by Bry Ann
I have to admit, it’s not the worst story I’ve ever heard, but still…“They’ll buy that?”
Some of Iris’s shine dims.
“They have to. I can’t tell them why I came. They’d worry so much, and… and… they don’t know Carson texted me. I haven’t even told King, which that was his text. I know Car only texted me because he had no time and I’m the first number on his phone. His ICE.”
Tears leak out of hers. She hurriedly tries to swat them away with a clumsy hitting motion, but I quickly lean forward and grab her wrists.
“Hey, stop that. It’s okay to cry.”
She slides her hands out of mine to cover her face.
“I’m so embarrassed!”
“Don’t be. We all cry.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re in the FBI. I bet you never cry.”
“That’s so not true,” I tell her softly. “Iris, you saw me nearly cry back at the bureau.”
“Because of Adam’s wife?”
“Lacey, yes.”
My heart stings at the mention of her. What is she going through right now while I sit around and drink coffee? While my world keeps spinning. Has she hurt herself? I don’t need to ask that. I know she has. In one form or fashion. And then what about her daughter? The one she swore to protect.
“Derek,” I hear Iris cut through my thoughts in a gentle voice. “I’m sorry for mentionin’ her. And I’m sorry for assumin’ you don’t cry. That’s stupid. Of course you do. It’s just, to me, you’re like a superhero or somethin’. I forget you’re just human.”
I smile a sad little smile. “Trust me. I’m no superhero. I’ve done lots of bad things in the name of good.”
“Like having to put me in that car?”
“Yes, exactly like that.”
“Does it affect your sleep?”
Such a naive statement for the magnitude of ways this job has affected my life.
“Something like that, yeah, hun.”
She reaches over the table and grabs my hand with a soft expression on her face.
“We both have secrets. Things we have to keep from the people we care about. Maybe we can find peace in my tiny little town where nothing really matters but cattle. At least for a little while.”
And for once, for one since I took on this damn job and naively agreed to go undercover as part of the mafia, peace sounds possible.
At least, like she said, for a little while. Until it all crumbles out from underneath me.
Iris
I glance over at him, sitting there, feet kicked up on the seat in front of him, black hair hanging over his face. He’s long, lean, and muscular. Exactly how I’d expect an FBI agent to look physically, except for maybe the hair.
I can’t believe he agreed to come. I really can’t. I can tell he’s nervous and not sure, but I think it’ll be good for him. And secretly, I’m so glad. I couldn’t tell him this, obviously, but I’m so scared of everything right now. My finger always reminds me of what happened. Reminds me of being taken off the street, questioned, having my finger broken, locked in a cell, meeting a young girl who shattered my belief the world was all good. Then there’s my lies. I never lie. I mean never. Like literally. Even when my mama came home when I was sixteen and I was crying in my room in private, and she asked me why I was upset. I didn’t lie. I proceeded to tell her I had sex for the first time and just how bad it went. How bad I did. Wes made sure I knew. I didn’t even lie then, and that was the most embarrassing moment of my life. My mom walking around saying I was having ‘boy problems’ and that’s why I was actin’ like such a nut. I wanted to die. So yeah, if I could tell the truth then, there was no point in ever soiling my soul and lyin’.
But now, now I have to lie about the worst possible thing. I can’t tell my parents I know who killed their son. That I saw him get arrested. I mean Adam wasn’t officially charged with Carson’s murder or anythin’. No actual proof, but still, I saw him get arrested and can’t tell ‘em. I can’t tell ‘em what happened to my finger, that I was kidnapped, why I left, how I met Derek or, worst of all, how deeply Car’s death is affectin’ me. I can never tell ‘em. ‘cause they’re hurtin’ too. They’re hurtin’ too.
That’s why I’m glad Derek’s comin’. I need him to keep me in line. He’ll help me remember to keep my mouth shut, and when I can’t, I can talk to him surface level. It’s almost laughable he thought I wasn’t hurtin’, because my heart feels like it’s breakin’. I want to sit by Adam’s cell and demand answers. Demand he tell me why he took my best friend from me. But it won’t help anythin’, and I know I have to draw the line somewhere. I came to Illinois to see him get arrested and I did that. So my job is done. It doesn’t feel done.
“I can almost hear you thinking over there. What’s on your mind, Texas?”I shrug. “Nothin’. Just stuff.”
“Care to share some of that stuff?”
He’s so nice. Wes was annoyed by my quiet, brooding thoughts. He felt obliged to ask what was wrong, but I knew he didn’t really wanna hear it.
“Just, you know, um, nervous about lyin’ is all.”
He looks over at me, taking his gaze away from the view passing by us on the train. His eyes are soft and almost in awe.
“You’re a sweet girl, Iris. I’ll help you.”
“But what if they see right through me?”
He winces. “You tell them a half truth, or lie further, but I don’t recommend that.”
“What if I stutter?” I whisper, letting my hair hide my face and reddened cheeks. “What if I stutter when I lie?”
Derek’s hand reaches out and moves my hair away.
“How long have you had that stutter, hun?”
“All my life. It used to be a lot worse. It was all the time. Kids at school were so mean, but my older brothers had my back. And Carson, well, he stayed by my side the whole time. When I had no friends, he was my friend.”
Tears slip out, but they’re stayin’. I can’t stop the flow of them when it comes to my baby brother.
Derek’s hand slips through mine. It’s so large, it completely encompasses my tiny one. The action momentarily stuns me. It feels so different than Wes.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, Iris.”
Every time he says my name, my heart skips a beat and my cheeks heat. He never calls me by my real name. It’s always some form of a nickname or the very formal Ms.Shelby, which is fine, I guess.
I think I have a crush on him. Well, I know I do. Who wouldn’t? He’s in the FBI!
… and he’s nice to me. He makes me feel big rather than small, which is a really good feelin’.
“Thank you.”
I squeeze his hand once and slip mine out. I subtly try to shake it out, it’s shaking so hard. I know he had to have felt it, which is, ugh, so humiliatin’. To add to it, of course, Derek sees me shake my hand out. He fights back a smirk. I watch him do it. At least he’s nice enough to try to do that, I guess.
“Ten minutes until we reach Marshall, Texas. If this is your exit, kindly start packing up your things and get ready for arrival. Thank you for choosing our railway,” the announcer rings out over the train.
“That’s us!” I tell Derek. “The train obviously doesn’t land in Burrows. Jay is gonna pick us up.”
“Is Jay gonna give me the third degree?”
He seems nervous, which is super funny. He’s in the FBI and he’s so scared of my family.
“Jay is the most chill of my brothers, so probably just a little. Oh, I guess this is when I should tell you about all of ‘em, huh? Yeah, I should. Okay, Mama is very gentle. Typical Southern woman.”
I elbow his side.
“Cause I know you’ve made stereotypes in your head about all of us.”
He bites his lip to hide the guilty smile. “Yeah, I kinda did.”
“Knew it,” I mutter. “Jerk face.”
The laugh that comes out of him is full and deep.
“Jerk face? Did you really jus
t call me a jerk face?”
I feel my cheeks heat, starting at the edge of my sweater rising up to the tip of my nose.
“Did you want me to call you a fuckin’ asshole or somethin’? I don’t like to talk like that.”
“Hey, Iris, I like to tease you, all in good fun, but I’d never want you to change. Not ever. There’s just no one like you. The way you talk…”
He shakes head.
“You’re so unique is all. I can’t not joke about it, but if it bothers you, I’ll stop. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, and I damn sure don’t want to make you feel like you need to change.”
“I… um… I…”
The smile he gives me is soft while I stutter uselessly, trying to speak through the rush of emotion flooding me. That was just about the nicest thing he could have said, coming from a man like him.
“Breathe, hun.” I suck in a rattily, deep breath.
“Th-thanks,” I whisper, knowing I’m unable to say anything else.
“I know, I’m so damn sexy, my compliments can be momentarily disarming.”
He winks to let me know he’s kiddin’, but man, I’m so dang flustered! I just look at my lap and twist my fingers together.
1, 2, 3, you… 1, 2, 3, blue…
I sing-song little rhymes in my head to try to calm myself. It’s a little trick Hunter taught me, and it really works for me. No matter how ridiculous it is. It works so I’m doing it. Maybe Derek shouldn’t have come ‘cause I’m a frickin’ idiot around him.
“Uh, Iris?”
“Hmm…”
“We’re here.”
“What?”
“As fascinating as the seat in front of you is, we are here.”
It’s like he’s poured a bucket of ice water over me. I shoot out of my seat and start frantically grabbing for my things. My purse, where is my purse? I can’t find it. Gosh darn it. Where is that thing? Under the seat, in the pocket holder, on my seat… where? Where? “Iris.”
Derek grabs my wrist, halting my movements. I look up at him under my hair.
“Hmm…” His eyebrows are creased, face wrinkled with concern.
“Use your words. What’s going on? I’ve never seen you so anxious.”
“I’m not anxious!”
I finally find my purse jammed between the two seats, tug it out and stumble into the isle. Before I can literally fall into the man next to me, Derek grabs my arm, halting my movement.
“Thanks,” I murmur, pulling out of his hold, pretty sure my cheeks are completely on fire, again.
“Iris, stop.”
Derek grabs the suitcase I had stored under the seat in front of me, that I’m now holding, and uses it to pull me back.“Look at me, Texas.”
Urg, no? Can I say that? I wince and slowly let my face creep up. He’s an FBI agent. I can’t just say no! That’s how I was raised.
He bites his lip. God, I must be so red. I bet he’s trying not to laugh at me. I’m so embarrassed. Why am I such an oaf when it comes to this stuff? “You don’t need to be nervous around me,” he whispers. “I’m a chill guy.”
“You’re not chill. You’re a…”
He presses his finger against my lips. “You’re far too hung up on titles, baby face. Forget my job, hmm?”
With that, he spins me around and basically places me in the isle. I’m floatin’. I’m pretty sure I have to be as I deboard the train. I hear his footsteps behind me, but everything fades when I see Jay standing there, chill as can be. All six foot four of him. His long hair is tangled and messy to go with his simple white t-shirt. He’s gotten so strong, but then again, Jay is always strong. He’s Jay! Silly, funny, strong Jay. Calm. Normal. Tears well up in my eyes and I run at my brother.
“Jay!” I scream.
He gives me a lazy smile. “Nemo, you’re home.” A lump forms in my throat, and tears sting my eyes. Oh no, not now. Oh goodness. I sprint at my brother, letting all my bags fall to the ground. I can tell he’s momentarily thrown off when I hurdle into him at full speed, but he’s strong enough to catch me. Physically, he’s the biggest of my brothers, but King always seems bigger. Don’t know why.“Woah, kiddo. What’s with the bear hug?”
I squeeze him tighter, begging myself not cry, but it’s too late. I’m crying. Dang it. So much happened, and now, here safe with my big, strong brother, I feel it. It all comes rushing to the surface.
“Okay, okay…” Jay pulls me back, wiping my tears with his thumb. “Why are you crying?”
Tension forms in his shoulders. He becomes rigid.
“I’m emotional right now.”
I blush at the fact that I’m even hintin’ at my period, even though I’m not on it. I swear! I just need an excuse. Jay chuckles.
“Well okay, long as you’re not…”
His words get caught off with a dark glare when he sees my finger. Did I mention my brothers are like uber overprotective of me?
“What the hell happened to your finger, Nemo?” Dorky nickname that stuck. I’ll do some explainin’ later.
“Ummm,” I nibble on my lower lip. “You’re not gonna like it.” “Don’t have to.”
“I got mugged and broke it. Mama and pap know the story. I called them. They should have told you, but I really only made sure King knew so he didn’t punch Derek.”
I turn even redder knowing how rude that was. So rude. I feel awful. He deserves to know too of course. Not to mention, Jay is just as likely to punch Derek? Oh gosh.
“Wait,” he shakes his head, holding out a hand. “You were mugged? Who’s Derek? Our parents know?”
I’m opening my mouth to speak when I feel his presence by my side.
“I’m Derek. I take it you’re Jay. Good to meet you.”
Derek extends a hand out to him. Jay immediately takes it. Firmer than I’d expect from him, although I’m bettin’ he doesn’t think I’ll notice. Men…
“And you are…? Please clarify for me here. Apparently my baby sister got mugged, got her finger broken and now is bringin’ a man home I know nothin’ about. Someone better get to talkin’.”
“Let me,” I squeak. “Uh, Derek saved me?”
It comes out sounding like a question so Derek snorts and mutters, “Did I?”
Jay even chuckles at that, but it’s an uncertain sounding laugh.
“Yeah, I was mugged. They broke my finger. Derek saved me, and we sorta become friends. He’s in the FBI and needed a break and he saved me so I invited him to stay in our back h-house. It’s never used so I figured it was fine and, you know, if King, or maybe you, don’t hurt h-him it could really be a great thing for him. And he’s real nice. I promise. I wouldn’t bring him home if he wasn’t nice. Maybe you can get along and…”
“Woah, Iris.” Jay holds up both hands. “My brain can’t absorb all that just came out of your mouth. Let’s just get you home, sis. Okay?”
He throws an arm over my shoulder, sensing I’m two seconds from full stutter mode. Gosh, I hope he doesn’t sense I’m lyin’. I’m lyin’ to my brother. Oh my God! I start to breathe faster.
“Okay, I have to ask. Nemo?” Derek cuts in, voice tinged with a cross between confusion and amusement.
Jay and I look at each other and just… bust out laughing. It cuts through my spiraling thoughts.
Jay leans in my ear and whispers loud enough for Derek to hear, “Should we tell ‘im?”
“Nah, let’s make him sweat it a bit.”
Jay nods with fake pride in his eyes. I lean over the shoulder Jay has an arm around.
“Sorry, no name, secret’s mine for now. Ya gotta earn it.”
I wink like he does when he messes with me and lean back into Jay. Not before I see the look of pure happiness and awe in Derek’s eyes seeing me and my brother together.
My heart’s gonna gosh darn break.
I just know it.
Adam Ruston
I’m the boss. The motherfucking boss of several families. I always knew this moment was a ve
ry real possibility. That being led away in handcuffs would probably happen at some point in my life. I’ve prepared for it, accepted it, and, at one point, even embraced the opportunity to show the legal system I cannot be caged. That I will beat them.
Every. Single. Time.
But now. Now. I have a wife and a daughter at home. A wife, I may add, who has endured more trauma than any human should ever have to. Let alone a young woman. I’m furious. I’m bloodthirsty. And I’m motherfucking terrified Lacey is going to hurt herself… or worse.
I want to believe she wouldn’t do that to our daughter, but after the last time she told me she was struggling with suicidal thoughts, a little less than a year ago now, I researched this stuff extensively. No one will ever know I did this, but I also scheduled a session with a therapist to try to understand. What if Lacey convinces herself we are both better off without her? What if she simply can’t cope? What if this is her breaking point? I always doubted she truly had one, but earlier, seeing the raw terror in her eyes that I was leaving her forever… I’m no longer so sure.
My mind’s whirling, all the plans, all the years of fucking plans I put in, are swirling in my brain, unreachable. Buried behind the memory of how hard Lacey was shaking in my arms just now. She’s terrified, and there’s nothing I can do to comfort her until I settle this. I have to just trust that Cut, Rose, and Maria will have her back.
It’s a shame I don’t fully trust anyone. Not with something as important as her. I made that mistake once, and it landed me here.
Then my daughter…
I growl and slam my hands on the bars.
“I’m gonna kill him. Enzio, Derek, is dead.”
“Why don’t you try yelling it next time? See if they can up that kidnapping charge to threats against law enforcement or some shit?” Sven drawls from his cell.
“This is fucking bullshit! He was Lacey’s friend. How could he do this to her?”
A flicker of protectiveness flickers in Sven’s amused mask. In case you’re wondering about Sven’s odd behavior, immaturity and humor are the front Sven puts up. I’d want to kill him if I hadn’t worked so close with him as my underboss before Enzio took over. I know that behind that humor, immaturity and amusement is out of this world intelligence and cunning like you wouldn’t believe. Coming from me… it means he’s a Goddamn mastermind.