by J Santiago
Still lost in her thoughts as she rolled Nina’s bag toward the door, Lu started when she heard the knock. Moving quickly to answer it, she was surprised to find Lex on the other side. He’d never picked Nina up before, as he always sent Mrs. Auberly.
“What are you doing here?” she said, perhaps a bit too zealousy. She felt awkward and then silly for her overly loud greeting.
“Hey,” Lex said, with a crooked smile. “I came to get Nina,” he told her as if this were a common occurrence. Closing the door behind himself, he leaned down to drop a kiss on top of her head. “How are you?”
Stuttering a bit from his presence and the familiarity of his greeting, Lu answered cautiously. “Um, I’m fine.”
Nina must have heard Lex’s voice, because she came bounding into the room and slid to a stop right in front of him. “Daddy!” she exclaimed. Lex scooped her up for an off-the-ground hug.
“Hey, Bit,” he said, borrowing Pete’s nickname for her. “Are you ready?”
“Yes. Mommy helped me pack everything.”
“Great.” Setting her on the ground, he leaned down so his face was level with hers. “Can you give your mom and me a couple of minutes to talk?”
“Sure,” she said and promptly bounded back toward her room.
“Runs everywhere, huh?” Lex commented.
“Yes.” Lu looked at him, tilting her head. “Remind you of anyone?”
“Nah,” he deadpanned.
“Yeah, right,” Lu said, earning herself a Lex Pellitteri grin, which made her stomach do funny things. “Can I get you something to drink?” she offered as she made her way over to the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator door.
“No, I’m good.”
Closing the door, Lu leaned over and rested her elbows on the counter as Lex took a seat on the bar stool.
“I didn’t mean to catch you off guard,” he said, suddenly serious. “I’ve been kind of a dick.”
Lu’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“Sending someone else to get Nina for the past couple of months. That was a shit move and I apologize.”
Lu had no idea how to respond. She wanted to tell him that it was OK and that she understood. Because part of her felt relief that she didn’t have to see him on a twice-weekly basis. But the sincerity of his voice demanded a response.
“We’re all adjusting,” she said magnanimously.
He smirked. “Yes, we are. But I’ve chosen to make it more difficult.”
Lu didn’t say anything, just looked at him as the silence stretched between them. She didn’t have any desire to condemn him for any of his reactions. She briefly pictured Willa, in a devil suit sitting on her shoulder, nudging her with a pitchfork. Make him pay, she would say. But how could she do that when he’d been reacting to the situation that the people he loved most had choreographed?
He raised his eyebrow.
“What do you want me to say, Lex?”
“I want you to call a spade a spade.”
“What good does that do?”
“It might not do any good, but at least I’d know that you are being honest.”
Lu felt like he’d slapped her. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that I can’t read you and that pretty much sucks.” He continued to hold her gaze, but all sense of play had dissipated in the air like a puddle in a desert.
Pushing up from the counter, Lu stepped back, leaning onto the counter opposite to have some distance. Crossing her arms over her chest, all of her defenses came up.
“Lex, are you trying to make me mad?”
Shaking his head, he said, “No. I’m not. Sorry. I wanted to apologize and somehow I think I’ve made it worse.”
“It’s fine. We’re good.”
Nodding his head, he got up from the stool and walked around the counter, seizing the space that she claimed. Standing in front of her, he asked, “Really? We’re good?”
“Yes,” she said, but she didn’t relax her position. His proximity made all of the muscles in her body tense, while other parts of her loosened. She felt uncomfortable, but she could articulate why.
He leaned back on the counter, giving her much-needed space, as if he could read her mind and knew what she needed.
“I have a proposition,” he said, as if she were stupid and he needed to talk slow.
Smirking and rolling her eyes, she said, “OK.”
He smiled that smile over her actions. Jelly, her insides were jelly.
“This is my first Christmas with Nina.”
“Yes, I know.”
“And I want to spend it with her.”
“And you are,” she said, slowly.
“I know, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve haven’t had a big Christmas since I left home. I have to concentrate really hard on my memories to bring back the excitement of them.”
Lu smiled. Christmases had always been good when they were growing up. On Christmas Eve they had the Supper Club party. Every year was a different house, but the core people were always the same. As all the kids had grown, so had the party. Christmas morning they spent at home, but they’d always had lunch with the Pellitteris. The tradition never changed, even as Lex left, Lu had Nina, kids grew and moved on with their lives. The shared memory floated between Lex and Lu, a translucent bubble of commonality.
Lex returned her smile. Then he reached into his back pocket and pulled something out. He held it out to her. Hesitantly, Lu reached out and took it from him. Breaking eye contact with him, she looked down at the mystery object. She could tell that it was a plane ticket. She didn’t study it, just looked back at him with questions in her eyes.
“What’s this?”
“I am hoping you will join Nina and me in Malaga.” At her startled expression, he continued quickly. “I rented a huge house, and I bought the ticket for the twenty-third through the twenty-sixth. You won’t be with us the whole time. Just for Christmas. Nina and I will have to leave before everyone for my game.”
She couldn’t breathe, and she couldn’t look at him. She stared at the ground, trying to get ahold of herself.
“Breathe, Lu,” Lex whispered. He hadn’t moved any closer, but his voice felt like he’d touched her intimately. Still holding his distance, he continued, “I know Willa’s coming here so I bought a ticket for her too. And just so you know how much of a coldhearted bastard I can be, I bought a ticket for Pete too. I figure that will tip Willa’s scale on my behalf. So that really just leaves you.” He took a very small step toward her. “I want Nina’s first Christmas with me to be special and I figure having all of her family there would make it that.”
Lu’s head came up. “You’re not playing fair,” she snapped.
“I rarely do when I want something,” he retorted.
“I need time to think, Lex.”
“I can appreciate that. It took me eight months.”
Confusions clouded her face. “Eight months for what?”
“To think about everything.” He laughed a kind of bitter bark. “Since you are going to think this through, you should probably have all of the information.”
“There’s more?” she questioned with a look of horror on her face.
Smiling, he said, “A little more, yeah.”
Drawing a deep breath, she said, “Out with it.”
“I invited Dr. A. and your dad …” He paused. “And my mom.”
She couldn’t have been more shocked. “Are they coming?”
“Yes. But I got them each suites at a resort down the road.”
“Good thinking,” she blurted.
“I also think it’s only fair to tell you that I am planning to finish our conversation during this trip. There are questions I have and things I need to say. I need you to think about that really hard because if you agree to come, we are going to talk.”
She merely nodded her head. Her mind refused to kick in. She just kept imagining the devil Willa perched on her shoulder shaking her head.
Without turning away from her, Lex yelled, “Nina, you ready?”
As Nina came flying out of her room, struggling to contain her excitement, Lu tried to pull herself out of her stupor.
“I’m ready,” she said needlessly. Coming to stand in between Lu and Lex, oblivious to the tension between them, she leaned in to Lu, hugging her. “I’ll miss you. But we can FaceTime, right?”
“Of course.” Lu slid partially down the counter so that she and Nina were on the same level. “Remember: please and thank you. Listen to your father.”
“And I get to open your presents when I get home, right?”
Lu smiled. “Absolutely. I love you, baby,” she managed as she hugged Nina tight, keeping her eyes closed so she didn’t have to look into the sun that was Lex.
Nina pulled away first, turned to Lex, and said, “Let’s go.”
Lex put his hand on the small of her back and ushered her to the door. As he was about to open it, Lu caught up with them. She reached out tentatively and touched his shoulder. When he turned to her, Lu asked, “Why now?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “You graduated.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” she asked, thoroughly confused.
“You graduated and everyone was there but me. It was like a cold bucket of water in my face. I can’t really explain it other than it woke me up.” With that he shrugged and opened the door. “We’ll call you when we land.”
Nodding, she watched her daughter walk out of her apartment on the arm of her father. Closing the door, she leaned against it and slid down to the floor. I guess I’m going to Malaga for Christmas, she thought. Then, banging her head against the door, she said, “Fuck!”
37
Lex, Pete, and Nina planned a day of sightseeing for Lu and Willa’s arrival. They’d hit all of the major tourist attractions when they picked them up, ending the day at the Picasso Museum. By the time they had dinner and made their way back to the house, Nina had fallen asleep. Lu put her to bed, showered, and then joined the rest of the crew. She found Willa, Pete, and Lex sprawled on the couches in the living room, enjoying glasses of wine. When she sat down, Lex leaned over from the opposite couch and handed her a glass.
“Isn’t this yours?” Lu asked.
“I don’t drink during the season,” he informed her, although he was fairly certain she knew.
“Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting.”
“We were just discussing our plans for tomorrow,” Willa offered.
“Are we going to take our parents all over the city so that they pass out by nine o’clock?” Lu quipped.
“That’s not a bad idea,” Pete chimed in.
“Have you spent every day like this?” Lu asked, not quite recovered from trekking through the city all day.
“Yup,” Lex and Pete answered at the same time.
“No wonder Nina hasn’t given you a hard time. You wear her out and put her to bed.”
“Not a bad plan,” Pete said. “She seems to be enjoying it.”
Lu smiled, “I’m fairly certain that she is overjoyed that she’s finally found someone who can keep up with her.” Lu met Lex’s gaze and smiled at him. “She’s really enjoying herself.”
“When it comes to energy levels, she is absolutely her father’s daughter,” Willa added. It was a comment that she’d had to refrain from making in the past, but now it just seemed natural to refer to Nina as Lex’s daughter and she wondered when that had happened. Looking around, Willa attempted to keep her eyes off of Pete, but he looked so damn good, she just couldn’t do it. She needed him alone, now. “I think I’m going to head to bed,” she said, getting to her feet.
Lu looked at her skeptically. “You are so full of shit. If you want to be alone with Pete, just say so.”
Willa, being Willa, turned to her sister, raising her eyebrows as if to say, are you serious? Then, just because Lu had thrown it out there, she said, “Lu, Lex, I am taking Pete. I’m going to fuck his brains out. Good night.”
Pete choked on his wine, Lex threw back his head and laughed, and Lu shook her head, knowing that she alone had created that monster.
Pete jumped up, grabbed Willa’s hand, and waved good-bye.
“Well done!” Lex managed to catcall through his laughter.
“Do you really need to encourage her?” Lu scolded.
“God, I’ve missed her,” Lex said matter-of-factly, still chuckling.
Lu felt a hot streak of jealousy rip through her. Drinking her wine, she said nothing, bristling at Lex and Willa’s renewed friendship.
Lex laid out on the couch, propping his feet on the opposite arm, completely relaxed. Turning his head to the side so that he could see Lu, he watched her for a couple of minutes, saying nothing. She seemed lost in her own thoughts. Finally, he said, “Nina is amazing, Lu. You’ve done a great job raising her. Thank you.”
Lu raised her eyes and met his. “You know that whole nature-versus-nurture argument?” At his nod, she continued. “As a parent, I have to say that nature wins out hands down. It’s like I’ve had no influence on her. She popped out at birth and was this being who existed as she saw fit to exist. While I appreciate the compliment, I’m not sure what I’ve had to do with her.”
“Do you think our parents thought that of us?”
“Certainly exonerates them, doesn’t it.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I guess. And you are far more of an expert than me, but I can see you in her at almost every moment. She may have my pace, but she definitely has your brains and your ability to take everything in, evaluate it, and come to a decision about it. Half the time she’s been with me I thought I was with you as a little girl. It was rather comforting. I thought, I can really suck at being a father and she is going to be OK.”
“You’re not going to suck at being a father, Lex. Just like everything you’ve ever done, it comes naturally to you.”
He shrugged. “I hope.” A comfortable silence descended between them. “Are you OK with being here?”
His question caught her off guard. “Yes, I am.”
“Even with the grandparents showing up tomorrow?”
“Are you?” she shot back.
Laughing again, he said, “I don’t know. The last time I saw Jo I essentially told her to fuck off. And I haven’t seen Amber since you told me that she became mommy dearest when I left. I’m feeling a little put out by that. So, I’m not sure if I’m up for the next two days.”
“Lex, why is all of this so important all of a sudden?”
Turning his head away from her and looking up at the ceiling, he seemed to contemplate his answer. “Are you sure you want me to answer that?”
She rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want the answer.”
“Does that mean you’re ready to talk to me?”
“I thought I asked you a question, not the other way around,” she retorted.
He turned his head again and pinned her with his eyes. “If we start this conversation, I’m going to be looking for answers too. I just want to know if you’re ready for that.”
“Yup,” she responded as if he’d asked her if she wanted more wine. Without Nina, Willa, and Pete providing distractions, Lu’s relaxed mood had fizzled into a nervous anticipation. If having this conversation would allow things to retire to some new normal for them, then she was more than ready.
Lex turned back to look at the ceiling, seemingly telling her it would be easier if he didn’t have to look at her. Although she’d employed that method often during their exchanges, it hurt that he found more comfort in the ceiling than in her eyes.
“I told you that your graduation was almost a turning point for me. Up until that weekend, I’d been going through the motions. Not just in my personal relationships but with soccer too. That’s why the whole scene with Malcolm,” he reminded her. He turned to look at her to see her acknowledgement. When she nodded, he continued. “I think it was the drunk texts.” He chuckled sof
tly. “There you were, calling me out from across the pond. I texted Pete after that to make sure you got home OK. And when I did that I felt like it was all wrong. My brother was with you and my daughter, celebrating your graduation, and I was sitting alone in my home. I got mad and then I got drunk.” He turned to look at Lu again. “I have never been that drunk. While I was drunk I needed to know.” He paused. “You know, at the funeral, I knew you were feeding me a line of bullshit about the family not telling me. That’s just not you, but I bought it because otherwise, I thought, everyone in my life had been lying to me for a very long time. It was one of those moments when I remembered how amazing you are.”
He stopped, but Lu knew that it wasn’t for her to make a comment.
“I jumped online and bought a ticket home. Which tells you how fucked up I was, because I had a game in four days and the last thing I needed was to miss practice for a transatlantic flight. Anyway, I get home and Jo’s not there. She’s at your graduation too. I couldn’t believe it. Everyone was a part of my family except me. I don’t know if I can describe the rage I felt.”
He looked at her again. “You know it though, don’t you?”
Lu stared at him questioningly.
“That day, in the Sunday-school room.” He paused and let it sink in. “There is no description for the rage, Lu. And being mad just isn’t part of who I am. I was out of control, unable to rein it in. Luckily Jo didn’t come home for another twenty-four hours, and by then it had gone. I questioned her and she told me what happened—her version, which, by the way, fits with yours—except for the part where she’s your savior. She didn’t try to make herself look good, which I respect. But it all seemed so callous, and I couldn’t take it. I left there after telling her to basically stay away. And then I found myself at Willa’s.”