by Abi Ketner
“Geez Lexi, you gave me a heart attack,” Cole says. He kneels next to me and Zeus, but I say nothing. My head throbs and my thoughts are mixed up between the images I had of him torturing my father and the person I know now.
Since he admitted to torturing my father, things have been strained between us. He keeps trying to pull me back from the edge, but I’m not budging, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust him again. A part of me knows it wasn’t all his fault, but the anger engulfs me with flames. I’m angry at everyone.
“I’ll come back,” my mom says. I shoot her a dark look.
“Not a chance. You’ll leave her alone,” Cole demands. “She’s told you no more.”
She sighs, her face mirroring mine in so many ways. Seeing myself in her makes me ill. I don’t want to admit our similarities, but at times, it’s inevitable. She opens her mouth to reply when Levi rounds the corner in a hurry. He almost runs into my mother, his hair unkempt and his eyes hard.
“We’ve got a situation,” he says.
Levi’s face is haggard, skin stretched tight against his sharp cheekbones rising from his bedraggled beard, which flows over the black brand that wraps around his thin neck. His intense eyes catch me off guard. The last time I saw them this alarmed was when he was dragging his friend’s body back from the main gate after we’d failed to get the medical records out. At first, he withdrew inside himself, but a day later, he’d acted like nothing had happened. He didn’t talk about the comrade who’d died in his arms, or his connection to the guards who died helping us make our escape.
It’s not like I asked him, though, being too disillusioned and angry with my mom to focus. When I begged him to force her to leave, he insisted she stay with us. He said we need every person we can get for protection and resources, and because she’s a Sinner now, she’d be better off aligning with us. I begrudgingly accepted his judgement, on the condition that she stay away from me. He knows the Hole differently than Cole and Bruno. He’s lived here as a Sinner and a survivor, so, to me, he’s a great attribute. One I’m willing to follow and listen to even if we disagree at times.
“We’re low on water,” Levi says, grabbing my attention. Concern drips from his lips as he speaks. “Seems some aren’t abiding by the rules.”
“Any idea who?” Cole asks. He brushes off his pants and stands to face Levi.
“Nah, but without water we’re doomed,” Levi says. He squints. “Time’s running out.”
“You don’t think it’s one of us?” I ask, unable to mask my incredulous tone. Cole’s hand grabs my arm, but I shake it loose.
“Did I say that? I state the facts, stick to what I know. And act on what needs to be done.”
“You’re a straight shooter, I like that,” Cole says. “What do you suggest?”
“Venture out.” Levi shoots me an impatient glare. “Without water we’ve got a few days at most. If we get our asses in gear, we might have a chance.”
“Hold up, Bruno should be here,” Cole says. He slips into the shack and, a few minutes later, comes out with a weary-looking Bruno at his side. “Go on,” Cole says. Levi kneels down, using his finger to draw in the dirt. We kneel around him.
“Look, we’re located here.” He marks a spot with an x. “And here is where the supplies were.” He places another x in an area I’m not familiar with. “Let’s hope they’re still there.”
“Oh. Hell. No,” Bruno says with a sharpness which throws me off. “You’re outta your damn mind.”
Levi glances at him, his feelings carefully hidden behind his masked expression. “You’ve got a better idea?”
Bruno shakes his head, his hand stroking his chin.
“What’s around there?” I ask, turning toward Cole, who’s waiting for Levi to answer my question. But neither of them say anything.
“It’s not a hard question,” Bruno says to Levi. “But since you have your head up your ass, I’ll tell her.” He shakes his head in annoyance. “It’s knows as the ‘Rainbow District,’ where the real hardened criminals reside. Most guards avoid patrolling there, which will work in our favor. But the Sinners there have been accused with legit proof … mostly murderers, rapists, sadists … Think of the worst gang imaginable, and multiply it by a thousand.”
“There’s no reasoning with them,” Cole says. “We’ve tried for years. There was a point in time when the Commander pulled us out, because we lost too many men.”
“Oh my,” I say. “Sounds pleasant.”
“Well,” Levi says. “There you have it.”
“I regret asking,” I mumble.
“It’s suicide,” Bruno says. “We have minimal amounts of ammo, which we’d be lucky to get through the week with, let alone adventure into no-man’s land.”
Levi takes a deep breath. “Look, we’ve run out of options,” he says as he stands again. He glances around at all our faces and shrugs. “Sometimes tough choices must be made for the good of the group, regardless of the cost. But I understand if you refuse to join us. No hard feelings.”
Bruno squints as anger flares up within his eyes. “Who said anything about refusing,” he snaps. “I don’t like it but we won’t give up.”
I know he’s thinking about the cost, and I don’t blame him. Grace was a huge price to pay, with no reward. My insides tighten. Do we risk it, or do we keep scraping by in the hope that something changes? My mouth opens before I can think too long.
“I’m going,” I say. “If we don’t, we’re going to die anyway.”
There. I put it out there. Maybe I’ve changed in the last two weeks, but judging from the glare Bruno is giving me, I’m not the only one who has. I’ve got little hope to hang on to, but if there’s any way we can prolong the inevitable, then I guess I’m for it.
Cole places a hand on my shoulder. “I agree with her,” he says. “Let’s prepare.” He turns to look at me, but I’m already moving away. Sitting around thinking too much makes me anxious, and I’ve had enough of that.
“Whoever’s joining us, we’re out in ten,” Levi orders.
Ten minutes pass in a whirlwind of activity. People whisper all around us as guns are checked and double-checked. Children gather with wide eyes, and Levi tries to convince them that everything’s fine, but I can tell from their worried expressions that they don’t believe him. After all, they remember us returning after the main assault, covered in blood and hopeless.
“Move out,” Levi says. He waves goodbye to the small group of Sinners gathered around us. “We’ll be back before nightfall.” A few of them nod, and then I see my mom.
She paces and rubs the back of her neck repeatedly as her eyes tear up. I get the feeling she’s dying to talk to me, dying to try and make it up to me, but I pull myself away. I can’t look at her without seeing a dark closet. Just like I can barely look at Cole without seeing him torture my father. I miss the times when I could talk to either of them with nothing but good thoughts and smiles. But that’s long gone, and I’ve got to release that nagging weight inside me.
The shantytown is quiet as a graveyard as we pass through it. Even with the sun beginning to rise, there’s barely anyone around. So many marched off to the transformation center for their injections. Hundreds of bodies lie around, exposed to the elements, rotting in the open. I’m almost immune to the smell and sight of the dead. Almost.
Yet, with Levi’s help, we’ve managed to create something of a safe-haven by piling up the dead bodies around the shantytown to keep the guards away. One whiff of the diseased bodies usually makes the guards have second thoughts about entering. After all, they don’t want to get sick too. We’ve created fortified lookout areas and have a network of Sinners in the Hole who look out for each other now. Finally, the people are beginning to work together against our oppressor, helping each other stay out of sight from Wilson and the guards. It’s also helped me gain trust in Levi. I know he’ll do whatever it takes to keep his people safe, even if he pisses them off in the process.
We meander through the maze of corrugated metal, thin and faded fabric dangling off of shacks, and piles of bodies stacked up right outside areas where children play. The kids’ potbellies hang out of ill-fitting t-shirts, serving as one more reminder that we’re all slowly starving to death. Then Levi clicks his tongue, interrupting my thoughts, and we stop. Another person clicks back. We move forward as a woman appears out of the melee of huts and crudely made shelters.
“Seems quiet this morning,” the woman whispers. “Guards passed at four this morning, nothing out of the ordinary. They’ll return around eight. Best be leaving.”
Levi nods. “Thank you,” he says without meeting anyone’s eyes. “If we’re not back by dark, don’t come looking for us, do you understand?”
“Of course,” the woman says. “Be careful all of you.”
Zeus makes a snuffling sound as I stroke his back. His ears stand straight up, like radars, searching for the slightest noise.
Cole squares his shoulders. Bruno flexes the muscles in his arms. He leans away from Levi, searching the perimeter, finger always a hair away from the trigger of his gun. I miss his jokes and sense of humor. I’m praying that with time he finds himself again.
After checking both ways, we clear the boundary separating the shantytown from the rest of the Hole. Now, we’re on high alert. We form a line, covering for each other at every intersection, and when passing any suspicious areas. Despite the annoying itching of my right arm, I focus on listening, looking, and searching for anything out of the norm.
Levi leads, with Cole and Zeus behind. Bruno brings up the rear, and there’s no other person I’d want watching my back at the moment. Somehow, when it comes to times like these, he’s able to compartmentalize his feelings and hone in on the mission. When I glance back, he’s focused on his surroundings, eyebrows scrunched up and body poised for action.
After a few blocks, we hear the familiar thumping of boots on dirt, so we halt. Levi squats. The boots gain speed, their perfect rhythm and cadence unmistakable: guards patrolling the area. We’re silent as Levi checks across the street. In front of me, Zeus’s fur stands up. Cole commands him to sit, and he does, but he’s excited. His ears flick up and sideways. Even in tense situations, Zeus has proven himself obedient and quick. Peeking behind me, I see Bruno’s finger rests steady on the trigger, ready to pull if necessary. His intense eyes scan the rooftops. Then Levi motions to the warehouse, making relief flood through me. The guards have gained ground, their boots stomping closer with every heartbeat. Any second, they’ll appear around the corner.
Here we go.
Levi sprints. Cole covers him, and then he and Zeus dart next. My muscles flex beneath my tattered pants as I cover Cole, scanning the perimeter while I wait for him to arrive at the other side. The guard’s voices reach my ears, and adrenaline stings my veins. Once Cole’s clear, I bolt, joining them in the abandoned cement warehouse. I twist and wave on Bruno, who arrives in the doorway just as the guard patrol rounds the corner of the building.
I hold my breath as Bruno slumps down beneath the window. Zeus is on the verge of barking, but Cole silences him with a command of his hand. Zeus reluctantly lowers himself to the ground, resting on all fours, but his hackles raise. Beside him, I lie beneath the broken windows on shattered glass and gray dust. A small piece is lodged in my hand, but there’s no time to remove it. A trickle of blood seeps out, but I freeze in place, as one by one, the guards stomp past us.
“Halt!” a guard shouts.
I tighten my grip on the gun in my hands and watch as my knuckles grow pale. The blood trail from the cut grows thicker. Just breathe.
“You’re lazy, all of you. Your conditioning is pathetic,” a deep voice says. “Drop and give me fifty!” With a collective huff, the guards drop into position and begin counting out push-ups.
Of all places, really. Bruno shakes his head at me and frowns. Zeus moves, shuffling the glass around and making noise, but thankfully, no one can hear over the sound of the men doing their push-ups.
“Forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven …”
I begin counting in my head, finding comfort in the fact that they’re almost finished.
“Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty!” Their equipment rattles into place as they rise to their feet, breathless.
“Remember, men: if you take anyone captive, question them on her whereabouts!” a shrill voice commands.
I’m paralyzed. I’d recognize that voice anywhere.
“No one—and I mean no one—will rest until she’s found.”
My stomach lurches. My instincts tell me to run, but that’d be a stupid choice. I’d be caught for sure.
“Am I clear?”
“Yes, sir!” the men shout in unison.
“Now, go. Move out!” Wilson demands, his voice echoing in my brain long after the fact.
Their stomping boots and unified voices fade in the distance as I try to pull myself together. I scoot into a sitting position, letting my gun drop between my knees. With shaking fingers, I manage to pluck the tiniest fragment of glass from my hand. I use my shirt and apply pressure to the area to stop the bleeding.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Levi whispers. He raises himself up to look out the window. “What’s Wilson doing on a routine patrol?”
“My thought exactly,” Cole says.
“Taking matters into his own hands,” Bruno says. “He trusts no one.”
“Could work to our advantage,” Levi says. “If trust doesn’t exist between them, Wilson won’t have the support the Commander did with his men.”
“What good does that do? We’re outnumbered?” Bruno asks. “By bodies and weapons.”
Levi presses his lips firmly together as he watches the guards disappear. Even if Bruno’s right, Levi’s eyes crinkle at the edges as if making plans. Bruno turns away.
“How’s your hand?” Cole asks. He takes my hand and inspects it, but I immediately pull away from him.
“It’s nothing,” I say. He flinches. I don’t mean to hurt him, but I’m not ready to pretend he’s allowed to care after what he did.
Levi raises his eyebrows and exhales. I can only imagine what he’s thinking about our fragmented, damaged team. He thinks Wilson and his men don’t have trust, but a part of me wonders if we do either anymore.
After making sure the guards have passed, we continue toward the most violent area of the Hole. Levi goes slower, evaluating the scenery with sharper eyes than usual. It cuts down on our pace, and we move like snails. The streets and alleys are unfamiliar to me now, and it throws me off guard. I thought I knew the Hole well, but there is no organization to the streets in this section at all. They snake like rivulets of water dripping between stones. There’s no grid to follow, so we rely completely on Levi and his knowledge. My lungs burn with anticipation, and my hands quiver just the slightest from the fear zipping through them. I’m so tired and so very alive at the same time.
“Buckle up,” Levi says.
I’m about to question him when we come to a lopsided intersection. On the other side of the street, graffiti drowns out the dull color of the buildings. The paint drips down like a murderous rainbow of the Seven Sins. Each Sin is labeled in black, each color bleeds into the next one. Underneath, someone wrote, God help us all. The buildings gape at us with black, empty windows. A shiver trails up my spine. This place gives me the creeps.
“Welcome to the Rainbow District Bruno mutters from behind me. “Where all your nightmares come true.” How ironic, there’s nothing bright about it.
We turn a corner, on full alert, scanning for the slightest movement. On another building a hangman is painted in black. I remember playing hangman on paper with my brother, Keegan. We’d always spell stupid words as children. Keegan was big on using potty language and always laughed at my annoyed expressions when I had to spell bowel movement or chronic diarrhea. But this looks nothing like our games. The hanging figure isn’t a stick figure. It’s a complete image o
f a body dangling from a rope. Next to it, someone painted Death is life in bold, black letters. Beneath the letters, red paint streams down like blood.
“What the hell have we gotten into?” I whisper to myself. I hear a chuckle behind me, then a piercing scream rattles my senses.
Cole doesn’t seem shaken, and I find some comfort in that. He follows Levi, who moves faster now, gun ready, feet sure of every step. More buildings pass in a blur, each with some sort of morose painting on the side. I can’t look, nor do I want to.
Eventually, we come to a building that looks more like a gothic house. The black panels are peeling, which sets it apart from the rest of the cement-block buildings, but like the others, the windows are missing glass. Tattered curtains hang in some, others are black holes. A wraparound porch leans on one side, the railings tilting outward. The front door’s painted a deep purple, which stands out from the rest of the house, and the screaming is coming from within. A jolt goes through my nerves each time I hear it. A child is crying. Panic creeps up on me.
Levi searches my face briefly and nods. Then he takes off across the street, heading straight toward the house. Even as my nerves hop with adrenaline, I buckle my emotions down tight. We follow Levi and surround the purple door as Cole jiggles the handle, slowly finessing it open. Zeus takes the lead, snarling and sniffing, clearing the first room, with Cole behind him.
“Clear,” Cole says.
“Clear,” Levi echoes.
Furniture and clothing and dishes lie everywhere. There’s not one place to walk without stepping on something. A dark brown liquid stains portions of the floor, and the smell of smoke burns my nose. The screaming’s amplified the farther in we travel. It’s like fingernails scraping down a chalkboard—but more nerve-racking. I have to work to tune it out so I can focus on clearing rooms on the enormous first floor.