by RH Tucker
I try to dismiss the feeling and resume editing. I’m definitely not going to out him, but now I wonder if he ever watched my channel. Knowing that he’s into comics, I guess it’s a possibility. There are other people at school that watch my videos. If he has, I wonder what he thinks of them. Or me.
No.
I’m not going to start thinking about him and what he thinks of me. He won’t even be who he really is to his friends. I close my laptop and decide to go to bed all while wondering what this makes us now. We obviously weren’t friends friends, but I know his secret now. Does that mean we are secret-friends, or something? Will he even talk to me at school? He never went out of his way to before, but neither did I. Will that change? I fall asleep trying to figure this guy out.
Chapter 8
Matt
I practically tiptoe into school when it starts back up. It’s like I’m walking on eggshells, afraid one wrong step and everything I’ve created my four years in high school will crumble under my feet. One wrong look and Izzy will tell everyone about me, and everything people thought they knew about me; starting varsity wide-receiver who also took all-state honors this year, senior class president, this year’s homecoming king; all of that and one word from Izzy and it’d all mean diddly-squat. I’d be Woodbridge’s own cosplaying nerd.
I hate to even say it like that, because I know I’m a nerd. I like nerds. I like nerdy things. But that’s not the reputation I’ve created these past four years. With only a few more months of school, I’m so close to the end, and now it could all go up in smoke.
After first period, and Yvette hounding me all morning about not bringing her back a souvenir, I make my way to my second class.
“Yo, Matt!” Carter calls out, Lucas next to him.
“How was the Big Apple, man?” Lucas asks.
It’s a simple and totally innocent question. But the comic convention was called Big Apple PopCon. Red flags immediately shoot up.
“What do you mean?”
Lucas glances at Carter, raising an eyebrow, before looking back at me. “Um … New York. You went, right?”
“Oh, yeah.” I let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry, late flight back last night. Didn’t get much sleep.” Which is true. I didn’t get much sleep last night, but it wasn’t because I had a late flight.
“That sucks,” Carter says. “You meeting up with us at lunch?”
“Yeah, for sure.”
Carter looks over at Lucas. “You should come over, man. I’m sure McCormick is still a douche. I don’t know how you take it still.”
“Yeah.” Lucas shrugs.
Neither of us knows why Lucas hasn’t ventured over and sat with us. We both assumed it was because of his crush on Jen, but the more time passes, the more I didn’t think he had a crush on her. He’s liked girls in the past and had no problem asking them out, so maybe it was something else. I don’t have much time to think about it though as Izzy walks by, catching my attention.
“Hey, I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
Carter turns around and sees who I’m looking at. “All right, man.” He gives me a confident smile.
I’d like to tell him it’s not what he thinks, but I don’t really have time for that, and what else would I tell him it’s about.
“Izzy,” I call over to her in a loud whisper. Why the hell am I whispering?
“Hey, Matt.” She smiles and waves as if she never saw me this weekend.
“Hey,” I repeat, walking next to her. She shoots me a weird look - I’m sure wondering what I’m doing. I’m wondering the same thing. “Um, anyways, about this weekend.”
“Don’t worry.” She waves me off. “It’s all good.”
“It’s all good?”
“Yes.” She giggles. “Matt, you don’t want me to say anything, so I won’t.”
“Seriously?”
She stops walking and turns to me. “Why would I?”
“I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair, feeling a little better, but only a little. “I mean, you put a lot of stuff in your videos. Maybe you got, like, freedom of the press rights or something.”
“You watch my channel?” She raises an eyebrow and smiles.
“Well, I mean … yeah. Sometimes. I just–”
She cuts me off with a laugh. Man, she really is cute. “Matt, I put what I want in my videos, because I like the stuff that’s in there. And what I talk about. Which …” she trails off but keeps her eyes on me.
“Which?”
“Never mind.”
“What is it?”
She bites her bottom lip, looking a little nervous, which in turn brings my apprehension right back. “Okay, it’s none of my business, but I was just wondering. What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal?” I give her a look that says, Seriously? You can’t figure that out?
“Matt, there’s nothing wrong with being …” She looks around and lowers her voice. “Being a nerd.”
Maybe it’s because she is going to keep my secret, or that she whispered the words with a smile, but it makes me laugh. “I know there’s not.”
“Then?” She motions with her hands.
I stare down at the ground and start to spit out the same lame answers that I’ve deluded myself with. Everything about sports and popularity and student council. All of it. And before this weekend, I was fully on board with my excuses. Now, the words make me feel uneasy.
It looks like she wants to smile but she just shakes her head. “I wish I could say I understand, but I don’t. I mean, I get it. But I don’t get it. I get not wanting to be made fun of, but if people laugh at you for liking the things you like, that’s their problem. Not yours.”
“I agree.” Now it’s her turn to give me a look. “I do. But, I’ve lived this life for four years. My best friend doesn’t even know how big of a nerd I am.”
“And you think he’d laugh at you?”
Truth be told, I don’t think Carter would laugh. He’d be shocked, that’s for sure, but I don’t think he’d laugh or make fun of me. At least, not in the kind of way that was meant to make me feel bad about myself. But I don’t say anything. I just stare at the ground again.
“Well, if he would, then that sucks. And he’s an asshole. And, he’s not really as good of a friend as you think.”
I didn’t want to argue or say that Carter isn’t like that, so I just sigh. “Yeah.”
“Anyways, don’t worry about me, okay? I won’t say anything.”
I try to give her a heartfelt smile because I do really appreciate her not saying anything. But I feel defeated. “Thanks.”
“Hey, and for what it’s worth,” her tone turns bubbly as she grins. Catching me off guard, she rubs her thumb under my chin. “I liked that Stark goatee you had going there.”
Without waiting for a reply, she heads down the hall to her next class. I stand there, watching her walk away with my mouth open. Part of me is thankful for her honesty and trustworthiness. But there’s this other part of me, that I suddenly feel. A part that smiles, liking the way her thumb rubbed against my skin.
Chapter 9
Izzy
I didn’t think I was going to be nervous to talk to Matt when I saw him, but I tried to play it as cool as I could. I thought he might try to talk to me during our sociology class, but he ended up catching up with me just after my first class. After our discussion, my nerves dropped. I couldn’t help but feel a little sympathetic towards him. He was so concerned with what everyone else was going to think of him. That’s no way to live life. Plus, I always thought Carter Dixon was his best friend. That boy had his named dragged through so much mud this year; he was in no position to make fun of Matt for liking the things he liked. But maybe Carter isn’t his best friend. Either way, whoever he is, he would be the biggest jerk on the planet to act like that. I’ve had friends like that in the past. Had being the operative word.
What did catch me a little by surprise was how comfortable I was around him
. It’s true, I loved the scruff he had under his chin during the convention, but I don’t think I would’ve ever told him, much less touched his face, before this past weekend. Not that I have a problem flirting with cute boys, but this is Matt Hillard. And I’m Izzy Jacobs, Woodbridge’s resident nerd. But seeing him so trounced as he tried explaining things to me—explanations that still don’t sit right or make complete sense—made him seem downright normal. Not Mr. Pop Jock or class president. Just Matt; a nerd like me. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy sliding my thumb over his chin.
He doesn’t say anything to me during our class and by the time school’s over I haven’t given him a second thought. That is until I’m filming my new video. Veronica knocks on my bedroom door as I’m talking to the camera and quietly sits on my bed. She and Cindy come over so much, they let themselves into the house.
“It was amazing, you guys,” I speak to the camera. “So, I’ll show you some footage here. The Marvel booth had some awesome props from the movies and wait until you see the footage from the cosplay contest. Side note, Iron Man was the hottest. That probably factored into him winning.” I give the camera a wink.
“There’s no way Iron Man was the hottest,” Veronica chimes in as I hook up my phone to my laptop. “Not, unless it was actually RDJ under the helmet. Was it?”
“No, but he was insanely cute.” I smile, biting my tongue to not say any more.
“Oh.” She smiles. “You take any pictures?”
“No.”
“How lame. Izzy, you know our rule; if hot boys are around, you snap a pic. No questions asked.”
I can’t contain my laughter. “V, I think that’s your rule. And you usually enforce it when we’re at the beach.”
“Well, can you blame me?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I was bored.” She leans back on my bed. “Want to go to the mall?”
“Girl, I still have homework from calculus, English, and I have to finish uploading the video.”
“Please,” she begs. “I’ll treat for froyo.”
“Why do you want to—” I cock my head to the side. “Wait a second, are you still trying to get that guy to ask you out.”
“No,” she denies, but looks away.
“Yes, you are.”
“Okay.” She falls back on my bed. “But he’s so cute.”
“V, this isn’t the 1800s. Don’t wait for him to ask, just ask him yourself.”
“No way, girl. Not that I’m above asking a guy out, but if he doesn’t ask, then what else won’t he do.” She wiggles her eyebrows again.
“You say that like you’re super experienced or something.” She scoffs while I laugh. “Fine, we can’t stay long though. I really do have to finish this stuff.”
She jumps up from my bed, wrapping her arms around me. “Did I ever tell you I love you?”
“Not today.”
“I love you.” She kisses me on the cheek, making us both giggle as we leave my room.
We get to the galleria and head straight to the frozen yogurt stand, where Veronica’s guy works. He looks like he’s still in high school, but we haven’t seen him around Woodbridge, so either he recently graduated, or goes to a different school. It doesn’t matter though because as we’re standing in line, the girl in front of us leans over the counter for a kiss. Veronica’s mouth drops.
“Well, I guess that answers that question,” I whisper to her, as she steps towards the counter.
“What can I get for you?”
Veronica looks a little bummed, but I can see the fake smile she puts on. “Um, just a diet coke.”
“That’s it?” He smiles. “You usually get the vanilla/chocolate swirl with raspberries.”
Her face lights up. “You remember my order?”
“Sure.” He gives her a sly smile.
She looks behind us, at the girl that was just making out with him, and who’s now walking away. “Was that your girlfriend?”
“Something like that.”
“What does that mean?” Veronica’s tone changes from sweet to sour. Oh no, I’ve seen this side of her.
“It means what it means.”
“You mean, you hook up with her until you find someone else to hook up with?”
“Why? You offering?”
Without another word, she throws a slap across the counter, nailing him across the cheek. “Dick.”
She spins around and starts walking away. I give the guy an embarrassed smile, before scurrying after her.
“Okay, that was worth skipping homework for.”
“Guys are such jerks.”
“V.” I wrap my arm around her. “You gotta get over Tim. He’s an idiot.”
“Yes. He is.”
“And you should be grateful you found out he was cheating on you, before …” I lean into her a little closer. “You know.”
“I know.” All her anger disappears, replaced with hurt and embarrassment. “God, I was so close to sleeping with him at that party. At least, I thought I was. I’m such an idiot.”
“No, you’re not. He’s the idiot.”
“Yeah.” She lets out a sniffle. “You’re right.” We walk in silence through the mall a few more minutes before she takes in a long breath. “Okay, I’m sorry. Enough about all that. Want to look at prom dresses?”
“Sure.” I jump at the chance to change the subject, mostly out of concern for her.
Tim is a jackass. She caught him cheating on her and then he had the nerve to try and act like he was breaking up with her. The worst part? He blamed it on her weight.
Yes, Veronica is technically overweight, but I think she looks perfectly fine. I’m a little slimmer, but with our similar black hair, we get confused as sisters all the time. I was super offended for her when she told me what Tim told her after she caught him cheating. ‘I’ve just never been with a big girl before. It’s better that we just stay friends’. What an ass. If I had been there, I would have punched him. And I’ve never punched anything in my life.
As we enter the store, she starts browsing along a rack of clothes, but I can still see the look on her face, knowing her mind is racing. Time to change the subject.
“I was thinking of doing another cosplay dress.”
“Again?” She sighs. “You did that during homecoming. Come on, prom is supposed to be extravagant.”
“Yeah, but this will be amazing.”
“I guess.” She continues looking through the rack. “So, are we doing the group thing?”
“I don’t see why not. I mean, I don’t think I’m going with anyone. I know Cindy wants to go with someone, but I don’t think she’s planning on it.”
“Yeah. I don’t want anyone to ask me.”
“V.” I give her a sympathetic smile. “Don’t say that. If someone asks you, you’d better say yes. Unless you don’t like them, then say no. But don’t just say no because you’re swearing off boys because we both know that’s not true.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She waves me off, pulling out a top to look at.
A thought hits me, and I start asking without thinking. “What do you think about Matt?”
“Matt who?”
“Matt Hillard.”
“Oh.” She flashes me a flirty smile. “You mean President McHottie.”
“What?” I laugh.
“You remember? That’s what Cindy called him after he won.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”
“Wait a second.” She stares at me with accusatory eyes. “Why do you ask?”
“What? No reason.”
“Yeah, right!” She practically runs around the rack of clothes, pointing a finger in my face. “Has someone been checking out Mr. President?”
“No.” I try to act as calm as possible. “I’ve just bumped into him a couple times. That’s all.”
“Oh.” She wiggles her brows. “You bumped into him?”
“Don’t be gross.”
“Girl, there’s nothi
ng gross about bumping into any part of Matt Hillard. Believe me. Did you see that scruff he had going on a week ago? That was insanely hot.”
I have to bite my lip, not only remembering it when he bumped into me, but seeing it at the cosplay contest.
“It was a little choppy, but still sexy,” she adds.
“Choppy?” I scoff, before realizing I sound offended.
“Whoa, down girl.” She laughs. “Are you into him, or what?”
“No.” I don’t sound the least bit convincing. I know I have to change the subject. Otherwise, I’ll be close to spilling the beans. “Okay, maybe a little. But, I mean, who isn’t. Anyways, back to prom. Should we text Cindy and get her out here?”
“Totally.”
I breathe a short sigh of relief as Veronica pulls out her phone and sends a text message to Cindy. The nagging is still at the back of my mind though. I was not only thinking about Matt, but I was also defending him. I just need time to forget everything. I remind myself that he doesn’t want to be known as a nerd. Even if I did like him, how would that work out? I’ll tell you how: it wouldn’t. Time to get back on track.
Chapter 10
Matt
Every time I see Izzy at school the nerves start twisting my stomach. It’s not that I don’t trust her, because I do. That small chat we had had somehow put me at ease for the rest of the day. But the very next day, I was worried again. And I worry for the rest of the week. I can’t even bring myself to check out her YouTube channel, for fear that I’ll hear my name in one of her videos. Of course, if she had, I no doubt would’ve heard about it already. The chatter and rumors would be all over the school.
By the time the weekend rolls around, the nerves are starting to get to me. I want to check out her channel just in case she said something. Just in case she made some kind of comment that I have to be ready for. After playing video games for a couple hours with Isaac on Sunday, I retreat back to my room. Flipping open my laptop, I venture to her channel. She has a couple updates throughout the week that I click on and she talks a little bit about the convention.