by Karen Anne
“No,” I vehemently shook my head. “At least, I don’t think so. I just saw his roommate was this supermodel rock star who happened to be half naked in their apartment.”
“Danny,” Harry said, and I cringed over the name.
“You knew about her?” Suddenly, I felt betrayed all over again.
“No, not until he called this afternoon. He told me you found out his roommate was a girl, and you flipped out and dumped him.”
“Well, that certainly makes me sound shallow and untrusting.” I shook out my hair in frustration, then slumped my shoulders. “I didn’t dump him…” Behind his glasses, Harry’s eye’s widened. “I mean I know I said we were over, but that was just my anger talking. I didn’t mean it. Not really.” I sighed as the truth hit home. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, I happen to like long stories.”
I raised my gaze to meet Harry’s crystal blue eyes. They were filled with concern. It was Harry who held me when I was missing David. It was Harry who checked in after my audition. It was Harry who had rescued me from that Valentine hell hole and now it was Harry who made sure I was eating right. He was the Archer who cared right now.
So I did. I told Harry how hurt I was that Brit was more a part of David’s life in the past few months than I had been. I told him about my failed audition and how David hadn’t even called until the next day. And then I told him about the blonde in the red panties, draped across the man I loved more than anything in the world. “Why wouldn’t he have told me about her?”
“He probably didn’t want to add any more stress to your relationship.”
“But to keep it from me?”
“Well, would you have been okay with him living with an attractive woman?”
“Not really. But I would have accepted it easier had I known from day one.”
“You probably would have, but that doesn’t mean it would have stung any less. I know my cousin, the last thing he would ever want is to hurt you. I’m not taking sides, just trying to reason out his actions.”
“I just feel like I’m the last person he thinks about these days. I know he's finally turning his dreams into reality, but I was the one who stood by him through it all. It was me. Not Danny. Not even Brit. Me.” I sighed. “He didn’t even introduce me to her. He had an opportunity and he didn’t.”
Harry tipped his head to the side. “If it’s any consolation… my cousin is such a dick.”
“Well, we can agree to that much.”
“I’m serious. I mean…” Harry’s mouth twitched. He looked like he had something else he wanted to add.
“What is it?”
He took a breath. “If I had a girl like you, I’d never let her go. I’m sorry. If he could get a record deal in London, he could get one here. He never should have left you.”
I had seen David’s rejection letters. I could have easily argued that this probably was his only shot. Still, my heart fluttered a bit. I was both flattered by Harry’s words and equally torn apart by them. I just wished these words of devotion were coming from a different Archer boy. So, like a stupid girl, I started crying again. Crying like my face was a goddam thunderstorm with all the hiccup sobbing I could not control. I’m sure my mascara was streaked across my cheeks, and my eyes were going to be uber swollen in the morning, but I just couldn’t stop.
Harry took the plate of food out of my shaking hand and set it on the table. Then he pulled me against his chest, where I slobbered all over his shirt like an infant. “I’m sorry my cousin did this to you,” he said as he stroked my hair.
I didn’t answer, just continued to sob. He held me tighter, and I tried to control my breathing from hysterics to a more calming, less embarrassing cry. “It hurts,” I finally managed to say. “It hurts so freaking bad.”
“I know,” Harry said, stroking my hair. “Trust me, I know.”
When every drop of salt water had finally evacuated my tear ducts, I pulled back, afraid to meet his gaze. I must have looked so pathetic. It was humiliating. I glanced over at the clock on the Blu-ray player. It was after midnight. I was exhausted, but my eyes hurt so much from crying, even closing them was painful.
“Do you think I could…?” I felt stupid asking. But I figured after practically blowing my nose on his shirt, there wasn’t much farther I could fall. “Have another one of those sleeping pills? I just want to crash and forget this day ever happened.”
“No problem.” Harry disappeared into his room and when he returned, he handed me two blue pills. “Hold on, I’ll get you some water.”
“No need.” I took the pills and washed them down with what was left of my beer. Figured I might as well live a little reckless tonight. Beer was mostly water anyway, I reasoned.
“A girl after my own heart,” Harry said with a crooked grin.
I ignored him and started picking up plates to help him clean up our midnight fiesta.
“I got this. You go sleep. If you need me, you know where I’ll be.”
I nodded and stood up on my tippy toes to kiss him on his cheek.
“What was that for?” he asked, his cheeks just the slightest flush of pink. I reasoned it was from the beer and not my affection.
“For being my knight in shining armor this week. I’m pretty head strong, always trying to do everything by myself. I didn’t know how badly I needed one until now.”
Harry smiled. “Goodnight, Kris. If you need anything, come get me.”
I nodded and wandered into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I was even scarier looking than I had imagined, and I had to wash my face twice to get all the streaky mascara off my cheeks.
Walking into David’s room, my heart dropped. As soon as I saw his bed and remembered the last time he had playfully tossed me onto the mattress before making love to me, I knew I couldn’t stay in there. It would be like dragging out my misery, rolling around in what I could never have again. I stormed out and slammed the door. Harry was carrying all the plates into the kitchen and jumped.
“Sorry, I just… I can’t sleep in there. Would it be awful if I took the couch? I don’t want to make you drive me back to the sorority house, it’s late enough as it is.” Although I knew the party was still going strong, and that was undoubtedly the real reason why I was avoiding my house.
“I’ll take the couch. You take my bed,” Harry said.
“I’m not going to kick you out of your bed.”
“Too late, I already called the couch, so you might as well take the bed.” His words were almost playful and that made this even more confusing.
“Why don’t you take David’s bed?”
“That would be weird.”
“Why would that be weird?”
“You guys have…” He shook his head. “It would just be weird.”
I didn’t buy it. “But you slept there a few nights ago.”
“That was different. You hugged me. I wasn’t going to leave you, and I more of sat up and napped than laid down and dreamt.”
“Harry, I’m so sorry, I'm completely turning your whole world upside down. How do I fix this?”
“Simple. You stop arguing and get in my bed.”
I glanced at him, that unsettling nervous flutter back in my stomach.
He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Look, it’s late, you go to bed, I’ll crash here. It’s really fine, I promise.”
I nodded and went into his room, closing the door behind me. The drowsiness began to envelop me. Tired, I didn’t change into pajamas, nor did I take off my jeans and sleep in a shirt like I normally did. Instead, I laid down against Harry’s pillow, inhaled his cologne, and let the sleeping pills take hold of me. Tiny footsteps pressed along the mattress, and I knew Beast had come to sleep with me. I assumed he regularly slept with Harry.
“What a lucky kitty,” I slurred as the pills carried me away.
SEVENTEEN
When I awoke, the bad choices of the previous evening went off in my body like grenades. Too many sh
ots, the beer, and those sleeping pills did not work well together. But it was my emotions that were slamming against me harder than any hangover.
Were David and I really through? Was it even possible that the love of my life, the man who just yesterday I was planning on marrying, was no longer a part of my life. How do you go from promise rings to girls in red panties?
I wanted him to get on the next flight home, take me in his arms and convince me I was the only woman in his life. It was selfish. I knew that. It was also not realistic. Since he had sent that last text, he hadn’t bothered to send anymore. Maybe he was giving me the space I needed. Or, maybe it was over. And thinking that, I wanted to die.
The ache in my heart was unbearable. It hurt to beat. If you love with your mind, then why did that thumping muscle in my chest feel like it would explode? I was grateful today was Sunday. It meant no school and no piano lessons. I could sleep all day and forget about the world. Except for one itty bitty problem. I wasn’t in my bed.
Harry’s bed was unfamiliar, yet comforting. It wasn’t David’s bed that held our past, or my own bed where I would dissolve into the pain. No, it was foreign, and it sort of grounded me in an odd way.
I couldn’t fall apart in his bed. It was like it held me in a state of frozen hibernation where nothing else happened as long as I remained here. In a philosophy class, we had learned about Schrodinger’s cat. The cat was placed in a box and was neither dead nor alive as long as the box remained closed. I was that damn cat, and his bed was my box. As long as I remained in Harry’s bed, I didn’t have to face the break up, my sisters, or the real scale of this pain. I had only scratched the surface of what had actually transpired between David and I, and it stung so bad, I had to pull back and wrap my tail around my legs, taking a moment to breathe before I faced reality again. That’s how powerful love can be. For as wonderful as it was when we had it all, this pain was magnified.
I wondered if David even felt a tenth of what I was going through, or was he so submerged in his record deal he didn’t have to think about it yet? Did he go out and have drinks with Danny to wash away the past or did he use this as inspiration, fuel for his next song?
There was no way of knowing. And that was maddening.
Harry didn’t bother me, and I was grateful. I watched as the hours ticked by, and morning sank into noon. I slept, cried, and did it all over again. Time lost all meaning. It was quiet in the apartment, and I wondered if Harry had left. Perhaps I freaked him out with my hysteria and crazy mascara face last night. Or maybe he woke up and realized he should have taken David’s side in all of this. I had placed him in the middle, and that was not fair.
I felt like a fool. I couldn’t stay here. It was stupid to have even come here. I should get up, pack my stuff, thank Harry and never speak to another Archer again. But I physically could not get out of bed. The depression covered me like a blanket, my heart an open wound, bleeding all over the sheets.
It was dark outside. I had hibernated for the entire day. The clock blinked five-thirty, and I knew I’d have to find the strength to get out of this bed, walk out of Harry’s room, and leave this apartment for good. The very thought gave me sharp pains in my chest. I just wanted the hurt to go away. I wanted to feel numb.
The door creaked open, and I heard Harry’s voice, low and soft. “Kris? Are you awake?”
I contemplated pretending I was asleep, but that would be a shitty thing to do. After all, I was in his bed, and I’m sure he wanted me to evacuate the premises. Hospitality can only take you so far.
“I’m awake.” My words sounded thin and wispy, like a ghost had uttered them and not a living, breathing human being. That’s probably because I was dying. No person could hurt like this and live through it.
“I made you some soup, homemade, not that canned crap.”
I sat up, and my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. “Thank you.” There it was again, that deadpan tone. I was broken beyond repair. “I’m sorry. I should just go.”
“No, stay.”
“Harry, I’m like this moldy bread that you’re too kind to throw out. Seriously, I need to be tossed out with the trash.”
“Huh, now I see why you and Brit get along.”
I just rubbed my head and tried not to cry. Every part of me became swollen with emotion. It was unbearable.
“So, should I bring the soup in here?”
“That depends. Is it a big enough bowl for me to drown in it?”
“Stop! I’m not listening to this bullshit. I seriously could kill David right now for putting you through this!” Harry stormed out, and I was stunned. He came back with a tray, placed it beside the night stand and turned on the light. I winced from the fluorescent glow. “You need to eat. I’m not going to let you starve yourself to death. When this bowl is clean, we’ll discuss your other options.”
Other options? I propped up the pillows and sat up in bed. Harry sat on the edge and brought the tray over to my lap. He stared at me intently, and I knew he wasn’t going to budge until I started eating. I dipped the spoon into the broth and took a sip. Holy crap that was good! I was suddenly ravenously hungry, and I took another spoonful of the chicken noodle soup before complimenting the chef.
“So good! You had all these ingredients here?”
“No, I went to the store earlier. I’ve been boiling a chicken all morning, then went into full blown soup mode. I haven’t made a soup in a while. Funny how you remember things.”
I licked the spoon and looked at him. The boy boiled a chicken. “Harry? Why are you being so good to me?”
“You’ve given me no reason not to be.”
“I appreciate everything, I really do. But I can’t stay here another night. I’ve completely overstayed my welcome. I mean you were kicked out of your room and everything.” I looked at him, realizing he was dressed and perfectly groomed. And he had said he went to the store.
“How did you get fresh clothes if I was in here?”
“You were in a pretty deep coma. I was in and out this morning, you didn’t budge.”
“Oh. Did David call?” I asked, regretting the words the moment I asked. There was too much longing.
“No, I’m sorry.”
I nodded and pushed the tray away. Harry placed it back on the night stand, and I rolled over and started crying. I couldn’t breathe. “How can I make it stop?” I sobbed into his sheets.
“What stop?” Harry asked.
“The hurt.” Harry reached over to hold me, but I jerked away. “I have to go. Can you take me home?”
He nodded, and I flung the sheets off my legs, looking around the room to get my bearings. I was still dressed in the same clothes as last night. I didn’t even care. I started making the bed, although after I had snotted all over the pillows, I’m sure Harry would prefer to change the sheets.
“Kris.” He placed a gentle hand on my wrist. “Don’t worry about it. Just get your stuff, and I’ll warm up the car.”
I nodded, but as soon as I had heard the door close, I went to the closet and got a fresh pair of sheets. I had kicked the boy out of his bed, and he had made me food. This was the least I could do. I made the bed quickly, and when Harry came back, I was pulling my hair into a ponytail and pushing my foot into my heels.
“You ready?” he asked, and I nodded.
Of course I wasn’t ready. I was going home to be interrogated by the Delta Sigs. That was not going to be easy. They would all want to offer me advice. I didn’t want to hear any of it.
When I was in the car, I checked my phone, hoping against hope that I had a text or missed call from David. I didn’t. It was officially over twenty-four hours since the break-up, and he didn’t come running back to me. I guess it was easier to walk away than try. He was in London with his new life, and I was the stake that kept him tethered to Bumblefuck, USA. It must have been a relief to finally be free. How could I have been so stupid?
“Crap,” I muttered.
Harry turne
d to me, concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I have like five thousand missed calls and texts from Brit. I bet she’s just waiting for the twenty-fifth hour to arrive so she can declare me a missing person.”
“She knows you’re with me.” He shrugged.
“She knows I left with you, but that’s all.”
“What did she think I was going to do? Take advantage of your misery? Not my style.”
I ignored his comment, remembering how Brit had texted me the night before about not doing anything I would regret. Harry pulled in front of the Delta Sig house, and I took a deep, shaky breath.
“Thanks, again. I owe you so much.”
“You owe me nothing.” He smiled, a weak smile, the smile you offered someone when you know they’re hurting. “If you need anything, food, company… a place to crash… you know where I am.”
I nodded and slipped out of his car. He stayed outside until I was safely inside, just like David had done a million times before.
EIGHTEEN
The moment the door clicked shut, I heard several feet running down the stairs. I turned around and saw that everything was back to normal, all traces of the party had been cleaned up, and I was relieved not to see one paper heart roaming about.
“Are you okay?” Brit asked, and when I saw her face, I almost broke down again. I must have looked like crap.
I would have answered, but Natalie was with her. “You didn’t respond to any of our texts.”
“I know. I’m really sorry. I was— not myself last night. How was the party?” I forced myself to smile. It hurt my cheeks.
“Party was great. Would have been better if my best friend was there,” Brit said, crossing her arms.
“What? Jaime didn’t show up?” I asked, trying to channel the girl I used to be.
“Very funny. He was here, but you weren’t. Look, I know you miss David, and it couldn’t have been easy on Valentine’s Day to be without him, but getting drunk and leaving with his cousin was not the way to handle it.”