Roman mulled it over, considered all she’d said and hadn’t said. In some ways, Alexandra took to the club like a duck to water, as though she was meant to be there, but her job held her back from fully enjoying the experience. “I think she has a problem with it spilling over into her personal life. Not with the club itself, but the implications it could have on her professional career. She tried to tell me, but I ignored her, kept seeing her. Maybe pushed her into a relationship she wasn’t fully committed to, and then all this happened.”
She sat down on the outside couch, patting the place beside her. Roman sat, waiting for her judgment. “So, what you’re feeling is guilt.”
“Probably,” he conceded.
“Don’t. She made her own decision to come to the club and continue to see you, regardless of the consequences.”
“But—”
“No.” She patted him on the arm. “Your guilt is misplaced. It’s not your fault she contacted you, and it’s not your fault what happened to your mother.” He jerked his head toward her. Tears shone in her eyes when she cupped his face. “My sweet baby boy, she did what she wanted. I’m not ashamed of her, although my heart aches she took her life, because she left two beautiful boys for me to raise.”
He leaned forward until his head rested on her shoulder. She had the strongest shoulders, something he took for granted until he needed his mother. “She gave me my real mother.”
She ran her hand through his hair. “I wish you could have known her when she was younger. She was my best friend, but she got lost somewhere. I always worried you started the club for her, and I hated that you lived with the guilt of your mother’s suicide. But set it aside. You love your club, your members love your club, and your girlfriend loves your club. If she loves you enough, it won’t matter what you do because you’ll face it together.” She moved his head until their foreheads touched before turning his cheek so she could lay a soft kiss on it.
“I was pretty mean to her.” For the first time, he was willing to acknowledge what he’d done to her, and tried to picture it from Alexandra’s eyes. He’d all but thrown them away because he wanted to be the guy who protected his woman. He still had an insane need to protect her, but he wanted her more than his next breath. And how could he protect her if he sent her away?
“Call her. A woman in love will forgive if the grievance isn’t so heinous.” She kissed him one more time, then left him alone on the terrace. Roman pulled up his phone and called her. Voicemail. She’d hung up on him. He called her again, same response. An hour and five phone calls later and Roman admitted the truth. I’m too late.
22
Alexandra laid her head on her mother’s shoulder three days later, in her happy place at her father’s cabin. Although this was a sorrowful weekend, she was never more thankful for her family than after the past few weeks. She’d spent the previous three days trying to figure out how her two cases were related and came up with nothing. There wasn’t even a whisper of anything nefarious, but this was too coincidental to overlook. If that wasn’t enough, she’d spent a lot of time ignoring Roman, who’d been trying to call her since Tuesday. She wasn’t opening herself up to rejection again in some misguided sense of righteousness. She gave him the key; he could have the house after this weekend.
Her mother patted the side of her head. “Why is my baby so sad?”
“You know I’m always sad at this time, Mom.”
“I know, but it’s something else. Not like the heartbreak of someone who lost their father, but someone who had their heart broken by the guy who was the one. Where’s Roman?”
Alexandra stared at her mother pointedly. “I think we both know why he’s not here.”
Her mother sighed, putting her hand on the side of Alexandra’s head so she’d lay it back on her shoulder. “Are you mad I didn’t tell you?”
“Mad isn’t the word. I’m worried about you, and can’t figure out why we come here every year if he came here with his mistress. She committed suicide in this very house.”
“I know. As to why we come here, it’s my version of penance, I guess.” Her mother sat up, pressing her hands together and leaning forward between her legs. “Neither one of us were perfect. We both made mistakes. It was my fault he was out of town. I’d found out about Trina and told him I hoped he never came back from Washington. He didn’t. I lost your father and my best friend in one weekend, and I’ve never been able to forgive myself. I felt as though it were my fault somehow. So I left the house alone, and Trina killed herself months after your father.”
“Does this have anything to do with Franklin?”
Her mother stood, rubbing her hands down her arms and pacing in front of the couch where Alexandra sat. “Franklin and I were friends. He told me not to worry about what happened with your father, and I didn’t. But then he disappeared about the same time as your father. I figured he felt guilty because your father died and decided to stay away. I never heard from him again.”
“Huh.” Alexandra let it sink in while her mother rambled on about missed connections. “Did he contact you recently?”
Eyes so like her own became suspiciously bright. “No.” She scrubbed her hands down her face, crossing her arms over her chest. “And I was too embarrassed to contact him. Too much time has gone by. I decided to let him be.”
“And Roman. How do you feel about him?”
“Am I happy you’re dating Trina’s son? No. Will I stand in the way? No. True love spans the test of time, regardless of the circumstances. I had a love like that, and I want you to have the same fortune. So I won’t stand in your way.” Alexandra wanted to ask if her mother was speaking of her father but didn’t bother. There was no point. If she was referring to Franklin, she could call him herself. Maybe her mother was right and too much time had passed. She could ease her mom’s mind a little, tell her mother her penance was over, but didn’t bother. When Roman got a hold of the house, he’d demolish it, no questions asked, and they wouldn’t be able to come there again. Her mother needed assurance as much as Alexandra did, but Alexandra couldn’t push the words through her lips. She went back to her default response when anyone asked about Roman.
“Roman’s at a conference.”
“Alexandra Kane, do not pee on my face and tell me it’s raining.”
Alexandra sat back, surprised by her mother’s statement. “I’m sorry?”
“You heard me. He doesn’t have a conference. You were stuttering your way through it when he,” she put in air quotes, “reminded you he would be away this weekend. Before we talk about why your man’s not here, tell me why you lied to me.”
Alexandra ducked her head, the need to hide overwhelming her. This wasn’t the time or the place to have this conversation, not when her mother had been so good to her. “You always love coming up to the cabin around this weekend, and it would devastate you and Gran if I wasn’t here.”
“Is that what you think? Honey, I did that for you and your sister. You were two scared little girls when he died, and you seemed to enjoy coming to the vacation home. I never thought about what it’d do to you.”
Alexandra nodded, too overcome to speak. “You were amazing. A mother and a father when you needed to be.”
“You had the memory of your father, and I tried to make sure you girls were happy and healthy. I started this weekend getaway with your grandparents when the first anniversary rolled around and all you girls did was sit around and cry. We decided to get out of town, and I loved going to the cabin before all the mess with Trina, so I gave it a try.”
“I did love it. I mean, I do, but recently, I’ve just wanted to spend the weekend doing something else. I feel like in coming back here, we’re remembering his death, as opposed to how he lived. I tried to live my life in a way that would make him proud, and that’s how I remember him. I love the cabin, but I don’t need to recreate the weekend every year.”
“Baby girl.” Her mother held out her arms for Alexandra to dive in. She b
reathed deep, surrounding herself in the light floral scent her mother always wore. Alexandra choked up a little, remembering her sitting with her doing the same when she couldn’t sleep in the months following her father’s death. “You have made me so proud. All we wanted was for you and your sister to be happy. Can you say you’re happy working all those hours, not having a life, and being without Roman?”
“Roman is not my fault. He broke up with me after Henry threatened my job because Roman felt he wasn’t good for me. I told him weeks ago he was going to impact my job, and when it eventually happened, he walked.”
“Did he say why? Because the other day, he looked like he was ready to throw you on the table and have his way with you.”
“Mom!” She was not talking about sex with her mother.
“I’m not so old I don’t remember what it’s like to have a guy who watches you as though you’re his everything. I had that once.”
Alexandra put her face in her hands, blushing. “I do not want to hear about you and Dad. You’re going to give me a complex.”
“Pssh.” Her mother waved her off. “How do you think you guys got here?”
“Moving on…” Alexandra continued. “Roman told me he was protecting me since being attached with him had the opportunity to destroy my career because of all the negative press.”
“Could it?”
“At the time, yes. You know how they are at the firm. But then I felt like I was in the middle of a dream the other day, because Henry apologized and told me he had no right to interfere in my life.”
Her mother’s mouth fell open at her last statement. “You’re telling me Henry the Hater apologized? To you?”
Alexandra nodded. “I was surprised as hell.”
“What does he want?” she asked. Her mother wasn’t being unreasonable, since Henry had a reputation of being ruthless. Any act of kindness he showed was scrutinized, since it was as rare as a Halley’s Comet.
“I don’t know.” Alexandra kept her suspicions about the cases to herself for professional reasons. Plus, she only had an inkling they were connected with nothing to prove her suspicions.
“Well, we don’t have time to worry about why that temperamental man decided to grow a heart and be nice to you. I’m more worried about Roman. Have you tried to talk to him?”
“He followed me after court the other day, before Henry did his one-eighty, but he didn’t tell me anything substantial. He’s the one who really pushed me into a relationship when I was reluctant. Don’t get me wrong, once I was in I was all in, but it took me a while to get there. He had to sweet talk me to get me to see his side of things, and then he bailed. I was sticking around for once, and he’s the one to leave me.”
“Has he tried to contact you after you told him to leave you alone?” Alexandra turned away, because her mother was going to tell her she was an idiot. She felt the hand on her chin, turning Alexandra back so she had to look her in the eye. “Did he try to contact you since then?”
“Maybe,” she conceded as her mother’s signature right eyebrow rose. “But if he’s not willing to stick by me when I need him, I’m through.”
“Even if he felt he was causing the problem?”
“I don’t know.” Alexandra never considered the situation from his perspective, but she wouldn’t want to be the cause of any harm to Roman. She cared for him too much to see him get in trouble for her, and she’d walk away, too, if she felt it was best. Damn it, she hated being wrong. “Probably.” She hung her head, staring at the carpet as though the foot she was rubbing against it was the most interesting thing in the world.
“That’s what I figured. You, my beautiful girl, have always kept people at arm’s length since your father’s death. I thought you’d grow out of it, but you’re still doing it twenty years later.” Her mother put her arm around her shoulder, pulling Alexandra close.
“People die, honey, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Instead of holding yourself away from people, you should pull those you love close, since you never know when the goodbye you say is the last. Dad wouldn’t want you mourning his life; he’d want you to celebrate that he lived and loved you and Parker period, no holds barred. You need to give the guy a chance to explain himself because sometimes, guys can be clueless. You don’t want or need his protection; you want his support. But you get nothing if you don’t give him a chance to explain himself.” She kissed the top of her head, then stood to leave.
“You’re right about this place.” Her mother looked around. “We don’t have to come back here anymore. Pick somewhere exotic, and we’ll all go away so we can make new memories on one of our hardest weekends of the year.”
“Okay.” Alexandra nodded, still not disclosing the house wouldn’t be there much longer.
“My work here is done. You have a half hour.” She looked Alexandra up and down, taking in the plain tank top and pajama bottoms she still wore.
“A half hour for what?”
“To get ready. Take a shower, do your hair, and put on some makeup and decent clothing. Just because we’re in the woods doesn’t mean we need to start looking like we live in the bush.”
***
The house was silent when Alexandra came down forty minutes later.
“Hello!” She walked from room to room looking for someone, but no one was around and the boat keys were missing from the holder. “Why was I supposed to be down here if they just left me?” She grabbed her phone and a beer, walking out on the deck to call her mother. It was gorgeous with the lake backing up to the deck where they docked their boats. She sat on the deck chair, taking a long pull of her beer, when the phone in her hand began to ring.
Roman. She sighed deeply seeing his smiling face on her phone. She’d ignored him for over a week, still wasn’t ready to put her heart on the line again, but her mother had a point. She needed to hear him out.
“Hey,” she answered.
“Alexandra.” He let out a long exhale.
“Were you expecting someone else to answer my phone?” She smiled though he couldn’t see her, taking another drink of the beer.
“No. No, of course not, but you haven’t been answering. I just assumed I’d get your voicemail again.”
She stared at the setting sun, figuring it would be the perfect setting for a romantic dinner. “Yeah, I was mad at you. Still am, if I’m being honest.”
“I was an asshole. I did the one thing I told you I wouldn’t do, leave during the absolute worst week ever. Alexandra, I’m sorry about leaving you alone when you were dealing with your father and the possibility of losing your job—”
“I didn’t,” she interrupted. “My job, I mean. I didn’t lose my job, but I did lose the guy I was dating when I thought he’d be there for me. I understand on one hand why you ran, but it hurt so much. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest for no reason, and the thought of having to face everything on my own…”
“Babe, I understand. If I were there with you right now, I’d sit on that back porch with you, get you another beer, and watch the sunset with you.” She stood up and turned around to see Roman walking around the side of the house toward her with his phone to his ear. He grinned from ear to ear, and her earlier anger evaporated as she ran toward him. He caught her, hefting her up when she wrapped her arms around him.
“I’m still mad at you.” She peppered his face with kisses.
“I’m still mad at me, too,” he answered, carrying her toward the chair where she’d sat when he’d called. He sat, positioning her on his lap. She put her face in his neck, breathing him in. She loved this man, no doubt about it, but she had to be sure he wouldn’t leave again. “When you said you could lose your job because of me, I lost it. I never meant to make you feel like you were less; I was trying to protect you.”
She sat up, because some conversations were better spoken when looking a person in the eye. “I understand, but I wish you had talked to me instead of just making decisions for me.”
“It’s not a mistake I’ll make again. I get crazy when I think about the club, and I have this need to protect it. When I thought you were threatened by it, I felt pulled by my two different loves. I couldn’t handle it, so I backed away from you, and that was wrong.”
“Just as long as you never do it again.”
He held up two fingers. “Scout’s honor.”
“You weren’t a boy scout.”
“Shows what you know, I was an eagle—” She kissed him to shut him up, her need from him overpowering any lingering feelings of anger. They could work through any remaining issues later. She missed him, and she wanted him, and there was no way she was letting another minute pass without making sure he knew it. Life was short, and she was taking her mother’s advice and making sure Roman knew before it was too late.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered against his lips, before reality started to set in. “I thought I told you I needed the weekend before you could take up residence?”
“Well.” He scratched the side of his head. “I may have conspired with your mother so I could find you alone.”
The conversation earlier, the demand to get ready in thirty minutes finally made sense. “Remind me to say something to her next time I see her.”
“You’re gonna get your wish later tonight, although I told them I’d need hours since you’re stubborn.”
She laid her head on his chest, relishing the sound of his heartbeat. “Perfect. I was hoping we’d have the house to ourselves. I can’t do what I want to you if there are people around.”
“Don’t worry; I can still make you scream.”
“Are you okay being here?” she asked, addressing the unspoken question. His birth mother had died there, so it had to be rough on him. Roman swallowed hard, nodding.
She kissed the side of his neck. “How about we make some new memories?”
23
Roman picked her up, carrying her inside while she directed him toward her room. Alexandra was slammed against the back of the door seconds before Roman’s lips landed on hers, his taste as familiar as her own. Her hands snaked up to hold his head in place, never wanting him to let go. She’d missed this. She’d missed him. When your heart existed outside your body you didn’t want to be separated from it.
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