Jealousy

by Jessica Burkhart

  Whisper, hearing her name, stretched her neck and bumped Taylor’s arm with her muzzle.

  “Hey!” Taylor laughed. “I’m sorry, Princess Whisper. I was just about to say hi to you.”

  Taylor had spent lots of afternoons at Briar Creek with me over the summer, and I loved how comfy he and Whisper were with each other.

  Taylor scratched under Whisper’s forelock, one of her favorite spots, and she closed her eyes in bliss.

  “She’s glad to see you,” I said. “Clearly, I never pet her or pay any attention to her at all.”

  Taylor nodded. “I can tell. Whisper’s starved for attention. I don’t know how you couldn’t pet this pretty girl all of the time.”

  We both started laughing, and Whisper eyed the two of us. I started telling Taylor about the stable and how different it was from Briar Creek. When Taylor stopped scratching her, Wisp moved her head to near me. When I got caught up in our conversation and didn’t give Whisper affection, she turned back to Taylor.

  “Look at yourself,” I said to Whisper, my tone teasing. “You’re not interested in hanging out with us at all unless you’re getting petted or scratched. Jeez, Wisp.”

  The mare shook her head and neck, sending her mane flying.

  “I was thinking that we could go for a walk,” I said. “I could show you around campus, and we’d be able to talk privately. That okay?”

  “That’s perfect,” Taylor said. “I haven’t seen the pool or gym yet, so I’m excited about those.”

  “I go to the pool all the time to—” I stopped midsentence. I’d been about to say that I frequented the pool to watch Drew swim and cheer him on during practice. “To study. It’s, um, surprisingly calming with, you know, the water.”

  With my face hiding behind Whisper’s head, I rolled my eyes at my flub.

  “Cool, let’s go,” Taylor said.

  LT, TOUR GUIDE

  I LED TAY OUT OF THE STABLE, AND WE walked side by side up the sidewalk. I veered left and took one of the less populated routes.

  “You probably know that building,” I said, pointing to one. “Administration.”

  “I have to go there tomorrow morning,” Taylor said. “I’ve got an appointment with the guidance counselor—”

  “Ms. Utz,” we finished together.

  “She’s Canterwood royalty,” I said. “Once you meet her, you’ll never forget Ms. Utz.”

  “Explain, please.”

  I stepped on a crunchy brown leaf with my paddock boot. “Can’t, sorry. She’s actually quite . . . indescribable.”

  We walked past a few more buildings, and I motioned toward them and told Taylor any extra facts. A slight breeze made leaves tumble across the raked lawn, and I inhaled a big gulp of fresh fall air.

  “How was last night?” I asked. “The party. People. Your roommate.”

  Taylor stuck his hands into the kangaroo pocket of his black fleece pullover. He was casual, but pulled together, in the pullover, dark-wash jeans, his broken-in blue-and-white University of Connecticut hat, and Converse sneakers.

  “Your birthday was really fun,” Taylor said. “Your friends know how to throw a serious party! Especially Khloe. She was hilarious, and her toast was awesome. I want her and the rest of your friends to plan my next birthday.”

  “Somewhere on this giant campus,” I said, “Khloe Kinsella’s feeling like she’s having a sugar rush. She’ll be able to sense that someone’s saying good things about her.”

  “Well, it seems like you and I both lucked out, big-time, in the roommate department,” Taylor said. “My roommate, Matthew, is cool. He was in our room when I got back, and we got along right away. He asked me to play a new game on his Xbox, and we played for hours.”

  “That was nice of him.”

  Taylor stretched his arms to the sky. “It was a no-pressure way to get to know each other. I almost freaked out for a minute, because I kind of forgot where I was. Like, I expected my dad to come in, see me ‘wasting my time’ playing a video game, and get mad at me.”

  “Tay,” I said, touching his arm. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not. I’m here. Matt and I played as long as we wanted, and no one made me feel bad for doing something that wasn’t schoolwork or somehow related to learning about finances or business.”

  Quiet anger seeped through me. Mr. Frost had really come down on Taylor even more since I’d been gone.

  I motioned for Taylor to follow me onto another sidewalk that forked away from the main one. “That’s great! What about this morning? Did your stuff come?”

  “Movers were here at nine, and they unloaded my stuff like they were trying to break a record. Matt even got up and helped me move boxes from the hallway into our room. That saved me a ton of time.”

  “I really can’t wait to meet this guy,” I said. “You’re très right—we both got amazing roomies.”

  “I liked Khloe, Lexa, and the rest of your friends that I met last night too,” Taylor said. He hopped over a crack in the sidewalk. “I hope you didn’t think that I was staying away from you on purpose. I mean, I guess I kind of was, because I wanted to give you and Drew space.” He grinned. “Did you tell Lacey to talk to me all night?”

  I frowned. “What? No. Why do you ask?”

  “She came up to me, introduced herself and her friends,” Taylor said. He readjusted his hat. “The way Lacey talked to me—like, asking me a zillion questions about myself, offering to show me around school, stuff like that—I thought you or somebody asked her to make sure I had someone to talk to at the party.”

  A weird feeling of jealousy burned in my chest. There was no reason for me to be jealous! I’d been the one who had told Taylor that I didn’t want to get back together. Drew made me beyond happy, and I wanted nothing more than to keep hanging out with him and exploring a possible relationship.

  “That’s Lacey’s personality,” I said. “I’m glad she kept you company last night. She didn’t drive you crazy, did she?”

  “No way,” Taylor said. “She’s a cool girl, and I like getting to know your friends.”

  I opened my mouth to tell him that Lacey and I weren’t friend-friends like Khloe, Lexa, Clare, Jill, and I were, but I stopped myself. Taylor had to get to know people on campus.

  As if we’d timed our walk perfectly, the gym was just ahead.

  “Those tennis courts close in a couple of weeks,” I said, pointing to the empty courts. “And the outdoor pool’s already closed.”

  We passed by the Olympic-size pool, which had been drained and covered until next year. Taylor craned his neck to inspect every inch of it, and the giant smile on his face reinforced my guess that he was impressed.

  I took Taylor to the side of the gym that housed the indoor pool. I pulled open the frosted glass door, and he followed me inside. No one was in the pool or the stands, so it was just Taylor and me.

  His green eyes widened as he took in the pool. Canterwood’s pool was bigger than Yates’s, and it had more rows of bleachers for people to watch from. There was even a diving board at the pool’s deep end.

  “What do you think?” I asked. “Is it up to Taylor Frost’s swimming standards?”

  “Um, yeah!” Taylor walked over to the pool, crouched down, and touched the water with his left fingers. “I saw the pictures online, but man, they need a new photographer. This pool is killer. I can’t wait to start practicing and get on the team.”

  “I know you’ll make the team.” I paused. “Drew’s on it.”

  Taylor stood, keeping his eyes on the pool. “Oh. Cool. Then I’ll know someone if I make it.”

  “Want to sit in here since it’s empty and talk for a few?” I asked.

  Taylor nodded, and we climbed onto the highest row of bleachers and rested our backs against the wall.

  I shifted on the bench. I had questions, but I didn’t know if I was ready to hear the answers to some of them.

  “It was hard for me starting at Canterwood at the beginning of the s
chool year,” I said. “I can’t imagine how much pressure you feel about starting mid-semester.” I took a breath. “Taylor, I know everything about your dad and why you wanted to transfer. But were you really that afraid of being taken off the swim team that you decided to change schools now?”

  Taylor took several seconds before looking at me. “Yes, I was. But I’m not going to lie. Like I told you last night, there were other factors. Like my dad’s nonstop business talk. And . . . you.”

  “You didn’t come here just for me, though, right?”

  “No. I knew there was a chance you had already met somebody, but I had to try. You attending the school that just happened to be perfect for me was a bonus. A big one.”

  I smiled. “Thanks.”

  “I wanted—and still want—us to be together. But for now I’m going to have to be okay at just being friends. I don’t really know how to be okay with that, but I’ll figure it out.” He stopped, a faraway look in his eyes before they focused again. “You and I hung out all summer and were cool with each other. I missed that. There’s been a huge hole in my life since you’ve been gone. I really missed your friendship—not just having you as my girlfriend.”

  “I missed you, too. I may have met some wonderful and amazing friends, but I have moments every day when I want to see Bri or Ana or you and tell you something exciting or vent about something that’s bugging me.”

  Taylor nodded. We stayed in the gym, talking about what we’d missed in each other’s lives since I’d gone to Canterwood. I shared my schedule and told Taylor which teachers to avoid if possible.

  “Thanks, Laur,” Taylor said nearly an hour later. “I’m glad we got the chance to catch up.”

  “Me too.” I leaned over and gave him a quick, one-armed hug. “What are you doing the rest of the weekend?”

  “Unpacking,” Taylor said. “Then I’ve got a checklist of stuff I’m supposed to do that was in my welcome packet.”

  We stood and made our way down the bleachers.

  “If you start to get overwhelmed, text me,” I said. “This place can be a little scary at first. But I’m sure you’ve got it.”

  I reached to open the door to go outside. Before I grasped the handle, the door swung in the opposite direction, and chilly air swept inside the humid pool area.

  “Hi!” Raquel said. She was in flip-flops and a pink Puma tracksuit. A matching duffel bag was over one shoulder.

  “Hey,” Taylor and I said.

  Raquel’s long black hair was in a French braid, and she shot a smile at us both, but really looking at Taylor.

  “What’re you guys doing?” Raquel asked. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything . . . .” She put down her bag on one of the lowest bleacher rungs and pulled out a green Canterwood Crest towel with the school’s name stitched in gold.

  “You didn’t. I was giving Taylor a tour of campus,” I said. “He’s a swimmer, so—”

  “Omigod!” Raquel cut in. “You swim? Me too!” She unzipped her Puma jacket, revealing a yellow bathing suit. The light color made her darker skin stand out. “I’m on the girls’ swim team.”

  “That’s awesome,” Taylor said, smiling. “I’ll definitely be trying out for the guys’ team.”

  “We should totally practice together sometime,” Raquel said. She kicked off her flip-flops, and I noted the metallic lilac polish on her toes matched her fingernails. Raquel definitely looked pool perfect. She flashed Taylor a giant smile, her teeth white against her naturally berry-colored lips.

  “That would be fun,” Taylor said. “I’ll see you around.”

  Raquel gave him another grin. “See ya.”

  This time Taylor held the door open for me, and the smell of chlorine disappeared when we walked a few steps away from the building.

  “I think you’re going to be just fine at Canterwood,” I said. “You’ve already got Lacey and Raquel almost begging you to ask them out. I bet Raquel looks up your e-mail in the student directory and there’s already a message in your in-box inviting you to swim with her.”

  Taylor turned to me, his eyes meeting mine. “Lacey and Raquel are nice, but neither of them are the girl that I’m interested in.”

  LOVE TRIANGLE

  “HE SAID WHAT?”

  “Khloe!” I said. “We might be in the woods, but I think everyone on campus heard that. And you may have just deafened a bunch of squirrels!”

  Khloe hunched a little in Ever’s saddle, making an oops face. “Sorry. You know that I get crazy-excited about this stuff. I cannot believe that Taylor said no to Lacey and Raquel to your face after you told him the night before that you were with Drew.”

  “I know!” My own comment came out louder than necessary too. We both giggled. “Please tell me this whole Taylor-slash-Drew thing isn’t going to be awkward forever,” I moaned.

  Khloe reached over and patted my knee with her leather-gloved hand. “Aw, LT. We’ll figure it out. Taylor just got here. I’m sure once he really sees that you and Drew are on your way to superstar coupledom, then he’ll back off.”

  Beneath me Whisper snorted as if she agreed with Khloe. Once I’d said good-bye to Taylor, I’d BBMed Khloe and asked if she was ready to ride. We’d rushed to tack up our horses and get on our favorite trail as fast as possible so we could talk without anyone overhearing.

  “I mean,” Khloe said, tapping a finger against her chin, “did you guys even talk about Taylor’s dating life since you’ve been gone?”

  I shook my head. “He would have told me if he’d dated anyone. Plus, the way he’s talked about wanting to get back together makes me think he hasn’t been on a date since our breakup.”

  “You’re probably right,” Khloe said. “Ah, this whole thing! Two guys. Both total opposites of the other. Black hair. Blond hair. Tan. Pale. Rider. Swimmer.” She frowned. “Oh, I forgot that Drew and Taylor both swim. Two boys pining after one very lucky girl.”

  “Am I? Are you sure?”

  “Hello, nothing’s more fun than a Canterwood love triangle!”

  DOES SOMEONE HAVE A SECRET?

  Lauren Towers’s Blog

  9:02 p.m.: ??? *super-locked post for approved friends only*

  Permission granted for this post: Lexa Reed, Clare Bryant, Becca Towers, and Khloe Kinsella. (Because it’s so secure, I’m going to write out full names, unlike before, when I used initials.)

  Okay, so . . . today was, like, Taylor 24/7. After I met with him, I rode with Khloe and filled her in from beginning to end about my party and my earlier talk with Taylor. She was shocked, to put it mildly. What’s really crazy—and what we can’t figure out—is the Bri and Ana thing.

  After riding, Khlo and I took showers, and when I got out, she said someone had called. It was Ana. Again. That’s not unusual, because when I lived at home, we’d call each other a million times a day. Sometimes I’d even call just to leave an EBT on their voice mails!

  But before Ana called, I’d BBMed her when Khloe and I got back to our room, saying I’d call her later tonight.

  While Khloe was showering, I opened my cards from Bri and Ana.

  After opening Ana’s card, I couldn’t stand to call her later. Her card was call-her-right-now-worthy!

  I dialed her and got voice mail. I thanked her for calling about the Taylor Thing and said I wanted to definitely talk more. But I ended it on a très lighter note by promising to buy her a grande peppermint mocha from Starbucks every day this holiday break. Why? Because she actually fund-raised at Yates for my retired-racehorse charity!

  Ana, living up to her AnaArtiste Chatter handle, had hand-painted my card. She’d covered it in a rainbow of colors that made swirls, hearts, and stars. I’m looking at it now, and it’s absolutely magnifique!

  When I opened the card, a check fell out along with photos. When I bent down to pick it up, I fell back onto the carpet. Ana had obviously worked insanely hard, judging from the amount of the check.

  I read the note inside the card. Ana’s writing made
me teary.

  LaurBell,

  Haaappy birthday! I hope you know how much I love you and miss you. Nothing’s the same without you. I still look for you in every class and am still shocked when you’re not there. I hope the check helps the retired-racehorse charity. Bri and I took some pics and had Kim take a couple of us with Zane and Breeze. Hopefully, they’ll make you smile!

  Counting down the days until break!!

  xoxo,

  ~Ana

  I flipped through the photos—hungry-like—for anything that showed me home. In one pic Ana is smiling down from Breeze’s back. The strawberry roan mare’s ears were pointed forward at the camera, and the sky was a brilliant blue above them. They were in front of one of the small paddocks at Briar Creek.

  Another pic was of Bri washing Zane. He is my old instructor Kim’s horse, but Bri is the only one who rides him. Bri’s tongue was stuck out at the camera, and she had a giant purple sponge covered in bubbles. Zane needs constant baths—the albino shows every speck of dirt.

  There were a few photos from school. Friends waving or flashing the peace sign at the camera.

  There was a great one of Ana with her guy Jeremy’s arm wrapped around her. Bri was on Ana’s other side, and Taylor’s arm was slung across her shoulders. All four of them grinned into the camera. Looking at that photo made me miss Yates a little. My teachers. My friends. But I pinned the photo to my corkboard, ultimately happy to have a picture of my friends together. Now Taylor is here, and that’s one friend at Canterwood from home.

  My favorite picture, though, was of Ana and Brielle. They probably had Kim take it, because they were in the driveway of Briar Creek. The sun was just starting to set, and they were each on their horse, bareback. It looked like they’d just come to the stable to play—both of them sported jean cutoffs. Zane wore a blue halter and Breeze had a purple halter, and Ana and Brielle had knotted their lead lines to one side of the halter to act as reins. The purple-pink-orange-streaked sky behind them looked like one of Ana’s paintings.

  There was a card from Bri, too, which was my taste—sky blue with tiny silver and gold stars made from shiny foil. Confetti stars, just like the ones on the card, flew everywhere when I opened it—not expecting the surprise. The stars fell around a check—Bri had given me all of her allowance and convinced her parents to match her donation. Inside she’d written the sweetest message: