Selfie

by Leslie Johnson

  I shot her an evil grin. “Your sacrifice is greatly appreciated, Mum. Truly. Now, how’s Grandma? Does she miss me?”

  “She was pretty upset you didn’t come with us. You ought to give her a call before you leave, honey.”

  “I’ll do that now.”

  When I glanced at my phone screen, I noticed that Hunter had left me two text messages. Without a moment’s hesitation, I deleted them and called Grandma instead.

  Erratic breathing sounded in my ear. “Is that you, possum?” she wheezed.

  “Hey, Grandma. Did I wake you?”

  She chortled at my question. There was a chorus of TV laughter in the background. “You know I suffer from insomnia. But enough about me.” Her voice turned soft and menacing, making her sound like a cartoonish hag. “I hear you’re leaving. What if I die in my sleep and you’re not here to attend my funeral?”

  “An insomniac can’t die in her sleep. Besides, you’re practically immortal. The only time you’ll die is when an ax murderer slips into your house, kills your dog, and then hides under your creaky bed.”

  “If he kills Fluffy Poo, I will twist and break off his penis.” Grandma paused, then added, “Speaking of penises . . . have you been eating your beans lately?”

  I frowned, weirded out by the sudden change of subject. “I . . . I guess?”

  “Good. Make sure to take them frequently, with a side of vigorous masturbation –”

  Startled, I accidentally hung up on her. What the bloody hell? Had Hunter been right all along? Were the beans a metaphor for something else?

  She instantly called me back. “You’re too naïve for your age, Rosemary.” She reprimanded before I could get a word in edgewise. “I worry for you, child. You need a better social life.”

  “I’m working on it,” I said with a halfhearted smile. After another five minutes of idle chitchat, I told her I loved her and hung up. Sitting on the sofa, I recalled how I had lain here the night before as Hunter hovered over me, licking and sucking my nipples into hardened peaks, his warm breath washing over my bare skin. Just thinking about it made my pussy throb with desperate need.

  I jumped up and grabbed my car keys. “Mum, I’m going out for a bit. Don’t wait up, okay?”

  She didn’t answer. She was probably upstairs getting frisky with my delighted and more-than-willing dad.

  As I slid into the driver’s seat and turned the ignition on, my thoughts traveled over to Hunter. I was leaving in a few days, maybe for good. I would never have to see the bastard who had humiliated me and shredded my confidence. But something felt . . . unfinished. It simply couldn’t end like this.

  Before I could change my mind, I drove like a maniac down the streets, weaving left and right while praying that I wouldn’t be pulled over by some over-zealous police officer. In fifteen minutes, I found myself idling outside Hunter’s flat. I’d been here a couple of times to bring over a finished essay or tutor the lazy arse because he couldn’t be bothered going to the library. The flat was small, but at least he lived alone.

  My mind made up, I locked the car and quickly strode into the three-story brick building.

  Chapter 6

  When Hunter opened the door, the first thing I registered was the shock on his face. He blinked in bemusement as if he thought I was some kind of mirage. To prove that I wasn’t, I pushed past him and entered the semi-dark living room. Beams of dull moonlight revealed a comfy-looking sofa, a round dining table with two matching chairs, and a large LCD screen hanging on the wall. Thick textbooks lay open on the table, giving the impression that Hunter had been studying for days. I snorted silently at the unlikely scenario before me.

  “I’ve been trying to reach you,” he said carefully, closing the door behind him. “I know you’re upset, but you need to –”

  “Shut up, Hunter.” And before he could say more, I strode over and pushed him against the wall, rising on my toes to kiss him.

  “Roe, wait –”

  “Stop talking, damn you.” I breathed, pulling off my T-shirt in one swift movement. Immediately, he leaned down to devour my eager mouth, his hands roughly pushing up my bra cups. My breasts sprang free, and my head fell back as Hunter bent even lower and sucked my nipple into his mouth. With a soft moan, I threaded my fingers through his thick hair, pulling him closer to me.

  We managed to stumble into his bedroom, shedding our clothes along the way. I was only in my lace panties by the time I was sitting on the edge of his king-sized bed. Hunter spread my thighs open and positioned himself between them, his green eyes blazing.

  “Lie down on the bed. I need to taste you. Now.” As soon as I did just that, he pulled off my panties and began kissing his way up my inner thigh, throwing the other leg over his shoulder. I began squirming, filled with anticipation, then groaned as his warm breath washed over my skin.

  His hands slid up to squeeze my breasts as he ran his tongue along the length of my pussy. “Fuck, you’re delicious.” He murmured, in between tonguing my sensitive clit. “And so wet for me.” I mewled and grabbed his hands, encouraging him to thumb over my aching nipples. The thought of having Hunter’s gorgeous face between my legs, his thick hair tickling my thighs, never ceased to amaze me. I cried out as he sucked my clit into his mouth.

  After he took his sweet time licking, squeezing, and sucking, he rolled me to the left so that I was bent at the waist over the edge of the bed. I pressed my face into the messy bedsheets, my body on fire. Vaguely, I heard him ripping a condom wrapper, then he returned and ran the tip of his cock along my wet folds – up, down, up again – until I was begging for relief.

  “You like that, Roe?” This time, he ran his finger down my swollen pussy and fingered my clit. My groans only spurred him on. “Fuck, I love that I’m the only one who’s ever touched you like this. The only one who’s ever tasted you.” The moment he slammed his cock inside me, I gasped loudly and fisted the bedsheets. “You’re so unbelievably tight.” He groaned, resting his forehead on the nape of my neck as he began easing in and out, his speed growing more relentless. A muffled scream tore out of my throat as an intense orgasm rocked my body, an exquisite sensation that was both personal and shared. Surely it was a brief moment when walls came down and left us at our most vulnerable, giving our partner a peek into our souls.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and held up those walls, even as Hunter groaned loudly and came inside me.

  I will not love you, I chanted silently, forcing myself to focus only on the physical pleasure. I was just glad that I didn’t have to gaze into his beautiful eyes. You used me, so I will use you, too.

  Once depleted, Hunter pressed his chest against my back, breathing heavily as he gave my shoulder a lingering kiss. I stayed like that for a while, secretly enjoying the close intimacy, then nudged him gently.

  “I need to use the bathroom.” I murmured.

  He nodded and reluctantly released me, watching as I rose up and walked naked toward the bathroom. Before I went in, I picked up my strewn clothes and bundled them in my arms. Then I quietly closed the door to tidy myself up and get dressed, all the while avoiding my own reflection in the mirror. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like the person gazing back at me.

  As soon as I stepped out, Hunter accosted me outside his bedroom. He’d turned the lights on, and my heart lurched as I gazed at his tousled hair and sculpted bare chest. Then my cheeks reddened when I realized he was also naked below the waist. His confidence knew no bounds, it seemed.

  “We need to talk.”

  I hurriedly brushed past him and entered the living room. “About what?”

  “About what happened yesterday.” After an uncertain pause, he added, “And what just happened earlier.”

  “What’s there to talk about? Didn’t you enjoy yourself?”

  “You know I did. But that’s not the point.” He grabbed my elbow and pushed me against the wall, his arms on either side trapping me in. Drawing in a deep breath, I ordered myself not to look down.
/>   Which absolutely guaranteed that I would.

  “Could you put some pants on like a civilized person?” I said in a casual tone, trying not to gawk. Hunter’s cock was huge. And I wasn’t saying that just because he was my first. I’d seen plenty of pornographic images and nude male models during my summer art classes to make the comparison.

  His mouth curled up slightly. “But I don’t want to be civilized.” His towering frame drew closer and pressed against my body. Unsurprisingly, he was getting an erection again.

  “What time is it?” I asked out of the blue, and Hunter paused at the apathy in my voice.

  “It’s late. That’s all you need to know.”

  I ducked under his arm and slipped out. “I have to go.”

  “You’re not staying?” He seemed genuinely taken aback that I wasn’t.

  I turned around to study the perfect male specimen standing before me. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d never had a woman spend the night in his man cave. A great place for entertaining ladies and fucking them, but not when said lady expected post-coital cuddling and breakfast in bed.

  So my ungrateful reaction was probably a deep mystery to him. Maybe he was even insulted that geeky Rosemary Thornton didn’t want to spend the night with Greek god Hunter Cox.

  Now you know what rejection feels like, arsehole.

  He was looking at me strangely. “I don’t think of myself as a Greek god. I’m not that arrogant.”

  “What?” My eyes bulged as realization thumped me over the head. I’d actually voiced my thoughts aloud.

  He’d heard every fucking word in my head!

  Hunter threw his head back, laughing at my facial expression. My traitorous gaze dropped again. Why the hell was he sporting a full-on erection now?

  It’s because he’s a sadist. Humiliating others turns him on like nothing else.

  “No, you idiot. I have a fucking hard-on because you’re so damn cute and you just called me a Greek god.” He strode toward me slowly. “Flattery gets you everywhere, you know.”

  Apparently, the circuits in my brain were malfunctioning in the presence of Hunter Cox. It was time to stop talking to myself. Aloud.

  And I really had to go home.

  When I opened the door, Hunter reached over and slammed it shut. He loomed over me, cupping my face as he pressed me against the door.

  “You know that once isn’t enough for me, Roe.” He palmed my breast through the T-shirt. “What do you say? Ready for another go?”

  This time, I stiffened and stared hard at him. The selfish bastard was doing it again. I decided then to tell him the real reason why I’d come over.

  “It’s never going to happen again, Hunter. Ever.”

  He stilled against me. “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “I’m leaving for L.A. next week. You know that.”

  “Yeah, but you’re coming back.”

  I shook my head slowly, studying his features and committing them to memory. “I’m transferring to UCLA. And when I graduate, I’ll probably settle down there for good.” Uncomfortable with his intimidating stare, I nudged him aside and rested my hand on the door knob. “Don’t look at me like that, Hunter. We were only fucking, right? It didn’t mean anything. You used me to win a stupid bet, and I used you to scratch the itch between my legs. So let’s call it even.”

  See, Hunter? I can be selfish as well. Just like you.

  The astonished expression on his face was priceless. I wanted to laugh, but found myself choking down a sob instead. I’d always prided myself on being a hopeless romantic, dreaming of that special someone to whom I would give my virginity. And now, all my dewy-eyed romantic notions were shot down the drain. You use me, I use you. Welcome to the dog-eat-dog world of your new sexually active life, Rosemary Thornton.

  I wanted to run away and vomit.

  Maybe Hunter saw the misery on my face because he gently squeezed my shoulders.

  “You can use me anytime you want, Roe. But I need you to understand this – I never had sex with you to win some stupid bet.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “Listen, there’s something I want to tell you –”

  “I really don’t want to hear it.” I shrugged him off and opened the door. “It’s late, and I have to go. Mum’s probably wondering where I am.”

  This time, Hunter didn’t try to stop me. His all too-familiar arrogant smirk returned as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, gloriously naked.

  “Suit yourself. But since we’ve been talking about bets, let’s make another one, yeah?” He lifted a brow, making my heart skip a beat. “These past two days, I’ve set a very high standard for you, geek. And because of that, you’re going to be thinking of me every time you fuck a new guy, and especially when they can’t give you half the satisfaction that I did.”

  I cleared my throat, uncomfortable. “You have an impossibly high opinion of yourself, don’t you?”

  “Maybe. But I guess you’ll find out whether I’m right or wrong soon enough.” He gave me a sarcastic grin, jerking his chin toward the stairs. “Better hurry, then. Mummy’s waiting.”

  More than anything, I wanted to reach up and smack the smirk off his face. But I didn’t want to end our last night together with a fight, so I planted a soft kiss on his cheek instead. “Goodbye, Hunter,” I whispered. “Have a good life.” And I left him standing at the threshold as I fled down the stairs on shaky legs.

  I had foolishly thought to give Hunter Cox a small taste of his own medicine. I’d wanted him to know what it felt like to be used. But like a pro, he had quickly turned the tables on me. Now I not only felt humiliated and used, but I felt cursed on top of everything else. Like he had doomed me to a lifetime of joyless sex, tethered forever to the torturous memories of Hunter Cox.

  The worst part of it all, though? Deep down, I think I believed him. No other guy would ever come close to Hunter. My first experience would be my best, and everything after that would be second-rate, if even that. And he had planted this seed of doubt in me to make sure I’d never forget it.

  You selfish, arrogant bastard. You deliberately ruined everyone else for me.

  Nauseated, I stepped out of the brick building and stumbled toward my parked car in a daze. I desperately needed to put as much distance between us as possible. It would calm my frazzled nerves and put the whole thing into better perspective.

  As I drove out into the street, I glanced into the rearview mirror and saw Hunter running out of his building, clad only in a pair of faded blue jeans. I saw him searching left and right, and then his wide gaze zeroed in on my moving car.

  “Roe, wait up!”

  My response was to press down on the accelerator, determined to get away from him. I had kissed his cheek and wished him well. I hadn’t resorted to violence despite his hurtful words. But if I stopped the car now and allowed Hunter to pour salt into my wounds, there was no telling what I might do.

  So I sped away into the cool night, keeping my teary gaze firmly on the road.

  When I reached home and parked my car in the driveway, my phone was buzzing on the passenger seat. Rubbing my eyes tiredly, I brought the phone to my ear.

  “Where are you, darling?” It was Mum. She sounded as tired as I felt.

  “In front of the house. I popped outside to meet a uni friend for a bit.” After a pause, I added, “You know, to say goodbye.”

  “Well, I spoke to Dad, and he said yes. But he’s only going to pay for tuition. You’ll need to get a part-time job and pay for your own living expenses.” She sounded nervous. “Are you sure you want to do this, darling? I mean . . . you’ve never lived alone before.”

  “I want this, Mum. It’s really important to me.” I stepped outside, slamming the door behind me. “Anyway, I’m coming inside, and I don’t want to go to bed just yet. Want to watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with me?”

  I could picture her wincing. “How about we drink more wine and talk? I’m already starting to miss you, Rosemary. We
could reheat some frozen pizza and stay up like we used to when you were in high school.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I entered the living room and saw Mum sitting on the sofa, her long legs curled up beneath her. Smiling, I strode toward her and gave her a big hug. Mum – my best friend, cheerleader, and partner-in-crime. What would I do without her?

  As the night grew quieter around us and our voices reduced to drunk whispery giggles, I felt better about the whole Hunter situation. Distance, perspective, and wine really did help. And in time, I knew I would be able to return home and not give two shits about some gorgeous guy who had once used me and broken my heart.

  The problem with this perfect little scenario was that Hunter Cox would end up moving to Los Angeles right after graduation, and that the next time I laid eyes on him, it would be on his Instagram page with a crazy twelve million followers. And I would become one of the idiots surreptitiously following his page.

  I would be an addict, and he would be my choice of drug.

  What could possibly go wrong?

  Chapter 7

  Five years later

  I sat in front of my laptop, impatiently eyeing the clock hanging on the sparse wall. It was 7 p.m. on a Friday night and I had plans, but my boss was reading the corrections I’d made on the final chapter of her manuscript. She frowned, paused, then resumed reading, leaning her hip against my desk. I wanted to scream at her.

  It’s my twenty-fifth birthday! My friends are waiting for me, you troll. I have to go, I have to go, I have to –

  “Why did you make so many changes to my draft?” she demanded, holding out the sheaf of papers. “I told you to proofread, not make extensive edits.” With an irritated sigh, she tossed them on my desk. “I want you to do it all over again.”

  I gawked at her. “Right now?”