by Karen Anne
I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and bit down on my bottom lip as I refolded a shirt that was already folded. “Brit will go with me. No biggie.” I forced a smile and shrugged it off. “Besides, I’m only applying to Juilliard because I heard their rejection letter was really nice.”
David stepped closer and touched my cheek ever so gently with the back of his fingers until my eyes met his gaze. “Kristen.” He was looking at me so seriously. “You have always accomplished everything you have ever set your mind to. Don’t start doubting yourself now.”
“You really believe I can get in?”
“I never once doubted you couldn’t get in.”
I placed my hand on his chest and looked at the silver promise ring. He believed in me, and I believed in us. I had to. Like he said, this was the uphill climb to our happily ever after. David cocked his head to the side, and his eyelids appeared heavy. I glanced at the clock. It was after one a.m.
“Babe, you need to get some sleep. Traveling while exhausted is not fun. This is the last shirt anyway.” I tossed in his T-shirt and zipped his suitcase closed.
“I don’t want to miss out on any moments with you,” he said with a yawn.
“That yawn just sealed your fate.” We settled on top of his bed, and despite his protest, David fell asleep quickly, but I stayed up and traced the tattoos on his skin, committing every line to memory. It was like a quilt of moments stitched on his arm. I had always hated tattoo sleeves, until I saw David’s. They were beautiful, and I couldn’t imagine him without them. His wrists held more simple tattoos… guitars and music notes, a few roses. They were some of the first ones he had ever gotten. He started collecting them back when he was seventeen and living in London. His first was a crude heart that his friend had done for him. But as the tattoos moved up his arm, they became more elaborate, more intricate, and vastly more detailed.
He had a medieval sword being guarded by a dragon that took up his entire forearm. His other arm had this amazing portrait of a woman with a sugar skull with vibrant roses in her hair. He had gotten that one after he’d visited New Orleans. His body was a map of his life, complete with our relationship on his neck.
My favorite was an angel that was up high on his shoulder. One wing was wrapped protectively around a woman, holding her close. It was forbidden love. I remember the first time I saw that tattoo, I was taken aback by it. It was so beautiful, yet so romantic. I guess I never saw David as having that side to him until he had literally shed his clothing and bared his soul. That’s when I knew he was everything I ever wanted. I kissed the angel and rested my cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and praying that morning would never come.
But it did.
It was still dark out when we reached the airport. “Just drop me off here,” he said, pointing to the curb where a valet was waiting to take his bags.
“Absolutely not. I want to go in with you. I’ll park in the lot.”
David caught my wrist and squeezed. “Kris, you can’t even come with me once I get my boarding pass. It’s ridiculous to pay eighteen bucks for parking when you can’t go farther than the first revolving door. Besides, even if you could, I am not about to have you walk back to your car in the dark. It’s not safe, and I refuse to leave you if I’m feeling for a second that you’re not safe. It’s bad enough you wouldn’t let me take a bloody cab.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but David just shook his head. “Let me protect you while I still am around to do it, okay?”
I nodded and pulled over to the drop off spot he had suggested before. Thankfully, it was pretty empty. At four-thirty in the morning in the middle of January, not many people were flying out of Pennsylvania. My hands started shaking as I un-clicked my seat belt. This was it. David was leaving, and I had no idea the next time I’d ever see him again— or even if I’d ever see him again.
He jumped out with far more energy than I had and went to retrieve his suitcases. I got out of the car as he was closing the trunk and hugged myself to keep warm.
David wheeled his luggage over to the outdoor check-in and the man took his large suitcase and slapped an orange sticker on it. My heart started to beat fitfully. I took a few deep breaths as he walked back to me, the world starting to wind down into slow motion.
“So this is it?” I asked, my voice shaky.
David nodded slow, and I fell apart. Body shaking, heart beating in an erratic rhythm sort of fall apart. He pulled me against him, and I cried into his chest. I couldn’t do this. I thought I could, but I couldn’t. It hurt too bad and that was with him right in front of me.
“It’s going to be okay.”
But was it going to be okay? Was this just a blip in our lifetime that we would look back on and smile because it had made us stronger? Or was this the departure that we wouldn’t be able to withstand? Maybe we could only exist in this space and time, and to alter that would be to alter our destiny.
My fingers gripped his jacket tighter. I was running out of time. And words. “I love you so much. I just want to go with you,” I pleaded like a small child trying to keep their castle in the sky just a little bit longer.
“I wish you could, kitten. But you have another semester left, and I’m not going to mess that up because I selfishly want you by my side. Besides, there’s your audition.”
I squeezed him tighter. His leather jacket was cold, and I knew he wasn’t dressed for this weather. So stubborn! When I pulled back, I removed my scarf and wrapped it around his neck.
“Now you can take me with you.” I forced a smile, but my bottom lip was shaking. David’s brow furrowed, and for a spilt second, I saw him struggle with the concept of getting on that plane. The look in his eyes was clear. If I asked him to stay, he would.
But I had to let him go. “I love you, David Archer. Go be the rock star I always knew you were.”
He leaned in and crushed his lips against mine. I imagined myself as one of those women who kissed her man when he went off to war in the 1940s. I knew this was not as drastic, but it was just as unpredictable. David could fall in love with London; he could become a sensation and go on tour. Or worse, he could realize it wasn’t that difficult to live without me. So he had my lips tattooed to his neck, big deal. That was just a memory of a time in his life. No more, no less.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, cradling the back of his head in my hands. The sides and back of his head was freshly shaved, and I rubbed my thumb across the grain to feel the friction. David’s kiss was bittersweet. Passion dripped in sadness. His lips fit so perfectly against mine, I couldn’t imagine not feeling them for weeks or the more realistic option— months.
“Never forget how much I love you,” he spoke against my lips.
By now, I had come undone, like a sweater with a loose string, his words gave a swift pull, removing everything that offered safety in my world, leaving me confused in its wake. My entire body trembled from the realization that I had to navigate these unchartered waters without my Northern star “I love you so much,” I choked. So much for being his rock.
David moved his mouth close to my ear. “Listen to me. I’m coming back, love. This is not good-bye. I promise.”
I pulled him closer, greedily wanting his lips for a few more precious seconds. When we broke apart, he had a heartbroken look that must have mirrored my own. I couldn’t speak, just nodded, giving him the permission he needed to walk away. Walk away from three years of us. He squeezed my hand. “Go get in the car. I need to see you safely drive away.”
Again, I nodded, and feeling the tears well up, I got in and started my engine. I looked in the rearview mirror at the man of my dreams standing in the cold, his hands in his pockets, his mouth buried into my scarf. He pulled one arm up and gave me a wave, and I drove away, hoping against hope that we just didn't share our last kiss.
NINE
I was checking my phone every five seconds, terrified that I might miss David’s call when Brit suggested we order Chin
ese and rent a movie.
“You’re not working tonight?” I asked. The band was hers now. Shouldn’t she be at the Draught?
Brit shook her head. “Nope. David explained that January is a slow month since most of the college crowd is home for the holidays, so in a few weeks it’ll pick up.” She was right, I suddenly remembered that January was when David tried to book extra, private gigs. “Why? You trying to get rid of me?”
“No, of course not. But I feel like you’re afraid to leave me alone.” She had been in mommy mode all day.
“Well, did you want to be alone? I’ll do whatever you feel like. Alone and listening to sad songs, or movies and egg rolls. It’s your call.”
“Honestly, I just won’t be able to relax until I know he’s safe.” Musical chimes interrupted our conversation alerting me to the incoming FaceTime call. “Ahh! David!” I jumped up with a huge smile and pressed accept on my phone. David’s gorgeous face swam into view.
“There she is!” David was beaming. Brit leaned over and gave him a wave.
“Hey, David! How was your flight?” she asked.
“Wretched. We were delayed, but I’m in a hotel tonight, and tomorrow I get my flat.” Brit signaled that she would go, but I shook my head and ran up the stairs.
When the door was closed, I flopped on my bed and looked at him. “This is so weird. I can’t believe how far away you are. You still feel close.”
“I know what you mean. It feels like I’m on holiday, and I’ll be home by the end of the week.”
“Oh I wish that were the case.” I lovingly touched the screen, longing to feel his cheek. He already had scruff since I left him this morning. It was pretty sexy. “Did you get a chance to see your family?”
“No, not yet. I only just got in. It’s almost nine here. I’m going to order room service and crash. The flight was bloody awful. I was next to an infant who cried the whole time. I don’t think she liked me.”
“How could anyone not like you?” I teased.
“Well, this baby didn’t.” He rubbed his eyes. He looked exhausted.
“Babe, do you want to just call it a night?”
“No, no… let’s talk.” He stifled a yawn and rested his cheek against his palm.
“David, you can hardly keep your eyes open. Eat, take a hot shower, and get some sleep. Tomorrow you begin your first day as a real rock star.” He smiled, a deep grin. He was so damn sexy, and it killed me that I couldn’t kiss him.
“All right.” He nodded. “I’ll take your advice, although what I wouldn’t give to be in the shower with you right now.”
“Why, Mr. Archer, are you trying to have a naughty video chat with me?”
David laughed. “Mmmhh… it may have to come to that. Damn, I miss you, and it’s only been a few hours.”
“I know. Don’t make me cry.”
“All right, love. I’m going to go. This call is probably costing us ten dollars a minute.”
“No! Seriously?” I hadn’t even thought about how expensive just talking to each other would be.
“I think so. Tomorrow I’ll look in to international calling plans. I hadn’t done my research before I left. Too much on my brain. I need to figure out the best way for us to keep in contact, because as of right now, this bill is going to be enormous.”
“Well, good thing you’re a famous rock star and can afford it.”
He ran his tongue over his crooked canine and nodded. “Good thing.”
“I love you,” I said, hearing the angst in my voice.
“I love you. Have a good night, love. Dream of me.”
“I will.” He waved and ended the call, and I looked around the room, feeling more alone now than when I had left him at the airport. I went into my closet and pulled out one of David’s shirts. Smelling the collar, I was delighted to discover it still had a trace of his cologne in the fabric. I slipped the shirt on and hugged myself. That was the closest thing I’d have to being in his arms for a while, and it would have to do.
TEN
The next few weeks consisted of me filling up my schedule, packing in as much as possible so I wouldn’t have a moment to miss David. Of course, I missed him. I missed him terribly. I saw him constantly on campus or at the coffee shop, chasing down strangers in the street only to discover it wasn’t him at all. I feared if I didn’t keep my mind preoccupied, I’d go insane. Running became my religion. I pushed my body every day… just ten minutes more… one more mile… anything to distract myself from my emptiness. The more I ran, the deeper I slept at night, and I needed to just crash and forget about how much I wished he was near me.
I took on more piano students and paid a lot of attention to the sorority calendar. Rush was a week away, and I knew once we had pledges and the final semester began, I’d have a lot more work to do. Natalie had graciously allowed me to help her with her pledge class. I made copies, wrote schedules, ordered pledge pins and even washed the gowns that would be used at initiation. I was doing work that didn’t need to be done for months, but it felt good to be organized and on top of everything.
Evenings were the longest. Because of the time difference, I was only able to FaceTime with David in early evenings. He’d call me around six, as it was eleven over in London. They had him waking up at the crack of dawn, and he spent most of his day in the studio. Sometimes when he’d call, his voice sounded hoarse, and I felt guilty talking to him when he should be drinking tea and resting his vocal chords for the next day.
“Things are moving so fast. I can’t really believe it.” David said as I lay on my bed, belly to the mattress, hugging my pillow, pretending it was him.
“How so?”
“They have all this PR booked. I have to do interviews and there’s talk of a video.”
“A video? Oh my God! David! That is crazy!”
“I know. They didn’t specify which song yet.” He looked so happy. Tired, but clearly in his element.
“How are the people?”
“Good. I mean, I sing in a sound proof box all day. They add the musicians later, but I’ve met them. They seem cool. It’s just strange to be singing without Mark and Kevin backing me up. They were always my band, you know?”
“Yeah. It’s weird watching them without you.”
“How’s Brit holding up?”
“She’s good. She incorporated a Green Day song into their set list.”
David rolled his eyes. “Of course she did.” Brit had an unhealthy obsession with Billie Joe Armstrong.
“Everyone asks about you. You have a fan club here waiting for your return.”
He just smiled. “How’s Beast?” I looked away from the screen for a minute. The truth was, I had no idea. “You haven’t visited him, have you?” David’s voice was filled with disappointment, and I kicked myself for not taking a moment to wander over there and pet the cat. I should have bought him a toy or a bed, something to show I cared. I sucked.
“I’ve been busy. I’m sorry.”
David’s eyes held an evident disappointment in my neglect. “It’s not just the cat, Kris. I worry about Harry.”
I laughed at that. “Harry? I doubt he needs tucking in.”
“He’s a loner. He left his whole life in New York. I just don’t want him… forming bad habits. That’s all.”
“What kind of bad habits?”
David didn’t answer my question. “Don’t you have anyone in your sorority that you could fix him up with?”
“Not really. Most of the seniors have boyfriends, and you really don’t want him with Summer. She’s single for a reason.”
“Fine, but maybe invite him out every once and awhile.”
“I’m sure Brit would like that.” I snorted.
“Sorry?”
“I think Brit has a crush on him.”
David’s eyes widened. “Brit, who’s practically married to Erik, Brit?”
“I didn’t say she would act on it. She just mentioned a few times how handsome he is. The girl is
allowed to admire from afar, nothing wrong with that.”
David leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. His biceps bulging as his black tee tightened around him. God. Was he always that gorgeous? That in shape? “He’s the runt of our litter.”
“Don’t be jealous,” I said as my gaze wandered down over his biceps again.
“Trust me, I could never be jealous of Harry.”
“You’re too hard on him.”
“If you knew his past, you’d be hard on him, too.”
“Okay that’s the second time you hinted that he has this huge skeleton in his closet.”
David scratched at his head, causing a few hairs to fall out of the small stub of a bun he had tied it back in. “I don’t want to talk about Harry.”
“You brought it up!”
“You’re right. Just forget it.” His gaze looked around the room, and I realized I had never seen his place.
“Hey! Give me a tour of your flat.”
“A tour?” He flipped the laptop around so I could see the rest of his room. It was a mess. He turned the laptop back around, and his face swam into view. “It’s not that big.”
“I want to see more than your laundry. Come on, show me around.” I watched David reach over onto his nightstand for something. It was a pack of cigarettes. He lit one and took a drag before talking again. My mouth twitched. I knew David only really smoked when he was songwriting, but it drove me insane. He knew I hated the habit, and being a billion miles apart, there was nothing I could do to stop him.
“My roommate Danny is out there practicing.” He gestured to the room beyond his door.
Now that I listened, I did hear an electric guitar in the background. “Oh! I didn’t realize you had a roommate. You never said anything. I assumed you’d be alone.”
“Nah. I’m not that important. They pair us up with other musicians.”
“So, Danny is recording an album, too?” David took another drag and nodded, squinting as the smoke traveled in front of his eyes. As much as I wasn’t thrilled that he was smoking, he sure looked good doing it.