My heart hurt just hearing the word, because my heart knew it was true. It felt it. I sank to the floor, held my knees, and rocked. Michael didn’t try to comfort me because there was no comfort to be had. He didn’t touch me because it was too dangerous. But he stayed in the room. He waited until all my tears were gone, until I was spent and ready to rest. Again.
15
The crows began cawing outside, becoming more frantic as they swirled, darted, and dove toward the ground. “We have to leave this place,” Michael said.
“More Lessons?” I didn’t have the mental strength to deal with them yet.
“No, a bigger threat.”
I instinctively knew who he meant. My father ruined everything he touched. He was a poison; a cancerous tumor, whose tentacles were strong and far-reaching. They twisted and grazed and took root where they didn’t belong. He was ruining the world on Earth, and if elected, would have more opportunity to wreak havoc. He was ruining souls here. He had probably trapped the soul of my real father in order to steal his body. Malchazze had to be stopped. And if the archangels wouldn’t stop him...
“I would,” Michael answered my thoughts sincerely. “And when given the order, I will, Carmen. I promise you that.”
Michael’s words were a vow, but it was only as good as the possibility that it might actually happen. If he never got the order, he wouldn’t do anything other than stop merchants and guard fissures.
“Your promise means nothing. You may never get the order. I can’t rely on maybe, Michael.”
Dimitri’s tar-filled face floated through my mind. He did it for me. He broke the rules, making him a triple. He kissed me…
Michael walked to the front door, flinging it open, the handle embedding into the siding of the house. He could’ve just stepped through the empty metal frame. “We need to move. Malchazze is searching for you himself.”
I shivered. “How do you know?”
The crows cawed as one; a flying security system.
“Oh. Okay. I need to find some shoes.”
I found a pair of boots yesterday and had placed them beside the door, on top of the shards of glass. I pulled them on and stomped after him. He led me through yards and into the forest, but I didn’t make it far before my body started to tire. Michael growled when it was clear I couldn’t keep up. As hot as he was, he was impatient and it was wearing on me, just as each step made my body more tired.
“The crows will carry you,” he said simply.
I threw my hands up. “I don’t want them to carry me. I want to walk at my own pace. I want my body to fucking work!” A hot tear fell from my left eye.
Michael was before me in an instant. “Your body will work when it heals. Until then, Carmen, please let me help you. Let the crows help you.”
I turned so he didn’t see me cry, although he could hear it. Hell, he could probably smell my tears, but he wouldn’t see them. “Fine.”
Suddenly in front of me, he brushed the tear from my cheek. “Don’t cry.”
“Why does it even matter?” my voice shuddered.
“It breaks my heart,” he said softly, running his fingers through the short strands of my hair. “I care for you, and I can’t bear to see you so upset. I need to make sure you’re safe, and right now, safe is far away from here. My crows can carry you. Just think of them as an extension of me. They are my wings.”
I sniffed and did my best to keep my hands plastered to my sides, despite the fact that I wanted to touch him, to hug him and pull him tightly against me. I knew it would hurt him, and hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment.
Some moments with Michael were tender and heartfelt. Others, he was angry and frustrated at me. I wanted to curl up in this gentle moment and stay. It would make Purgatory much more comfortable. However, this place wasn’t meant for comfort, not anymore, so we had to go. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to tell me, but didn’t want to push. I opened my mouth first.
“Let them help me.”
Within seconds, I was surrounded by a murder so large in number, they encapsulated me within their swirling mass and carried me quickly through the forest, setting me gently down on a rocky outcrop near an angry, frothing river of silver water.
Michael was quiet for several long moments. When he broke his silence, his words sliced me in two. “Thank you for trusting me, and for allowing them to help you.”
“I let you help me, Michael.”
He smiled sadly. “I know.”
“Why does this have to be so hard? Why does everything have to be so complicated?”
“Is it not the same on Earth?”
“Oh, no. It’s completely complicated there, but this is on a completely different level.”
He smiled. “Because of your father or because of me?”
“Because of him. Because of you and how… and how I feel about you. How can I feel anything? That’s the part that’s so confusing. I’ve known lust. This isn’t it.”
“What’s between us is infused; lust threaded with passion, but it isn’t only passion. Those emotions fizzle and burn out as fast as they ignite. They burn brightly for a moment, but that moment is all there is.”
“I want more than just a moment with you,” I admitted.
He cursed and chucked a stone into the river. It sank along with my heart. “I wish for the same, but I can’t give you more than what I am. I hope you can understand.”
Of course, I could understand. He didn’t want to go to Hell, and I didn’t want him to go to Hell or be placed in harm’s way just because I’d developed feelings for him. This was a stressful situation. Emotions were high. That was all this was. If I could go home, I might forget him, I told myself, but my heart knew it was a lie. My brain knew it was a lie, but I had to tell it anyway.
He changed the subject to a much graver one. “Your mother is here.”
I choked on the air in this place. “Where?”
“In the city. I went to find her. That’s where I was.”
“She isn’t with him. Please tell me she isn’t with my father.”
He shook his head. “She isn’t.”
“Good.”
“But she isn’t in a good place, either.”
“Can I see her?” I asked, hoping for a small sliver of brightness.
“Not yet.”
Not yet. Of course, not yet. What did it all mean? The angrier I became, the more the veil just beyond my fingertips began to shimmer. Its oily texture thickened until I reached out for it, sticking my finger inside again. Then, an epiphany.
“Can I make it stronger? What if I could seal it for good?” I mumbled.
“We’ve tried.”
“As amazing as you are, you don’t have a piece of it inside you, archangel.”
He smirked. “I’ve gone from Keeper, to Michael, and now you refer to me as archangel, as if it’s an insult to be such a thing.”
I stared at the veil. “Maybe it is. Are archangels the highest-ranking angels?” He was quiet, his fists clenching. That was what I thought. “Look, maybe the veil just needs to be solidified. Before it tore, it was strong. Nothing could cross the barrier then, right?”
“Right,” he conceded for a moment before opening his fat mouth. “But, Carmen, it’s been stretched too thin for too long. There is no repairing it beyond what has already been done.”
“Says you.”
He began pacing, hands on his hips where I knew the delicious V of his abdomen was hiding, lying in wait. The man was sin incarnate, a forbidden fruit dangling in front of womankind. He was the ultimate temptation.
“Stop thinking such things about me!” he shouted, raking his hands through his hair. “You are the most frustrating creature I’ve ever encountered. You think about my body incessantly!”
“Thank you,” I answered smugly. “But in my defense, it’s a magnificent body.”
“It wasn’t meant as a compliment.”
“I took it as one just the sam
e.”
Michael growled, lyrically instructing one of his fowl friends and sending it from his finger into the air. It returned a moment later with his message. That was fast.
“We can’t ever be anything to one another. Don’t you get it?”
“I do,” I said calmly, counteracting his anger. I completely got it. I finally felt something positive, and it was forbidden. Story of my life.
Another earthquake, the hair on my arms standing on end until the ground underfoot stopped shaking. I clung to a rock, waiting for an aftershock.
“What are you doing?” Michael asked, his head tilted to the side.
“Making sure I hold onto something. I’m not used to this.”
“That was a shudder. It’s not a real quake.”
I scoffed. “It feels real enough to me.” My God, I sounded like Pamela. I wondered if she had woken up at the hospital, had a miraculous recovery, and was now spending as much time with her two kids and husband as was humanly possible. I wondered if she remembered this. Me. Any of it.
“She probably will. She may even remember you.”
I raked my hands down the legs of my jeans. “You had her feeling all happy. She probably thinks the medicine made her have strange dreams of hot guys and crows and some hella-crazy bitch who laughed through it all.”
He smiled. “Maybe.”
Something occurred to me in that moment. “My father can use the Lessons. Can he use me?”
Michael stilled. “We aren’t sure.”
“You aren’t sure. When will we know?”
“If you come into contact with him, but we don’t want that to happen.”
“How big is Purgatory?”
His brows kissed one another. “Why?”
“We’ve been running around the homes in the outskirts, through this gnarled forest, and along cliffs that are taller than sky scrapers. We’ve seen rivers that run silver and carve through valleys, and canyons that are bigger than the Rio Grande. I can’t help but wonder what else is out there, or if anything is. Does Purgatory just end? Will we eventually wind up in the city no matter which direction we go? How much longer can we run? He’s coming, and eventually he’ll find me, Michael. We can’t keep this up. I can’t keep up.”
“We run until there is no other choice, Carmen, and then we keep running. But yes, eventually everything leads back into the city of Purgatory. We must stay one step ahead.”
I didn’t want to tell him that I was no runner. My body was torn. My soul was tired. I needed to rest for the fight that was coming swiftly.
“I know,” he replied to my thoughts. “You can rest now. I will watch over you.”
“I’m glad someone is,” I said on a yawn, my body shutting down even though I didn’t want it to tap out just yet.
A deep, dark abyss awaited behind the lids of my eyes. I sank into its warmth and slept, dreaming that Michael folded me into his arms, holding me against him until I woke.
16
“Carmen?” a far-away voice whispered. It sounded like Gabriel. “Don’t give up. You must breathe.”
My chest felt heavy, like a boulder was crushing me.
I couldn’t lift my arms.
Beeping.
Female and male voices shouting things I couldn’t understand.
I felt a thumb swipe my hair. “Breathe,” he whispered. “You have to take a breath.”
Finally, my chest expanded. “Good girl.” Another swipe across my hair. “Keep breathing. You’ll be fine in a few minutes. I got here in time.”
Soft, warm lips pressed against my temple. A thumb caressed my hair.
17
When I woke, I felt like a semi had crashed into me, I stayed plastered to the grill of the giant truck for fifty or so miles, and then slid onto the pavement where all eighteen tires rolled over my body. Thump. Thump. Thump… I hurt everywhere.
“Don’t move,” Keeper grumped. Keeper was in a bad mood and so was I. Then he smirked. “I thought I was ‘archangel’ now.”
“You’re whatever my mind can conjure at the moment. Deal with it.” I was lying on my back, staring at the light gray clouds in the darker gray sky, watching the feathers gently rain down from the heavens. If the veil was so close, how were the birds able to fly up there?
“They’re magical,” he teased.
“Is that a smile I hear?” I hadn’t seen his teeth in far too long, not since he graced Pamela with the mega-watt pearly whites. But I kept my gaze on the sky because if I saw that sight, I’d melt into a puddle of goo. My body wouldn’t be able to hold its form. I was sure of it.
“Gabriel should be back soon. He sent word that he’s on his way.”
“Does he always have to check in with you? Is that a Keeper power trip, or is he just being polite?”
Michael chuckled. Damn that sound.
“I heard him when I was sleeping.”
“Heard who?” I could almost feel Michael tense at my words.
“Gabriel. He kept telling me to breathe and said he’d gotten there in time, or something like that. Was he here?”
Michael was quiet, so I finally turned my head to look at him. Every muscle in his body was rigid. “No.”
“What is it?”
“Gabriel has some explaining to do.” He pushed up off the rock he was perched on and began to pace again, muttering beautiful, angelic curses, or so it sounded.
Gabriel, true to his word, stepped down from the sky. He looked like he belonged to it, or it to him. I wasn’t sure which.
He smiled broadly when he saw me blink. “You’re awake.”
“Sort of,” I deadpanned.
“You’re alive.”
“That’s arguable,” was my reply.
He crouched down beside me. He was wearing khakis and a polo shirt, the top two buttons undone. The fabric was bright yellow and his skin shone like he’d been near the equator for a few weeks, basking in the sun’s rays and daring skin cancer to mess with his hotness. His eyes flashed royal purple. Apparently, Gabriel liked compliments.
“She heard you,” Michael said, as Gabriel watched him walk back and forth along the rocks on the river bank. The sounds of the water crashing on and around the rocks was somehow comforting.
“Heard me what?” Gabriel asked, his smile falling away.
“You were telling her to breathe. What exactly happened to her?”
Gabriel stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. I wanted to sit up and be a part of the conversation, but I needed help to do so. I attempted to lift my head, but found it was far too heavy. I’d need lots of help.
Michael came toward me and gathered me in his arms, sat on a rock, and helped me sit up. On his lap. I should be tired much more often.
He smiled for a moment.
Gabriel didn’t. His facial features hardened. “The shudder you felt yesterday, Carmen, was your father crossing the divide. I followed him to work and at first it seemed like business as usual, so I let my guard down. He took the opportunity while I wasn’t watching and made his move. I didn’t locate him fast enough, and he found you in the hospital.”
Michael’s grip on me tightened. “What did he do?”
Gabriel looked ashamed when he told me, “He turned off your IV and the ventilator, but when he saw me at the door, he disappeared. I thought he’d crossed again, but—”
“He did. We felt the shudder from here,” Michael told him. “He’s getting desperate. If he ends her earthly life, she’ll be stuck here for a time. He obviously doesn’t know she can’t leave. That’s both a blessing and a curse, but he won’t stop. He wants her and he’ll stop at nothing until he has her. He’s waiting for us to slip up, to make a mistake so he can take her away.”
“My mother,” I gasped, squirming. Michael held me still. “He’s going to go after her. He knows I love her more than almost anything in the world.”
“You found her mother?” Gabriel asked, eyes wide. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It
wasn’t the time,” Michael said cryptically.
“We need to seek her out and bring her here where she can be safe,” Gabriel asserted.
“I agree,” I told them. Gabriel nodded, acknowledging my concerns.
“It’s not that simple,” Michael hedged.
“Where is she?” Gabriel asked, his eyes turning molten.
“The Meat Market. She’s a slave,” Michael answered, but he wouldn’t look at me. He stared at Gabriel, the muscle ticking in his jaw.
“What kind of slave?” I whispered.
All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe again. Something was wrong – on Earth – with my body.
“Nothing is wrong,” he whispered, grazing my forehead with the stubble on his chin. Manna began to rain down around us, dropping softly onto the rocks and flowing down the river. It bounced off tree branches and onto the ground. The crows feasted.
There was something wrong. I couldn’t breathe.
“You can. I know you’re upset, but I vow that I will release your mother from this servitude.” He looked meaningfully at Gabriel. “I need you to guard her with your life.” Michael eased me off his lap and onto the cold, gritty rock beneath it.
Gabriel inclined his head. The two spoke in angel, their voices and facial features hardening into stone in an instant. Just like that, Michael clucked his tongue and the crows flew in circles around him, whisking him into the air and away from us in an instant.
My stomach roiled as I watched him disappear into the leafy canopy. “Will he be okay?”
“In the city? Yes. And your mother will be fine as soon as he convinces her owner to free her.”
“What’s he going to have to do to convince them?”
“Anything necessary,” he said.
Tears filled with aggravation and helplessness fell from my eyes. I couldn’t stem the flow.
“I hate to see you cry,” Gabriel said softly as he watched me, unblinking.
“They’re hurting her. She’s being used. Her soul, her body. My father hated her so much that she ended up taking her life to get away from him, but that wasn’t enough for him. He sent her here and threw her to the wolves, and now they’re tearing her apart.” I let out a frustrated scream, clenching my fists. If my father was standing in front of me right now, I’d beat him to a pulp; just like he sent his puppets to beat me. Fast. Frenzied. Unmerciful.
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