by Unknown
Virat looked at Aditya, who shook his head as well. “Bad idea. Patients who've had a nervous breakdown often have panic attacks when they find out they've been harming themselves. That's not what Aamir needs at the moment.”
“I will repeat, the only person who can help Aamir is Dr. Ghosh.” Saleem said, rising to his feet. “We will take no more steps until he has had an oppurtunity to observe my brother. Inspector, you said you were here to do your duty. I also have a duty towards my brother. If we have satisfied your curiousity about his condition, perhaps we can bring this discussion to a close? I must go to check up on Aamir.”
Aditya could think of nothing to say. He nodded and got to his feet as well. The interview was at an end.
* * *
The next day Aditya made his way alone to Saleem's office. The elder brother looked surprised to see him, but welcomed him in courteously.
“I thought it would be more practical to talk to you about Aamir's case, since he isn't fully in control of his senses at the moment.” Aditya began.
“I'm glad you came.” Saleem smiled a polite smile.
“It must cost a lot to get Dr. Rastogi down here.” Aditya commented. “And then to have him stay indefinitely while you look for a cure.”
“My brother doesn't care about all that.” Shahid said, his smile slightly bitter. “Our own fault, I suppose. We coddled him too much as a child. Always bought him everything he wanted. As a result he learnt to live without counting the cost. Arranging for Dr. Ghosh to come here will cost a fortune, and Aamir was eager to have him stay even longer. He doesn't understand we don't have the money we once used to. But needs must when the devil drives. We'll find a way to manage.”
“I was up all night yesterday thinking about your problem.” Aditya said. “This is a mental affliction, and not something the police can handle. But I am a psychologist, and I think Aamir trusts me. Perhaps I can help keep him safe till doctor Rastogi arrives.”
“Unless you can enter his mind and remove all traces of the grey man from there, I don't think you can help him.” Saleem said with a wry smile. “My brother's enemy is his overactive imagination. I'm sure you're an excellent psychologist, but as I said before, we need a psychiatrist. I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist only Dr. Rastogi be allowed to examine him and treat his hallucinations.”
“I understand.” Aditya said. “I wasn't suggesting you let me treat him. But I think it would help Aamir to have an outsider to talk to about his problem. Someone who understands his ordeal and won't laugh at him.”
Saleem nodded slowly. “That is true. Thank you, officer. I'm very grateful for your support in this matter.”
* * *
For the next few days, in between his other work, Aditya took time out to visit Aamir everyday. Sometimes Aamir welcomed him with a happy smile, sometimes with a troubled frown. It was on the days of the frown that Aditya knew he had seen the grey man again.
“I just wish there was a way to anticipate when I'd see him.” Aamir said to Aditya in a low voice. Saira was in the kitchen. Saleem had left for the office after checking in on the house. “It's bad enough that I have to look at that horrible face. But it's so much worse when it jumps out at me when I least expect it. Is that normal with visual hallucinations?”
“A hallucination usually occurs when your conscious defences are lowered.” Aditya said. “Our brains can never comprehend the totality of the information our senses receive. For every color, sound and sensation we experience, our minds only process a fraction of everything that is actually going on around us. Sometimes a mental glitch occurs, and when our brains receive information it can't process, it fills in the unknown gaps with something from our past. In your case those gaps are filled by the grey man.”
The conversation was taking place in Aamir's room was on the fourth floor of the mansion. It was a huge rooom and lined with books on all sides, with a balcony to the side through which a fresh breeze reached the bed. There was a light, airy quality to the room.
“You have a pretty wide selection here.” Aditya observed, pulling out a heavy book whose cover showed a squid like monster. “It's strange to see a Lovecraft novel sitting next to Enid Blyton.”
“Reading always been a passion of mine.” Aamir laughed. “I started out pretty normally. Blyton as a kid. Then Doyle. Christie. Tolkien. Then one day I read a compilation of reports about unexplained phenomena from around the world. That got me interested in books about the other side of life. David Icke. Necronomicon. The grotesque stuff.”
“I would advice you not to lose yourself in that world too deeply, but it's good that you keep yourself busy.” Aditya said. He placed the book back in the shelf and turned to look at Aamir. “How are holding up?”
Aamir shrugged. “I only see the grey man at night now, so that's something to look forward to through the day. I went to the bathroom last night, and then saw him standing outside through the window. Scared me so bad I couldn't use the toilet afterwards.” He let out a low laugh that had a hollow ring to it. “It'd be hilarious if I didn't feel physically ill for an hour afterwards.”
“Did you try calling for help?” Aditya asked.
“Saira was making broth in the kitchen.” He shook his head. “But what can she really do? This is my battle, and I have to fight it on my own.”
Aditya could do nothing but nod in sympathy. The wait for Dr. Ghosh's arrival seemed to be taking a very long time. And the slow passage was taking it's toll on Aamir. Slowly, a change was coming over him. His manner was becoming more feverish. He would often browse through the library, muttering to himself. His imagination had taken a definite turn towards the morbid, and he was beginning to examine his illness in a new light.
One day, a week before Dr. Ghosh's arrival, Saira was dusting around the living room. Saleem was spending the day at the house, and was reading the newspaper. Aamir and Aditya sat talking about some of his earlier cases, when Aamir abruptly turned the conversation around.
“Do you think the apparition is trying to warn me, Aditya?” He asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, is it possible it's... a sign, perhaps? A premonition of some kind?”
“You think there might be a supernatual element to your hallucinations?” Aditya said cautiously.
“Why not?” Aamir pressed eagerly. In the background, Aditya could hear Saira dusting with redoubled vigor, as though she was trying to drown out Aamir's voice. “It's not really as impossible as people think, is it? There is a fine line between the improbable and the impossible. Hallucinations. Visions. Premonitions. They've been described by different names by different people. But what if there a dimension to my problem that is beyond the understanding of medical science? Do you believe in spirits?”
“No.” Aditya said firmly.
“Well, of course, as a man of science you would be sceptical.” Aamir stared at the ground intently. “I've always believed there's far more to the world that what we normally see. All those sightings of ghosts and demons. All the bigfoot sightings and alien abductions. It can't all be hokum. There's a kernel of truth in there somewhere. Every ghostly sighting you read about, it starts with children who display a special sensitivity to their surroundings. ESP. Mentalism. Call it what you will. But the fact remains that some people can sense these things more than others. Even if they don't want to. Now this apparition that's been visting me ever since I was a child, what if I'm going about it the wrong way, trying to shut it out? What if I try to communicate with-”
“For god's sake, Aamir!” Saira cried, turning suddenly to face them. “Stop talking all that nonsense!”
Aamir turned to look up at her in surprise. “How is it nonsense? It all adds up, doesn't it? When the evidence is right under your nose, the smart thing to do is to recognise it. Why did the grey man, who'd only ever watched me from the distance, suddenly turn violent one night? Maybe it desperately wants to communicate with me, and attacking me that night was the only way
it could think of to get my attention.”
“That's not what happened.” Saira said.
“Then what did happen?” Aamir said, his voice rising in exasperation. “How else do you explain it making physical contact? How did it hurt me if there wasn't-”
“You did it!” Saira shouted suddenly.
There was a ringing silence. Aamir stared at Saira, the color draining from his face. “What did you say?”
“You put those marks on your neck! I was right next to you in the bed. I saw you. You were trying to choke yourself. It wasn't a ghost. It wasn't a demon. It was you!”
Saira choked on her words and turned away, stumbling out of the room towards the kitchen. A few second later they heard the sound of the tap opening in the kitchen and splashing water.
Aamir stared at Saleem, then at Aditya. “I'm sorry you had to find out like this, Aamir.” Aditya said quietly.
“So that means...” Aamir stared at Aditya, his expression dazed. “It's true. I really am losing my mind. It's not an evil spirit. I'm the one who's mad.”
“No, you're not.” Saleem said forcefully. “You're sick. And you'll get better once Dr. Ghosh gets to examine you. You just need to hold on for a few more days until he gets here.” Saira emerged from the kitchen. Her face was still slightly wet. She looked at Aamir with a mixture of shame and regret.
“I'm sorry.” She whispered, walking over to him. “I'm so sorry. I don't know why I lost control like that.”
“It's okay.” Aamir said numbly. She bent to hug him, and he patted her head clumsily. “I understand. And I'm glad I know now. Yes, I'm glad.” He rose from his chair slowly. “I need some fresh air.”
There was a pause, as the other three seemed at a loss for words. “Should I bring your sweater?” Saira asked hesitantly.
“No.” Aamir did not turn. “I need quiet.”
He left the room. Saira looked for a moment as though she was going to cry again. But she gathered herself together and settled down in the vacant chair.
“In a way, I think this was for the best.” Aditya told her. “He has an overactive imagination. He could have turned paranoid obsessing over supernatural explanations for his illness.”
“He must hate me right now.” She whispered quietly.
“Not at all.” Saleem said at once. “He knows how much you love him, Saira, make no mistake about that. The only thing he has to look forward to right now is you becoming his bride. That's the only connection to normality in his life now.”
“Really?” Saira asked him with a smile tinged with bitterness. “How many happy brides do you know whose husbands go mad because they can't handle the thought of marriage?”
“What's happening to Aamir is not your fault.” Aditya said softly. “If it hadn't been the wedding it would have been something else. Mental disorders never just go away. You have to confront them and treat them.”
Aamir came back into the room, and the three fell silent. He face was pale but set. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he saw their expressions. “So much for my theory that I can communicate with ghosts. I was rather looking forward to buying an ouija board.”
He stopped in front of Saira, and she rose to face him. Slowly, he put his arms about her. “It's okay.” He said in a low voice. “Stop looking so guilty, Sai. I'm glad you told me. I've lived in my own head for too long. I have to face facts, no matter what they tell me. I can't live with my head in the clouds anymore.”
* * *
From that day, Aamir's condition got worse. The fight seemed to have gone out of him following Saira's revelation. He submitted without protest to her care and his brother's gruff advice. His appetite was greatly reduced, and he began to look gaunt and pale, almost a ghost himself. He stopped reading entirely, and spent the days wandering around the house aimlessly. His responses became shorter and quieter. He still reported seeing the apparition at intervals, but he seemed to have gone beyond the feeling of fear to one of resigned acceptance.
Two days before Dr. Ghosh's arrival, Aditya stoood with Aamir in his bedroom balcony. Night was falling fast, and for the longest time Aamir had not said a word. Then he unexpectedly began to talk, and it was the most he had spoken in days.
“I always loved this room.” He said softly., holding out a hand in the evening breeze. “My father had this entire floor specially made for me. Far away from the hustle and bustle of the world. Just me and my books. After my father died the inheritance was split between Saleem and me, and that's when I decided to use my money to have the balcony and book shelf added as well. A family of sparrows used to make their home in the hollow on the ledge of the balcony. I used to watch the mother sparrow for hours while she fed her children and taught them to fly. I used to imagine flying alongside them.” Slowly, he raised both his arms at his side, moving his fingers through the swirling air. “Just stretch out my hands, jump into the sky and soar away.” He leaned forward, and for a moment, Aditya was afraid he was going to tumble over the balcony.
“But the truth is, I'd just fall.” Aamir said, leaning back from the railing and lowering his arms. He turned to Aditya with a faint smile. “All my life I've been searching for something more in the world that what is visible to us. I suppose that desire is in some way responsible for the grey man.”
“The accident you sufferred as a child created this condition.” Aditya said quietly. “You can't blame yourself for it.”
“I'm not.” Aamir looked at Aditya. “I've moved past assigning blame. What's the point? What's the point of anything?” He wandered over to his bed and lay down. “I'll try to sleep now. See if the grey man follows me into my dreams, too.”
Aditya stood watching him, and waited till his breath turned regular. Then he turned and quietly exited the room. He made his way down to the living room. Saira sat at the table reading a novel, while Saleem was watching the news.
“Is Aamir all right?” Saira asked as Aditya took a seat opposite her.
“He's sleeping.” Aditya glanced over at Saleem, who sat slumped back on the couch staring at the television. “The sooner Dr. Ghosh gets here the better. I worry he'll do something drastic if left on his too long.”
“He wouldn't try to hurt himself again, would he?” Saira asked.
“That's what I'm afraid of.” Aditya choose his words with care. “It's what I've been wondering about from the beginning. COuld Aamir turn suicidal one day? Just how much damage had that childhood injury done to his mind? I just don't know. There have been cases of individuals living with a serious illness for years before becoming aware of them. One of the cases we studied in college dealt with a man in Canada who had hallucinations of an old woman watching him at all times. One night he couldn't bear it anymore, and threw himself off his balcony window.”
“That's terrible.” Saira said with a shudder.
“Once your mind starts to unravel, there's no telling how quickly it can lead you to contemplate terrible things.” Aditya said soberly. “And in that delicate mind space, it's a short step from thinking about those things to doing them. That's why Aamir needs you now more than ever. You can't give up on him at this point.”
“I won't.” Saira said, a new determination in her voice as she looked at Aditya. “If the grey man wants Aamir, he'll have to go through me first.”
Aditya stayed with them an hour more, then went up to Aamir's room to say goodbye before he left. He found Aamir sitting up in bed looking somewhat refreshed from his nap. He was flipping through a well thumbed book, his eyes clearly not taking in the words.
“I though you'd like this.” Aditya said, holding up a book. “The works of Alexander Pope. They'll go nicely on your shelf.”
“Thank you.” Aamir did not even turn to look at him.
“I'll just leave it here for now.” Aditya said, placing the book on a shelf. “You can read it when you feel better.”