by Petra Landon
“But you … you let me know that you intended to keep your side of the bargain you thought we had made, even though I could see how nervous and fearful you were. I lost my temper again. My damnable temper! My friends will tell you that I’m the most equable male in the world except when I lose my temper. I wanted to scare you by making you face what you were offering me. I thought that would bring you to your senses. So, I made you take that damnable bathing robe off and then …” he stopped, his tortured eyes staring back mutely at her.
“And then …” she prompted tremulously.
“And then I lost my head” he said simply.
He stared at her for a moment. She watched him mutely, afraid to say the wrong thing. She could tell that he was poised on the edge. The next few minutes would determine which way the chips would fall.
“I’d been watching this beautiful girl for months” he said, the words wrung from him. “You scared me, Saakshi. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. But you terrified me. What I felt for you - I’d never been drawn to anyone like this before. To a stranger I knew nothing about. You were like a drug in my system, Saakshi. I couldn’t stay away from Pik’s. Not for long. And yet, I didn’t want to approach you, afraid that you might not want me or that the strength of my feelings for you would frighten you away. Then one day, you came to me. It felt like all my prayers had been answered. This was the chance I had been waiting for. And I …” he shook his head.
It was time to speak up, Saakshi knew.
“I would never have gone to anyone else on that station with the proposition I offered you, Zoran” Saakshi countered with confidence. “You were sent to me by the Pura. She sent you when I needed you the most - at my wits end and with nowhere else to turn. I believed that then and I believe it even more now.”
“You deserved to choose to be with me, Saakshi. I took that away from you” he said starkly.
“No, no” Saakshi protested, clasping the palm holding hers with her other hand. “I’ve not forgotten, Zoran. I can never forget. That first night in your chamber when we … I remember every moment of it. I could have stopped you any time. You’re wrong. You did give me a choice … many chances to stop you, but I didn’t. I wanted you, Zoran. I didn’t stop you because I wanted you.”
He said nothing, merely gazing at her with dark eyes awash with regret and dejection.
“The way you touched me … loved me … all those evenings with you. They were the happiest I’ve ever been. I couldn’t bear it if you were ashamed of it, Zoran” Saakshi tried to reach him desperately.
He remained rigid in her arms, one palm immobile between her hands and the other held rigid by his side as he knelt on one knee in the cave.
“Please, please” she said urgently, letting go of his palm to hug his rigid body tightly in a desperate attempt to cut through the pit of despair she sensed in him. “Please believe me. I fell in love with you, Zoran. Don’t … don’t walk away. I couldn’t bear it, Zoran” her voice broke on the last sentence.
Saakshi waited with baited breath, holding onto her Hadari’Kor mercenary for what seemed an eternity, until she finally felt his arms come around her to give her a hug.
“Forgive me, tseriya” he whispered, leaning down to plant a tender kiss on her hair.
“There is nothing to forgive” she whispered back, holding onto Zoran.
They stayed still for a long time in the silence of the cave by the lapping waters of the underground lake, two people holding on to each other like a lifeline for a small slice of time in the infinitely dangerous universe they inhabited.
“Is that why you stayed away from TF124 for so long?” she asked finally, her palms cupping his beautiful face tenderly.
He nodded slightly, the movement infinitesimal in their embrace.
“I could not forgive myself” he stated simply, his voice a tad unsteady. “Fate answered all my dreams by sending you to me, and I sullied it all in the grip of an unholy conflagration of anger and lust.”
“You didn’t sully anything, Zoran. I was in such danger from the Unta-Golar then, yet it was one of the happiest times of my life. I … I found you. You made everything worthwhile. Then, when you stayed away from TF124, I thought it was because I had abandoned you on Budheyasta.”
“No, Saakshi” Zoran protested, this time strongly, the hesitation in him gone at her words.
“And when you did come, you seemed so much like a stranger” she continued. “I thought you were done with me. That …” she paused. “I was so very grateful for everything but I couldn’t stop yearning for more” she whispered.
“I will never be done with you, tseriya” Zoran whispered back, absolute certainty in his voice.
For the first time in their relationship, it was Saakshi who made the first move. Pressing her lips to his in an infinitely sweet kiss, she cupped his face in her hands. She leant back slightly, her eyes wandering over every inch of his beloved face. And he let her, staying still in her arms as he allowed her to see the naked depth of his feelings for her. Saakshi pressed her lips to his again, this time with more urgency. His lips opened, tentatively at first and then with more urgency as passion flared between them.
“Tseriya?” he muttered huskily between passionate kisses, requesting permission as he had always done before.
His tseriya’s only response was to hug him tighter, kissing him back with increased ardor to let him know in no uncertain terms that he had all the permission in the world he was likely to ever need. Zoran stood up in one graceful move to sweep her off her feet and cradle his precious burden in his strong arms, as she pressed kisses on every inch of him she could reach. He walked a few steps to lay her on the edge of the lake, where the warm water lapped shallowly at her prone body as he came down beside her.
For once, she did not shy away from him as he helped strip the swimsuit away from her body. The shallow water lapped against her body, soothing the heat searing through her as his hand stroked her caressingly. He leaned over her, hands and legs cocooning her in a nest of Zoran, soft sand and warm water.
“Let me love you, tseriya” he said scratchily, the dark eyes holding hers.
Saakshi reached up, her small palm nudging his head down to her. Before, it had always been Zoran to initiate intimacy between them, boldly passionate about what he wanted. She had always welcomed his overtures. But perhaps, Saakshi realized, she had not made it clear how much she wanted him. Today, she tried to be bolder, to let him know that this fire blazing between them had never been one-sided, from the first time they had consummated it.
“Always, Zoran” she whispered as his mouth descended on her.
I have always been yours.
A long time later, Saakshi gazed down into sated dark eyes as she lay on Zoran’s chest with her chin propped up on her hand. He watched her from below her, one hand folded as a pillow under his head while the other lay idly on her back, doodling little nonsensical patterns on the soft skin.
“Better now?” she asked him tenderly, in a voice she’d never felt comfortable enough to use with him before.
“Better now” came the soft reply, his eyes tangling with hers
“Is that why you stayed away so long?” she asked eventually.
It was the question that had given her sleepless nights and plunged her into unimaginable depths of despair.
“I had this thought at the back of my mind that if I just gave you enough time …” he admitted slowly. “That if I stayed away from you, I might just get lucky enough to start afresh with you. A way to wipe the slate clean, if you will. A better male would have stayed away from you for good once you were safely under the Alliance’s protection. But I am not a better male. I could not stay away from you forever.”
Saakshi sent a silent prayer to the Pura for giving him a nudge. She might have died of a broken heart if his principles had forced him to stay away from her forever.
“All I could hope for was that that once you were safe from Ketaari threats and our
bargain didn’t stand between us anymore, perhaps you might be willing to let me woo you” Zoran said.
“I prayed to the Pura to send you to me, Zoran” she cupped his beloved face and he closed his eyes to nuzzle into her smaller palm. “Sooner than later, she would have given you a nudge.”
Zoran smiled.
“The Pura sent you to take care of the Unta-Golar before” she said softly. “I told myself to have faith in her. That you would find your way to me if that was what the Pura wanted for us.”
The black eyes opened, fierce and confident. “You deserve more, tseriya. Protecting you from one Ketaari murtobak is not enough. I will bring the Empire to its knees for you.”
“Zoran” she said helplessly, her heart finally letting go of any lingering hesitation. Her mercenary loved fiercely and for eternity, just like Jolar had told her. Pura Bedana had watched over her faithful follower well. She had chosen Zoran – a Hadari’Kor who loved fiercely and passionately, willing to move mountains to change the existing alliances of an entire quadrant so that his tseriya could come to him of her own free will.
“If I was lucky enough to get a second chance with you, I planned to take it slowly” he finished with self-deprecation, his eyes on their intertwined bodies. “If you could forgive me for taking advantage of you the last time I came to your aid.”
“Shh” she shushed him softly, her fingers touching his lips in a feather light-caress. “I thought we agreed that the last time was a mutual decision.”
He pressed a soft kiss onto her palm before clasping her small hand firmly with the hand that had been idly doodling on the small of her back.
“If you say so, tseriya” he said simply, with a hint of vulnerability and a complete lack of pretense.
“I absolutely say so, Zoran Hadari-Begur-Kor” Saakshi said promptly.
“You asked me once on the Trade Sphere to never again talk about what I owed you” she reminded him.
“I remember” he acknowledged. That conversation was seared into his mind. It was when he had made the decision to give his tseriya a different future – one where she was free to make her own choices. “There was no debt. Anything I did for you was out of love. It is my privilege to take care of you.”
Saakshi’s heart melted at the simple statement, as it always did with Zoran.
“Then why can’t you believe me when I say that what I did was also out of love, Zoran?” she asked tenderly.
Zoran’s dark eyes held an arrested expression as he stared at her.
“That bargain brought us together. And that is how I will always remember it. Can you do that too, Zoran? Let go! For me?” she asked softly. Saakshi was not above using his feelings for her on this matter. She was determined that Zoran would not go through life with this giant regret shadowing everything.
“Yes, tseriya” he sighed.
She smiled and it was as if the sun had come out to light up the dark cave for him.
“I remember something else from that conversation, Saakshi” he reminded her.
Saakshi gazed at him inquiringly.
“I asked you what you’d want if our circumstances had been different? If we’d met as Zoran and Saakshi on a distant space station, without any baggage from our pasts or circumstances.”
“I remember” Saakshi affirmed softly.
The memories of that conversation had helped her hold on to her sanity and not give in to her despair during the long, lonely nights when she’d been unsure about Zoran’s whereabouts and whether he was ever planning to come back for her.
He clasped her small palm more firmly in his much larger hand to meet her eyes. His expression laid bare the depth of his feelings for her, the naked intensity and vulnerability in his eyes calling out to her. Saakshi’s heart pounded fast, the beat so loud in her ears that it drowned out everything but Zoran’s voice.
“I’m asking now, Saakshi neh Merama tik Ulmik pura Bedana” he said to her, his voice husky with emotion. “You are a citizen of the Kampuchan Alliance and the Budheya Personnel Coordinator on TF124, an Alliance station. You need not fear the long arm of the Ketaari Empire and have friends who look out for you. I’m a Hadkor merc, currently on contract with the Alliance, who desperately wants to be with you. What does Saakshi want?”
“If that is what stops you from being mine, tseriya, then we’ll just have to change your circumstances.”
She stared into the dark eyes, very sure of her answer. After all, she’d had plenty of time to make up her mind; long, lonely months without him when she’d been afraid that she might never see him again. She had never even dared to admit to herself what she’d secretly hoped for. Instead, she had convinced herself that not being able to apologize to Zoran for leaving him behind on Budheyasta was what troubled her so. Why hanker after the moon when the ground under her feet itself was shaky, she’d told herself prosaically. In a strange way, Zoran’s laying bare his own insecurities about the unusual start to their relationship had given her the courage to reveal her own vulnerabilities to him. If this big Hadari’Kor mercenary could let her see his vulnerable side, then she more than owed it to him to be honest about her own feelings.
“Saakshi wants to be with Zoran forever” she said, shyly but with utter conviction.
For Saakshi, it was a relief to finally state things so very unambiguously. No matter what life threw at her, she knew that she wanted this big and gentle Hadari’Kor always by her side.
Zoran’s eyes suffused with joy, a slow smile lighting up his face.
“Forever, hmm?” he teased before sobering up momentarily. “Are you sure, tseriya? Forever is a long time.”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life” Saakshi reiterated again with complete confidence.
“I want to be your soulmate, your tseriya” she said softly, smiling as his brows arched in surprise at her knowledge of the true meaning of the endearment.
“Jolar told me what it meant” she murmured in explanation.
“I shall have to have a chat with Jolar” he pursed his lips in mock affront.
He brought her clasped hand to his lips, his eyes blazing.
“You were my tseriya from the first moment I saw you” he said huskily, planting a tender kiss on her captive hand, the very act one of unspoken promise.
“I have something for you” he murmured a moment later, reluctant to separate their intertwined bodies.
“I have something for you too” Saakshi responded immediately.
Zoran tumbled her off him carefully onto the ground to hang suspended over her. He pressed a last kiss on her before untwining himself from her and sitting up. Saakshi flipped onto her stomach, her face turned away from him, her entire body suffusing with a blush under his ardent gaze. Zoran chuckled softly beside her.
“My shy little tseriya” he teased, planting a soft kiss on the shoulder closest to him. “I promise you that one day, you will not turn away from my gaze.”
Saakshi scrambled up as she heard him walk away, reaching for the damp bathing suit that lay discarded in a heap where he’d tossed it in his passion. She hurried to where her clothes lay, rummaging in the little pouch attached to her belt to retrieve the tiny figurine she’d commissioned Sila to sculpt for him.
“This is for you” she offered, extending the small figure in the flat of her palm to him.
Zoran glanced at the life-like sculpture of a bird in flight. It was sculpted from some type of black rock he’d seen once before. The Ur’quay Star Captain had a bust of himself in the same material on his desk on the Henia.
“It’s beautiful” he breathed, picking it up to examine the figurine reverently.
“A Juntafeyore bird in flight” she said, warmth spreading in her at the pleasure evident in the black eyes examining the little sculpture.
“How did you …?”
“Jolar provided us with a hologram of a Juntafeyore from your archives, and Sila used the hologram to make this.”
“She’s incredibl
y talented” he remarked, his attention on the figurine.
“Yes, she is” Saakshi agreed. “That is why I commissioned her to sculpt this.”
His big forefinger delicately traced the finely etched details on the unfurled feathers of the magnificent bird in flight.
“Sila told me that you helped her out of a jam once.” She couldn’t help but be curious.
“Yes. She’s not allowed to disclose most of the story because it involves the Ur’quay Star Captain. His presence here needs to be kept a secret for the foreseeable future.”
Saakshi glanced at him in astonishment at the news. She’d never once suspected that Sila was acquainted with the Ur’quay Captain. Her friend seemed to have even more of a mysterious past than she’d suspected.
“She was kidnapped from her home world by slavers, and the Star Captain requested my assistance in mounting a rescue. Using his ship and people in the rescue would have exposed their presence in Quadrant Five.” Zoran expanded briefly.
Saakshi mused briefly on his words. Zoran’s statement seemed to imply that Sila had a prior acquaintance with the Star Captain before her capture by the slavers.
“She speaks very highly of you” she remarked to Zoran.
Zoran shrugged easily. “No one deserves that fate. Moreover, I was helping a friend.”
“Thank you for this, tseriya” he gestured at the figurine in his hand. “It’s one of the more thoughtful gifts anyone has ever given me. I shall treasure it always.”
He placed her gift carefully in his case, his movements lithely graceful. When he stood up to face her again, magnificent and unselfconscious in his naked glory, he clasped her left hand with his to hold it up between them. His calloused thumb stroked her fine-boned wrist softly, his touch a gentle caress, before clasping something around her wrist. A delicate bracelet with intricate markings etched on it encircled her wrist.
“The sign of a committed female on my home world” Zoran explained softly. “I had it commissioned back on Keeyor 9.”
Saakshi stared at him, taken aback by the implications of his words. He’d been carrying this around since the Trade Sphere!