by Rinelle Grey
Half the floor of the cave was taken up by a rocky pool, the water in it as clear as glass. It spilled from a small rocky basin, half way up the wall, giving a pleasant tinkling sound as the miniature waterfall fell into the pool. Small ferns softened the edges of the rock, making it seem more like an exclusive spa than a pool in a cave.
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed, staring at Calrian.
He shrugged. “One of our water dragons made it, I believe, long before my time. We get fresh water from the top pool and bathe in the bottom one. The bathing pool is warmed by a hot spring, so it can be a bit warm in summer. Perfect in winter like this though.”
He gave a smile, a hint of sadness in it. He must be remembering his family again.
Rylee wished there was some way she could wash his sorrow away. She wanted to hug him, to kiss it better. She had almost tried out in the main cave. She’d been so tempted, and from the look in his eyes, so had Calrian.
But then something had made him pull back, and Rylee was pretty sure she knew what it was—his family. He’d spent the last week searching for them nonstop. And she suspected he wouldn’t be able to rest, or think of his own life, until he found them.
Or accepted that he never would.
Would he be able to cope if that happened? Rylee had never had a family she felt close to, so she couldn’t even begin to guess. But Calrian obviously loved his family deeply. She wouldn’t wish that loss on him, no matter what it would mean for her.
No matter how much she wanted to be with him, she still hoped he found his family, even if it meant losing him.
Even if that thought filled her with a sudden flood of fear.
If Calrian returned to his family, what would happen to her and Rowan? Without Calrian, they’d be homeless. Sure, she could go crawling back to her father, and if she apologised to him, she was sure he’d let her return.
But that thought left a bitter taste in her mouth. She didn’t want to always be relying on her father. Or anyone. She wanted to create a life for herself, one she could manage on her own. She needed to do that for Rowan.
If only she had some idea how to start.
For a moment, the worries of the future threatened to overwhelm her, and she almost wished she was back at her father’s place. She knew what to expect there, even if it wasn’t what she wanted. It was safe. Secure.
And if she went back, she knew she’d be stuck there forever. Her father no more wanted to help her get control of her own life than Eric ever had. They just wanted her to be dependent on them so they could mould her into who they thought she should be.
No matter what other problems this situation had, at least no one was trying to control her. Calrian would never do that.
No, she needed to use this time to start learning to make her own decisions, beginning with making the best of the situation she was in right now. She had to let the future take care of itself for a little while and trust that somehow, she’d find a way to make it work.
Feeling a little stronger from that decision, she smiled at Calrian and said, “And you said your cave didn’t have all the luxuries.” She smiled as she said it, her voice teasing a little, maybe conveying some of the closeness she didn’t dare show in other ways.
Calrian’s smile was almost normal, the sadness fading, as he said, “Water we can do. Beds, not so much.”
Rylee grinned. “That I have a solution for.” The fact she actually had an answer to a problem made her feel better, like maybe she could cope, like maybe she wasn’t so useless at life after all.
Calrian looked mystified. “What solution? None of the items we brought were big enough to be a bed.”
“Come on. I’ll show you.”
Calrian led them back to the main cave, where they had left all the items they’d brought up from the car, and Rylee searched through it. It didn’t take her long to locate the blow-up air mattress in a small cardboard box. “Here.”
Calrian stared at it doubtfully. “That doesn’t look very comfortable to sleep on.”
Rylee giggled. “You blow it up with air,” she explained. She pulled the deflated mattress out of the box and began to blow into it to show him. It was going to take quite some time to inflate it that way though.
Calrian watched in fascination, and after a few moments, held out his hands. “Can I have a go?”
She handed it over willingly. “Blowing it up is quite a chore, but they’re not bad once they’re done.”
Calrian stared at her, holding the mattress in his hand without beginning to blow. “There is only one?” he asked.
A blush stole over Rylee’s cheeks. “I do have a roll up single mattress for Rowan, but yes, there’s only one larger one. I only had one.”
Despite all the risks she knew it held, she couldn’t help being secretly glad she didn’t have two. She and Calrian had been on opposite schedules the last week or so, each sleeping in the bed, but not at the same time.
She missed being close to him, even if she understood why they couldn’t have anything more right now.
Calrian’s expression was unreadable. “It is good that you have something for you and Rowan. I’m used to sleeping on the sand.”
Rylee tried to keep the disappointed expression off her face. He was right. There were a whole host of reasons why it was better that they keep their distance. “You’ll probably be out searching for your clan at night anyway,” she said, turning back to the pile and pulling out the quilts she’d brought. “So you can have the bed during the day.”
Calrian was silent, and she tried not to take it personally. He had his own priorities, and she had essentially gate-crashed his life.
“Rylee.” His hand settled on her shoulder, and she couldn’t help turning around to look at him, trying not to hope for too much.
His eyes were warm, and a little of the sadness had returned. “I wish I could be here more. But I need to know. If they’re out there, I need to find them.” His voice shook on the last words, and his face tightened. “I need to keep searching…”
There it was again. And Rylee knew it would keep coming between them, no matter how strongly they cared for each other.
Yet she still couldn’t even hope his family were all gone, because she wouldn’t wish that sadness on him for her own gain. She wanted him to find them for his sake, even if she suspected it would be the end of things between them.
Chapter 41
Calrian could see the sadness in Rylee’s eyes, and the pain it caused him was almost as bad as the pain he felt for his missing clan. How was he supposed to choose? His heart was telling him to be here with her, that he needed to help her, but at the same time it was telling him he couldn’t stop searching for his family.
He’d had battles between his heart and head before, but this was harder. His heart wanted both. He wanted to be with Rylee, wanted to soothe the sadness from her face and kiss it away, wanted to create a life of joy with her.
But without his family, his life would always be incomplete.
He had spent more than a week searching for them with no luck. Would another week make any difference? Was there any possibility they were still alive, still hiding somewhere? He knew at least some of his brothers and sisters were still asleep in their Mesmer chambers, but without his clan’s help, he had no chance of waking them. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse than them being dead.
His siblings were just out of reach. So close, and yet, so far. Safe, yet trapped. But if his clan was gone, they might sleep there for all eternity. That thought made Calrian’s heart palpitate.
The thought of giving up the search was soul crushing.
His clan and his family had been his whole life. More than that, as a prince, protecting them was his responsibility. The possibility something might have happened to them in his absence was heartbreaking.
But now his clan wasn’t his only responsibility. Somehow, he’d accepted responsibility for Rylee and her son as well. And he could no more walk
away from them than he could from his clan.
Rylee had followed him here and walked out on her father and any stability she had, in his defence. He owed it to her to help her, to make sure she was settled. More than that, he wanted to help her.
And besides, she and Rowan couldn’t get up and down from the lair by themselves, he could hardly fly out looking for his clan while they were here alone. What if one of them hurt themselves?
The thought made his heart stop for a second. No, he needed to stay until they found somewhere safer to live. Somewhere that was more suited to human needs. While this lair had been his home, it wasn’t suitable for Rylee and Calrian to live here long term.
That thought made him sad. But wallowing in pity achieved nothing. That was the reality he was living in, so he might as well accept it. If he found his clan, maybe it could change, but right now, it was what it was.
He needed to look after the people in front of him who needed him right now. He had been asleep for three hundred years. Finding his clan could wait a few days. His brothers and sisters weren’t going anywhere.
His mind made up, Calrian said, “I could take a few days off searching to help you and Rowan settle in. It’s a difficult transition for you.”
Rylee’s face brightened at his words, instantly warming his heart. “Are you sure?” she asked uncertainly. “I know finding your family is important to you.”
He didn’t hesitate, nodding immediately. “I’m sure,” he said firmly. “My family aren’t here. You are, and you and Rowan need my help.”
Her smile cut straight to his heart. “Thank you,” she said softly. “That would be nice.”
Calrian let himself enjoy the look they shared, the connection that passed between them. It helped him push away the fact that he had no family, no clan. It let him feel the first glimmer of hope he’d felt since waking. It helped him accept that if he couldn’t find his clan, then life would go on.
Maybe there was even a chance he could be happy.
He was sure he could be happy with Rylee. Even just seeing her smile made him feel better. Being around her healed a little of the pain from his clan’s disappearance.
Unfortunately, it also reminded him of it, because every time he started to think—no, to hope—that maybe this would fill the hole in his heart, he realised that he couldn’t just give up on his family. Even putting off searching for a few days felt like he was failing them.
But Rylee and Rowan needed him. And it wasn’t as if he’d been achieving anything flying around randomly and calling anyway. If his family had moved, there was no reason to assume that their new lair was even anywhere near here. They could be anywhere. They could even have returned to England for all he knew.
It could all be a colossal waste of time.
If only he knew, one way or another.
The feeling of being pulled in two opposite directions was killing him. He almost wondered if it would be easier to split in two.
Why had his clan not left him some sort of clue, some hint as to where they had gone? Or even that they were still alive? He didn’t want to consider the possibility that they hadn’t left a clue because they were all dead.
He didn’t want to face that possibility. There were many reasons why they might have moved without leaving a clue. The reality was, any clue they left could also be found by their enemies. An even more damning reason was that it would not have even occurred to them that he could wake without their assistance. That possibility hadn’t even been conceived of when he’d entered the Mesmer.
No. Clues, if there were any, weren’t going to be here at the lair.
Which lead him back to his earlier idea. Was there any chance he’d missed something in the human newspapers? They recorded so much, surely if his clan was in the area, there would be some hint? He’d only skimmed the information available. There could have been something he had missed.
And going back to look again would at least be something he could do without leaving Rylee alone at the lair. He was sure she’d have business to take care of in town, and maybe that would give him time to look through the records more thoroughly.
As if guessing what he was thinking, Rylee said, “If there’s anything I can do, anything at all, let me know.”
Calrian’s heart warmed. Of course Rylee would help him. He knew he could count on her. And he’d tell hear about his plans. Tomorrow.
Tonight, he wanted to focus on making her and Rowan feel at home.
With that aim in mind, he smiled and said a brief, “Thank you,” before turning his attention to blowing up the air mattress Rylee had brought.
It was a slow job, even with both of them taking turns, but Calrian didn’t mind. He was with Rylee, and somehow, that never felt like a waste of time.
They didn’t say much, saving most of their breath for blowing, until the mattress was finally ready, and Calrian placed it down in the middle of the main room. It looked very small in that huge cave. There probably wasn’t room for both of them to sleep on it anyway, even if Calrian wasn’t determined to do the honourable thing and sleep on the floor.
Rylee was staring at it too, and her thoughts must have been following a similar trail, because she turned to him and said, “There’s room for both of us.”
Calrian couldn’t help giving a grin. “I’m sure there would be room for two of us in your size, but I’m a pretty big dragon, remember?” he teased.
Rylee tilted her head to one side. “You don’t have any wings or scales. I think you’ll fit.”
She seemed serious. Calrian looked back at the bed, then back to her, and raised an eyebrow.
Rylee’s cheeks turned pink. “We might have to lie rather close together, but it’s better than sleeping on the floor, isn’t it?”
On the surface, her question seemed straightforward enough, but Calrian didn’t miss the look in her eyes, one that set his heart thumping. She wasn’t just asking about the bed. There was an undertone to her words he couldn’t ignore.
It was the question both of them were thinking. And it wasn’t going to just go away.
He took a deep breath. “Sleeping close to you is better than anywhere else in the world,” he said seriously, reaching out to take her hands. “The bed makes no difference. But… Rylee… I can’t offer you anything right now. My clan…” he let the sentence hang, not even sure what he was trying to say.
He couldn’t put it into words, but the sadness in her eyes said she understood. “You have to find them,” she said. “I know that. I don’t want to get in the way of that. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be… friends… does it? I mean, we can support each other without taking things further, can’t we?”
Calrian gave a wry grin. “I’m not sure. When I’m around you, I’m very… tempted.”
From her blush, he could tell she felt the same, but the look she gave him was serious. “I know. I’m tempted too. But I know how important finding your family is to you. I won’t risk that, and I know you won’t either.”
When she put it that way, it seemed so simple. Calrian knew he couldn’t risk getting distracted from his quest right now, and if Rylee understood that too, then nothing would happen, would it?
He took a step closer, feeling the heat from her body. “I just need you to understand that my distance isn’t a lack of desire.” The words came out lower and hotter than he’d intended, and her sharp intake of breath indicated she’d heard it too.
But her voice, when she replied, was sure and strong. “We can do this.”
For the first time, Calrian believed he just might be able to.
Chapter 42
For some reason, when she drove into Mungaloo the next morning, Rylee felt different. The town somehow seemed smaller, less important. The sidelong glances people gave her were meaningless.
As she dropped Rowan off at school and then drove Calrian down to the library, everything had an almost rosy glow. Nothing could go wrong when she was feeling like this.
She kept the glow while she settled Calrian in at the library. It was only once she’d left him to his research and stepped out the door away from him that it started to fade. Suddenly the town seemed more hostile, and the sideways glances felt more antagonistic when she was on her own.
Maybe she should have stayed in the library with Calrian, but she hadn’t wanted to distract him. She’d come out with the intention of sticking to her promise not to get in the way of him finding his clan, but she hadn’t stopped to think what she would do.
For a moment, she thought she might just go home and wait for Calrian there. She could organise some of the stuff she’d brought with her, and maybe, while the lair was empty, she could even have a dip in the bathing pool Calrian had shown her. She almost felt positive about that possibility, until she remembered.
She couldn’t return to the lair on her own, she couldn’t fly up there.
That fact left her feeling vaguely uncomfortable. After Eric, she’d sworn she wouldn’t be dependent on anyone for anything. This wasn’t quite the same, of course. Calrian wasn’t trying to control her. It wasn’t his fault she wasn’t a dragon and couldn’t fly.
Besides, he’d relied on her for the last week when he’d had nowhere to stay. She could handle relying on him for a little while. She just needed to find something to occupy herself while Calrian worked. So she walked up the street with a determined step, even if it was a little directionless.
Ahead of her she saw the second-hand shop, and since she had nowhere better to go, she headed in that direction. At least there wouldn’t be as many stares there.
“Hello, Rylee,” Martha said cheerfully. She put on her glasses and peered behind Rylee. “Where’s your friend?” Martha’s friendly look turned stern. “You aren’t letting your father convince you to give that hottie up, are you?”
Rylee felt her cheeks heat. That was the problem with small towns, everyone knew everyone else’s business. She was tempted to walk straight back out again, but at least Martha seemed to be on her side. That was more than she could say for anyone else.