“Mum you can’t,” my sobs escaped, wracking through my body as I begged her to reconsider. “You can’t do this to him, he’s a great teacher and he doesn’t deserve it. It’s all my fault, not his. I’m the bad one in this situation, you can’t get him fired. Mum, please.”
She didn’t flinch. “If you were a year younger, I’d be trying to get him arrested.”
When she tried to drag me back towards the other end of the harbour, I ripped my arm away. I couldn’t go anywhere with her, not now, even if she thought she was doing the right thing. “I’ll make my own way back to the hotel.”
And I walked in the other direction, further out to sea, dragging my feet behind me. “Lily!” My mother called after me and, for a moment, I thought she was going to follow me down the stone path.
She didn’t.
And so I sat on the end of the harbour with my feet almost touching the water, not knowing what else to do but cry. My life had been in shambles, but with a rock. Mr. Lane had been my rock.
Now Mr. Lane was going to disappear as well. He might try it, but sticking with the girl who’d lost him his job was going to be more resentment than a relationship could take.
It was just going to be Emma left, but she was in a fun, new relationship and that meant less time for me even if she didn’t realise it.
When I eventually stood up, all cried out for the night and just ready to collapse into my bed and sleep, I noticed my mum at the end of the harbour, standing up and walking into the hotel as I took my leave.
Chapter Twelve
Mr. Lane didn’t come to our matches the next day. I didn’t know where he was, just that he wasn’t here. My heart sunk, but I continued to listen to strategies as though it meant something.
I couldn’t concentrate at all.
And what was worse was the cameras littered around the sports hall we were playing in. No doubt they were being put on BT Sport Channel Ten, or something, but the thought of even more people than were just in the stands watching me was horrifying.
Because I was going to play badly today, I could just tell, and the people we were playing against were even more terrifying than the girls at nationals. They were tall, muscular and obviously put everything into the sport.
I swallowed and realised everyone was looking at me. “Sorry, what?”
“Do you want to do the coin tosses, or shall I?” Millie repeated her question, a worried look on her face.
“Oh, you can do it.”
I returned to sticking my fingers through the strings of my racket and wishing something would swallow me up. My mum was in the crowd somewhere, but I didn’t want to look for her. I was going to be an embarrassment today.
Millie and I walked to our first court together, and she fixed me with a wary look. “Did something happen last night? You seem distracted, and, well, miserable.”
I shrugged. “It’s complicated. Family stuff. I’ll try my best out there, though.”
There wasn’t really anything else she could ask of me, so Millie just smiled and went to do the toss, the girl from the other team towering above her.
I held my racket awkwardly and noticed someone I recognised on the side lines. He wasn’t anywhere near my court, but Mr. Lane had his eyes trained on me. The smallest of smiles graced my face – he was somewhere that wasn’t visible from the stands, but he’d still come out to support me.
It made me feel infinitely better for some reason – at least our relationship hadn’t died quite yet.
And I really tried my best to put everything into the matches today. I played well, as well as I could have done, but it wasn’t even close to good enough. We’d been lucky to get through to this stage as it was, but the competition was staggering and we didn’t stand a chance.
Still, I enjoyed the day overall. It was an experience that we all came out of slightly disheartened, but generally happy. I’d definitely learnt more about my game than any amount of practise could have given.
We hugged each other as last place was announced and waved to the crowd as they cheered us off. Tomorrow we’d get to watch the real competition as the final rounds kicked off and the pressure would be gone.
Well, it would be gone for everyone else.
As soon as we’d packed up our stuff and left the sport’s hall, I went on a search for my mother.
I’d spotted her in the crowd at one point, but she hadn’t been looking at me and she definitely hadn’t been smiling. I had to try and make this right and I had to do everything in my power to save Mr. Lane’s job.
I began to feel sick after searching fruitlessly for so long. Eventually I went and sat outside her hotel, but after an hour of absolutely no movement, I lost hope. She wasn’t coming out. She’d probably spotted me from her room and decided to wait until I left, or something. I didn’t really blame her.
And so I trawled back to the beach and prayed the hotel’s Wi-Fi would reach that far. I needed to talk to Emma. She was the only one who could make this better.
I dug my toes into the soft sand and prayed Emma would be available to chat. As the boring tone rang out, I closed my eyes. Today was definitely not a time for video skyping – I’d kept it to voice only. “Lily!” It was a high-pitched half-shout. “Are you okay? I’ve been trying to get hold of you for ages? How are you?”
“Everything is shit. My mum caught me and Mr. Lane. She’s going to tell the school.”
I didn’t need to see Emma’s face to know what it looked like. She was spluttering, trying desperately to conjure up something to say that might possibly help the situation. “What happened?”
“He was just trying to comfort me about my dad and my mum showed up. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have told him I was upset and stuff. I really liked him and now he’s going to hate me. I’m such an idiot.”
Emma attempted to make soothing noises through the phone. “Can’t you convince her not to?”
“I don’t think so. I tried, but she wasn’t listening. I guess I can’t blame her, I’d probably be the same, but she doesn’t understand, you know? Well, I feel like she doesn’t understand.”
“And don’t forget she’s down on love at the moment. She probably just wants to protect the one thing that will always be constant in her life, you.”
She had a point. “There can be more than one person in my life, though. I want her to be happy, but I want to be happy, too. Mr. Lane makes me happy.” I groaned. “Have you seen my dad again?”
Emma snorted. “Of course I haven’t. I was lucky to even run into him that once, you’ll have to ask him about it yourself when you get home. Just be blunt and try and figure stuff out with him. He’s still your dad.”
“That’s what Mr. Lane said. I know it’s true, I just can’t stand the fact he did what I did to Luke, it’s a horrible reminder that I’m a bad person, too. I feel like I shouldn’t forgive him and I shouldn’t forgive myself.”
Emma groaned. “Lily you made a mistake. You can’t hold it against yourself forever.”
“I feel like I should.”
“Lily, if your life is about to take another turn for the worse, then you have to forgive yourself if there’s any chance of you dealing with losing Mr. Lane and your father having a kid with someone else.”
There was a choking sound from behind me and I watched, dumbfounded, as my mother got to her feet with wide eyes.
“Wait, mum!” I called after her, scrambled after her, but I’d delayed too much and she’d gone before I could catch up, running all the way back to her hotel with speed I didn’t know he possessed. I’d hung up on Emma during the run. This was private now.
I slowed to a standstill, drawing in a shaky breath before going to the reception desk. “Hi, I’m really sorry to bother you, but that woman who just ran through is my mum and I really need to be able to see her. Is there any way you could let me up to her room, or let me call her or something?”
The woman behind the desk practically winced. It was obvious she couldn�
��t do anything for me. “I’m really sorry, but it would be against company policy for me to do either of those things.”
My shoulders slumped and I was forced to nod. “Thanks anyway.”
I decided to stay sitting in the lobby for a while, tossing my phone up and down and trying to recall everything I’d said to Emma in our conversation. I’d mentioned cheating on Luke, I’d talked about me and Mr. Lane.
And I dropped that bombshell on my mother without even realising it.
I buried my head in my hands, praying she’d come out of her room. I could help her. I could at least try and make her feel better.
They had to ask me to leave, eventually, with sympathetic faces as I trudged into the now dark evening.
She’d be sat in her room crying and there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it. If only I hadn’t been caught with Mr. Lane, none of it would have happened.
Chapter Thirteen
I didn’t see my mother for a week after that. She wasn’t at the airport when I was flying home and she didn’t actually return home after that. She’d text me, to make sure I didn’t ring the police, but other than that there’d been no contact.
My calls had all gone to answer phone and the lengthy texts I sent were ignored.
I didn’t mention her absence to anyone, because no one needed to know, or judge her for it. I was eighteen and I was plenty capable of doing stuff for myself. She’s transferred money to my bank account and so I could go and buy food.
Mr. Lane was the only person that I’d been forced to tell. He was spending every waking moment worrying about getting a call from the head teacher saying he’d lost his job and so he deserved to know my mother wasn’t even in the city right now.
Up to now, his job had remained intact.
When there was a clang downstairs, I jumped to my feet, briefly considering trying to find some kind of weapon before deciding it must be my mother. I stopped on the bottom stair, peering into the room as my mum dropped a bag onto the floor.
There were black bags under her eyes and the stench of alcohol on her breath and I didn’t really want to know where she’d been. She directed a tired gaze at me and my stomach clenched. I want to go and hug her, but my feet remained glued to the floor. I’d caused so much of this.
It was only a moment’s hesitation before I did it anyway, striding across the floor and wrapping my arms around her middle tightly. There were tears in my eyes, but I really tried not to shed them. I didn’t want her to be guilty, or anything like that. I was just glad to have her back and okay.
I’d been on the verge of calling the police anyway when she didn’t return any of my daily calls.
“I’m so sorry for running off honey,” she sniffled against my hair, arms painfully tight around me. “I just couldn’t take any of it. I just needed to figure things out.”
“It’s okay,” my voice caught despite my attempts to keep my emotions in check. “I understand.”
We stood like that for another five minutes, just hugging until the only thing plaguing my mind was needing to know what her decision about Mr. Lane was.
“I think we probably need to talk,” my mum relinquished her grip on me and moved towards the sofa, patting the seat next to her.
My stomach clenched as I sat down. I prayed, more than anything, that she’d have found some reason to forgive him. I just wanted him to be able to keep his job. I didn’t care about anything else now. “I don’t like the idea of you being with someone ten years older than you,” she began, a grimace still littering her face just from saying it. “But you’re also an adult, free to make your own decisions.” My mother sighed, looking ready to bury her head in my hands whilst my hope soared. “I’m willing to make a compromise.”
I hadn’t even heard it yet, but that meant Mr. Lane was keeping his job. It had to. “Thank you.”
“I won’t tell anyone, but you have to wait until the end of the year to be with him. I won’t have you getting caught and having that smeared against your name and I need you to be concentrating on your work, too. You still need to get your grades for university and I’d rather you had as few distractions as possible.”
I didn’t bother to mention that without Mr. Lane and I having been in a relationship, my coursework would have been a complete failure. “Thank you so much, mum.”
“I’m serious, though. Ten years is a big difference at your age. He’s at a different point in his life, closer to wanting to get married and have kids. Don’t let him pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.”
I nodded, my cheeks burning, but my relief trumping all. “I definitely wouldn’t.”
“Good.”
Now that was out of the way, I moved onto the other topic, one that I needed to know the answer to as well. “Did you see dad?”
“Yes. He’s not having another child. That’s really all you need to know about the situation.”
I grinned despite myself. I really hadn’t wanted to get to know a little brother or sister, or to accept that my father had moved straight onto another family. I was sure he couldn’t have wanted another child, anyway. He wasn’t a spring chicken anymore. “Good.”
“You should go and see him, you know. He’s miserable. He’d like your company.”
I hesitated. “I don’t know if I’ve forgiven him yet.”
My mum wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “He’s your dad. It’s for me to forgive him for what he’s done to me, you love him unconditionally anyway. At least go and visit him.”
I strongly debated just accepting, before daring to push my mother just a bit further. It was selfish, but I couldn’t resist. “Is it okay if I see Mr. Lane one more time? Just to let him know what you said?”
“I’ve already spoken to him, that’s part of the reason I’ve made my decision,” she stated, before shaking her head. “But yes, you can see him one more time. Get him to give you a lift to your fathers.”
I grinned, hugging her a final time before grabbing my phone to ring my teacher. “Thanks mum.”
Mr. Lane insisted on pulling up around the corner when he got to my house and I was dying to know what they’d spoken about. I resisted the urge to ask as Mr. Lane cut the engine. “You know what my mum decided?”
“Yes. She came to see me today. Are you okay with that?”
“Of course,” but of course I was becoming slowly torn between sadness and gratefulness as the initial relief began to fade. Not allowed to have any contact with Mr. Lane for another two and a half months. That seemed like such a long time. “I mean, I’m just glad you haven’t lost your job.”
He chuckled, a dead sound. He’d clearly gotten over the relief and moved onto sadness. “I’d already been looking for jobs, I’m glad to have been able to cancel a couple of applications.”
“I’ll bet. I’m going to really miss you, though.” Our gazes met for the first time and heat sparked in the car. The urge to really see each other one final time was almost overwhelming – to just drive back to his house and let our bodies unite once more.
We resisted, fear still reigning supreme when it came to my mother. It wasn’t worth the risk of sneaking around anymore, even if the chances of her finding out were still relatively low. We had to stick to staying away from each other, for real.
“I’m going to miss you too,” Mr. Lane reached over and took my hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “Come on, we should probably get going. Do you have an address?”
I gave him the one my mother had given me and we set off driving in relative silence. I felt like we should have been making the most of this small bit of time together, but no words came and I didn’t try to force conversation.
The BnB we pulled up outside was just a terraced house with a sign stuck on the front. It was rundown and grim, with chipped paint on every surface. I looked at it sceptically. “I guess this is it.”
Mr. Lane reached across and brought my face to his, our lips moulding together as my desire quickly ramped up. His
hand slipped down to my hip and bit in deliciously; he didn’t want to let me go. I brought my own hands up and wrapped them through his black locks. His kiss was so hard it almost hurt, and I loved it.
When he pulled back, he kept our faces incredibly close together, our short breaths mingling. “I don’t want you to be with anyone else, Lily. I want you to wait for me.”
“I don’t want to be with anyone else,” I fired back immediately. “Of course I’m going to wait for you.”
We shared a large smile before pulling away properly. “I really like you, Lily, and it was definitely worth risking my job to get to know you.”
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