“Didn’t. It’s from Molly’s.”
“Oh? Mighty big piece even for Molly.”
“You’re as nosy as everybody else around here.”
Donovan chuckled.
“Which takes me to the question, why are you here in the middle of the day when this is the busy season?”
Donovan sat back, stretched his long legs out from his chair and shrugged. “Family sent me,” he grunted.
Dugan leaned across his desk, glared. “The family? Is there a problem?”
“Yeah, but not the kind you're asking about.” Donovan took a deep breath. “Gossip says Kate is back in town and you’re still smitten. Most folks I’ve talked to, say the two of you are hooking up again.” He looked Dugan in the eye. “True?”
Dugan slammed a hand on his desk. “Damn gossips! I wasn’t aware talk had spread as far as the ranch.”
“It has.” Donovan looked deep into his younger brother eyes. “The family doesn’t want you to go through what you did five years ago. They’re worried about you.”
“Tell them to stop,” Dugan said. His mouth clamped tight. He couldn’t give an honest answer to the questions. After last night he was more confused than ever. He’d wanted Kate then. Thinking of her now, that same want inched its way inside him.
“It’s not true?”
“It’s true Kate’s back. It’s true we see each other. This is a small town. She’s the trial lawyer on the Johnson murder case. But getting back together? I don’t think so.”
“You loved her once.”
“I did.” But that was in the past. Right now, he was in lust. He’d get over it. “It’s true, you know. I’d like to have what you and Phyl have; what Douglas and Lisa have, what TJ and Max have. I don’t think I’ll ever be that lucky.”
“What about Mary Jo? Is she still in the picture?”
Dugan shook his head.
“I’m sorry about that.”
They were silent for a few minutes, finishing the last of the chips that had come with their sandwiches.
“Five years ago,” Donovan finally said, “we were happy you were in love with Kate, had asked her to marry you. Mom was all aflutter about another wedding at the ranch. Everyone in the family was shocked when Kate didn’t show up.
“Tell me something I don’t already know.”
“We liked her, Dugan. We thought you would be good for each other. Are you sure there’s nothing between the two of you now?”
“Nothing that isn’t professional,” Dugan lied.
His brother studied him for a long, silent moment. “I see.”
Donovan stood, shoved the remnants of their lunch into the garbage, put on his Stetson.
With a heavy heart, Dugan walked Donovan to the door. Now he was lying to his own family.
For Kate?
After last night, Dugan mourned even more deeply for what might have been.
Chapter Thirteen
Every day another client called, which kept Kate so busy she didn’t have time to think about Dugan. Which was a lie. He was on her mind way too much.
She had to get out of her office and take a break. Move around. Walk. A cup of Molly’s coffee and a cinnamon roll would be just the thing.
And if she ran into Dugan? She’d handle it.
Just my luck, she thought. When she walked in, he was there. But she refused to back out, back away, or back down. They were bound to see each other. The town was too small for it to be otherwise. She smiled and waved when he spotted her sliding into a booth.
Then he was there.
“How’s the sheriff business? she asked when he slid into the booth across from her.
“Busy. And you?”
“Rita’s upcoming trial has me hitting the books.”
“I’m told you have quite a few clients now.”
“No secrets in this town.”
“Nope.”
He was too close. She couldn’t breathe.
Darn the man anyway.
He looked into her eyes. “You look tired. Are you working too hard? Maybe all of this is too much.”
“I’m fine. Really. The trial date is rolling toward me faster than I’d like. One minute I feel prepared, the next like a raw, fresh-out-of-law-school grad.”
He chuckled. “Not to worry, Kate, you’ll do just fine.”
“Does that mean you’ve changed your mind? You agree that Rita is innocent?”
He shook his head. “Not even close. I know you well enough to know you’ll do a good job. We’ll just leave it at that.”
Kate gave him a closer look. The anger that had been in his eyes when she first came to town wasn’t there. Good. That made her feel a little better.
“I hear the prosecutor made Rita an offer.”
“She turned it down. Claimed she was defending herself and wouldn’t pay for a murder when she was innocent. I agree.”
He shook his head.
“I know we disagree on this, Dugan, but I’m right.” Though she hadn’t even placed her order, she stood. “I have work to do.”
“A break does wonders for the brain. Take a few more now and then.”
She chuckled. “Good advice.”
Back at her desk she tackled her notes on the upcoming trial.
Hours later, Gram stuck her head in the office. “Hungry?”
Kate looked at Gram’s sparkling eyes, her sweet smile. Kate had never seen her so happy. But every time she asked Gram where her romance was headed, she evaded the question.
She remembered Dugan’s advice. “I could use a break.”
“You work too hard, Katie-Girl.”
Gram’s arm would be out of the cast tomorrow. The trial was next week. Then she’d be free to leave if she wanted to. One minute she did, the next she wanted to stay. Thoughts of Dugan made her hesitate even more. She glanced at her desk and the folders strewn across the top, and wondered if she would finish her work here in such a short time.
“You look worried,” Gram said as Kate went into the kitchen.
“I’m handling it.”
“Soup and sandwich for lunch,” Ed said.
He was here from morning until night now. When Gram tried to get him to go home, he balked. “Just a small bowl of soup, Ed. I can get it myself.”
“You’re not eating like you should,” Gram admonished.
Ed handed Kate a bowl. She ladled a small amount of soup into it.
“Not much for a growing girl,” he said.
Kate chuckled. “I’m not growing, Ed. But I will be if you two poke food at me like this every day.”
Gram frowned. “You haven’t eaten much since the night of the fish fry.” She brushed a hand over Kate’s dark head. “Are you concerned about the trial?”
“No, not really.” Dugan’s smiling face swam before Kate. Even steeped in her work, he was on her mind more than he should be. Seeing him so often now made it worse. She wondered what he was doing right now. Was he hunting for evidence that would prove Rita guilty? Probably.
As hard as she tried, she couldn’t forget his kiss or his hot and hard body. Nor could she forget how badly she’d wanted him.
Kate made the effort to eat her soup, but the vegetables stuck in her throat. She gave up, took her bowl to the sink and dumped the contents in the disposal.
“Katie-Girl, are you sick?”
“No, Gram. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
She held a hand to Kate’s forehead. “No fever. But you’re definitely not well. I’m calling Doc Pullman.”
Kate started to object, then changed her mind. It was past time she talked with somebody. He might not be able to help, but talking would make her feel better. Besides, she'd never stopped by his office for those referrals.
Gram was back in less than a minute. “Luckily, they had a cancellation. He’ll see you at two.”
Kate looked at the clock. “I have so much to do. I don’t know if I have time.”
“Make time,” Ed said, his voice gr
uff. “We can’t have Grace worrying about you.”
She gave him a quick glance. Ed would do anything to make life easier for Gram. Cut up vegetables just the way she wanted. Be here every day to wait on her hand and foot. Do his best to keep her worry free.
Even if Kate didn’t have time, she would keep the appointment.
“Two against one. I’m out-voted.”
Gram kissed Kate’s cheek. “We don’t want you sick, Katie-Girl. We love you too much.”
At two o’clock, Kate was called into Doc Pullman’s office. Instead of taking her to one of the examination rooms, Anna put her in his small office with a desk, two chairs, a computer and a fax machine. A bookshelf sat against one wall. Only the essentials.
He strode in five minutes later. “It took you long enough to call me.”
“Gram called you. She thinks I’m sick.”
He looked at her closely. “Are you?”
“No.” Kate fidgeted with her purse strap, her eyes cast down. “Not physically.”
“The head problem?”
She looked up. “I don’t know what to do about it.”
He leaned back in his chair as if he had all the time in the world. She wanted to keep it brief so she reminded him how she’d left Dugan at the altar, told him how she’d run home when Eric proposed. She told him about her father, how at one time his abandonment caused her to think the reason she ran was because she was afraid the man in her life would do the same. When he'd pulled into Gram’s drive, made her get out and told her, “End of the line, Kate. Be good,” it had hardened something inside her. “My thinking was all wrong. I’m afraid I’m just like him—that I’ll run out on marriage, family. I have no idea how a real marriage works. It frightens me. Maybe you can tell me if there’s anything I can do about this. If you think I can change.”
“Tell me more about your dad and the relationship between him and your mother.”
“What can I say? They loved each other. I saw the passion that blazed between them. It was in their eyes and their actions. But the bad times would come. Money would be short, jobs scarce, and he would take off again.”
“Did they divorce?”
She shook her head. “We always took him back.”
“Kate,” he said as he leaned across the desk. “Your dad sounds like one of those men who couldn’t handle ordinary life and the problems that come along. Some people, men and women, are like that. They enjoy the highs in life, but not the lows, so they chase after the highs.”
By now, her face was awash in tears. Doc handed her a box of tissues.
“We loved him, Doctor Pullman. Both of us.”
“We can’t see into his heart, but his leaving had nothing to do with either of you. Do you ever hear from him?
“Sure. He’ll call out of the blue and talk as if we spoke every day. He’s jovial, happy we had a talk, and hangs up.” She leaned over the desk. “He’s never been there for me or for my mom like he should.”
“As I said earlier, his leaving had nothing to do with you.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, wiping her face.
“Added to what I told you earlier, your dad sounds like the kind of man who didn’t want to be tied down. Not to a marriage, certainly not to a thirteen-year-old. He had, or still has, a problem and it wasn’t and isn't you.”
“What else is there?”
“You’re blaming your dad for your uncertainties. Kate. I doubt very seriously you have your dad’s problem.”
“But I have a problem, Doctor. To me, it looks just like his.”
She sat for a moment, remembered all the times before when her dad had left them. “It’s obvious I inherited his genes. What I want to know is: will I always run at the first sign of a commitment as he did? Did I inherit the very part of him I hate?”
Doc Pullman leaned closer. “You think you’re like your dad because you ran out on two men who asked you to marry them?”
“I left Dugan at the altar. It makes sense.”
His brows wrinkled. “Did you love these men?”
“I loved Dugan. His family and Gram planned a beautiful wedding. But I was so scared. I wanted more than a husband and kids. I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted a job where I would have the security I craved. The day we were to be married, I left for Austin instead of the ranch where everything was set up for a wedding. Five years later, another man asked me to marry him and I ran back here. But no, to answer your question, I don’t love Erik.”
“So you ran to the safe place. Your grandmother’s.”
Kate nodded.
“You have several issues here. So let’s go over them. You were heartbroken when your dad dumped you and a part of you can’t forget it. Children see from a narrow perspective all their own and have a tendency to take on blame for things they have no control over.
“Deep inside, you didn’t want to be hurt like you were then, so you left Dugan before he could leave you. You were young and you wanted the security a good job would give you.”
We stand on our own two feet, Kate.
“My dad dumped me like a stray puppy. I dumped Dugan.”
“You’re a survivor, Kate. Survivors weave protective armor around themselves. The only man in your life ran out on you and on your mother. Then he was back and did it again and again and again. You were protecting yourself.”
Kate sat there a minute, her head low. “But if I’m like him, will I be able to change?”
“Who else thinks you’re like your dad?”
The question surprised her. “No one I can think of.”
“Did your grandmother know your dad?”
“Yes.”
“Has she ever said or insinuated you were alike in any way?”
“She said I have his nose.”
Doc Pullman chuckled. “Doesn’t sound too serious since from here it looks like a right nice nose.”
Kate laughed.
“What I think is you’ve jumped to a conclusion. You had a valid reason to leave Dugan. You were young. You had goals. Quite frankly, Kate, you weren’t ready for marriage. And maybe the love you felt for each other reminded you of the love between your mom and dad. Maybe you were afraid love wouldn’t be enough to sustain your marriage any more than it did theirs. Then this other man comes along. When he asked you to marry him, you ran home. This time because you didn’t love him.” He leaned closer. “You wanted to talk to the one person who had always been there for you. He wasn’t the one, but because this was the second time you were confronted with the same issue you were frightened and had to talk about it. Am I right?”
“Mostly.”
“You’re a normal young lady. Yes, your dad ran out on you and your mom, but it had nothing to do with you and has nothing to do with the two examples you gave me.”
Was it so? Had she built mountains where there were only bumps? “Will I get over this feeling I’ll run if the question arises again?”
“You’ve taken the first step.” He dug around on a bookshelf. “Here’s a book I want you to read. It may help you understand that what you did wasn’t because there’s something wrong with you, but because you couldn’t bear the thought of being hurt like your dad hurt you and your mom. It was easier for you to do the dumping than take the chance. You think you take after your dad. It has nothing to do with genes, Kate. And yes, you’ll get over it. But you’ll have to work at it. Remember how great your life is now. Admire what you’ve accomplished and trust yourself.”
“Sounds simple.”
“It is simple. But it won’t be easy. It will take time and hard work.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Make another appointment. We’ll talk again.”
They shook hands. When Kate left his office she felt better. Could it really be that simple? Could she accept that her dad had commitment problems, but they didn’t relate to her?
She did remember asking her mom when she was a kid, since Dad seemed so happy all the time, what made
him leave. Her mom couldn’t answer. She had told Kate not to worry, that he’d be back.
Now she wondered if their passion had finally burned itself out and he’d stopped coming back to them altogether.
She’d never thought of her parents’ love and passion in relationship to herself.
Could Doc Pullman be right?
She didn’t know. He hadn’t seen what she’d seen, nor had he witnessed the heartbreak she and her mother felt when Dad left.
Doc Pullman had told her to take credit for her accomplishments. Believe in herself.
Could she?
Stepping outside, she took a deep breath. She hadn’t done so badly. She was a lawyer. A good one. She made a decent living, had a wonderful Gram and a good friend in Jenna.
She started her car and drove down Main Street. Molly’s drew her. She found a parking space and went inside. She’d face the gossips head on. She wanted to take a few of Molly’s rolls home. She should have thought of it earlier, but Dugan had distracted her. Besides, she’d stormed out without indulging herself.
Only a few booths were full. Good. Kate scooted to the back and into her favorite spot.
“Back so soon? What did you forget?” Molly asked.
“I think I’m addicted to your rolls.”
“For a while there I thought the gossip had gotten to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Until today, we haven’t seen a lot of you. Thought maybe you were hiding out?”
Warmth crept into Kate’s cheeks.
She wanted to deny it, but it would do no good. Not with Molly who could see right through her. “Maybe.”
“Figures. So is Dugan.”
Kate’s eyes widened. “No! Not your stalwart sheriff?”
“Our big, brave sheriff has his meals delivered now so he doesn’t have to answer questions about his love life.”
Kate held up her hand. “They’re not talking about me then. No doubt they’re asking about Mary Jo.”
Molly shook her head. “Nope. He broke that off soon after you got back.” She put a hand on her ample hip. “If you turn him down again, I’m afraid our sheriff will be a bachelor the rest of his life.”
Promise Made (The Callahan Series) Page 12