by Dez Burke
The anguish in his voice grabs my heart deep down inside and won’t let go. I need him to keep talking. To let me in.
“I’ve killed innocent people,” he continues. “And I’ve lost men who were close to me. The ones that didn’t die are half-gone now, too. Nothing but empty shells of the men they once were. Nobody can understand unless they were there. We spent months in the Middle East trying to stay alive. Going out every day on patrol hunting for explosive IEDs in potholes or routing out enemy insurgents. The work kept us pumped full of adrenaline, day after day. It was a rush. We were a family, a tight-knit group. Then one day we came home to stay. Alone without each other’s support. And now, everything is different. The world is not the same. Not for me and not for them.”
My heart is breaking for him. To know that he went to Afghanistan a young, country boy full of hope and energy only to return home with pieces missing from his soul.
My head is telling me that staying in the room with a clearly dangerous person is crazy and insane.
My gut is telling me to wrap my arms around him, hold him tight, and kiss his pain away.
If only I can.
I’m not sure.
Toby is broken and damaged, maybe beyond repair.
It might not be possible to soothe his pain away. Even for a night. And he might not want me to try. There is a huge protective wall around him to keep people and the pain at bay. If he lets a crack happen in the wall, the whole thing will come tumbling down.
“I came back a different man,” he explains. “I’m not the same person that I was when I left. And I never will be again. I don’t even know how to begin to get back to that place.”
In his husky Southern voice, I hear every fear he has and every regret.
All this and more.
Toby needs me.
He might not realize it right now or want to admit it. He’s a Marine. To show fear or weakness would be against their basic principles. If I wait for him to reach out a hand to me, I’ll be waiting forever. I have to take a chance and make the first bold move.
I slide across the bed until I’m right behind him. The mattress sinks down with my weight, yet he still doesn’t turn to look at me. Both of his hands are clenched at his sides as if he’s afraid to relax them for fear of what they might do.
“That’s okay,” I say. “Because the man right here and now is the only one I know.”
24
Toby
I glance down at the small hand reaching over to cover mine. Maggie gently pries my clenched fingers apart and laces her fingers through them without speaking.
The small gesture is a gut punch to my insides. I struggle to swallow past the pain I’m feeling inside.
It’s almost too much to hope that she’s willing to give me a second chance. Especially after what I just put her through. I’m nothing but a total stranger. She doesn’t know me at all. Yet she’s willing to take a risk.
On me.
For me.
It’s hard for me to believe someone would be willing to do that. Most of my life I’ve been alone. Scraping by and making it the best I can by myself without help from anyone.
“Why?” I ask.
I don’t elaborate. I don’t need to. She knows what I’m asking.
“Because I see something hidden in you deep down below all the pain,” she says. “I know it’s there. I feel it. You’re a good man inside, Toby. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. Or even tonight. I can look past all that. I know who you really are.”
I feel the tension I’ve been holding in my body for what seems like forever slowly start to melt away. Lifting our hands to my lips, I gently kiss her fingers. My lips linger a long second.
“Look at me,” she says.
I can’t.
Not yet.
I’m afraid if I do, she’ll see me for what I really am. When I don’t, she places a hand on my cheek and turns my face toward hers.
“See?” she says. “Take a long look. I’m still here, and I’m okay. A little freaked out and bruised, but I’ll survive.”
I’m not so sure.
There are bright red welts on both sides of her neck left by the imprint of my fingers. They must hurt like hell. It makes me sick inside to see them. And terrified that I’ll do it again.
“How can you ever forgive me?” I ask, reaching up a gentle hand to lightly touch her neck.
“I already have,” she says softly.
“Fuck…Maggie.”
With a defeated groan, I pull her close and crush my lips against hers in a desperate kiss. All of the emotions I’ve fought so long to keep in check come flooding out. I close my eyes and drink in her intoxicating sweetness until my head reels.
Knowing that she’s willing to take a chance after what I did makes me crazy. She should run out into the night screaming for help. Instead here she is, her lips soft and eager against mine.
I need her tonight.
She’ll never know how much.
I wanted her the second our eyes met across the food court and never imagined in a million years that I’d get the chance to be this close. She sighs against my lips, clutching my shoulders.
Taking her arms, I link them behind my neck. My heart pounds erratically as she opens her mouth willingly to my hungry onslaught. The taste of her drives me mad and immediately has me so hard and thick that I’m throbbing.
I slide one hand under her t-shirt and hear the quick catch of her breath. Instead of stopping me, she places her hand over mine and guides it up her stomach until my hand cups her heavy breast. Her nipple goes hard when I graze it with my thumb. Moaning, she leans closer.
Tentatively, she slides her hand under the sheet that I’ve pulled over my waist to rest it on my thigh. I suck in my breath when her hand moves up. The instant her hand touches my dick, it impossibly hardens and lengthens even more.
“Maggie,” I say, tearing my lips from her moments later, my breathing ragged. “Push me away. Please. I’m no good for you. You should run out the door right now and never come back. You have no idea of what you’re getting into with me.”
“No,” she whispers. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I bury my nose in her sweet-smelling hair, drinking her in. “I want you so fucking much,” I mutter. “You can still say no and I’ll stop right now. Even though all I can think about is how much I need to sink my cock deep inside you and stay there forever. I’m warning you. Stop me now. Before it’s too late. Because God help me, I can’t be the one to do it. I’m not strong enough.”
25
Maggie
“Nobody is stopping anything,” I say.
I gaze into his eyes and love the dangerous heat I see reflected there.
“Damn Maggie…I need you to tell me this is okay,” he says hoarsely. “I need to hear you say that you want me as much as I need you.”
He tweaks my nipple into a stiff, aching peak while his tongue ravages my mouth. I whimper in part agony, part ecstasy at his bold touch. His roughness turns me on more than any gentle caress could.
I’m unable to fight what is charging at me like a herd of bulls, and I’m quickly losing it. He wants to drive me straight out of my mind, and it’s working. It’s obvious there’s no going back now.
Not that I want to.
I’m gripped by an insatiable craving to feel the raw hunger of Toby that I know is simmering right below the surface. To surrender to his dominance.
With no stopping and no holding back.
I want him this way.
Wild and powerful.
Overcome by my undeniable responses, I have no plans of running tonight.
He rocks his hardness against my hip, and the carnal gesture triggers a flood of heat to soak my panties. My hands clutch his head as his lips lower to seal around my nipple and suck with insistent tugs. Nothing has ever felt so good as his soft hair touching my skin while his mouth teases my breast.
His hands cup beneath my ass, half-lifting me off the bed
as he reaches for the band of his sweatpants that I’m wearing.
“As good as my clothes look on you, they’re coming off now,” he warns.
In a single wrench, he tugs the sweatpants off and then my panties before tossing them onto the floor. His hand moves down over my waxed mound and between my legs. Finding my clit, he rubs it in a circular motion.
“You like that?” he rasps with his lips against my ear. “Your skin is so soft and warm. Are you wet for me?”
I nod feverishly, and he slides a finger into my dripping pussy. Gasping, I buck and writhe against his hand.
“Oh yes, you are,” he groans against my mouth. “So wet…and tight.”
He shoves in a second finger, and my muscles tighten around him as he finger-fucks me slowly, then faster.
“If you keep doing that, baby, I’ll be ramming my cock into your hot pussy long before you’re ready,” he warns.
“I’m ready now,” I cry.
“No words have ever sounded sweeter,” he murmurs in that deep voice of his that grips my insides every time.
Toby knows what I want.
What I need.
It could’ve been minutes since I burst into his bedroom. It could’ve been hours. I’ve lost track of time.
All that matters is now.
He grabs the corner of the sheet and throws it off the bed so we won’t get tangled up then settles his lower body in the cradle between my thighs. My fingers dig into his muscular shoulders as he braces his tattooed arms on either side of me, his knee nudging my legs far apart.
I feel the head of his thick, long cock rubbing against my thigh. I moan deeply and arch my back, stunned by how desperately I want this man.
Toby swears beneath his breath as he hesitates. “Shit! Almost forgot the condom,” he says before quickly reaching into the bedside table and pulling one out. In two seconds, he has it unrolled on his cock and is back between my legs.
“Maggie,” he whispers huskily against my lips. “I need to be inside you now.”
I feel him position the tip of his cock at my opening and I hold my breath. Just as I thought the waiting would drive me insane, Toby flexes his hips and takes me in one body-splintering power thrust. As he slides in to the hilt, stretching and filling me, I gasp at the sweet-hot pleasure.
“Oh fuck!” he says hoarsely, holding perfectly still to give me time to adjust to his thickness. The pleasure of Toby settling deep inside me is intense. A single shudder sweeps through his body, and I can see every muscle standing out in his arms and shoulders. His grimace tells me that he is holding on tight to self-restraint.
“So good,” he murmurs in my ear as he starts to plunge, his movements precise and solid hard.
Not trusting myself to speak, I tell him what I want and need with my body, locking my legs around his sides tightly while my hips writhe beneath him, urging him on. I hear him mutter another harsh expletive before slowly moving.
I reach up to fist his thick hair. He groans roughly when I tug harder, mirroring my hunger for him with his next round of thrusts.
I can’t hold back my sounds of pleasure. Each time he bottoms out, it makes me squirm and moan beneath him.
“You’re making me insane,” he says through clenched teeth.
He cups my swollen breasts with both hands, fondling the flesh and teasing the tips until they tingle and burn with pleasure.
I close my eyes and feel his touch everywhere.
I can’t tell where my body ends and his begins. We’re joined together perfectly and completely. We both need this, to lose ourselves hopelessly in each other. We cling to each other like there’s no tomorrow.
“Don’t stop,” I beg.
I’m close to climax, closer still when I hear his hot, rough breaths in my ear. He tweaks my nipple with such force that I gasp. Angling his hips, he thrusts deeper, igniting the fire raging within me. I buck my hips up to allow him to go even further, which pushes him over the edge. He grunts, the controlled, graceful slides of his thrusts turning ferocious and erratic.
I let out a cry and stiffen, my muscles clenching tightly around him as wave after wave of pleasure engulfs me. An instant later, Toby cums with me.
We don’t move for a long time and I lay there beneath him, loving the feel of his strong back underneath my fingertips while he supports his weight with his elbows on either side of me. With his chest heaving raggedly, he touches my forehead with his.
“You’re fucking unbelievable,” Toby says when our breathing slows to a normal rate. “Not even five minutes and you’ve got me hard and ready to go again.”
26
Toby
The sound of water running in the shower wakes me. I stretch my tired muscles, stiff and sore from sleeping the last few hours on the sofa. Sleeping isn’t the right word, since I spent most of the night wide awake and staring at the ceiling.
Staying in the same bed or even the same room with Maggie last night wasn’t an option. I was too terrified of what I might do again if I fell asleep.
For years, I’ve come up with every excuse in the world to run out the door as quickly as possible after I’ve fucked a woman. Snuggling up for hours after sex was never my thing. Something about the simple act of spending the night with a woman seemed too intimate for my comfort zone.
Love them and leave them. Plain and simple.
I was always honest with the ladies and never made promises I couldn’t keep. The women knew what they were getting into with me.
You want to fuck? Fine.
You want a relationship? Keep walking.
Things stayed simple and uncomplicated.
This morning, I’m finding it cruel and ironic that the one time I would’ve loved to spend the night with a woman cuddled up under my arm, I couldn’t. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that.
How could I drift off to sleep when there was a chance of waking up with my hands around Maggie’s throat again? And God knows how she would ever close her eyes with me in the room.
Sometimes life is a fucking bitch, delivering a low blow out of the blue just because she can. Showing you something beautiful then jerking it back when you reach out and almost touch it with your fingertips.
Like Maggie.
From the first time she smiled at me, I was lost. Then last night, she showed me how it felt to be accepted for who I am now. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.
If ever.
Just the memory of her warm body underneath mine is making me grow rock hard all over again. Considering the number of times and ways we fucked, I should feel sated and be done with her. Instead I’m hungrier than ever for her touch.
I consider joining her in the shower and decide she might appreciate a good cup of coffee instead. Hopefully I’ll be able to talk her into hanging around for more than a couple of days.
Now that I’ve gotten a taste of her sweetness, there’s no way I’m letting her go.
27
Maggie
“What do you want to do today?” Toby asks. “Since I’ve been anointed as your chief bodyguard, chauffeur, and short-order cook,” he says. He winks at me and my insides do a flip-flop.
He’s standing at the kitchen counter measuring out coffee beans for the grinder, wearing nothing but a pair of black sweatpants. I lean against the refrigerator with a contented smile on my face, happy to do nothing but watch him. It’s not every day a hot guy like Toby makes coffee for me.
“Are you still ticked off at me about that?” I ask. “You weren’t pleased last night when Flint asked you to take me in. Just so you know, I’m still half-mad at you for making me believe you had a girlfriend living here named Sadie.”
“Were you jealous?” he asks.
“No,” I reply. “Not really. Uncomfortable with the thought of staying here with you and your girlfriend? Yes. Jealous? No.”
He’s not buying my lie.
“Liar,” he says. “You were a little bit jealous. I could tell.”
/> “Is that so? How?”
“I’m a master at reading body language, and I’m not giving away my secrets. I might need to use them on you later. Just admit it and we’ll move past this topic of conversation. You were jealous.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, maybe a bit. Only because you had already kissed me, and I couldn’t understand why if you had a live-in girlfriend.”
“You said you wanted to thank me,” he reminds me. “And a kiss was the best way I could think of. Okay, maybe not the absolute best way because we both know what that would be after last night. You can do things with those luscious lips of yours that a man would never forget. I know I won’t.”
He leans over and plants a long, lingering kiss on my lips before turning back around and hitting the brew button.
I’m liking the happy, carefree Toby. This is a side to him I didn’t know existed.
“Take a deep breath and smell those coffee beans,” he says. “I love the aroma of freshly ground coffee in the morning. Don’t you? One of life’s many pleasures.”
I slip up behind him and place my hands on his shoulders. With the tips of my fingers, I trace the wings of the eagle tattoo on his back and down across his shoulders. Resisting the urge to touch him is impossible. I feel like a kid in a toy store to be able to touch him as much as I want, anywhere I want.
“I’m loving everything this morning,” I reply. “Especially the muscles in your back and this amazing eagle tattoo.”
I would love to know when and why he got it. I’m sure it has something to do with his time in the military. I’m afraid to mention the Marines in fear of spoiling our light mood, so I don’t. There will be plenty of time for questions later.
“Are you hinting for another round of hot sex?” he jokes. He glances over his shoulder at me. “Or do you want a cup of coffee first? I should warn you. I’m an all-American male and always ready to go. All you have to do is say the word, sweetheart. Or give me a signal. Any kind of signal. And I’m there in a heartbeat.”