by Rinelle Grey
She was looking forward to seeing his smile, to telling him all about her awful day, to having him commiserate with her about how hard this was without judging her, to seeing how Rowan looked up to him, and how he was interested in hearing her son’s tales of the day as well as hers.
The truth was Calrian was the perfect partner. Kind, considerate, caring.
His stunning good looks were just a bonus, even if they did hit her like a steam train as she stepped into the kitchen and saw him washing up sans shirt. Even though he had plenty now, he still preferred to go without when they were alone. And Rylee certainly didn’t object.
Okay, the good looks definitely affected her. But then again, what guy didn’t look gorgeous while washing up? It was every woman’s dream, right? And there he was, standing in her kitchen, doing the breakfast dishes she’d left there in her hurry that morning.
“How’d it go?” Calrian asked, his smile warm. “Did you find anything?” There was a hopeful note to his voice that Rylee was sure wouldn’t have been there if he’d seen the houses she’d been looking at.
But she refused to let that get her down. Something would work out, somehow.
Instead she smiled and said lightly, “I put in a couple of applications. We’ll see if anything comes through. Thanks for doing the washing up.”
“It was no problem,” Calrian said, and Rylee was sure he genuinely meant it. “Can I help you with dinner?”
Rowan grinned at both of them and disappeared into the other room to watch TV. Rylee was surprised that he didn’t hang around to talk about his day and ask questions about what they were having for dinner.
It was almost as if he were conspiring to leave her and Calrian alone together.
Well it wouldn’t be the first time. He’d been vocal in his support for Calrian, and he hadn’t hidden the fact that he was hoping the two of them would get together. Rylee was glad to have his support, even if she was still concerned about him being heartbroken if Calrian left.
If Calrian did leave, Rowan wouldn’t be the only heartbroken one. But Rylee refused to think about that. Right now she needed to just take this one day at a time. “That would be nice,” she agreed, nodding at Calrian and moving to take some mince out of the fridge. “If you want to cut up some vegies, I’ll mix some rissoles.”
Calrian nodded and began to pull out the vegies. Rylee had to give it to him. He learned quickly. A few days ago he hadn’t known his way around a kitchen at all, but now he fitted right in.
If he found his clan, she was really going to miss him.
She berated herself for hoping, even just for a second, that he didn’t.
Chapter 35
“Well, I suppose I’d better get going.” Calrian bit back a sigh. He was comfortable, seated on the couch next to Rylee, his leg touching hers, watching TV, his belly full from the dinner they’d cooked together. But it had been dark for several hours now. He had no excuse not to be out there, searching for his clan. Rowan had gone to bed half an hour ago amid the usual protests.
“I suppose so,” Rylee agreed, but she didn’t pull away from him or make a move to get up herself. “I guess I should be getting ready for bed too.”
That comment was almost too much temptation for Calrian to bear.
It had been several days since he and Rylee had completed the Mesmer ritual, several days since he had been bonded to her. And the desire he felt for her hadn’t dimmed. He would love nothing more than to crawl into her bed beside her and see where that desire led.
What would mating feel like between them without the Mesmer bond? Could it possibly match the passion they had shared on that day?
He itched to find out.
Which was why it really was best that he had somewhere else to be. He had a responsibility that would take him away from here, away from the temptation.
That was the reason he pushed himself up from the chair, the reason he ignored Rylee’s disappointed sigh.
That and the fact that he still wasn’t sure what any of this meant. Rylee wanted him to stay, that much was certain, but neither of them had discussed why.
He could blame that on Rylee having been out all day, searching for a new home, and his being out all night searching for his clan, but he knew that would be an excuse. They’d had plenty of time for discussion. That evening while cooking dinner, for example, or in the last half hour while they’d been sitting here together.
He wasn’t sure what Rylee’s motivation was, but in his case, he was half afraid of her saying she wasn’t interested in him like that, that she liked having him around because it kept her former mate away. Or because he helped wash up.
He was glad to do those things for her, but he hoped it was something more.
Or maybe, deep down, his real fear was that she would say she was interested in that. What if she wanted to mate? The idea filled him with exhilaration and panic.
Oh, he wanted it. There was a part of him that wanted that more than anything.
Unfortunately the rest of him knew he couldn’t have it. Not yet. He had a responsibility to his clan.
That responsibility was what made him smile sympathetically at Rylee and say, “I hope you sleep well.”
She stood up too, her body only inches from him, so close he could feel the heat emanating from her. She looked up at him and said softly, “I hope you find what you are looking for.”
Calrian heard her words, understood the sentiment behind them, and appreciated it.
But in truth, all he could think of was bending his head and kissing her. He could imagine how her lips would taste and how soft and warm they would be under his.
He hesitated, staring down at her. And she stared back with the same aching, wanting, uncertain look in hers.
It was on the tip of his tongue, to ask her where this was going, what she wanted from him. But if he did, she’d ask him the same question back. And he could no more answer it than he could give up on finding his clan.
So he forced a smile and said, “See you in the morning.”
Rylee nodded and stepped back, the moment gone. Calrian turned and headed out the door. He glanced around, making sure there was no one nearby, using his dragon hearing to be sure before he stepped out of his clothes, leaving them in a neat pile on the veranda, and transformed.
He could feel Rylee’s eyes on him as he shifted and changed, growing scales, sprouting horns, spreading his wings.
She liked watching him. That made his skin tingle. It was why he shifted here, out in the open, when common sense told him he should wait until he was further away.
“I’ll be back,” he said into her mind before lifting into the air.
He made himself fly high until he would look like nothing but a small shadow, not looking back. Even though he wanted too.
Then he headed off.
Despite being unable to completely stop himself from thinking of Rylee, he made himself concentrate. This was not the time for being absent minded. He had a lot of ground to cover, and it would take quite some time.
“Rian Clan, can anyone hear me,” he sent out, despite the fact that he’d done so many times before in this area. He wasn’t surprised when his only reply was silence.
He glanced around, trying to work out what ground he’d covered last night and what new area he wanted fly over tonight. He’d covered the town, not surprised when he received no reply, and the area to both sides of it. Now he went further west, further away from civilisation. This would be the most likely area for his clan to have retreated to if that was what had happened.
He ignored the flutter of hope in his heart. He couldn’t afford it. If he hoped, he could be disappointed, and he knew that would make his job harder. Instead he focused on the mechanical job of flying in long, sweeping runs, each about as far apart as his dragon voice could carry, give or take.
Every few minutes, he sent out another call. “Rian Clan, if you can hear me, please respond.”
He didn’t let himself ho
pe for an answer, just focused on the mechanical tasks of listening and flying, flying and listening.
The night was long. The moon rose, and still Calrian flew.
But as the sky to the east began to lighten, his bones were weary and his heart heavy.
How far would he have to fly? For all he knew his clan could have gone miles away. This was a big country. It would take him years to search all of it. Decades. Perhaps longer.
What if he never found them?
What if they had left this country for another one?
What if…?
His mind was full of what ifs as he turned his tired body back towards Rylee’s house. Home. Soon he would be home. And it wasn’t the house he thought of. It was Rylee’s warm body. Her welcoming smile. Her soft lips.
How long would he have to search before he could give up? Before he could accept that they were gone and he would never find them?
Before he could make another life for himself?
Would he ever be able to release that responsibility? Could he ever forgive himself if he did? What if they were over the next rise or past the next horizon and he’d given up?
Was he doomed to keep searching forever?
Chapter 36
“I was just ringing to ask if you had any new house listings?” Rylee asked, trying to keep her voice cool and calm and absent of both desperation and hopelessness.
“Nothing new today.” The estate agent’s voice was falsely cheerful.
Rylee bit back a sigh. “Can I ask about the progress of the applications I submitted over the weekend?”
She had hoped to hear before now. It was Wednesday. Meaning she only had a couple of days left to find a house, pack, and move. Even if they had an answer for her, she knew the task would be next to impossible. She just didn’t know what else to do.
But every day she called, they had no news. It was getting worrying.
“What’s the name?” The sound of papers being shuffled came down the phone line.
Rylee gave her name, then waited, holding her breath.
“I… ah… I’m sorry. The applications were rejected.” The woman actually sounded apologetic. “We get a lot of applicants for each house, you know. I’m sure there will be some new houses on the weekend.”
Rylee’s throat closed up, and for a moment, she wasn’t sure if she could get an answer out without bursting into tears. She took a deep breath and forced out the word, “Thanks,” before hanging up.
The weekend would be too late. Even if her father was generous and gave her until Saturday, new listings weren’t going to help her.
Her father was going to throw her out, and she had nowhere to go, no home to take Rowan to and no way to find one. Not in the time she had. Her only hope was to go to her father and beg him to give her extra time.
The thought left a sour taste in her mouth.
But not as bad as the one the thought of going back to Eric left. Maybe if she talked to her father, explained how Eric had threatened her, how he’d bullied her…
Even as she thought it, she knew it wasn’t going to help. Her father just didn’t get it. He could never get it.
All he’d see was that she was causing the problem herself by not asking Calrian to move out.
He couldn’t possibly understand that she couldn’t even imagine doing that. She couldn’t even understand it herself.
No matter which way she turned, she had to make a choice. But they all seemed impossible— beg her father for more time, go back to Eric, ask Calrian to leave, homelessness. They were all terrible choices.
Why wasn’t there another one? One that didn’t involve her giving up something that was important to her?
Rylee sighed and leaned up against the wall, sliding down it to sit on the floor. Had Eric been right? Was this all a result of her failure?
“Are you okay?” Calrian’s concerned voice pulled her out of her depressing musings. He crouched down next to her, put his hand on her knee, and stared into her eyes, searching her face.
Rylee felt tears blurring her vision. “I didn’t get any of the houses. We have nowhere to go…” Her voice broke on the last sentence, and a lump blocked her throat. She was going to cry. She tried to fight it. She hated crying. It was weak.
But this wasn’t Eric or her father. This was Calrian. He wouldn’t berate her or tease her. He’d comfort her.
That was the final straw. She burst into tears.
“Oh, Rylee. Sweetheart. Don’t cry.” Calrian gathered her onto his lap and put his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. “We’ll figure something out, I promise.”
His kindness made Rylee’s heart constrict. His endearment made her heart ache, especially given the only choice she could see. It wasn’t the choice she wanted, but begging her father wasn’t going to help, and there was no way she could go back to Eric. She wasn’t sure what else she could do, no matter how much Calrian promised.
“What?” she asked, desperately hoping he had some other option she hadn’t thought of. But she knew he couldn’t possibly have one. Calrian wasn’t even human. He knew so little about how society worked, and he had no money and no ID to even get a job. “There’s no way I can find a house in time. And I can’t go back to Eric. I just can’t. The only option…”
Her voice choked on the words. She couldn’t say them, even if it was the only real option and the only responsible choice she could make.
But she didn’t want to.
She’d rather be homeless with Calrian than anywhere else.
But she wasn’t alone. She had Rowan to consider. And no matter how much she might be prepared to accept that, she couldn’t do that to him. Oh, he’d be willing. He’d probably see it as an adventure. But it wouldn’t be right.
Calrian was still, his arms tightening around her. “The only option is for me to go.” His voice was hollow. Empty.
Just like Rylee’s heart.
She cried even harder. “I don’t want you to go!”
He was silent for a long moment. Then he heaved a sigh. “I don’t want to go either.”
Rylee felt like her heart was breaking. It was crazy for her to feel like this. She’d only known Calrian for a week, if that. How had she become so attached to him in that short time? It had to be a result of the bond they’d shared mixed with the fact that she was in such a mess of a situation. He was the only calm in the storm.
That had to be it.
And yet, somehow, Rylee knew it was more than that. She didn’t understand how or why, but what she felt for Calrian defied explanation. Defied common sense.
And she didn’t care.
She had to find a way to make this work. And tears and recriminations weren’t going to help her. She needed solutions.
“It’s only for a while,” she said, pushing back the tears with only a few sniffles. “I will find a house eventually. Then you can come. If… if you want to?”
Calrian shifted her away from him so he could stare down at her. “Rylee…” His voice broke, and if he hadn’t always been so big and strong, Rylee would have suspected he was near tears himself. “Of course I want to. But… I’ve brought you nothing but trouble. You’d be better off without me.”
“Never,” Rylee said quickly. “My life has been better than it’s ever been since you came into it. You make it better.”
Calrian stared at her doubtfully. “Not having a home is better?”
He didn’t get it. Rylee shook her head. “A home is just a material possession. Like you said earlier, about success, that it’s not about money or possessions. It’s about what you feel inside. You’ve helped me feel like I am someone important. No one ever has before.”
This time, she couldn’t miss it. His eyes were misty. He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. Neither of them said a word. What was there to say?
When Calrian pulled back, both of them were more composed.
“Where will you go?” Rylee asked, half afraid that if she let hi
m out of her sight, he’d disappear back into the dragon world and she’d never see him again.
Calrian shrugged. “Back to my lair, I suppose. It’s dry and safe there.”
“But what will you do for food?” Rylee couldn’t help being concerned. “And you should take some blankets and a pillow.” She’d seen that lair. There was nothing but sand and rock. How could he possibly live there?
“I will hunt for food as dragons have done for millennia.” He gave her a smile. “A blanket and pillow would be nice though.”
Rylee could do better than that. She started making a mental list of all the things that would help make his lair more comfortable. That was the least she could do.
Even if her heart was hurting.
Chapter 37
As Rylee handed him yet another bag full of books, newspapers, and packaged food, it was difficult to keep his heart hard. To keep his distance. He knew he was going to miss her terribly, and from the sadness in her eyes, that she felt the same.
If he didn’t stay dispassionate, he was going to change his mind.
But this was the best option for Rylee and for Rowan too. And even more than he wanted to be with them, Calrian wanted what was right for them.
No matter how small the pieces of his heart were torn into.
Rylee had said she would find a house, and he could come to her when she did. He needed to remember that. This wasn’t goodbye forever. It was just temporary.
And it wasn’t like he didn’t have plenty to keep him busy. He needed to continue the search for his clan. He needed to find out what had happened to them. Being home in his lair would help him focus on that.
But no matter how much he tried to convince himself that this was a good thing, his heart refused to believe it.
“Oh, one last thing.” Rylee whirled away and reached for a plastic container on the bench. “I baked you some biscuits.”
That was almost enough to break his resolve. “You didn’t have to do that,” he protested. “You and Rowan should have them.”
“Rowan helped me bake them,” Rylee’s voice wavered a little on that. “We wanted you to have them.”