“I never asked her, and I don’t want to know. To me, a person that’s capable of such blatant manipulation of their spouse is likely adept at other dishonest acts too. So I don’t want to know how or why she thought she could pull that off. I feel like a fool for believing her and being misled.”
“You had no reason to doubt her, did you?” I stand from the table and take my plate to the sink.
“Looking back at it now, I can’t tell exactly how much of our relationship was true. I just don’t know,” he says as he stands, closes the pizza box lid, and brings his plate to the sink too.
“I can’t lie to you, Dominic. And more importantly, I won’t lie to you.”
“I know.” He stands next to me and I can’t help but marvel at how his wide his shoulders are, at his taut, strong chest that I always find myself drawn to. His long-fingered hands reach out, carefully drawing me in for a protective embrace.
His breathing grows more rapid as his sturdy hands grasp my hips.
Dominic’s eyes darken and he steps in, his hand brushing across my lower back.
“You’re the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on, both inside and out,” he says softly as he leans down and kisses my right cheek. His lips stay connected to my inflamed skin and I lean into his touch.
“Dominic, would you please kiss me?”
“Yes, Allyn,” Dominic’s voice is strained, hoarse, yet strangely sensual.
Moving my arms up around his neck, I gently pull him down to meet my lips.
“I haven’t done this in a long time,” I whisper timidly when he’s close.
The edges of Dominic’s mouth lift as the small smile that graces his lips is reflected in his eyes.
“We’ll take it slow. There’s no rush. Just move away if you want to stop.”
Right now, I just want to feel him. Feel his perfect, fevered lips on mine, feel myself give him control while I’m in his arms, and feel how very right this moment is.
With one hand around my lower back, he carefully runs his fingertips down my jaw, coaxing me to relax and just enjoy it. His lips expertly trail down my neck, and I move my head to the side, elongating my neck to give him more skin to touch.
“You’re lovely,” he mumbles as he worships my throat. With his palm slowly moving across my neck he smoothly pushes my hair away to fall down my back.
Slowly Dominic moves his head and presses a kiss to the hollow of my throat.
“Mmm.” A raw sound of pleasure escapes me.
Dominic’s tongue moves to caress the sensitive spot just below my ear.
“Oh God,” I whisper, wanting more of this.
His hand tangles into my hair. “You have the most tantalizing lips, and I can’t wait to taste them. But this succulent skin on your neck is too mouth-watering to neglect,” he murmurs in my ear.
I’m caught up in delicious, foreign sensations. Feelings I never thought would happen to me again.
Every nerve ending in my body is on fire, and a shivering thrill flutters deep inside my belly. Bliss blankets me as my heart pounds, thudding inside my chest.
Dominic nuzzles my earlobe, his tongue licking and swirling.
“Just beautiful,” he rumbles hungrily.
Dominic lays small, gentle kisses from my ear down my jaw, just barely touching the skin, teasing, making me want more.
I run my hands through his thick, dark hair and guide his mouth where I want it.
On mine.
His lips close over mine.
He hovers for a few seconds, as if silently asking me for permission, making sure that I’m completely ready for his affection.
“Yes,” I moan, staring deep into his molten eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asks, holding back his own need.
“Yes. Show me.”
And his mouth seals over mine.
He’s gentle yet demanding, showing me the way through our first kiss. He eagerly sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and carefully nibbles it between his teeth, applying only the smallest amount of pressure.
He laps at my lips with his supple tongue and delicately probes my mouth. I open up, silently asking him to lead the way. He massages my tongue with his own, then traces my lips with the tip.
“Mmm.” I ache for more contact, to have him closer to me.
Our kiss turns more crazed as he pulls me closer to him. His arousal is obvious to me, and I’m becoming eager for more.
“Allyn,” he groans as the fire between us intensifies.
His hands move down to my bottom. He grabs the cheeks in his hands and pulls me hard against him.
Instinctively, I jump up and wrap my legs around him as he moves me back to sit on the kitchen counter.
Our kiss is more powerful now, not as slow.
It’s getting out of control, too fast, and I’m not ready for that.
“Stop,” I say breathlessly, pulling away from his lips.
Dominic drops his hands from my thighs and takes a step back, still breathing hard.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me.” He moves away from me and runs his hands through his hair then rubs them over his face. His desire is obvious. “I’m such an idiot,” he curses himself as he slaps the back of the chair.
“Hey, don’t say that. I wanted it to happen, but we got carried away. It was just too fast for me.” Have I ruined things?
“It’s not your fault, I should’ve stopped it.” Dominic comes to stand in front of me and leans his forehead against mine, taking my hands in his.
“Did I kiss alright?” I ask nervously.
“That was the best first kiss I’ve ever had. You’re alluring and my body is still vibrating at the thought that I just kissed you,” he states so confidently. “But, more important, how do you feel?”
How the hell do I answer that?
The only way I can.
With total transparent truth.
“It was so incredible that I wanted more. You were taking me to a place I didn’t think I would ever reach again. I felt so secure with you and I’d like to do that again, if it’s okay with you?”
Dominic throws his head back and laughs, a full belly laugh. “It’s not only okay, I’m looking forward to it.” He leans down and kisses my lips but doesn’t deepen it.
“I’m going to get ready for bed. I’m mentally and physically exhausted,” I tell Dominic as he helps me hop down from the counter. “I’ll just lock up first.”
I do my usual rounds downstairs, check all the windows and doors and make sure the alarm is on. Then I go upstairs, take a quick shower and get changed in my pajamas.
When I get out of the shower, I can hear Dominic in the guest bathroom having a shower, too.
Falling into bed, I do my best to stay awake but find that exhaustion overtakes me rapidly.
I feel a dip in the bed and Dominic’s strong arms pull me closer to his solid, warm body now with a beautiful, clean cedar aroma. I feel him nestle snugly into my body and I inhale deeply.
As I drowse, I think I can hear the man holding me with his firm touch humming.
“You have every part of me, Allyn.” He kisses the top of my head.
Maybe I dream those words.
Or maybe they were spoken.
Either way, tonight I’ll have the best night sleep I’ve had in three years.
All because I opened the fucking door.
Chapter 20
Not once did I wake up through the night. Not once did I wonder whose strong arms were holding me. Not once did I worry.
Dominic stayed glued to me the entire night. I may not have woken, but I could feel the heat emanating from him as I lay securely in his arms.
From time to time I felt a small brush of damp lips from a carefully placed kiss to my cheek or the back of neck, just where the hair line meets the skin.
My eyelids flutter open as the warm rays of the sun touches my face.
I wiggle back
a little and mold myself to the body of the perfect man softly snoring behind me. The moment my body becomes flush with his, he tightens his grip around my waist and splays his hand across my belly.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” he murmurs in my ear. The warmth of his breath hits my already sensitive skin and it sends a welcome shiver down my back.
“Morning,” I reply as I close my eyes and enjoy Dominic’s all-encompassing presence.
“I love waking up with you in my arms. I could easily get used to this, Allyn.” He presses a small kiss to my neck. “Mmm, so very easily.” He moves the strap of my pajama top to the side and kisses my shoulder with gentle lips.
“I think I’d like that too.” I tilt my head to the side and move my arm back to rest on his hip. Dominic is obviously aroused; I can feel his erection pressing into me. He doesn’t move his hips or thrust into me to tell me he wants me, but I can feel his desire.
And soon I hope I’ll be able to give him what he needs, find the loving part of me that they abused and destroyed and reclaim it.
But for now, I trust that Dominic won’t push me into anything I’m not ready for.
His hand moves to the top of my thigh and he slowly runs it from my hip to my knee.
A small groan rumbles through his chest as he kisses down my back with the softest of touches.
The sound of that groan rips through me and I find myself becoming more aroused with every sound that resonates from deep within him.
Suddenly, what they did to me intrudes so forcefully into my mind that anything I was feeling is instantly drowned in a bucket of ice-cold water.
“No more,” I say to Dominic.
He removes his hands and moves back so his body isn’t touching mine at all. “Are you alright, Allyn?”
I shake my head and curl further into myself.
“Please, don’t do that, sweetheart. Talk to me; tell me what happened. Did I push you too far?” he asks as he lays one hand on my arm.
“No it wasn’t you, Dominic. It was memories of them. I’m just not ready for us to take that next step.” How stupid am I? The most perfect man in the world lays his soul at my feet and I can’t reciprocate in the way he deserves.
“It’s fine. I’m in no hurry; I’m not going anywhere.” He presses another kiss to my cheek and flings the blanket and sheet back as he rises and strolls out of my bedroom.
“I’m making coffee,” he says as he’s halfway down the stairs. That’s my cue. I know he can’t operate my machine, so he’s going to make tea instead.
I smile at his subtle hint and get out of bed and go down to the kitchen.
“I’ve been thinking about something, Allyn,” Dominic hugs me from behind as I turn the machine on and wait for it to reach temperature.
“And what’s that?”
“I’d like us to go buy you a mirror.”
I stiffen in his arms. Once I can actually see myself, I’ll be even more ashamed than I am just looking down at my revolting body.
“Why?” I ask, trying to sound like it’s not bothering me as much as it actually is.
“It’s one more step toward your recovery. How about after breakfast we remove that sheet you have covering your TV? And I mean remove it permanently?” He burrows into me and kisses my cheek. “We’ll start with that.”
“Um, I think I can do that.” I concentrate on making our coffees and try not to let the fear of seeing my reflection in the TV screen overtake me.
“I’m so very proud of you,” he whispers and presses another kiss to my cheek. “I’m thinking of toast, or possibly toast if you’re feeling adventurous, or toast for breakfast. What would you like?” He releases me and leans up against the counter beside me, our hips touching. A cheeky smile brightens his face.
“Hmmm, let me see.” I tap my finger to my lips and scrunch my eyebrows together pretending that it’s a difficult decision. “I think I’ll take option A please. I’ll lock in toast.”
Dominic’s playful smile grows even bigger as he sets about making our breakfast.
We stand in front of the TV and I look at the red fabric that covers it, concealing my disgusting scars from my vision.
“Are you ready?” Dominic asks as he weaves our fingers together.
I shake my head. I need a few more minutes.
I stare at the veil and I try to will myself into taking the material away.
“I’d like to get a full length mirror for your bedroom, Allyn.”
What did he say?
“Huh?” I turn to him in question.
“A mirror. I’d like a full length one for your bedroom. Maybe we can try to find a beautiful old antique at a flea market, or maybe we could have one made specifically for your room. A lovely thick oak frame possibly.”
I turn back to the cloth hiding my reflection.
I take a step closer to it.
“Or would you prefer a metal frame? I don’t much like metal myself. It’s too modern for me. I’d much rather have one with a wooden frame. But it’s going in your room, so I think you should choose.”
I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to distract me, to make it easier for me to do this. I fist the edges of the sheet tightly in my hands.
“Or possibly you’d like a mirror without a frame. I could put it directly on your wall, maybe beside the window looking out at the huge tree. You know, I saw a blue jay come and sit on that sill and look inside your room.”
The blue jay opens his wings and carelessly flies through the air without a worry in the world. He doesn’t look at his body and think how revolting and disgusting he is. He just soars.
Through the elements, through high winds, through rain, hail, or shine, the blue jay glides with such grace.
I yank the cloth off the TV and ball it in my hands. I turn to Dominic, whose smiling eyes are filled with warmth and pride, and I hand him the material. “Could you throw that into the trash, please? I don’t need it anymore.” And I turn back to face the reflective black surface.
I take a step back and look at the outline of my face.
My vision is blurred, partially because of the damage to my left eye and partially because the screen is a dark black, making it hard to see a perfect representation of myself.
“With pleasure,” Dominic says with clear satisfaction as he takes the offensive cloth to the trashcan in the kitchen.
I stare at myself.
Reaching up I touch my face and I can see the woman in the TV screen doing the same thing.
My left eye is droopier than I remember, and my skin is incredibly pasty, so white it almost casts a glow. I remember looking at myself before I was taken, and thinking that I looked pretty. But now, even in the black, I can’t see anything that even remotely resembles beauty.
“You’re beastly,” I murmur to myself as I run my fingers over my lips. “So gruesome.” I touch my left eyelid.
“You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.” I turn to see Dominic leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest and his legs crossed at the ankle.
“You’re blind,” I spit back.
“My eyes are wide open and I see beauty that goes far beyond your appearance.” He moves off the wall and slowly walks over to the sofa to sit.
I swing back to look at myself again but decide that I don’t want to keep looking at the broken woman I see. She makes me too sad.
“Tomorrow, we’re going to buy a mirror, and tomorrow night I’m taking you out to that Italian restaurant I was telling you about.”
I sit beside Dominic and he wraps his arm around my shoulders. I lean against his strong, masculine frame craving his warmth.
My mind drifts to the blue jay and his unwavering strength as he travels the world.
Predators chase him, but he remains free from harm as he continues to ascend.
If the blue jay can do it, then I can certainly try.
“I’d like an oblong mirror with a solid wooden edge that stands on a fra
me. Can we have an early dinner, though, because the next day I’d like to go visit my parents and my purple room.”
It’s time I try to live my life in color.
Chapter 21
“If you want an early dinner, we need to leave now so we have enough time to get the furniture store first to find you a mirror,” Dominic calls from the front door.
My stomach is in knots and I’ve locked myself away in the bathroom. The butterflies are fluttering like crazy in my stomach.
“Alright,” I call out, not knowing how the hell I’m going to find the courage to leave this bathroom.
“Allyn,” Dominic says from the other side of the door. “Can you hear me?”
“Yeah, I can hear you.”
“Do you know what I’m looking forward to?” He’s trying his signature distraction technique, but right now, it’s not working.
I wring my hands together, nervous that I’m going out to be among people for the first time since that day.
“What?”
“I’m ordering the tortellini tonight. Yummo, the Nonna who’s the cook, makes it in this rich, creamy, white sauce. It’s laden with cheese and butter and bacon and mushrooms. And the tortellini itself is home made. But the thing about her restaurant is you never really know what the house specialty will be until you get there. Everything she makes is so delicious.”
“It is?” I call out from inside the bathroom.
“Oh yeah, one time I went there and the only thing she was offering was soup and garlic bread. That was all. And you know what? It was pumpkin soup, something I’d never tried before. Have you ever had pumpkin soup?”
I open the bathroom door and look at Dominic. I can only imagine the perplexed look I must have on my face, because…pumpkin soup? Really? “No, I’ve never had pumpkin soup before. How was it?”
“It was so damned good, I asked for a second bowl. So I have no idea what we’ll get tonight. In a way, I hope it’s lasagna, but really, it’s whatever she felt like making.” He shrugs his shoulders then holds his hand out to me.
“I’m not sure what to have there then.”
Holding hands, we walk to the door. The alarm’s already off, because I’ve being leaving the wooden door open with the screen door locked. Dominic unlocks the screen door and pushes it open for me to walk through.
A Life Less Broken Page 11