“So, what are you waiting for?”
“Well, I need to make sure that my meds are working right. I can’t risk freaking out on a plane and also, I want Mark to see that I’ve made the effort to get better. I am so grateful that he was helping me, but I don’t want him to think that’s why I came back for him. He needs to see that I’m doing better.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” she looked down at her hands and made several attempts to say something, but never did.
“Sarah, is there something you want to talk to me about?”
“Yes, we need to talk about me staying home.” I nodded, knowing this would be coming. “Drew and I decided that I would be staying home at least until Henry and Charlotte go to preschool, maybe longer.”
“And he doesn’t want to pay a nanny.”
She shook her head.
“I understand, Sarah. You know, I could still come help out a few days a week. You don’t even have to pay me. I just don’t want you to get burnt out.”
“That’s not necessary.”
My brows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand. When we last talked about this, you thought watching four kids under four was too much for one person. Now you don’t even want a little help? I mean, I could help out when you need to go to the grocery store or if you just need a break.”
“It’s not that I wouldn’t appreciate the help, but..” She took a deep breath and looked up at me with resolve. “We aren’t comfortable with you watching the kids while you’re taking medications.”
I sat there dumbfounded for a minute, not sure how to respond to that. “I don’t understand. I’ve been here with you for several weeks now while I’m taking medication.”
“And I haven’t left once while you’ve been here. Please understand, Cara. It’s not that we don’t trust you, but these are our kids. What if you had an adverse reaction to the meds and we weren’t here?”
“So, you’re more concerned about me on meds than me freaking out and hiding in a closet with a knife when I’m not on them.”
“Cara, we’ve been talking about this since that incident. We just thought that you would get better, but now that you’re taking meds, we’re just not comfortable with it.”
My heart pounded in my chest as her words sank in. I was trying to get better and I was being punished for that. She reached across the table and grabbed my hand.
“If things change we can always revisit this.”
I stood suddenly, not wanting to be in the house anymore. I couldn’t stay here anymore with people that didn’t support me in this, didn’t trust me with their children. I was willing to run away with them and leave my brother behind if Sarah’s secret was ever revealed. I was going to leave my family behind and this was how I was repaid?
I did my best to keep the tears at bay, but then Drew walked down the stairs and saw the look on my face. He looked at the ground and refused to look me in the eyes. I bit my lip to keep from completely losing it in front of them.
“Please give the kids hugs for me,” I whispered and then walked to the front door as gracefully as possible. As soon as I closed the door, the tears started to fall. I barely made it to my house before it felt like my heart shattered in two. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t stay in this house and live right next to those kids and no longer see them.
I moped around the house for the next few days as I tried to figure out some kind of game plan. I watched a lot of TV and sat thinking about how the last six years of my life had been ruled by fear. I wanted so badly to go out and live a normal life, but the fact was that I just wasn’t ready yet. No amount of pills would make me suddenly better, and while I was glad they were helping, I wouldn’t just be healed overnight. Why had I waited so long to get help?
Drew knocked on the door several times in the last few days, but I never answered. He spoke to me a few times through the door, telling me how sorry he was and that they still wanted me to be involved with the kids in some way. Right. Just as long as I wasn’t the one caring for them. By my fourth day at home, I was awoken to pounding at the door. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was after nine in the morning. I was always up by five so this was really sleeping in for me.
As the pounding continued, I got out of bed and threw on a robe just as I heard Sean’s voice. Crap. Drew must have called him. I hurried to the door before he broke it down.
“Christ. Did you just get out of bed?”
I pulled at my ratty hair, trying to make it appear less like a bird’s nest and stepped aside.
“What do you want? I haven’t even had my coffee yet.”
“Drew called me.”
“Yeah?”
“He said that you aren’t working for them anymore and he wanted me to come check on you. Why’d you quit? I thought you liked working for them?”
I spun around and slammed my fist on the counter. “Is that what he told you? That I quit?”
“No, he didn’t say, but I just assumed..”
“They’ve decided that Sarah is going to stay home with the kids now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, but she’ll still need help, right? It can’t be easy with four kids. One is hard enough for me.”
“They don’t want my help anymore,” I whispered, ashamed that I had to explain this to him.
“Why? Is this because of what happened? Because you’re on medication now. You’re getting better.”
“That’s why they don’t want me there. They don’t want me on medication around the kids. They don’t trust me.”
Sean’s face turned glacial and he stormed toward the door. I ran after him, but he was too fast for me and I didn’t have any shoes on. He took off toward Drew’s house at a fast clip, while I struggled not to let the gravel dig into my bare feet. It was flipping cold outside and my lack of wardrobe and bare feet made this almost unbearable.
“Sean, stop! Please, don’t do this.”
“That fucker!” he shouted as he approached the door.
He slammed his fists against the door until it finally swung open to a pissed off looking Drew, but when he saw Sean standing there and me running up behind him, his face grew wary.
“What the fuck is this bullshit?”
“Sean, keep your voice down. I understand you’re upset, but I have kids in the house.”
Sean gripped him by the collar and pulled him out of the house, slamming him up against the wall. Drew didn’t even fight back. “What the fuck is wrong with you? My sister was willing to give up her life with her family to run and be with you and Sarah. She’s kept your secret that could very well get her killed one day and you decide she’s no longer good enough to take care of your kids because she’s taking medication to make her better? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Sean, it’s not personal. These are our kids we’re talking about. I need to make sure they’re safe.”
“From my sister?”
“Look, man. You saw her in the closet that day. She had a fucking knife in her hands and you don’t think that would creep you the fuck out if you had little kids in the house?” He was trying to keep his voice low, but I still heard every word.
“She’s taking anti-anxiety meds to make her better.”
“But she’s not better yet and I can’t have that around my kids, that uncertainty. Look, I love your sister like my own, but I have to protect my family. She can stay in the house as long as she wants. I won’t charge her rent or anything. I want what’s best for her, but I just can’t give her this.”
He moved his head higher and looked over Sean’s shoulder at me. “I’m sorry, Cara. I wish this wasn’t the way things had to be.”
I didn’t have anything to say to him. I’d already considered everything he said and the fact was that he had legitimate concerns and there was no way that I could convince him that I was getting better. He would just have to see it for himself over time. I was just afraid that the damage was already done. It was strange because I used to think that Sean was th
e one that didn’t understand me, but it seemed that Sean had taken a hint from Mark because the man that stood in front of me today wasn’t judging me, but standing up for me and protecting me from people who didn’t understand.
“Sean, let’s go.” I pulled on his arm and eventually he backed off, releasing Drew and clenching his fists at his side. Sarah pulled the door open wide as tears streamed down her face.
“Stay the fuck away from my family. All of them. You don’t come near Lillian, Cara, or my daughter. That goes for you too, Sarah.”
Drew furrowed his brows and nodded.
“After everything we’ve all done for the two of you,” he shook his head in disgust. He took my hand in his and pulled me back over to my house. Fury radiated off him as he pulled me inside and slammed the door.
“Pack up what you need. You’re not staying here anymore.”
“Sean, I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“You’re staying with me for now. We’ll find you a place of your own whenever you want, but you’re not staying here another minute.”
Would he trust me around his daughter? Would Lillian? Rebecca was just a defenseless baby.
“What about Rebecca?”
“What about her?”
Sean had grabbed my suitcase and was throwing clothes inside.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be around her.”
He stopped and turned to me with a look that could kill. “You are not a danger to my daughter. There has never been a time that has even crossed my mind. Don’t let their idiotic concerns get inside your head.”
“But what he said about the closet..”
“That was a setback, but you never would have hurt anyone. If my child was with you and you feared for her safety, imagined or not, I have no doubt you would protect her with your life,” he said fiercely.
My heart melted at his words. If I didn’t believe it before, there was no doubt in my mind now that my brother loved me and would stick up for me against anyone.
“Thank you, Sean. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll pull his head out of his ass. Just give him some time.”
I started to pack a bag, but the more I thought about moving into someone else’s house, the more it reminded me of the goals I had already set for myself. There was something that I had been meaning to do and now was the perfect opportunity.
“Sean, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” He looked up from his packing and gave me his full attention. “I want to go visit Mark in California.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks now, but since I was recently fired, there’s no time like the present.”
“Do you want me to take you?”
I nodded. “I know I’m getting better, but I don’t know that I could make the trip on my own.”
“Okay, let me see when I can get off work and I’ll take you out there. How long do you want to stay?”
“I don’t know. How long does it take to convince someone you were a bitch and completely wrong?”
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this to my baby sister,” he said as he ran a hand over his face and shuddered. “You beg for his forgiveness and tell him all the ways you were wrong. Play up his ego; men love that shit. You have to let him know how much you need him, not in a ‘please help me survive’ kind of way, but ‘I need you because you make me whole’ kind of way. And if all that doesn’t work..Shit.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“If that doesn’t work, what?”
“If that doesn’t work, use sex. But you better make damn sure I’m nowhere near you. I don’t even want to be in the same building.”
I smiled at my big, macho brother getting all squeamish about talking sex. I decided to play it up a little.
“You mean, like, tell him I’ve been sleeping with other men, trying to get him out of my head?”
“No! Good God, woman. Are you trying to push him away? He’s just going to think you’re a slut.”
“Oh, so should I tell him that I’m horny for him?”
Sean covered his ears and closed his eyes. I held back my chuckle, biting my lip so I didn’t smile.
“I don’t want to hear that, but something along those lines. Maybe slightly more..descriptive.”
“So, I should tell him my pussy has been soaked every night as I dream about his cock-”
“Lalalala. Please, Cara. For the sake of our relationship, do not finish that sentence. It’s bad enough you’re asking me for advice. I don’t need to hear about anything sexual you might say to him.”
I laughed out loud as Sean finally removed his hands from his ears.
“If you tell him I gave you advice on how to get him back, I’ll never speak to you again. As far as he’s concerned, we’re still mortal enemies.”
I laughed again and held out my hand. “Agreed.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sinner
“MARK, STEP INTO my office,” my new boss, Cash Owens barked. He was the owner of Owens Protection and Security or OPS. He was a hard ass, but he had a great reputation in the area. I had talked with an old Army buddy that recommended I give him a call. The interview had gone well and he said he would get back to me after he talked with my old boss at Reed Security, so I assumed I was pretty much fucked. However, I was called the next day and offered a job. Either Sebastian wanted me gone so bad that he told Cash what he needed to or he told him the truth because he didn’t want to lie.
“Yes, sir,” I said as I stepped into his office.
“Enough of that bullshit. Call me Cash.”
“Alright.”
“Take a seat. I think we’ve done enough training with you to know which team you’ll fit in with best. I’ve assigned you to Team 3 with Bradford Kavanaugh, Eli Brant, and Red Warren. I still need to find one more guy for Team 2. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone else that wants to move to the west coast, would you?”
“No, sir. I’m pretty sure everyone from my former team is pretty happy where they are.”
“It’s a shame. I know Reed from my days in the military. He was a hell of a Captain. He trained you right.”
“With all due respect, sir, Special Forces trained me right. I learned everything I know from there. My skills in the field were tailored for close protection by Reed, but other than that, it was all the good ol’ US Army.”
“I’m sensing that there’s a little hostility between the two of you, but he had nothing but good things to say about your skills. Whatever happened there will stay there. For now, I have an assignment for you and your new team. We’ll meet in the conference room at 0900.”
I nodded and stood. “Is there anything else, sir?”
“Yeah, stop calling me sir.”
I nodded and went out to talk with my new team. They were currently in the weight room, so I changed and headed over to work out with them.
“Hey, Mark, did Cash give you a team yet?” Warren asked.
“Yeah, he stuck me with your ugly mug.”
“Thank God. I thought we were going to get stuck with Johnson. He came in to train with the team the other day. He was all over the place. I thought at one point that he was going to shoot my dick off.”
“Cap said we’re meeting in the conference room at 0900.”
“Cap? Hate to tell you but Cash was an enlisted Navy Seal.”
“Yeah, just used to calling my boss Cap.”
“Shit, guess I’d better finish my workout. I’ll catch you up there.”
He went back to his workout and I headed over to the treadmill for a run. I hadn’t even realized that I had called Cash ‘Cap’. In all honesty, I liked it here, but I missed my team. These were good guys and a lot of fun to be around. With time, it would probably feel like home.
I met the guys up in the conference room just before the scheduled meeting time. Most of them had all showered, but I was stil
l in my workout clothes. I had lost track of time, trying to clear my mind and get in the right headspace for going out on another assignment.
“Alright, let’s get this meeting started. As I’m sure you’ve all figured out by now, Mark is now joining your team. Eli is in charge when in the field. He’s your commanding officer. Warren is your communications guy and Bradford is your weapons guy. That leaves you. You will be the close protection agent on most assignments.”
“Perfect,” I mumbled under my breath. I was always the close protection agent. I fucking hated it.
“I thought you’d like that. Nobody likes to be the close protection agent, but it just so happens that you fit the bill perfectly for this next one.”
He threw folders for each of us on the table. I flipped it open and shook my head immediately. “No, no way.”
“You got a problem with your assignment?”
“Yeah, I have a big fucking problem. Vanessa Adams? She was my last assignment at Reed Security. Let me guess, her dad just needs someone for a charity function or some bullshit?”
“No, he wants us to find her and bring her back. What the hell happened on your last assignment?”
“Let’s just say Victor Adams didn’t give us all the intel and one of my team members ended up in the hospital, unable to feel his legs.”
“Fuck,” Warren grumbled.
“Details,” Cash barked.
“We were on her detail for a charity function. According to Victor, her last detail was incompetent. We were stepping in with the idea that we would take over her detail if everything went well. Someone was at the function watching her, so we got out of there, but we came under fire when leaving. Reed tried talking to Victor about it and got the feeling that there was more to the story that he wasn’t being told. Then he contacted us later, saying that Vanessa had run away. Reed’s been digging into him, trying to get information, but the guy has a lot of connections. Whatever he’s hiding, it’s buried deep.”
“Shit, well doesn’t that just complicate things,” Cash said.
“Why is he contacting us? He lives on the east coast?”
“He said that she has friends out here and would most likely come this way. Shit. Alright, Eli, start planning this out while I get Reed on the phone. The rest of you get your instructions from Eli.”
Sinner: A Reed Security Romance Page 16