by Mirajane
“So, how have you been?” Tyler asked once everyone had been seated. He and I kind of pulled away from the table slightly so that we could actually hear each other over the asinine stories that Cameron and Drake were getting into. I could tell they’d been drinking, and from what I could see they were much more entertaining this way.
“I’m good,” I said. “You have to tell me how you made this startling transformation. I mean… in high school you kind of got bullied a bit. I tried to stop as much as I could, but I’m sure you got it way worse than even I realized.” I felt stupid for bringing any of this up. I wanted to stop talking right now.
He sighed. “Yeah, I did. It was high school. That stuff goes on. But I hit a growth spurt and then I became very active in martial arts and working out.
“Wow, that’s interesting,” I replied. I loved the way he stared right into my eyes when he was talking. It was like he knew me on some other level and he could actually see my soul. I did not ever remember having a conversation like this with him before. It was like we were just in synch on some other wavelength. It was intense and beautiful.
“How about you? How’s school? You finishing up pretty soon?”
“Yeah, I am. I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to be doing next, but I guess I do have time to decide. I just can’t believe I ran into you here.”
“Yeah. Well, it is a small town. This is the best bar, so the odds were pretty high I guess. I’m more surprised that my grandmother didn’t tell me you were in town. She knew what a crush on you I always had.”
I blushed. Wow, he was finally admitting that to me. I used to think so, but I wasn’t totally sure. “You did?”
He stared into my eyes. “Yeah. Absolutely. Hell, I still do.”
What did he just say? Wow… this was not at all the same guy I used to know. The confidence, that swag—it was all sexy icing on an already sexy cake. “Well, that’s interesting.”
“Why is it interesting?”
He was really putting me on the spot here. Was he trying to confess that he wanted something to happen between us, or was he just playing with words now?
I looked into his eyes strongly and bit my lip a little bit, sending just enough of the flirty signals back to him. “Well, I think that all of this is pretty interesting. We have no idea what might happen next…”
“That’s true. So, you still keep in touch with your old friends I see?”
I shook my head. “Actually, no. My mother put me back in touch with them. When I left town, I just cut ties with everyone.”
“Me too. I think we both were just so done with everything that we needed brand new starts,” Tyler said.
“I agree. So, I heard that you own a business? Are you still in school?”
“No,” Tyler said. “The business got to be so much that I had to quit school to run the thing. And then it really exploded. Now, I’m branching off into other things. I never thought I would love running a business as much as I loved gaming and tech things, but it is the most fun ever.”
“Well, you are super smart. I am sure you will be successful at anything you do.”
“So, if I’d asked you out in high school,” he said. “What would you have said?”
I rolled my eyes. “Wow, you are really putting me on the spot, here.”
“It’s just a question. Answer it or don’t. But if you choose not to answer, I will take that as an implication of an answer and form my own conclusions based on it.”
“I would have said no because I was so messed up over the thing with Oren, and then I didn’t want to date anyone.”
He was nodding his head slowly. “Sure,” he said. “I can get that. I wanted to ask you out so badly, but I was sure you would say no.”
“Well, that’s probably good you didn’t ask me then, but I might have said yes. It’s tough to say. I’m just worried that you think I would have said no for the lame reasons.”
“Why? Because you weren’t physically attracted to me?”
“I never said I wasn’t,” I replied.
“It doesn’t bother me anymore, but I was not the type of guy you would have gone for. You went out with Oren, and you only seemed to be interested in jocks like him.”
“You paid way too much attention to who I dated,” I laughed.
“Well, I had a big thing for you,” Tyler replied.
“I wish I’d never dated Oren and had just dated you,” I said truthfully.
“So do I,” Tyler replied with a laugh. “But things happen for a reason. There is no point dwelling so much on the past, but I find I’ve been doing that more and more lately. Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been doing that, too.”
“You know what I think? I think we dwell on the past so that we can try to fix the future. But it turns out to be a waste of time because we can only control so much, and as much as we want to avoid pain, we end up causing ourselves much more of it in the end. I wanted to ask you out back then but I was afraid because I sensed a painful rejection. If I’d gone through that pain, it might have made me stronger. I might have started trying to change myself and make those improvements sooner. But who knows? There is no point in dwelling on it. Yet, I find myself doing that more nowadays. Whatever the reason was that you went through your pain and I went through mine, it was vital for us becoming who we are now.”
“I have to agree with that,” I said.
“So, it looks like my buddies are having a good time with your friends. That’s something I never saw happening.” Tyler replied. “I saw you come in and I was not sure you’d want me coming over here.”
“Well, we were all checking you out for a bit before you did,” I said with a laugh.
“Really? Why?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure if it was you at first,” I said. “But then I saw you smile and it was just that same way that I remembered back in high school.”
He nodded at me. “I’m glad you remember. This may sound weird, but since I decided I was going to come back for the holidays, I’ve been thinking a lot about you. I’m sure you’ve forgotten all about me, but I kept wondering what you were doing and how you were. We were pretty good friends our senior year, at least the last few months. But then we went our separate ways.”
“I hurt a lot of people by trying to forget about them. In the back of my mind, I didn’t realize I was doing this, but it was what I had to do at the time to move on. I’m sure you went through the same thing. I’m just surprised that we both did that and now coming back, we found each other so quickly.”
“Kind of makes you think it was fate or something,” he said.
I laughed. I had not been implying that, but I loved it when he hinted at something romantic happening with us.
“I didn’t realize you were such a hopeless romantic,” I said.
“You never asked. And I don’t think that romance is hopeless,” he said with that wry smile peeking through. That in conjunction with his charming, penetrating eyes had an amazing effect. I found myself growing so close to him right then and there. I’d been thinking about him more than I cared to admit lately and now he was right there. I tried to fool myself into believing that it was just a few random thoughts, but now it was really happening.
“If I were to ask you what vacation spot in the world you would want to go the most, what would you say and why?” Tyler asked me.
I laughed. “Wow, that feels like a question on some cheesy game show or something.”
“Maybe I like cheesy game shows.”
“Ok…hmmm… I would have to say I’ve always wanted to go to Paris.”
“Nah, that’s too easy. Everyone dreams of Paris. It has this reputation as the most romantic city in the world, but really it’s nothing special. It’s a big city with all the same problems that big cities have all over the world. There is nothing that special about it.”
“You’ve been, I take it?”
“A few times, mostly doing business.
But also for vacation.”
“You travel a lot?” This sounded exciting. I’d always wanted to travel and see the world, see what I was missing, and to try to figure out exactly where I wanted to be.
“Yeah, I have,” he said. “It was fun for a while, but every place eventually starts to wear out its welcome. Some more quickly than others.”
“Where all have you been?”
He took a deep breath as he recalled. “Let’s see… Paris, Tokyo, London, Amsterdam, Rio, and Johannesburg.”
“South Africa? Oh, I’ve always wanted to go there. I am just kind of in love with the wild life.”
“Yeah, I went on a few safaris with a guided group down there. I saw some lions up close. It was intense. One of the lions actually tried to attack the SUV we were all riding in. It was just sitting there peacefully gazing up at us as if it was about to fall asleep, and then before you know it the beast is on you. I was up against the window with its jaws wide open, trying desperately to get in. But we moved on and it was left behind.”
“Wow. You’re lucky it didn’t break the glass. I’ve heard of lions attacking tourists like that.”
He shook his head. “That usually happens to moronic people who get out of the car and try to get closer, to get pictures, or do something stupid. They think the lion doesn’t realize they are there, or that they are harmless creatures who don’t kill people. It’s absurd. I hate to sound cold, but I don’t have sympathy for people who intentionally put themselves in harm’s way.”
“I agree,” I said. “But it’s not possible for a lion to break the glass like that?”
“Oh, it is. It’s plexiglass, and very hard to break, but it absolutely is possible and it does occasionally happen. There is a mountain of waivers and paperwork you have to sign to be allowed on the safari so that the company is not responsible for these acts of nature. But it is a wild rush.”
“It sounds like you’ve lived a varied and interesting life since high school,” I said.
He laughed. “Yeah, I have. I think life is made up of experiences and if you aren’t experiencing then you are stagnating like a puddle of water. You have to keep moving, keep flowing, or you will grow roots under your feet and find yourself totally stuck there forever. That’s kind of what happens in small towns like this one.”
“Totally. That’s one of the reasons I left and haven’t looked behind.”
“But aren’t you stagnating, in a sense?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you say you don’t know what you want to do, but out of the things you are considering, how many of those things require you to work for someone else, to do someone else’s grunt work while they pay you nothing and they reap all the rewards?”
I hadn’t thought of it that way. But I supposed he was right.
“You find yourself stuck there just the same. People end up in some job that might have some mobility, but it’s just climbing a higher rank on someone else’s ladder. They will always be at the top above you and you will never catch them or have that level of freedom. It just won’t happen.”
“I guess, but not everyone can just start some company in their dorm room and have it become a success.”
“True. Nor should they. Everyone should find that thing, that one thing that really makes them tick, that thing that makes them bounce out of bed in the morning rearing to go and ready to take on the world, because that is the marker of what it feels like to be truly alive and truly in love with your life.”
“You speak like a poet sometimes,” I said. “I think I get what you are saying.”
“There is poetry in everything. You just have to listen to it,” Tyler said. “People are born with different strengths, different gifts. These things are not accidents. It takes all kinds to weave this fabric of society together and so many people waste their lives filling the wrong roles that they don’t belong in. They do it because they are afraid of seeking what is theirs. They are afraid of going after what they want and being where they truly belong. That is it.”
“So, what should someone like myself do? I’m not sure what my path is.”
“That’s the beauty of it. You need to close your eyes and envision your perfect life. Think about your perfect day. What is it you were put on this earth to do? What gives you the most joy in the world? That is what you should be focused on.”
I thought for a moment. There were a few things I was most drawn to, but they never really seemed to work out for me. Or maybe I hadn’t really given them any kind of chance. That was a possibility, right?
“You have to ask yourself what it is you really desire. Your perfect day, remember?” Tyler asked.
His voice was so soothing.
“I think I’d love to spend the day creating works of art. I’ve always loved painting, sculpting, even writing and telling stories. I can lose myself in an art museum for hours just enjoying all the wonderful works of art that people have created. When I was in high school, I used to do just that. I painted all the time.”
“Why did you stop? Why aren’t you in art school? Have you ever thought that maybe you didn’t even need school? Can anyone really teach art?”
“It’s not practical. That’s what my family has always told me. So, I’m getting a degree and I hope I’ll be able to put that towards a career, but most likely I’ll need to go to grad school, or law school.”
“You like to argue with people? You enjoy the law that much?”
I smiled. “Not really. In fact, most of it is pretty dab and boring.”
“Then why do it?”
“I guess it is a great, high paying, well-respected job.”
“But at the end of the day, would you actually feel satisfied doing this job?”
I thought for a moment and realized that he was right. “No,” I said. “I wouldn’t. It would for all intents and purposes just be a paycheck. The security of it is alluring.”
“Security has that ability. Comfort, which is really the same thing as security. But that is how the strong control the weak. They make them comfortable and give them the impression that if they just fall in line then they will be taken care of. But that is how you stay controlled. That is how you end up looking back on a life with total regret. Who wants that?”
“You are incredibly insightful,” I said. “You should write some self-help books.”
He laughed. “Maybe become the next Tony Robbins?”
“Sure. Why not. You’re already a big success. People would love to hear what you have to say.”
“People would love to hear it, but most won’t do it. They will put it off and put it off, mostly because they think it won’t work and also because they are too beaten down by their other commitments.”
“So, you think I should just start painting and quit school?”
“That is a decision you have to make. You have to decide what is important for you. I mean, you already are at the end of school, so might as well finish. Then you get a job that pays the bills, but in your off time you could work on what you want and work at it until you are too tired to stand up. You really have to be fully committed to it. I believe a woman as special as you are can do anything she sets her mind to.”
“Thanks,” I said. I did feel a lot better. I’d been floundering around trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life and now I was starting to get a clearer picture. I’d missed painting so much. I had to get back into it. I realized then that my life felt empty and incomplete without it.
“Anytime,” he said. “I still can’t believe we are here talking with each other. It feels like forever since we were anywhere close to each other.”
“I know,” I said. “But that’s the way the world works sometimes. Fate, like you said before.” I smiled to show him I was teasing, but deep down I really did believe that I was supposed to be there with Tyler at this place and time. Finding each other again after all this time was no accident. I was sure of it.
“Do you remember the ho
mecoming dance Sophomore year?” Tyler asked.
It took me a second. “Oh, yeah. That was the year that Oren spiked the punch with vodka and a bunch of us were in the bathroom throwing up later. The teachers couldn’t prove he did it, but we all knew. And to think, after adolescent hi-jinks like that, I still ended up going out with him the next year.”
Tyler laughed. “Right. Well, I was watching you from the side of the room where all the other losers were, and I couldn’t help but wonder if you were going to be ok. I saw you looking like you were about to barf and then running to the bathroom. It was obvious to me and everyone else that a bunch of people were drunk. The teachers were oblivious until everyone started getting sick.”
“Right. It was like there entire job was just to make sure kids were not making out on the dance floor. They paid zero attention to us otherwise.”
“Yeah. I waited until you were on your way home and I followed you to make sure you were ok. Do you remember what happened?”
“Not really. Most of that night is still pretty fuzzy.”
“Well, I saw your goofball friends drop you off on your doorstep and just leave you there. I stayed with you until the next morning to make sure you were ok. Then when you woke up, you were confused I was there and even more confused about where you were, but then you just said ‘thanks’ and went into the house. We never spoke about it. I was sure you’d forgotten entirely.”
“Pretty much. But you did that? Wow, that is so sweet. Thank you.”
“Yeah, I was in so much trouble with my folks for staying out all night. I was grounded with chores for two weeks, but I still say it was worth it because I got to spend the best night of my life with my dream girl.”
“Dream girl? Oh, wow, you are really making me blush now,” I said. It felt so good when he told me how much he used to crush on me. I was not just flattered, but I was very glad. I couldn’t help but feel so attracted to him. He had changed so much, but looking back I realized I was stupid for not seeing what a great guy he was even then. The past few years had helped me to wise up a bit.