by J Santiago
“What are you doing with your life?” he asked, then laughed. “Shit, that doesn’t quite sound like what I want to know.”
Again, she smiled, knowing how awkward this felt. “It’s OK. I know what you mean. And I’m finishing up my dissertation.”
“Not shocking.” Again, a pause, a smile. “What’s it on?”
She hedged. “I’m getting my doctorate in psychology.”
“Not English?”
“Ah, no.”
“Fought that tooth and nail, huh?”
“Absolutely.” She looked away. Of course he’d remember that she wanted to make her own way. Not be like her mother. “What about you? Is being who you are everything you thought it would be?”
“Just like you to start out with the hard questions.” Shaking his head, he thought carefully about his answer. “Yes and no.”
“Thought we weren’t playing word games,” she teased.
“My answer has evolved over time. At twenty, it was everything I thought it would be. Soccer all the time. Localized fame. Easy pickings.” He stopped. “It’s different now. I still love playing. God, I love it. It’s like I was born just to do that. There’s no greater high. But it’s also a business. I used to just let my agent handle everything, but I wanted to be more involved with everything. Mostly because of my dad. He didn’t like that I didn’t always know what was going on. So I spend a lot of time trying to manage my affairs.”
“So he got his businessman after all,” she said knowingly.
Chuckling, Lex agreed. “Yes, he did. I hated it at first. And even though I know Caroline knows I’m not stupid, we had to jump through a lot of ‘dumb jock’ hoops. I had to prove myself to her. Which in the end felt good—but it pissed me off in the beginning. I almost fired her.”
Lu laughed. “Oh, I’d have paid to see that. She made you work. Ha. Bet that felt different.”
With a self-deprecating grin, he said, “It did.” They were quiet for a while. Each lost in their own thoughts.
“I’m so sorry about Mr. P.,” she said softly. “He was such a special person. I will really miss him.” She reached out to Lex, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.
“Thanks, Lu.” Reaching over with his other hand, he turned hers, lightly stroking her palm with his thumb. “I didn’t know what it would be like to see you again. But it feels so natural sitting here with you. It doesn’t seem right that we haven’t had a conversation in eight years.”
Danger, danger! her head screamed. She pulled her hand away. “I’m going to go rescue Will,” she said hastily, as she stood up.
Standing also, he said, “Lu? Come on. She’s fine.”
Adamant, Lu started walking away. “I’ll see you in the morning, Lex.”
He started to walk the other way, but stopped and headed toward her. Covering the ground quickly, he grabbed her by the hips and moved her gently up against the HardiePlank of the house, his body penning her in. Her eyes held a weary message that he was unable to decipher. “Where’s my good-night hug?” he asked, mischief dancing in his eyes.
“You are still the same—bully.” God, could she not have exited gracefully? Annoyed but unable to resist playful Lex, she shook her head.
His arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her into his body. It was almost enough, he thought. Almost. But not! He pulled back enough for her to look him in the eye. Then his mouth captured hers.
7
It sucked.
Not the kiss.
The kiss she resisted. For the first time in hours, she thought about her daughter, Nina. She thought about Dr. J. She thought about the devastation that she was about to rain down on everyone. This was the wrong thing to do. To complicate the situation any more was wrong. Her mind was screaming at her to stop. Her lips were clamped shut. But it was Lex. And one thing she had never been good at was resisting him. But she tried, although there was nowhere to move. He surrounded her. His body caging her in, his arms, imprisoning her she was lightly trapped. But still waging the war.
Then her body took over and she felt her mouth open under his gentle probing. As his tongue entered her mouth, her body released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Lex coaxed her tongue with his. Her hands wound up his neck, stroking his nape, feeling the bristles of his short hair. Trying to get as close to him as she could, she pulled her body away from the wall and moved toward his, seeking his heat. She wanted this. She wanted him.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Willa snapped.
Lex pulled away from her gently, keeping her where she was but terminating the kiss. Lu ducked out from under his arms and looked at Willa sheepishly.
“Just saying good-bye,” Lu said, walking toward the front of the house, the same path she had started to tread just five, maybe ten minutes earlier.
Looking back, she noted that Lex was still leaning against the wall, a playful smile on his face. Probably remembering, like they all were, the first time Willa ever saw them kiss.
“Déjà-fucking-vu! It’s like a damn time warp being back here with you two,” Willa said in her snappiest voice. “Get your shit. It’s late. I’m pissed and tired.”
Rolling her eyes, Lu stepped through the front door, grabbed her bag, and headed down the steps of porch, grateful for the escape.
Lex watched her walk away and turned wearily toward Willa, who was trying like hell to imitate the death stare. Waiting for the inevitable set-down Lex pushed off the wall and walked toward her. “Whatcha got, Will?”
“She’s not made for this. For you. I’m asking you to leave her alone.”
“You’re right,” he acknowledged, eyebrow raised. “Déjà-fucking-vu.” Kissing her on the forehead, he went on, “She always has been so much stronger than you ever gave her credit for.” He started to walk away when Willa grabbed his arm. Turning back to her, he waited.
“It’s you I’m worried about. She won’t resist you, but this time you’ll both be shattered.” With that, Willa walked away. And Lex stood, his hands on the railing, wondering what the hell was going on.
Willa and Lu were silent as they drove away from their house. Her condo on the beach was about twenty minutes away and Lu prayed that Willa would hold her tongue so that she could escape to the mindlessness of sleep. But ten minutes in, Willa unleashed her tongue.
“Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Language, Will.”
“Nina’s not here to hear me so I can say whatever the fuck I want. Seriously, Lu, what the hell are you thinking?”
“Trust me, Will. I know it was stupid. I tried to avoid him, but you took too long.”
“Oh, so this is my fault.”
“No. Not at all. It’s mine. It’s his.” She looked out into the night as they crossed the north bridge, over the Intracoastal Waterway.
“You know this is going to make it all worse. Shit, Lu. This is not what you need to be doing.”
“I know.”
“Go home tomorrow.”
“What?” she asked, finally facing her sister, staggered at the suggestion.
“You do not need to be around him. You are like magnets for each other. Go home. Get Nina. Tell him.” Willa glanced briefly at Lu, who could no longer stop the tears from running down her face. She looked absolutely desolate. “Lu, it’s the best thing. If you sleep with him and then shove his daughter in his face, he will never forgive you. He might not ever forgive you now.” Consciously gentling her voice, Willa continued. “I know that somewhere deep in your soul you have always hoped that you guys would be a family. But it will never happen. You have lied to him for eight years. You kept his child from him. You gave her to everyone but him. How can he possibly forgive you for that?”
And that’s what she was pondering when she fell asleep. How on earth would he ever forgive her?
As exhausted and emotionally drained as she was, Lu did not find her blissful silence in the night. She finally sank into dreamlessness around f
ive in the morning, right about the time she was normally getting up. She felt the feather-light touch of a hand run up her arm and down her back. It swept up through her hair, then along her jawline. The warmth of it seeping into her bones eliciting a satisfied moan from her. Her eyes fluttered open and she found herself staring into the laughing eyes of Lex Pellitteri.
“Come, sleepyhead,” he cajoled, “get up and come run along the beach with me.”
Coming fully awake very quickly, Lu made a grab for the sheets as she turned and sat up. Fumbling for her glasses, she looked wearily at the clock. Six in the morning. With a groan of frustration, she threw herself back onto her pillow.
“Seriously, Lex. How did you get in here and why on earth are you up so early?”
With a shrug, he sat at the foot of the bed. “It’s not six a.m. where I’m from. It’s the middle of the day. I tried to stay in bed, but too much shit was moving around up in my head. I need to move.”
“You always need to move. Guess that hasn’t changed either,” she observed.
“Nope. Remember when they tried to get Jo to put me on Aderall and she about threw a fit?”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Ha. Sometimes having a force for a mother isn’t such a bad thing.”
“When was it ever bad for you?” Lu wanted to know.
“Jo? I don’t know if bad is the right term. Just, you know how she is. She never backs down. It can be frustrating.”
“Don’t I know,” Lu answered, then immediately regretted it.
Lex cocked his brow at her. “About Jo?” he asked, quizzically.
Backpedaling, she said, “No, mothers in general.”
Looking past her, he said, “Dr. A. is different. Maybe it’s that southern accent or genteel manner. I don’t know. She just never seemed as intense as Jo.”
“You still call her by her first name?” Lu laughed in spite of herself. “She must love that.”
“She fucking hates it, but I just have to goad her.” He smiled, that characteristic irreverence dancing in his eyes. “Come on. I need to run.” Grabbing her foot, he pulled her leg out from under the sheet. “And don’t try to tell me you don’t still run. I can look at your leg and see all those muscles, long and lean. Get up.”
Yanking her leg back, she groaned again. “I’m not going to be able to keep up with you. You’re a world-class athlete. You keep in shape for a living.”
“I’ll go easy on you like I’ve always done anyway.”
Lu’s only response was to pick up the closest pillow and heave it at his head.
When it fell uselessly to the floor, he laughed, cocked the damn eyebrow, as a sinister-looking smile crept across his face. “Seriously?” Leaning down to pick up the discarded pillow, he quickly hit her with it in the legs, then jumped on the bed and gently straddled her. Conscious of their massive weight difference he pinned her arms with his legs, leaving his hands free.
“Lex, I swear if you do what I think you are going to do, I will kill you.”
“Oh, you mean if the chicken comes to get you, as I’m pinning you, you’ll kill me. And how are you going to manage that?” he laughed evilly and looked at his hands, then back at Lu. “You mean this chicken?” he asked as he showed her his two index fingers.
“Lex,” she screamed as she wiggled to try to escape. Laughter spilling out of her mouth, she continued to try to buck him off of her. “Please don’t!”
Images of their childhood played out in her mind. He and Pete had tortured her and Willa more times than she could count. Lex’s hands started moving to her chest, dead center between her breasts. And he started drumming on her breastbone.
“Please … stop … please … Lex,” she begged, trying to catch her breath and stop laughing. “Please … I’ll run with … you … I … promise.… Just let me up.”
Laughing, he rolled off of her and jumped off the bed. “Come on, then. You’ve got five minutes.”
As she rolled over, trying to catch her breath, more laughter escaped from her. She couldn’t believe he just chicken-pecked her. She laughed, thinking about the many times she’d teased Nina and done the same thing—much gentler. This is so not good, she thought, reveling in her feeling of happiness. Why could he make her feel like this after so long? Would anyone else ever make her feel this way or was she doomed to a solitary existence when he went home in seventy-two hours?
Glancing at the clock again, she tried to calculate how she could go running with him and still get back here for her seven o’clock call to Nina. Slithering out of bed, she quickly changed into some running gear, put her contacts in, and pulled her hair into a haphazard ponytail. Fortifying her soul before walking out of her bedroom door, Lu went off to the races with Lex.
8
When Jo made her way out to the deck with her coffee, she already knew that Lex had gone. He’d always been an early bird, never letting poor Pete sleep even though he preferred the night. She figured he’d gone to the beach to run. The moment he could drive, he’d get up before school, drive the eight miles to Siesta Key and run along the deserted beach. For the first time since he left home, she wondered if he missed the beach. She’d never asked and he’d never offered. He’d probably never offered because she’d never asked. Mike had probably asked. He probably knew if Lex missed it.
They had always been closer. Mike was easier to talk to, she imagined. She noticed most glaringly when Lex had gone to Mike for advice when he found out Lu was pregnant. They kept her in the dark for a while, Mike giving Lex the time he needed to think through his life-altering decisions. She’d been so pissed. Pissed that Mike had kept it from her, pissed at Lu for ruining Lex’s opportunity, pissed at Amber for encouraging Lu. She’d been mad at the world. Lu’s announcement had shattered her world.
Not like it was shattered now. But now, with Mike gone, the decision was still affecting her realm. The irony was not lost on her. Today they would start the process of burying her husband and here she was, dwelling on the past, waiting for the inevitable conclusion to the most horrible time in their married life. And soon, she would lose Lex too. She knew that. Knew it like she knew the sun was going to rise right before her in another twenty minutes. Creeping over the horizon, its light would filter through her large oaks, awakening all that was around her. And much like the rising of the sun, there was nothing she could do to stop the loss of her son.
“Good morning,” Amber said as she shuffled across the deck.
Jo’s eyes stayed focused on the rising of the sun. “Good morning.”
Amber hesitated. She thought that anything that came out of her mouth would sound trite, or meaningless, so she opted for silence.
“He’s with her. I imagine their feet are flying swiftly over the pounding surf right about now,” Jo observed.
“Very poetic this morning,” Amber said. Willa had texted her the moment Lex showed up at the house.
“Ha. Do you remember when we first found out that they liked each other?”
“Oh yeah. Our biggest fear realized. Of all of the kids around, all the pairs I imagined, Lex and Lu never entered my mind. She was always so serious and he—was not. Didn’t seem like an obvious connection. And I think Willa and Pete were more surprised than anyone.”
They both smiled at the memory. Willa and Lex were the wild ones, Pete thoughtful, and Lu mature. Lex’s travels cultivated his fun-loving spirit. When he would return, he and Willa would go to parties, hang out with friends, run the same gamut. Although Lu had caught up to them in school, she just didn’t have the social-butterfly gene. Content to stay home, she enjoyed a small, exclusive group of friends. Pete fluctuated between the two—sometimes partying with his brother and Willa, sometimes hanging low. They were an unlikely foursome, brought together by proximity. The boys were naturally protective of the girls, but no one ever noticed any proclivity between Lex and Lu.
Willa had been the first to notice. And no one was ever sure how far it had progressed. Not in the ha
bit of having anything to tell her mother about Lu’s social life, Willa came to Amber more out of a stunned bewilderment than out of a desire to rat out her sister.
“Mom,” she began, “have you noticed anything … different about Lu?”
Amber, taken aback, tried to think about what, if anything, she would have noticed. There wasn’t much to notice. Lu was to graduate with Willa and Lex, but because of her age, Amber was making her stay at home and take courses at the University of South Florida as it offered classes in Sarasota. Their house had been somewhat chaotic because of graduation and prom. As Amber thought about it, though, she had to admit that Lu had been scarce recently.
“Now that you’ve asked me, I guess she’s been gone more recently. But so have you so … What’s going on, Will?” Even Amber had taken to calling the girls by Lex’s dubbing.
“A couple of weeks ago, Lu was pissy. I don’t know why, but she snapped at everyone. Even her nerdy friends were annoyed.”
“Willa Knight. That’s rude.”
“Sorry. Her sweet, unsocial, extremely smart friends. Is that better?” she asked sarcastically.
“That’s enough, Willa.”
Rolling her eyes, Willa continued. “This is going to sound ridiculous,” Willa noted, shaking her head. “I really can’t even believe that I am thinking this.”
Amber was suddenly on high alert. “Willa, for goodness’ sake, just tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, Lu was in a really bad mood. She was especially bitchy.” Willa looked directly at her mother, “Sorry, sorry. She was in an exceptionally foul mood,” she said in a very proper tone, while looking at her mother inquiringly.
“Just tell me!”
“She was really rude to Lex. It was weird. I’ve never really seen her be mean to him, but she was acting all high and mighty, Miss Smarty pants, around him. Like she was pissed. But for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why. I asked Pete, and he was just as baffled. Then, all of a sudden, everything’s great and she and Lex are now together all of the time.”