by J. A. Owenby
“What?” Benji nearly shrieked at me. “You never told me about the janitor’s closet, Tensley. Dear Jesus. It was that bad at the foster home?”
My hands visibly shook. “Worse.”
“I’m not such an ass that I need full details, but please bring me up to speed where Layne is concerned.”
I hesitated, my gaze drifting to the gorgeous man in my bed. “I’m going to give you the CliffsNotes version.”
“That will work. Just don’t leave anything important out.” I could hear the smile in Benji’s voice. He always injected humor when shit got intense.
With a deep breath, I gathered up the courage to tell him about the foster dad, moving into the closet, and how Layne had found me. Before I realized it, the flagpole situation and Layne breaking up with Chloe came rushing out of my mouth. I hadn’t intended to share that with him or with anyone else. But now that Benji knew, I never wanted to discuss it again.
“Dammit.” I hesitated, and silence filled the line. “I shouldn’t have told you all of that. I’m so sorry. I’m being selfish. You’re healing from the attack and have so much to deal with, Benji. I’m sorry.”
“Wow, Ten. I-I,” he stuttered.
“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine.”
“No. No, it’s not anywhere close to fine. That was … Chloe is … was. Oh my God, I can’t even talk right now. No wonder you never brought it up.”
“How would I? Hi, I’m Tensley, previously Victoria. I moved from Arkansas to Washington because I was stripped and duct-taped to a flagpole by a crazy bitch who thought her boyfriend liked me. Oh, and did I mention I used to wear my hair really short? It was called the flagpole butch cut.”
“All this makes sense now, including why you were terrified of Layne the first night you saw him. But from what you just explained, he didn’t have anything to do with what happened. It was all Chloe. Do I have that right?”
“Yeah. At first, I didn’t believe him, but the more time we’ve spent together, he continues to show up as a really good person.”
“Keep making him work for it, Ten. I mean from what Avery has told me, he’s seriously into you.”
Heat crept up my neck and cheeks. I’d never had a guy to discuss before, and I was dipping my toes into new territory. “I’m not sure who’s more broken, him or me. I don’t think it’s a good idea to fall for him, Benji.”
“Girl, please. I can hear it in your voice—you already have. Now you know he’s a package deal.” Benji laughed at his play on words. “Seriously, though. Be honest with him and see what happens. If he gets pissed you washed his clothes and dried them, then he’s an asshole, and you need to move on.”
I knew Benji had a point, but I wasn’t sure I could move on, at least not after that kiss. My entire body tingled with the thought of it. His soft lips and demanding tongue had nearly taken my knees out from under me. I’d never been kissed like that in my twenty-one years.
“The reason I called,” Benji said, interrupting my hormonally induced thoughts, “is because I was hoping you might want to come over tomorrow.”
There were no better words he could have said to me. My heart jumped at the thought of seeing him. “Hell yeah. What time?”
“Well, Mom and Dad leave around one in the afternoon, and they would feel better if you were here with me, so what about twelve-thirty? They should be back by eight, so we can eat, talk, and watch movies.”
“That sounds like the best day ever, Benji.”
“If you’re a good little girl, I’ll even give you a ride in my wheelchair.”
Even though I couldn’t see him, I imagined he was waggling his eyebrows at me. Before I could catch myself, I barked out a laugh. “Oh my God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, babe. Take care of that hunk of a man in your bed tonight, then you can fill me in on all the juicy details when you come over.”
“I can’t wait to see you.” A low moan pulled my attention back to the broken and beautiful guy under my covers. “I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Can’t wait,” Benji said, then disconnected the call.
Quietly, I stood from my chair and waited to see if Layne was going to wake up or be sick. Even though I’d taken care of a lot of younger foster kids, this situation was completely different. Layne was grown … and naked … with a huge dick.
Layne flung his arm over his forehead, and another moan escaped his full, soft lips. “Tensley.”
“I’m right here,” I replied quietly, but Layne didn’t respond.
Sitting softly on the edge of my bed, I watched the movement of his chest. More emotions than I’d had in a long time pulled me in a million directions. The last few weeks with Layne had stirred something deep inside me I’d never experienced before. Sometimes I wondered if he had also felt it, like when his eyes darkened or when his gaze landed on my mouth. My breath would hitch in my throat, and longing would swirl low in my belly. Other times, Layne’s hand would rest gently on the small of my back when we were walking in the grocery store or the hallway at college. It was almost as though—
I slammed my eyes shut, willing myself back to reality. The truth of the matter was that Layne was shattered, possibly beyond repair. Two broken people didn’t make a whole.
Layne’s arm moved to his side, and I brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. As the new information had unfolded in front of me, I’d realized that Layne had nothing to do with Chloe’s crazy behavior in high school, but he was still trying to help me heal.
“How is he?” Avery asked quietly, poking her head in through the cracked door.
“Sleeping.” I stood and crossed the room to her. “I have no idea how long he’ll be out.” I tossed a look over my shoulder at him.
Avery tucked a hair behind her ear and leaned against the wall. “Have you eaten anything? I ordered some pizza.”
“That sounds good. I’ll just leave the door open so I can listen for him. I don’t want him puking in my bed.”
Avery’s nose scrunched up. “No shit. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that all he has is a massive headache.”
Following Avery to the kitchen, I debated whether to tell her why Layne was so drunk. A part of me felt as though I would be betraying his confidence, but I’d already told Benji. Plus, Layne hadn’t even told me about it. He’d thought he was talking to Chloe. At the same time, the articles were in the newspapers, videos were online, pictures of Chloe, Nicole, and Layne were plastered all over the internet. It wasn’t private knowledge.
Avery grabbed some plates and dished up the pizza. She slid a plate to me with a few pieces of pepperoni pizza on it. “Here ya go.”
“Thank you.” I bit off the end and chewed, savoring the delicious bite. I definitely loved food.
“How did you end up bringing him home?” Avery took a nibble off her cheese-filled crust, waiting for me to swallow so I could respond.
I put my food down and grabbed a napkin from the holder on the counter. “I was outside the library when I heard someone cry out. It was pouring rain, so I thought they were in trouble. It was Layne.” I paused for a moment, recalling the anguish in his expression as the water streamed down his face. “In a nutshell, he lost his three-month-old daughter and her mother in a tornado a few years ago.”
“Fuck. Ten, that’s horrible. And he just told you all of this?”
I swallowed visibly. “Not exactly. He thought I was … he thought I was Chloe. He asked me to forgive him for losing Nicole.” I purposely omitted the kiss. I wasn’t sure Layne would even remember it, and I sure as hell wasn’t interested in asking him. As far as I could tell, he’d kissed her.
“Do you want my advice on handling this?” Avery asked, taking another bite, then wiping the corner of her mouth with a rooster-imprinted paper towel. Benji and his cocks. I inwardly smiled.
“Of course.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted her input or not, but she had a lot more life experience with guys than I did,
so it was worth a shot.
“I’ve had blackout drinking nights too. Do him a favor and tell him everything if he asks. If you don’t, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Plus, he’s into you, so don’t betray his trust. He's super cautious with you right now, so just be open with him even if he gets upset.”
I inhaled deeply and rubbed my temples. It was only a few minutes after ten in the evening, but I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and wish the night had never happened, but I couldn’t. I would have to grab a pillow and blanket and sleep in the chair or on the floor. No way could I curl up next to Layne while he was naked, and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him on his own for any length of time.
“Are you going to be okay? It’s a lot to handle.” Avery searched me for any telltale sign that I couldn’t manage the situation with Layne. Although I was nervous, these were by no means the worst circumstances I’d ever been in. I was more concerned about Layne than my own feelings.
Avery skillfully changed the topic, and she updated me on the progress with Justin. We’d agreed to hold off on anyone else moving in for a few months. I needed time to adjust to the changes of not having Benji around, and no matter what anyone said, I wasn’t convinced that Benji and I couldn’t be roomies again. People in wheelchairs led a full life, and I wasn’t shutting the door on my best friend’s growth. Once I’d explained that to Avery, she was on board. Thank God.
“Tensley?” Layne asked from the kitchen doorway, a deep frown furrowing his brows. He had pulled a floral blanket off my bed and wrapped it around his waist. “Why am I naked and at your house?”
11
“I’ve gotta get going. You kids don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” Avery flashed me a big grin as she hopped off the barstool. “I’m off to meet Justin.”
“Have a good time.” I was sure she would have a lot more fun than I was about to have.
“Later, Layne.” Avery scooted past him, her smile growing broader while her eyes greedily drank him in.
“Are you all right?” I asked, staring at the half-naked man in my kitchen. “You probably need some Advil, huh? There’s some pizza as well.”
“I’ll pass on the food for now, but my head is pounding.” Layne ambled over to the barstool and sank onto it, holding the blanket in place.
I hurried to grab the medicine for him. Honestly, I was stunned that he was awake. It had only been five hours, but maybe his system metabolized alcohol quickly.
“Thank you.” Layne held his hand out, downed the pills, and took a big swig of the water that I handed to him. He cleared his throat and his eyes slowly found mine.
“Do you remember what happened?” I asked, sitting across the island from him. My pulse spiked at the realization that I was about to tell him everything, even about the kiss.
“Some. I don’t recall how I got here.” His attention fell to the blanket wrapped around him. “Or where my clothes are.”
I mentally swore as my cheeks flushed. “They’re in the dryer. You were soaked, and I was worried that you might catch pneumonia.”
He nodded. “What did I say to you? You’re acting funny.”
“I am? No. It… shit. You told me about Nicole and Chloe.” There, I’d said it.
We stared at each other, neither of us daring to speak first. Heated tension filled the small room, and I wondered if I’d done the right thing. Maybe I should have walked away when I’d found him in the rain, but that wasn’t acceptable, and my conscience would never have allowed me to leave him there.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “Sometimes it’s too much for me to handle, and I drink. Storms … When there’s a storm, it fucks me up pretty badly.” His shoulders slumped while his gaze traveled far away for a moment.
“It would me too. I’m so sorry, Layne. I realize nothing I say will make it better, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here.” I folded my hands in my lap, attempting to calm my anxiety. “You kissed me,” I blurted.
Layne’s facial expression never faltered as the words spilled out of my mouth.
“Then you called me Chloe.”
From the way Layne’s face cringed, I would have thought I’d just kicked him in the nuts. He ran his hands through his hair, grief flickering in his eyes. “I’m sorry for calling you Chloe. There’s no way I would have kissed you, thinking you were her. I was obviously out of my head with grief and alcohol. After we broke up, the only contact I had with her was as the mother of my baby. I never kissed her. It’s a messed-up time for me, Tensley, but I know who you are. I feel like an ass. That had to have hurt you. But I don’t regret the kiss. The only thing I regret is that I don’t remember it.”
“What?” I shook my head in confusion. Layne’s familiar musky scent swirled around me, making me light-headed. “What do you mean you don’t regret the kiss? I … you weren’t … It was like you were here with me one minute, then back in Arkansas the next.”
“Shit. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry you found out that way, Ten. I guess I should have told you. I just—it’s not a dinner or date topic. Plus, I’m trying to deal with a new dynamic. I’m fucked up, but at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about you. After I lost Nicole and Chloe, I swore I’d never love anyone again, or even ask a girl out. Just mindless sex when I needed it. But there you were that night at the bar. You took my breath away during your drum performance. Every part of me came back to life. Over the last month, we’ve spent so much time together, my uncle wanted to know if I’d moved out.”
My heart stopped beating. Was the conversation moving in the direction I thought it was, or would it take a sharp turn and send my emotions reeling backward?
“Well, we have been together a lot since Benji’s attack,” I offered, allowing him an opportunity to rephrase his words.
“We have, and I’ve loved every minute of it. But maybe this isn’t the time. You’ve just learned how messed up I really am.” His chest moved with his deep breath while he glanced out the kitchen window behind him.
“Don’t. Don’t shut me out. We both have a shitty past.” Although I didn’t want to push him to finish, I needed to know where we were going, or if there was a we at all. But more importantly, what do I want?
The timer on the dryer buzzed loudly. “I’ll get your clothes so you can get dressed.” I slipped off my barstool and opened the hallway closet doors. “They’re nice and warm.” My heart sank a little as I returned Layne’s shirt and jeans to him. He’d been about to say something important. “The bathroom is next to my bedroom, where you were sleeping.”
Layne nodded, and his hand grazed mine while he collected his clothes. He walked out of the kitchen.
My palm immediately smacked my forehead. Had Layne been serious about not regretting the kiss, or was he still drunk? I absentmindedly put the remaining pizza in the fridge and turned toward the dishes in the sink. I turned on the water and began to rinse the bowls and plates, then loaded them into the dishwasher.
Dammit, my mind was running rampant. I needed an explanation, but I wasn’t sure I would get it tonight. It was a shame I couldn’t mind-meld like Spock.
“Thanks for drying my clothes,” Layne said, returning to the kitchen a few minutes later, fully dressed.
“You’re welcome. I hope you’re not mad that I removed them. I just didn’t want you to get sick. And honestly, I thought you’d be passed out all night.”
He slid onto the barstool again. “You’d think.”
I dried my hands off on a rooster towel and faced him. “Is the devastation from the tornado the reason why you’re in Spokane?” I asked, not beating around the bush.
“Yeah. My parents figured it would be good to move me to a new environment. Everywhere I looked, I saw Nicole and Chloe. I couldn’t heal. I won't ever be able to fully let Nicole go, but at least here I can have a chance at a life again.”
I fought the urge to throw my arms around him and tell him it would be okay. I couldn’t promise him tha
t, though.
A wistful expression flickered across his face. “I’m really sorry you had to deal with all of that tonight. I’m sure you have better things to do.”
I didn’t, but I would never admit that learning what was behind the moments of agony that materialized in his eyes had pushed me over the edge. I finally understood what was haunting him. And I was finding myself overwhelmed with my feelings for him. The harder I fought it, the faster they pulled me under.
“These last several weeks have meant a lot to me, Ten. You mean a lot to me. It’s the first time in three years I thought I might be able to be happy again, to move on.”
Shit. With me?
“I’m just putting it on the table because you know everything now.” He stood, closed the gap between us, and gently rubbed my arms. Goosebumps peppered my flesh. “I’m falling for you. Hard. This is my heart, Tensley. It’s fragile and a bit fucked up, but you’re in my head every second of the day. I count the minutes until I see your smile again or hear your voice. Every moment we’re together, I fight not to kiss you. Hopefully I didn’t screw my chances up tonight. It wasn’t on my radar for you to find me sloppy drunk and learn about my past. I’d planned on telling you at some point, but you’re still healing physically. Not to mention, your heart is hurting for your best friend.”
I blinked rapidly, trying to digest everything he’d said. I honest-to-God didn’t know what to say now that it was all out in the open. It was one thing to dream about being with a guy, but something totally different when he was standing close to you, spilling his guts. At least I didn’t have to guess any longer. I was clear on his feelings. But am I clear on mine? I’d never dated anyone. The only time I’d had sex was to get something I needed … or when I was raped. Attempting a normal relationship hadn’t been anywhere on my radar.
Layne’s thumb gently stroked my cheek. “Did I say too much?”