by J Santiago
Lu kicked the dirt with her foot in frustration. “Who the hell knows? He lives in England for God’s sake. And to top it off, he hates me.”
“Lex could never hate you, my dear. He’s angry, which is not something he’s had to deal with, ever. When he’s had some time to think through everything, when he gets some distance, he’ll forgive you. It’s not his nature to hold a grudge. He devotes too much energy to other things to try to sustain a grudge.”
“It doesn’t matter as long as he and Nina can figure their way around each other.”
“That will take time too,” Jo said sagely.
“Do you think it’s odd that Nina never told me that she knew who her father was? I mean, she never even asked me.”
“I thought about that briefly. I wish I could shed some light. I wish Mike had told me that he’d spoken to her about it. From what she said, it seemed like they had spoken about it often. She was just so comfortable and confident about him being her father that I feel like it’s something she and her grandfather spent a lot of time discussing.”
“I agree. I was completely thrown when she said that to him. It felt like I was watching a Hallmark Channel Christmas special.”
Jo laughed. “Well, let’s hope we get our happy ending.”
“Problem with that, Dr. J., is that I’m not sure what a happy ending would be.”
“Don’t you?” Jo asked.
“No, not anymore. What my happy ending was forty-eight hours ago and what it would be now are totally different,” Lu said, staring out at nothing.
“Louisa May?” Jo said, calling in the motherly tone.
Lu looked up directly at Jo, a slight smile on her face. “Yes?”
“What exactly did you do? Why is Lex not mad at me?”
Had Jo asked her that question at another time, a time when she felt stronger or more hopeful or more generous, she would have answered differently. But she didn’t have any strength, hope, or generosity left in her reserves to call upon. So she looked directly at Josephine Pellitteri and said, “I sold a bit of my soul to save all of yours.” With that, she pushed herself off the swing and moved away, seeking solitude so she could sulk without an audience.
Lex sat at the counter with Nina, totally enthralled. He had a difficult time thinking that he had a part in her creation and he wondered how often his parents had thought that throughout his and Pete’s childhood. In the brief time he’d spent with her, she seemed to be equal parts him and equal parts Lu. The combination of their features in her physical appearance made him wonder how those genes got all mixed up and spit out. It seemed to work on her and he vaguely wondered what his life would be like as the father of a sixteen-year-old who looked like her.
He saw his mischief reflected in her green eyes, but he could already tell that she had Lu’s thoughtfulness and innately cautious nature. That in itself would be a most interesting combination. She would have Lex’s craziness but would temper it with actually thinking through her actions. He smiled, thinking again of the teenage years.
Lex hadn’t spent much time with children, so he felt a little out of his league. Ice cream he could do, but he’d sputtered a few times trying to think of appropriate things to say to her and to ask her. She always picked up the slack, asking questions that had sometimes caught him off guard. He was able to handle the “Why do you play soccer?” and “How much do you practice?” He managed “What’s England like?” and “Do you have a best friend?” He’d completely blanked on “Will you always play soccer?” and “What will you do when you don’t play soccer anymore?” Did all eight-year-olds talk like this or did she have Lu’s super brain?
He’d already fallen in love with her, but when she asked if he thought Grandma Jo was going to be OK, he felt his heart grow, like the Grinch’s.
“I think Grandma Jo is going to be OK. But it might take some time,” he answered.
“I’m gonna miss Grandpa Mike,” she said sadly.
For the first time since he’d met his child, her face was marred by a frown. Again, feeling out of his league, not sure what to say, he hoped he could manage this conversation without having to resort to calling his brother over. “Me too. I will miss him every day.”
She looked at him quizzically, her eyebrow cocked. Oh shit, Lex thought, she inherited the eyebrow.
“But you didn’t see him very much because you’ve been gone for so long.”
Lex felt wounded, but wasn’t sure if that had been her intention … Running his hand over his short hair, Lex fumbled through an explanation. “Well, I’ll still miss him. Even though we didn’t see each other every day, I talked to him almost every day, and he was one of the closest people to me.”
“Oh,” Nina said. “So is that what we’ll do now? Will we talk every day?”
Lex wanted to reach out and pull her in to a hug, but he didn’t know how that would be received. He wanted to assure her that they could have a good relationship even with an ocean between them. He wanted to know the right thing to say and do, but without the last eight years of experience he felt helpless. And that’s when he got pissed all over again. That’s when the seed of his plan began to take root.
Lex called up his reserves: his patented smile and charm, which had seen him through every difficult situation in his life. Smiling the same smile that she would use, he said, “We’re going to figure all of that out. We’re coming up with a plan. OK?”
He thought the look she gave him was calling bullshit. But, again, without knowing her the way he should have, he couldn’t be sure. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn’t want to have it be a lie later. So he kept it vague. “Your mother and I are working on it. Promise.”
“OK,” she said with a shrug.
Reluctant to step away from her, Lex looked around, hoping for an out so that he could get some control of his anger. Pete wasn’t far away. Throwing him a “please help me” look, which he knew his brother would catch, he waited for Pete to walk toward them.
“Hey, Little Bit. Does Uncle Pete get some time today?” he asked, with a natural ease that came with familiarity.
Unreservedly, Nina got up off the bar stool and went into his arms. “Can we go on the swings?”
“You bet.” Looking at Lex, Pete said, “OK if I steal my favorite niece away?”
Nina giggled. And Lex knew this was an inside joke with them.
“Uncle Pete, I’m your only niece,” she responded in a well-rehearsed way.
“Oh, that’s right,” he said, looking sheepish, as was part of the joke. “You’re just too smart for me, Nina.”
Another giggle.
Lex watched it all, fascinated. His brother was obviously a permanent fixture in Nina’s life. A streak of jealousy shot through him. This was fucking torture and too much to take.
“We’re going to head outside,” Pete said, asking his brother for permission with his look.
At Lex’s nod, Pete turned to leave. Lex stopped him. “Know where I can find Will?” he asked.
Pete looked at him questioningly, remembering their last encounter.
Lex rolled his eyes, indicating it was OK. So Pete acquiesced. “She ran next door. You may want to wait until she gets back.”
Lex knew that code. “OK. Can you let her know I need to chat with her?”
“Yup. I’ll send her over.”
Pete left and Lex made his way back to his father’s office to wait for Willa. Closing the doors behind him he moved to Mike’s desk. Sitting there, he took stock of everything. He was angry. He was jealous of everyone’s relationship with his daughter. He was infinitely sad over the loss of his father. He’d never felt so out of control in his life. Emotions completely foreign for him beat at him from every angle. He longed for a return to normalcy—practice, a game, a focus. But even as that thought flew through his mind it dawned on him that his normal had been infinitely redefined. Struggling with a new vision of what his life would look like, the soft knock at the door indicating Willa’s
arrival caught him completely off kilter.
Willa never waited for permission from anyone, so when she sat down in the chair across from him he smiled at her out of a great appreciation for the woman that she’d grown to be. They’d been close. His intimacy with Lu had changed that, but not in a bad way. Now, facing her across his father’s desk, Lex knew that any road back to that closeness would be littered with causalities of this war that he was about to wage. As he gazed at her, he felt a millisecond of regret, but then that unfamiliar anger that had become his companion today took over. Fuck it, he thought.
“I guess I should apologize for slapping you earlier, but I just can’t bring myself to do it,” she started.
Again, his appreciation for her bluntness overtook him. He smiled the Lex smile, showing her that he got it. “Well, that seems appropriate as I’m not going to apologize for what happened. And for that matter, I’m not going to apologize for what is about to happen.”
Willa looked at him, truly looked at him for the first time. She didn’t look at him as the harbinger of the last few days. She looked at him as one would in taking stock of an adversary. And that made her sad. He was everything that their youth had promised. Successful, confident, intelligent. He hadn’t given in to his own appeal. He continued to work at who he was and what he wanted to achieve. She respected him. And it made her proud. But she focused as she would in a courtroom because she knew this was not a friendly conversation. She felt the energy radiating from him. It wasn’t a positive force. Suddenly a little fearful for her sister, Willa sat back in her chair, attempting to radiate confidence.
“Much of this conversation is something I should be having with your sister, but I’m afraid I can’t trust myself to be in the same room with her right now.”
Willa simply nodded, knowing he wasn’t expecting a response.
“Although I haven’t had much time to think about this or attempt to come up with a better solution, I have come to a conclusion. I’m going to tell you so that you can talk to Lu. Then, on Monday, you will receive the documents from my lawyers. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but be assured that I’m going to win.”
Willa didn’t say anything. But she admitted to herself at that moment that she feared this Lex. She’d forgotten how determined he was. And Lu didn’t have that kind of fight in her. Mostly, because of her guilt, Lu would make this as easy on Lex as possible. It might destroy her, but the way she loved him, she’d do it for him. Although looking across the span of the desk at him, she wasn’t sure that this was a Lex that Lu knew enough about to love.
“I don’t want to be away from my daughter,” he continued. “That’s a given. When I look around and see the familiarity she has with everyone but me … I don’t think I can describe the anger that I feel.” He paused, obviously not very happy that he had let her know anything he was feeling. “So the question becomes, how do I get an opportunity to know her with an ocean between us? The answer is, of course, I don’t. There’s no way I get any shot at a relationship with her when she lives here and I live there.”
Willa’s whole body tensed. He was going for custody, she thought. Fuck! Lu won’t allow that. Willa saw their two families embroiled in a fight to the finish. She saw any shot with Pete dissipate before her eyes. She saw Lu as a broken shell of a woman. But she kept her panic masked.
“I’m also not ready to retire from soccer. The day will come, but it’s not here yet. And when I do, I’ll go into coaching or front-office work. I’ll be doing something and America’s not there yet. I have to do it from across the pond. So the only solution is for Nina to come to me.”
Willa couldn’t help it, as she spat, “You motherfucker!”
He smiled the Lexifer smile. “Temper, temper, Will!” he said, shaking his finger at her. “As much as I hate Lu right at this moment, I’m not going to drag her into a custody battle. Although, just so we’re clear—I have the resources and power to do it.” He let that statement hang in the air as he watched Willa ingest it. “The only solution is for Lu and Nina to move to England.”
When she made to protest, he held up his hand. “I’m not done,” he said in a voice that resounded with the power and resourcefulness that he had just referred to. “I realize that a move like that will take time. So I’m giving her six months. She’s smart,” he said with a smirk, “and resourceful. That should give her time to come up with a plan that will be beneficial to her career. My attorney will help with the visa process, and I’ll make sure they have a place to live. In the meantime, I want joint custody. I deserve time to get to know my daughter. I want school vacations for now. I’ll pay for transportation for Nina and a family member. I don’t want her to travel alone, and I don’t know that I’ll be able to get away to make the flight back and forth. So I’m going to need for you all to be there for my daughter again. We’ll work out a more formal agreement that discusses holidays and weeknights later. It will be settled before she moves so that we aren’t dealing with any ambiguities.”
Most of this had come to him as he was talking, but he knew it was a good plan. It was the only way. He wasn’t particularly happy that Lu would be within reach, but he wasn’t prepared to separate her from Nina. He wasn’t that much of a bastard, no matter how pissed he was.
“Do you have any questions?” he asked after giving her some time to think about what he had said.
“Do you know how much of a dick move this is?” Willa asked, anger pulsing from her.
“About as much of a dick move as keeping the knowledge of my daughter from me for eight years?” he asked with feigned innocence.
At that moment, Willa hated him. She wished for a do-over so that she could punch him instead of bitch-slapping him. She hated this idea, she hated that she had to present it to her sister. But if she looked beneath the anger, she saw that it was only fair. Unfortunately, she wasn’t there yet.
With as much bluster as she could manage, she stood. “I hope to hell you know what you’re doing!” she said before she exited.
She didn’t hear him say “Me too.”
19
Willa couldn’t face Lu on her own. She knew her limits. The seething anger she felt towards Lex wouldn’t do anything to assuage Lu’s fears, so Willa went to find Pete. Willa understood she would be putting Pete in a difficult spot asking him to explain to Lu what Lex wanted. Willa didn’t understand why Lex thought she would be a better messenger than Pete, unless Lex assumed Willa would represent Lu in their custody discussions. They all knew that Pete was a better diplomat. Knowing Lu was still licking her wounds from earlier, she headed to find some reinforcements—a bottle of wine, Pete, and Sky.
Willa found her mother first. “Mom, I need for you to keep Nina occupied for a bit.”
Amber, noticing the bottle of wine in Willa’s hand, looked at her questioningly. “What’s going on?”
Willa knew that Amber would find out soon enough, but she wasn’t willing to be the messenger twice. “Just think Lu needs a pick-me-up,” she answered vaguely.
No fool, Amber knew there was more going on, but she wasn’t willing to try to pry it out of Willa in this setting, so she merely agreed.
Before Willa walked away she asked Amber if she’d seen Sky and Pete. “They’re on the patio with Nina,” she answered.
Willa walked toward the patio with the wine in hand. The sight that greeted her stopped her in her tracks. Pete, Sky, and Nina were sitting at one of the tables, playing cards. They looked very comfortable together, and Willa experienced a jolt of jealousy she didn’t expect. Shit, she thought, this is not good. Making her way outside, she approached quietly, attempting to make out the conversation and gauge any attraction between Pete and Sky. But as soon as Pete saw her, his eyes lit up. She could see it, and the jealousy evaporated. Thankfully. He looked at her with questions in his eyes, but she smiled to put him at ease.
“Hey, Nee, Granny wants you,” Willa announced.
As they had just finished their
game, her timing was perfect.
“OK,” Nina said, jumping up from the table and running inside.
“Does she walk anywhere?” Sky murmured, watching her.
“No,” Pete and Willa answered at the same time.
They all laughed.
“What’s up?” asked Pete.
Willa sighed. “I need you both. I just talked to Lex, and he’s come to some decisions that he wants me to present to Lu.” At Pete’s quizzical look, she sat down heavily in the chair. “I can only imagine he was speaking to me as her lawyer, but I can’t be sure. If he wanted a diplomat, he would have asked for you,” she said, reaching across and taking his hand.
Pete nodded his head. “Maybe he didn’t want to have to face me with his ideas,” Pete said, knowing his brother well. “Will I be disappointed in him when I hear this?”
Willa looked away, not sure how to answer. Shrugging her shoulders, she barreled forward. “The fucker’s giving her six months to get everything together to move to England. He says he can’t see any other solution. Selfish ass!”
Sky reacted first. “You can’t be serious. She’s just supposed to pick up everything and move over there. What about her life here?”
Pete remained quiet. Willa watched him, waiting for his reaction. She wanted, expected him to react to the audacity of Lex’s plan. But the longer he stayed quiet, the more she began to fear that his reaction wasn’t going to be what she wanted.
“Pete?”
“I don’t know, Willa.”
“What don’t you know?” she said, knowing that his contemplation meant he agreed with Lex’s position.
“It’s not such a bad idea,” he answered.
She pulled her hand away from his.
Reaching for her, he said, “Don’t … Don’t …” while he attempted to reestablish their connection.