep the rumble on her insides from showing through the domineering wife facade. He liked it when she took control, but at the moment she was definitely not in the take control mood. She wanted to make quiet, tender love with him but she was afraid it would draw out emotions better left unrevealed, unsaid. And if she cried anymore he’d start asking questions, start suspecting there was something wrong other than a few regrettable words at the airport. The domineering wife was her barrier from herself, and from his unalterable future.
Annie pulled her sweatshirt off over her head and for the split second while she was blind, wondered what she was doing, wondered how she was going to get through the next two hours.
She had to, didn’t she?
Imagining herself as a seductress, she set her jaw and tossed the sweatshirt aside. The bra followed. And then when he touched her, her breath caught and a current slithered up her spine. She arched her back and he rose to her, pressing his face to her breasts, nibbling her, biting her, tasting her. When she couldn’t take anymore she pushed him away, climbed off the bed and turned to face him. There it was, the Tony grin, the grin that she fell in love with long before he knew she existed. She grinned back and beckoned him with her finger. He rolled to his feet and she pulled his face down to hers and pressed her mouth to his, at first urgent and then gentle. She pushed his shirt up and off, put her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. She didn’t want to be a seductress. She only wanted to be with him, to make long, slow, passionate love with him.
“What’s this?” he saidShe opened her eyes and rotated her head to find him holding the seeker. She immediately checked her panic, relaxed and then said with as even a tone as she could muster, “Nothing. An experiment in class and I forgot I was wearing it.”
“What does it do? What happens if I push this button?”
He pushed the button and her body stiffened. She took a deep breath and then calmly reached up and took the seeker from him. “You’re lucky we’re not in range because that would have started a chemical reaction that could have gotten out of control, maybe ending life as we know it today.”
“Really?”
She pulled at his chin and brushed her lips across his. “Now make love to me . . . please.” With one hand she pulled him down so she could nibble on his ear. With the other she found a pocket and let the seeker drop into it.
Chapter 65
January 25, 2007
Annie listened to him snore; not a loud snore but one just enough to know that he was breathing. She recalled times not long after they were married when she would listen for his breathing and then panic when she didn’t hear it; waking him to be sure he was still alive. The first time she did that they laughed. The third time he got angry. She had to admit, only to herself of course, that it was stupid for such an intelligent woman.
After the seeker scare they made love . . . well, it really wasn’t love. It was sex, hot sweaty sex after which they’d lain next to each other, touching, saying nothing. She was scared to say anything, scared of what might come out of her mouth, scared that she would have to explain how she wasn’t who he thought she was, that who she really was, was his widow. Finally she got up and turned off the lights. Then they snuggled until he was again ready. The second time they made real love, the slow, passionate love that she wanted. In the dark she could hide her tears. After that they caressed until he fell asleep.
She was watching the numerals on the clock, had been for the last fifteen minutes. It now read 3:53. She remembered waking up on top of her bed clothes at home, naked and cold and seeing 4:32. How long had she lain there before waking? Thirty seconds? Fifteen minutes? She turned her head and studied her husband’s silhouette for a few seconds and then, grudgingly, began untangling her legs from his. He stirred and then rolled away. His snoring stopped and he settled into a new sleep. She sat on the edge of the bed and contrasted what she had to do against what she actually wanted to do. She wanted to snuggle back up to him, spoon against him until there would be no choice but to let history change. She leaned toward him, reached out to touch him and then suddenly found carpet under her feet.
She blinked at her husband’s distant form and then looked about the darkened room, not able to comprehend what had just hap
pened. Did she space out for a few seconds? She looked up at the ceiling. If it’s You, I hear You. Stop freaking me out.
With an unbelievably heavy weight in her gut, she picked up her clothes and quietly went out onto the landing and then down the stairs to the office. After getting dressed she sat at his desk, the center of Tony’s Cave. She opened a drawer and found the box of stationary she’d given him one day, just because. She pulled a sheet. The Marine Corp emblem and Semper Fi were emblazoned at the top. At the bottom embossed in navy blue were the words,
Tony Caschetta ~ One of the Few
She passed her fingers over his name and then picked up a pen, another of the many expensive gifts she had presented to him as they outfitted his office, the office which after this night he would never see again.
My most dearest Tony, she wrote. A tear fell onto the fine, wove paper and absorbed into a stain before she could brush it away.
I wish I had something profound, some piece of poetry that would reflect the depth of my love for you, but a poet, as you know, I am not. All I can say is I love you and am so very proud of you. I am sorry that I have not displayed that as strongly as I should have in the last few weeks, the last few months.
I came tonight to properly say goodbye.
Annie had to set the pen down as her emotions suddenly overwhelmed her ability to see what she was writing, tears spilling and smearing across the words. She stood and walked around the room, wiping at her face until she could see the art hanging on the walls, all paintings he had admired at one time or another and then she had purchased to decorate his space. She wondered what she would do with all this stuff, his stuff, once she decided it was time. She returned to the desk to quickly finish up the note before the flood gates opened again.
But my opportunity to come is limited in time. My ride now waits so I must go. I’m sorry to leave without waking you but I could not stand it any other way.
She considered words like, I will never forget you, or, I will always love you, but felt like they were too final, too much like, I’ll never see you again. She wiped at another tear and leaned over her note again.
Your ever loving and devoted wife,
Annie
With that Annie folded the note once, turned off the lights and, with the aid of the nightlight at the top of the stairs, made her way back up to their bedroom. She stood in the middle of the room and with the help of another nightlight in the bathroom, studied his sleeping form. A minute stretched into five before she finally moved. She set the note onto his bedside table, kissed her fingers, passed them over his head and then turned away. At the sliding glass door she slipped her arms through her jacket and stepped out, closing the door as quietly as she could. The sharp night air found the lingering moisture on her cheeks and neck. She shivered and picked her way across the dark deck and down the stairs to the sandy yard. She wished there was a moon as she crossed the yard. The light from the stars visible through wisps of clouds was not enough to help her avoid one small bush. She fell hard, swore, started to get back to her feet and then decided where she was would be good enough. She reached into her pocket for the seeker.
The pocket was empty.
Chapter 66
January 25, 2007
For a moment Annie didn’t breath. She felt the other pockets, shoved her hands down into them and then patted every part of her lower anatomy where she could imagine the cargo pants could hold a pocket. She stood and then did it all again.
The seeker was gone.
She played the scene over in her head where she took it away from Tony and dropped it into a pocket. It was her right hand and it went into her right, front pocket. She checked that pocket again. Nothing.
Could she have missed the pocket and it fell to the floor? Maybe. Could it have fallen out in their frantic efforts to get their clothes off? Certainly could have. She got down on her hands and knees and started feeling around where she had fallen over the bush. Nothing but sand, grass and a few weeds, and maybe critters of sorts she didn’t want to think about.
She stood and looked up at the house, a huge dark form against the night sky. She sidestepped the bush and then cautiously made her way back to the bottom of the stairs and then up and onto the deck where the glow from the nightlight in the bathroom gave her a point on which to focus. She guided toward that until she was again standing at the sliding door. She really didn’t want to go back in there. She was already too emotionally spent.
You have no choice Annie. Just do it! She gritted her teeth, slowly pulled the door open and stepped in.
It was then that she realized that what she thought was the glow of the bathroom nightlight was in fact light from downstairs shining up into the open bedroom door. She looked at where she had left her husband sleeping.
The bed was empty.
For the second time in as many minutes, her breathing stopped. He had awakened and, finding her gone, went looking for her.
She rushed to the bed and dropped to her knees to look and feel around. Where the hell was it? She looked to the door and listened, and then certain that he wasn’t on his way back, reached up and turned on the bedside lamp. She scuttled about on her hands and knees, before dropping flat to the carpeted floor and peering under the bed.
There it was. It had been kicked nearly to the other side. She ran around, dropped again and grabbed it. As she came to her feet she saw that the time had slipped to 4:26. She did a bouncing roll across the bed, landed on her feet, dowsed the light and bolted out the sliding door. With little regard for her safety she ran down the stairs and across the yard, double punching the button on the seeker as she went. She ran into a larger bush, swore, backed up and skirted around it and then dropped to the ground. She punched the seeker button twice again and wondered why she wasn’t feeling anything yet. Come on Grandfather!”
“Annie?”
She peered around the bush. Tony was standing just outside the sliding door in his camouflaged underwear, looking this way and that. Had he heard her? Did he suspect she was out here or was he just guessing, not finding her anywhere in the house?
Damn! She didn’t close the door behind her.
“Turn around and go back in,” she whispered. If her grandfather started the event now Tony would see the glow and come closer to investigate, maybe get close enough to see around the bush and find her fading away. That wouldn’t be good; that wouldn’t be good at all. Maybe he would think he dreamt it and then sleepwalked. In any case he’d probably try calling her again and her other self would have no idea what he was talking about.
But he didn’t call, did he. She woke up naked and cold, crawled back under the covers and went back to sleep. There were no calls except for the voicemail she discovered later. So he’s going to turn around before the glow begins. He’s going to see the note and know that she left to catch her ride back to the airport. He already knows that she hates goodbyes. He’ll wonder who her ride was, but he’ll know not to question her resourcefulness. He’ll not try to call at all.
Why not?
During her thoughts her gaze had drifted away. She looked back up. The door was closed and he was gone. She backed up and sat on her butt. Why did he give up so easy? Why did he not try to call? She felt the beginning tingle, hugged her knees to her chest and cried.
Chapter 67
June 16, 2007
Annie raised her head and looked into her grandfather’s expectant face. She wiped at her tears, only then realizing she’d forgotten her goggles and ear protection, and scooted out of the chamber. With blood pressure cuff in hand, Bradshaw waited for her to sit down. She shook her head and walked past him.
“Annie,” her grandfather said.
She turned around at the door.
“Did you talk to Tony? Did you accomplish what you wanted to accomplish?”
“Yes on both, Grandfather, but Tony is still dead. I just feel a little less guilty.” With that she opened the door and walked out.
“What did she
have to be guilty for?” Bradshaw asked.
Robert shook his head. “It’s not important. Maybe you should go check on her; make sure she doesn’t go wandering off into the woods in her despondency and get lost. I would but I’m feeling a bit tired right now. I’ll get things shut down so Howard and Charles can secure the plant.”
Thomas set the blood pressure cuff aside, stood and stretched. “Talk about tired. Stepping out into the night air might feel good.”
“Grab a little for us, too,” came Charles’ voice. “We’re stuck in here for a while.”
“Not a problem,” Thomas said and then followed out the door after Annie.
Annie was sitting in her chair when Bradshaw sat down. They both looked up when the door to the lab shut; a harsh sound in the still night air. “Apparently I left it open,” Bradshaw said. “Sometimes your grandfather is a bit anal.”
Annie allowed a very small smile and then returned to staring off into the dark. “I really don’t want to talk about my travel.”
“That’s fine.” Bradshaw leaned back. “I think we’re pretty much done, don’t you?”
“Done? What do you mean?”
“Our entire mission was predicated on stopping 9/11. I think we’ve all agreed that would be very risky.”
She slowly nodded her head. “Yes.”
“It seems like a big waste. We can’t make it public. The government would grab it and turn it into something military and make a great mess of it.”
Annie just nodded her head.
“Or congress would get a hold of it and filibuster it to death.”
Annie stopped nodding, but continued staring off into the night.
“And then of course we can always join the circus, probably gather some sizable crowds.” Bradshaw studied Annie’s profile for a bit and then added, “We could all get naked and dance around it first, cover our bodies in psychedelic paint.”
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