I woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that it really happened, even though I didn’t know who she was, I worried for her. I also woke up knowing her name, as I had awoken screaming it. Katie.”
I knew he’d called me Katie those two times he denied it. There was something very strange going on, and I was going to find out what it was. I decided to only read a few more pages. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel as guilty for having read it at all. I skipped forward some and started again.
This page was dated in April of tenth grade: “I brought my camera to school today; I knew I shouldn’t, it was reckless and selfish. But I took her picture while she was eating alone in the cafeteria, waiting for her friends. I had to; I needed a picture of her face that had nothing to do with the dreams that haunted me. I’ve seen the image of her death so many times now, I wanted to look at the photo after I woke up in distress, which I always did. To see her beautiful face, to prove she was alive and well. It will hopefully calm my panic when I awake from the death dream, as I now called it.
I have longed to talk to her, the girl I love, but do not know. I’ve decided and changed my mind so many times over the last year of knowing who she really was. But I cannot give in. I have to protect her from my dreams, which I now feel are premonitions. Somehow I can see our future. I feel that the dreams are a warning to never become involved with her, to keep her safe. Even if it kills me, to walk past her every day, and say nothing.”
A tear fell onto the paper making the ink run. I wiped it quickly, taking out a tissue to wipe my eyes before any other tears could fall and ruin the pages.
I had no idea how often he had that dream. I had it about six times, and I always awoke screaming.
I also felt guilty for the way I treated him, for all the times I turned away this past month. He really believed he was protecting me from something that would happen if we were together. But I had a different idea of what was going on. I decided to only read two more pages, and then I would return the book to him and apologize for what I put him through. I had been away from him for a month, and was feeling more pain than I thought possible. And yet he had gone through so much more, before we even met.
“Tonight Sarah was almost hit by a car. I knew I shouldn’t have made contact with her, but not to was killing me. Every time I walked past her in the hall at school, I felt an invisible force pulling me in her direction, to walk away from her felt like walking against a windstorm. I should have turned the other way that day I saw her in the hall. I thought I could handle just that one encounter when she thought she ran into me. I changed my mind quickly before she saw me. I had no idea I dropped my book.
These last few months of knowing her, and being with her, have been everything I had dreamed it would be and more. I didn’t know she was so sweet, kind and fun to be with. I should end it now before something worse happens, but I can’t. I tried tonight, but she was so sure that what happened had nothing to do with us being together. I know she’s wrong, and for now, I will pretend I believe. Leaving her will hurt her, and I can’t do that. I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. Hopefully it will be enough, if it isn’t I will have to do what I dread."
The next and final page I read was the night I was almost stabbed.
"It happened, the one thing I had feared most of my life. She was almost taken from me. I was almost too late, if I had gone to the store like I had planned, she would be dead right now. Tomorrow I’m going to end it. It will be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I must suffer, and be without her. Because I know what will happen if I don’t leave, and the alterative is too unbearable to think of. I know it will be hard, and she will hate me, but I must keep her safe!”
That was all he wrote. He was so sure he was doing the right thing that he didn’t question his decision. I couldn’t read any of the pages since he broke up with me. I didn’t want to hear how much I hurt him, every time I yelled at him for doing what he was so sure was right. I had made it worse for him, but that was going to change.
I picked up my phone and dialed his number.
“Hello, Sarah? Are you okay?” Even though his voice was panicked, I was thrilled to hear it. How I longed to hear him whisper in my ear while he embraced me, as he had done so many times when we were together.
“I’m fine. Are you busy?”
“No, what’s wrong?”
“Could you meet me at the waterfall tomorrow? I’ll park at the back of the woods so no one will see me. Okay?” He was silent, considering if he should risk it. “Please, I need to see you,” I begged.
He sighed heavily. “Fine, I’ll be there. But Sarah, please be careful.”
“What time do you work?”
“I don’t, I have the day off.” I heard the blare of the TV on his end of the phone. I imagined him in the rec room punching the heavy bag while Logan lounged on the couch watching cheesy action movies. I craved to be there with them, whining as Lucas pushed me to punch the bag just a few minutes longer, as Logan sat back and watched, not bothering to hide his amusement. The vision appeared in my mind before I could stop it, and the pain in my chest returned.
Snapping out of my hurtful fantasy, I returned to the matter at hand. “Okay, I’ll meet you there at ten.”
“I don’t want you driving alone; maybe I should pick you up?”
“I thought the whole point of our breakup was so we won’t be seen together.”
He was quiet for a few seconds and then he sighed heavily. “You’re right, but if you’re late, I’m coming after you.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Confessions
I had to sneak out of the house, but it wasn’t hard. My parents went out for breakfast, and Alex was still sleeping when I left. The rain had finally stopped, but the sun was hidden behind clouds, and the chill in the air was crisp. I was wearing my baby blue woolen mittens, which my grandma had knitted for me shortly before she died. If I needed a hat near the waterfall, I could pull my hood up.
When I stepped through the trees, I saw him sitting on the top of the little hill, leaning against a bare maple. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he was hunched so his winter coat covered his ears. Icy cold air whirled toward me from the waterfall, freezing my cheeks and ears. I tugged my hood up, pulling the strings to keep it on.
A twinge of excitement bubbled up inside me at the sight of him. Pushing it away from the surface so it wouldn’t show on my face, I stepped over and leaned against a knotty pine across from him. I slid down the trunk to sit on the ground. It was cold and wet, and I was sure I’d have a wet spot on my butt when I stood up. I placed the bag I brought beside me on the grass.
“So? What did you want to see me about?”
I sighed heavily before I began what I had planned to say. “First, I want to apologize for how I’ve been treating you since you broke up with me.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I lifted my mitten-covered hand to silence him before continuing. “I took your book.” I said it quickly before I could change my mind.
Just as I expected, his face turned red with fury. “Damn it, I knew it!” he growled. “How could you? That is my journal. I put my personal thoughts inside. If I wanted you to know them, I would have told you!” He stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of his tree. “You of all people should understand. You know me more than anyone else. You had to know I’d be furious!”
I smiled at him; he so rarely lost his temper. “Are you finished?” I asked, not fazed by his rant. He scowled at me. I pulled his book out of my bag and handed it to him. He took it without a glance, dropping it at his feet. It made a dull thud as it hit the ground.
“I had to take it, you gave me no choice. I asked you over and over what was really going on, and you lied to me.” I was raising my voice, thinking about how frustrating it was not knowing. Remembering my vow to make things easier on him, I took a few deep breaths and began again. “I took your book so
I could understand why you left me. And don’t worry, I only read a few pages. There is something I kept from you, though.”
He stopped pacing to glance at me curiously.
“As you know, I had the same dream you had, the one where we both died.” He nodded gravely. “But what I didn’t tell you was that I’ve had them for months. I read your journal and from what I can tell, we’ve been having the same dreams. All of them.”
He sat down on the ground again and leaned against the tree. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know why.” He nodded, and I went on. “The first one was us sitting on the swing set, looking up at the sky, I thought it was Logan, but after I got to know you, I figured out the truth. They started to get sweet, dancing in the moonlight, kissing while we danced. Sometimes I would just see your face. Then I had the dream of us being murdered. I’ve had it six times. I remember, because it’s really hard to forget. You know my name in the dream is Katie, but what you may not know is, your name is David. I didn’t read that in your journal, but like I said, I only read a few pages.”
“I knew,” he said quietly.
I watched him pull a few blades of grass out of the ground; the wind blew them off of his hand.
“Have you ever dreamed of another face, a guy about our age, dark blond hair, steel blue eyes, and cleft chin?” I asked.
“No, why?”
“I’ve seen his face a few times, and it’s always distorted with anger. I believe he is the one who killed them.” I paused, glancing at the waterfall for a few seconds, contemplating my next words carefully. Finally, I turned back to face him. “You’re wrong, though, the dreams are not premonitions.”
He arched an eyebrow, giving me a smirk. “What are they then?”
“Memories.” The word was barely out of my mouth before he was shaking his head. I started talking again before he could. “Think about it. We both have the same dreams, and we even had one at the same time. The night we fell asleep on my couch, I had a dream of us running hand in hand in a field. You tripped, and I fell on top of you. We started kissing, and I took off your shirt. I whispered I love you David, and you said, ‘You are my life, my love, my joy.’ I remember because I thought it was a beautiful thing to say. I woke up then, and I heard you whisper the same words in your sleep.” His eyes widened in surprise. I continued what I had to say. “I think we are dreaming of our former lives. We were reincarnated.” I felt stupid saying it out loud.
He smiled, like what I said made perfect sense. “Soul mates,” he said, nodding.
“That’s what I think.” I was happy I didn’t have to convince him.
Pulling off my mittens, I unzipped my bag and pulled out my laptop. “I thought we could do some research and see if we can find something about their deaths.” I placed the computer on my lap and opened it.
“We don’t have last names,” he said, scooting closer to me to look at the screen as I typed.
“Just wait, and see what I find.” I punched in the names: “David and Katie—murdered with butcher knife.” I waited until about ten items had popped up.
We searched through them all until we found one that sounded right. It was an article from a town called Renford, New Hampshire. A teenager in a jealous rage murdered David Wilson and Kathleen Simms with a butcher knife, on the night of their engagement party. They were out in the backyard for a breather while their families were celebrating inside the house. Tony (Anthony) Garrison was arrested a week later, after his mother found the bloody knife in his closet. Tony pled guilty, saying that it wouldn’t have happened if she had chosen him. There were pictures of all three. They were in black and white, and faded, but it was obvious that David and Katie looked just like us. We weren’t the only ones that looked familiar; Tony was the other person in my dreams, the one whose face was twisted with anger.
“Wow!” Lucas’ face was full of shock after reading the newspaper article. “Why didn’t I think of this before?”
“You’re just not as smart as me, that’s all.” I laughed as he gave me a playful shove.
“Look at the date they were killed. March 12th 1930.” I pointed to the screen. We stared at each other, trying to grasp what was happening.
“This is crazy, isn’t it? I mean it’s obvious that’s us, we dream about them, and they look like us, but it is hard to believe…” Lucas trailed off, gazing at the computer screen.
“I know, I was glad when you said the word, and I didn’t have to.”
He glanced over at me, his eyes shining. “But I felt something the first time you touched me, a spark. Everything makes sense now.”
“I don’t remember touching you that day, I was so nervous. But I felt the same thing when you touched my hand in the cafeteria.”
A silence settled upon us as we remembered that day that seemed so long ago. I turned off my computer and stuffed it inside my bag.
“Sarah?” His voice sounded uncertain.
I glanced at him while I played with the zipper on my bag. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry I tried to force you to see me after we broke up.” I shook my head, not wanting to get into that. “No, listen to me. You were dealing with our breakup your way, and I kept pushing you to do it mine. It wasn’t fair of me. I realized that the day I saw you crying on Logan’s shoulder. He gave me hell and told me to stay away from you. He said that it hurt you too much to see me.”
I was surprised. Who knew Logan would turn out to be a decent guy? “Seriously, Logan defended me?”
“You changed him. He told me about the talk the two of you had. You had an effect on him because you spoke your mind. My parents are so happy; he’s going to apply for culinary school next month.”
“That’s great, I’m glad he’s changing.” I felt so relaxed talking to Lucas. For a moment, I forgot the past month ever happened.
He reached over to fiddle with the strap of my bag, brushing my knee with his hand. I shivered at the energy his touch created. That’s when I remembered his words to me in front of my house. I needed to leave before I got wrapped up in him again. As soon as he reminded me that wasn’t going to happen, I would hit bottom. “I should go,” I said unenthusiastically.
His smile disappeared. “Do you have to?”
“Has anything changed?”
“I wish it had, I really do, but no. Since we’ve been apart, you’ve been safe. I have to keep it that way.”
I shoved my mittens into my bag. “Fine, I understand, I do. But I can’t spend a lot of time with you, it hurts too much.”
He nodded and then stood up.
I followed him reluctantly. Even though it was my idea, I didn’t want to leave. “I am so sorry for what I put you through. I know you did it to protect me; I had no idea how hard it was for you. Now that I’ve read your journal, I’ll behave.” I reached up and touched his cheek, no longer able to resist. His eyes held so much emotion from my soft touch, it was hard to step back.
“Goodbye Lucas,” I said softly, before turning away from him.
I managed a few steps before he called, “Sarah, we should meet again so we can figure out who’s doing this.”
I turned and smiled. “We’ll talk at school and arrange a time.” I turned back and kept walking. I had to keep going because if I stayed any longer, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from throwing my arms around him. I wanted to make it easier for both of us, so I went home to my room to wallow some more, snuggling under the covers to warm up. My hands, face, and ears were cold from the iciness of the air, but it was nothing compared to the chill that ran through my veins. I wasn’t sure what it was that made my body so cold, the weather, or the lack of Lucas’ presence.
Chapter Thirty
Awkward
The next day at school Andy came up to me in the hallway. “Hey, Sarah, how are you?”
“I’m functioning. If you’re here to defend Lucas—”
He cut me off. “No, I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry for what he did. He’s
an ass for hurting you, and I’ve told him several times.”
This new information amused me. First his brother and now his friend defending me was extremely sweet, and quite unexpected. “Don’t give him too hard a time, he did what he thought was best. It’s as hard on him as it is on me.”
“What’s gotten into you? Two weeks ago you were giving him hell every chance you got.”
“I found some things out, so now I’m going to try and be civil.”
“Well, good luck with that.” He shifted his books in his arms. “Why don’t I take you out, maybe it will cheer you up.”
“No, thanks, I’ll be fine.” I started to walk away but his hand swung out, wrapping around my elbow, stopping me mid-step. I stared at him, surprised at his odd behavior.
His expression held an air of determination. “Sarah, I want to.”
I pulled my hand away. “No. I said I was fine.”
He glanced around and smiled. “If you need anything, let me know. I should go, or I’m going to be late for class.”
I watched him walk away with a feeling of uneasiness. Once he was out of sight I turned and rushed to my own class.
When I slid into my seat, there was a note on my desk: How about today after school? It wasn’t signed, but of course, I knew who it was from.
I turned the paper over and wrote: Sounds good, but I don’t have a car. I’ll have Emma drop me off at the woods. Derrick can pick me up.
I asked Emma to hand it to Brady Walker, who tossed it to Lucas. He read it and nodded, turning to face the front of the class.
“Emma explained what was happening, and why everyone was driving you around. Why didn’t you tell me?” Derrick said, leaning over the seat. We were parked in front of the driveway in the woods after school, waiting for Lucas. He and Emma were going to dinner while they waited for me.
“I’m not in the mood to talk about it right now,” I mumbled, staring out the window.
“I would have helped you out, driven you around,” he said, ignoring my words.
Fated Dreams (Book One In The Affinity series) Page 24