by Abi Ketner
“You ready?” Cole breaks into my thoughts.
“For what … exactly?”
“Training,” he answers with a gleam in his eye.
“Right now?” I ask. “We have a million things to do, and you want to train?”
“Training’s vital,” he says. “For the both of us. It’s been awhile since we’ve taken on a group.”
“I vote for food and sleep …” I meet his dancing eyes with my own. “But I guess we have time to throw some punches. Lead the way.”
I follow him and Zeus out the back door and across a rocky path to the cement-block building next door. Goosebumps run up my arms as I rub my hands together. The air has the sting of winter, and my scanty t-shirt barely keeps the breeze out. Cole walks up the rickety back stairs, opens the door, and peers inside. Once assured of its safety, he beckons me in.
The main floor has one large room with a staircase leading upstairs and a small kitchen attached on the left side, covered in dust. No furniture sits in either room, leaving it vacant, open, and perfect for training. Just us and the bare cement walls.
Zeus finds a corner and settles in. If a dog could roll his eyes, I’m guessing that’s what he’d do.
Cole unloads his gun, clearing the chamber and releasing the magazine. He places the magazine in a small spot that’s easily accessible to us should we need it. I do the same and then place my gun next to his stuff. He cracks his knuckles, and I watch as his biceps ripple. He gives me a knowing smile.
“I’ll go through a few scenarios with you and the gun to refresh your brain,” he says. He holds up his empty gun, beckoning me to double-check it. I take it from him, careful to always keep it pointed away from him, and make sure it’s cleared. “Then we’ll move on to knife.”
“Just like old times,” I say, handing it back to him.
He nods and comes at me without warning. He shouts in my face, trying to unnerve me while shoving the gun against my head. I disable him with ease. But he doesn’t give me time before going right into the next scenario. His movements are swift, and I respond with precision each time—it’s almost like we’re dancing.
Then he moves right into knife defense, using a stick he found outside. He swipes at me with it, and I block him. He stabs toward me, and I jump away. He knocks me to the ground, and we grapple. His dark eyes flash with each attempt, his facial expressions giving away nothing about my progress or my shortcomings.
Next, he begins a practice where he hides in the building and jumps out at me, forcing me to protect myself. I don’t have time to think, just react, and my instincts go into overdrive. My knuckles bleed in the spots I use to punch, and my muscles ache.
By the time we’re finished, we’re both covered in sweat and dust. He pulls his shirt off, and I can’t unglue my eyes from his gleaming muscles. He wipes his face with his t-shirt, and everything flexes at once. Lining his abdomen are ridges that make me want to place my hands on them and trace each one. When he looks up, I tear my gaze away, my cheeks burning. Zeus huffs from his spot in the corner. I slide down the wall, willing my breathing to a steady rate.
“Impressive,” Cole says, walking toward me. “I must admit you’re better than a lot of the guards I’ve fought. And they’ve had years of training.”
“Thanks,” I say. “I’ve had some pretty amazing teachers along the way.” He sits down in front of me, taking a deep breath. Butterflies dance in my stomach, and I resist the urge to stare.
“Feels good to move again,” he says.
“Tell me about it.” My voice comes out soft and nervous.
“Lexi,” he says, placing a hand on my arm. I look at it there, feeling the warmth and the strength hidden within, and then avert my gaze. “Look at me.” Everything within me says not to do it, but I do anyway.
He looks older, more mature now. His boyish face gave way to the look of a man at some point along our journey. His cheekbones are more defined, and his jawline more distinguished. His full lips are still enticing though, and he’s close. Almost as close as when he pulled me inside that house to keep the guards from spotting us. Only, now, I find myself wanting it. His brown eyes search mine, waiting for me to object. But I can’t find the words. I won’t pull away. He is the one I want. Even after everything.
“Say something,” he says.
But words fail me.
We share a few, jagged breaths. The warmth from his breath sends shivers down my spine, and he moves closer. My hands automatically go to his bare chest. It’s smooth and sweaty, pulsing with heat. Inches. We’re inches apart. With one movement, I could lean in and kiss him and it would be effortless. The way it used to be. The way it still is.
No words are spoken. We allow ourselves to feel what we’ve been suppressing for so long. Cole slowly runs his thumb across my tingling lips. He licks his own, smiling—and leaving me utterly desperate.
Kiss me.
His skin is bare beneath my fingers, and his face is so close.
“Cole,” I whisper. “You told me all about the ugly parts of you, the man you used to be … and I want you to know, I’m staying.”
He releases the tension in his face and inches toward me, resting his forehead against mine. He tangles his fingers in my hair and chokes back tears. “I’m never letting you go.”
His lips, so soft, press against mine. They deprive my brain of oxygen with their gentle pressure. His hands pull me gently toward him, until I feel my body angling itself into his lap. My hands go to his face, pulling him deeper into the kiss. I press myself into him, feeling him groan, his heart galloping in his chest. His hands go to my waist, then move downward, cupping me, pulling me into him.
I’m losing control.
I push him backward, until he’s lying down, and straddle him. The hunger in my body rages through me, damning all the consequences. His tongue grazes mine, and I’m alive again. I move over him, sucking his lower lip, teasing him. It’s almost too much for me to handle. His hands slide up the back of my shirt, caressing me. A moan escapes me when his hands grasp my hips, pulling me closer, tightening around me.
I want it all right now. I want him.
But he slows me down, pulling his hands away. My skin tingles where he touched me, my core burning with need. He raises a hand to my face, breathing heavy as he does it.
“If I don’t stop, I’m going to lose all self-control.” His voice comes out haggard. My muscles clench, and his eyes widen.
I shake my head, doing everything in my power to keep my tears from leaking out. He grabs my arms as I attempt to move away from him.
“It’s not that I don’t want you. I do. God, I want you more than anything. It’s just … I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
I remove his hands and climb off him, the passion suddenly gone—blown out like a candle. Everything within me crumples, and I begin to cry.
He immediately sits up and puts his arm around me. “Lexi, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t. It’s not you.”
“Talk to me.”
“I want a life with you, a real life.”
“Shhh,” he says and kisses my forehead. “It’s sucks living here, I know that, but you are my life, and we’re together.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his lips. Just once.
The look on his face gives me pause, and when he speaks, his voice is trembling. “Lexi, if your father were alive …” He clears his throat, and a tear slides down his face. “Do you think he’d learn to like me?” More tears follow. “For … for who I am now?” His mouth trembles, and I know, without a doubt, what I’m about to say is the truth.
“Of course he would, he was all about forgiveness and second chances.” My father always taught me about forgiveness and how important it is to let go of the pain and free yourself from drowning. He would always tell me that hating someone is easy, but true strength comes from a forgiving heart. I take his face in my hands, and for the first time in what feels like y
ears, my guilt and anger and resentment melt away. I give Cole half a smile. “I am my father’s daughter, and we forgive.”
Doubt is clear on his face. “But why? I don’t deserve you. And I definitely don’t deserve his forgiveness.”
“Well, for one, you’re full of it, because we deserve each other. And, two, you deserve his forgiveness because you protect and love his daughter.”
Cole runs his hands through my hair and sighs. “I will always protect you.”
And with his smile, it hits me. This is the first time since learning of Cole’s involvement with my father that I’ve spent time with him and haven’t had a flashback. I look at Zeus, and he sits up, his ears perking. He crawls over and kisses both of our faces with his big, slobbery tongue. We laugh and laugh, until our stomachs ache for the first time in months.
With Cole standing firmly by my side and no second thoughts demonizing me, I stand up straight and push my shoulders back. There’s nothing holding me back now. As we return to the others to begin gathering information, his forearm brushes mine, reminding me of his strength and his lethal calm before the storm. There is no one else I’d rather have at my back. His hand grazes my ring—the ring my father gave me, the ring Cole returned to me—and I catch his meaning, a smile breaking through. We can, and we will, overcome it. Together.
“You’re on, guys,” Genesis says, peeling off an outer layer as she comes through the doorway of the main building. I tear my gaze from Cole’s to acknowledge her.
“We’ll be back in four hours,” Cole says.
“Better be, because I’m hoping we’ll be ready to bring hell in three days.”
“Three days?” I repeat. “We might need more time.”
“If we hold out any longer, we’re going to run out of supplies for all these people.”
I glance around. The numbers of the teams have grown. The areas of the floor that were once clear are now taken up by bodies. Most of them are branded, but some aren’t. Former guards? Or born here?
“Holy crap,” I murmur. “Where’d they come from?”
“Recruits,” Genesis says. “We rounded them up. I’m hoping to find more.” Despite her words, she eyes them warily. “So now you see why three days is essential.”
“Alright,” I say quietly. “But we only have one shot, Genesis. We can’t risk it if we’re not ready. We’d be running into a massacre.”
She nods, her jaw tightening. “I’m aware. So make sure you’re ready in three days.”
“You guys, be careful,” Bruno cuts in. “The entrance is heavily armed. It looks like more shipments are headed out again. Soon.”
“No worries man,” Cole says, “we got this.” He commands Zeus to follow, and we make our way through the large room and out the back entrance.
The hair on the back of my neck rises in anticipation. Sinners either want to turn us in, or they want to join us and take down the guards. Either way, we have to stay vigilant. Cole takes the lead, steering us down side streets until we’re within view of the training center. We hunker down inside a building, each of us scanning for different things.
Bruno wasn’t exaggerating, although I wish he was. Six guards patrol the checkpoint, and they’re not smoking or laughing the way they used to. Not like I remember. They stand at attention, their hollow eyes flicking back and forth. Their guns are slung over their shoulders, always ready, and they don’t so much as murmur to each other. When a patrol vehicle drives up, they immediately surround it like a swarm of black wasps, ready to sting. They reach inside, force the driver to open the doors, and check the trunk. Once the vehicle drives through the entrance, the guards move back into position, scanning in familiar patterns.
Watching them makes my insides crawl, but if Cole is alarmed, he doesn’t act it. He pulls out a pair of hi-tech binoculars.
“And those came from?” I whisper.
“Bruno got them from Genesis. She wants us to look beyond the main checkpoint.”
“This three-day thing, Cole. I’m not sure.”
“Me neither, but she’s right. With the numbers we have, we’re cutting it close even with three days.”
I tell myself to let it go and focus on the task at hand. “See anything?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary,” he answers quickly. He sighs and backs away from the window. “Inside the first doors, there’s another set of guards. Beyond that I got nothing …” His eyebrows pull together as his voice trails away.
“Something wrong?”
“Just the thought of you guys being there without me. Leaving me in the dark like that. My stomach in knots knowing you’re going in blind. It only takes one second, and that’s it, you’re theirs.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “I’m ready, Cole. You said so yourself. I’ve grown. Plus, I’ll have Bill, and we both know he’s crazier than all the guards combined. So please, don’t waste your energy on something we can’t control. Just keep watching. We’ll get more on them, and everything will be fine. You’ll see, I’m going to make you proud.”
“Lexi, you already have.” He kisses me softly and I drink in his soft lips.
He raises himself back into the window, satisfied with my answer even though I’m lying through my teeth. I don’t relish the thought of going in first, especially blind. It’s bad enough knowing we’ll lose people, possibly even each other, but it’s worse knowing that beyond those entrance doors, we don’t know what to expect. My chest constricts just thinking about it.
I must not be doing a good job hiding my anxiety, because Zeus whimpers next to me. He shoves his head into my lap, nuzzling my hands. I run my fingers through his coarse fur while trying to calm myself, and Zeus lets out a content sigh. If only people were so easy to please. A strange tingling spreads through my arm, starting at my fingers and reaching to my elbow. I grasp it with my opposite hand, confusion wracking my nerves.
“You okay?” Cole asks. It’s only then I notice him watching me.
“Fine,” I say, dropping my arm. “It’s nothing. Really.”
“The look on your face wasn’t nothing.”
“I’m okay.” He gives me a skeptical look so I sigh and say, “Now and then I get this weird sensation in my arm.” I shrug, doing my best to make light of it. Zeus’s head pops up, and he inspects me curiously.
“You’re a terrible liar,” Cole says. “There’s more.”
I roll my eyes. “Jerk. I’m not lying.” Since I am, I tear my eyes from his. “It’s probably from overuse.”
“Maybe you should take it easy the next few days,” Cole says, drawing his gaze back to the training center.
“You mean stay behind during the attack?” I ask incredulously. “Yeah, not happening.”
“You’re such a stubborn smart-ass.”
I laugh under my breath and go back to keeping watch. My knees ache from kneeling, and my back hurts from sitting at attention for so long. I’m about to say something to Cole when I hear the shuffling of feet below us.
Cole’s face snaps toward me, and he arches an eyebrow. Beside us, Zeus growls low in his belly, and his fur stands up. I signal to Cole that I’m going to check it out. He nods.
I grab my gun and tip-toe across the floor to the hallway. Whoever it is isn’t trying to hide. Their feet stomp across the floor, growing closer. Guards? I wonder. But I know it’s more likely guards would have searched the house before settling down.
A chair scrapes across the floor, and the footsteps stop. I hear what sounds like a lighter flicking open. It’s not long before the faint smell of a cigarette reaches my nose.
I’ve never smoked before, never had the desire, but I remember when Keegan tried it with his buddies. He was stuck on babysitting duty and, like any big brother, wasn’t thrilled about it. He decided to bring me along fishing with his friends. One of them, who was thirteen at the time, offered Keegan a cigarette. Being the stellar babysitter he was, he decided to try it. I’ll never forget the look of disgust on his face as he inh
aled. He began coughing, and his friend laughed, but I thought it smelled disgusting. The smoke burned my eyes. I never told my parents about it, and Keegan never said anything. Sometimes, I wonder if he ever tried it again.
I creep down the stairs, pressing myself against the wall. As far as I can tell, there’s only one set of feet. Behind me, Zeus acts like my shadow. A shadow that bares its teeth and slobbers.
When I peek around the corner, I see a foot slung over its mate in a casual position. As I crane my neck to see farther, I spot a cigarette dangling from the mouth of a man leaning back in a rickety chair at the stained kitchen table. When his eyes roam my way, I pull back, but not quickly enough. He raises an eyebrow, smiles, and beckons me forward.
“I was hoping I’d find you,” he says.
My heart beats faster. “And who are you assuming I am?” I ask warily.
“Part of the resistance, if I’m not mistaken.” He sits up straight, and I step backward. “Am I correct?”
“Looking for revolt members is a dangerous game, don’t you think?” I say, avoiding his question.
“Not any more dangerous than squatting in an abandoned house to spy on the training center.” He winks, flustering me further. He’s obviously been watching us while we gather information on them. We’ve been lazy. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“What do you want with the resistance?” I ask. Zeus steps up beside me, cocking his head in evaluation of the man. He lets out a low growl, letting the stranger see his sharp, white canines.
The man’s gaze darts toward Zeus and then back to me, unaffected. “To join them, of course.”
“Why would you want any part in that?”
“I suppose this place has lost its charm.” The man pauses, blowing out smoke and grinding his cigarette into the table. The smoke stings my eyes, making me blink. “And because I know what Wilson’s doing with those shipments.”
My heart rate speeds up again and I glance around quickly, making sure we’re not being watched. “How could you possibly know that?”
“Because I worked in the lab.” He stands, facing me. “You don’t remember me, do you?”