They hang low in the sky, watching my every movement with an observant, evil eye. The loathsome gray is heartless and cruel as it tries to remind me how broken I actually am.
I look around and think about these last few months.
Am I as insignificant as those clouds attempt to make me feel?
Has this situation made me retreat into myself and shut the world out again?
Yes, but only temporarily.
I’m much stronger than those puff balls want me to think I am. I’ve been to hell, not once, but twice and I’m still here.
Breathing and finally living.
Will my life ever be normal?
Define normal.
Will I ever be integrated fully back into society?
Highly unlikely.
Can I ever forget about that day that altered my universe?
Never, but I’m learning to manage it.
Is bearing a child so important to a relationship?
Maybe, but we’ll have to find a way to deal with it.
I turn to Dominic and reach for his hand. A welcome current passes between our hands and I notice a tingle traveling down my back, all the way to my toes.
“Are you alright?” he asks without turning his head.
“You know what? I think I will be.” I gently squeeze his hand and smile as he tightens his long fingers around mine.
When we get home, Dominic pulls up in front of the house and before I have a chance to open the door, he’s standing by the car, smiling proudly with his hand outstretched.
We walk hand in hand up to the porch and as Dominic unlocks the doors and turns the alarm off, I take the few steps back down to the lawn.
I slip off my shoes and let my feet feel the soft, plush green grass as I look up to the sky.
The angry clouds seem to have followed us. They congregate over our home, and they seem on the verge of screaming at me to remind me of my place in the world.
In the distance I see sharp, piercing electric bolts flying down toward the ground. I smile, because that’s their warning to me. To make me cower, hide away, and never forget they are my rulers.
“I’m not afraid of you anymore,” I whisper as my eyes narrow and warn them. “You can scream all you want. You can try and keep me down. But I’m not listening to you ever again. I’m taking my power back.”
The deep rumble of the thunder answers me.
I straighten my back and smile even wider. “Show me your worst, because I’ve already seen the Devil and survived him. You’re nowhere near as frightening.”
A stab of lightning closes in over my home.
“Are you angry because I’ve finally figured it out? You can’t make me hate myself any longer.”
A boom from the clouds shrieks loudly in my ears.
I stand taller and prouder before the fury of the clouds.
“I take back my sanity, and I choose to live. Your anger is no longer my problem.”
I take a deep breath as the sky crackles and yells, trying to bring me back into darkness.
“I win my life back. Goodbye,” I laugh as I turn and walk to my front door.
Dominic’s leaning up against the house with his hands in his pockets. Pride is radiating off his entire body. “Is it over?” he asks.
For a spilt second I consider his words carefully, “I think it is. I’m hoping they listen and stay away.”
He grabs the bottom of my t-shirt and pulls me against his body; his hands roam over my back as I lean into him.
The twinge of lust that’s always been beneath the surface, has increased into a constant flutter of incredible warmth. I’m craving him, and want him close to me.
Maybe we can try again to be intimate so we can fully belong to each other.
“Come, I’m thinking about taking you to dinner at our little Italian restaurant,” Dominic says as we step inside.
I stop and turn to look at the clouds that no longer intimidate me. I smile at them. “I think I’d love to see what she has to offer tonight,” I answer Dominic. I will hide away no longer.
I step inside and I’m completely stunned by what I see.
I can’t believe it.
I have a huge smile on my face and I take in every single scrap of color that I can.
I have beautiful new contemporary furniture.
There are stains on woods, colors that sing, trimmings that are bright and inviting, and a large ornate mirror in the foyer.
The beige is gone.
And my family room is purple.
Chapter 31
“Dominic,” I say, trying to break his concentration on whatever sport he’s watching.
“Yeah,” he answers as he turns his head to me although his eyes don’t leave the TV.
“Have you moved in with me? You don’t seem to go to your house to sleep anymore, and you’re always here. Not that I mind, but I think I’d like for it to be official. You know the whole, ‘Allyn I’d like to move in with you,’ thing.”
He carefully lifts the remote and turns the TV off. He doesn’t just mute the volume; he turns it off completely.
“So you want me to ask you if I can move in?” A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he tries to stay straight-faced.
Cheeky man, he’s teasing me now.
“Well, the polite thing to do is wait to be asked.” I can play along with him. I sit back on the sofa and look around my bright purple room, admiring it like I have been for the last five days. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Dominic shifts his weight and leans toward me, waiting for me to ask.
“Are you going to ask?” he says with a touch of worry in his voice.
“Ask what?” I reply, acting like I have no idea what he wants.
“Really?” He tilts his head to the side and his eyebrows fly up with a look of surprise. But it’s all in fun.
“I have no idea what you’re asking.”
“Then I suppose it’s best if I tell you what’s going to happen.”
“Tell me?” Huh, now he’s telling me. “Pray tell your little secret then, oh mighty alpha.”
His face beams with a smile and I can tell he liked that nickname. “Alpha…hmmm, I think you can call me that more often, Allyn.” He chuckles, and I laugh too. “But in all seriousness, I belong anywhere you are. Wherever you choose to go, I won’t follow you; I’ll lead you by the best path.”
“Wow,” I whisper and lower my gaze to the floor. He’s undone me.
“Yes, Allyn, I’ve moved in,” he chuckles softly. “And now it can be official, because I love you, and want to be with you.” He moves closer to me and reaches out to take my hand. “Don’t look down. I want to see your hypnotic gray eyes, because they are in all of my most amazing memories.”
Warmth spreads through my body, and I look up. A delicious thrill pulsates deep inside my belly and a spray of goose bumps spreads from the back of my neck all the way down my legs.
“I love you,” I sigh as I move in to kiss Dominic.
Our mouths connect but this time’s different.
Or maybe, I’m different.
It’s time to bury those monsters deep in the ground and cover them in concrete, securing them where they belong, by Satan’s side in hell.
I break the kiss and pull back from Dominic.
“Sorry, I got carried away,” he apologizes as he sits back to give me room.
But distance isn’t what I’m craving.
I take a deep breath, and gather every ounce of courage that I have. I stand from the sofa and extend my hand to Dominic.
“Where are we going?” His eyebrows are knit together in worry and his lips are in a tight, thin line.
“I’m taking you to bed.” I inject some confidence into those words, although truly, I’m petrified. But the one thing I know for sure is that Dominic will never hurt me.
“You don’t have to, Allyn. I can wait.” He answers my unspoken fears.
“I’m ready to try.”
&nb
sp; He takes my hand and stands. His solid body towers over me, and I know how fortunate I am to have him in my life.
“Only if you’re sure.” He dips down and presses his mouth over mine.
He softly sweeps my lower lip with his tongue and gently strokes my jaw. It eases my nerves to accept his kiss.
“I’m sure,” I whisper against his lips. “I want you, Dominic.”
He releases me and silently turns around to lead me upstairs to our bedroom.
“This is going to be very slow. We’re going to take our time. There’s no wrong in our room, just you and me connecting our minds and bodies.”
“I know, and I really want to try. I’m ready.”
Dominic swoops down and kisses me as he captures my mouth with his.
“I love you, Dominic.” It takes every ounce of self-confidence that I have to push him to our bed.
“Allyn,” he mumbles as he stops kissing me. “I can wait if you have even the slightest doubt.” He cradles my head in his hand as he kisses the tip of my nose.
“There’s no doubt.” I nervously look up into his lust-filled eyes.
“You have to tell me to stop if it gets to be too much.”
“I will.”
“I can wear a condom, whatever it is you need.”
“We’ve already talked about this, Dominic. Please don’t overthink it, or I may lose my courage.”
He steps back a little but his eyes never leave mine. “Allyn, if you’re not ready then I don’t want to do this.”
I close the distance he was trying to put between us and lay both my hands on his chest. “Please let me feel, let me feel the brilliant colors with you.”
With a smile Dominic takes my hand and leads me to the center of our now serene, light green room.
“Don’t look anywhere but my eyes. Okay?” he says as he kneels before me.
“Alright,” I whisper, trembling with my own arousal and lustful need.
With flaming eyes and tender lips, Dominic leans forward and presses a kiss through my clothes onto my belly, just a little higher than my belly button. His hands grip my bottom and he pulls me to him.
He slowly moves his hands to the front of my jeans and with one small flick, he pops the top button. He leans down and brushes his luscious, warm mouth against my exposed skin.
I weave my fingers through his hair and gently tug as I play with his thick, dark strands.
“Hmmm,” he groans as he kisses me in the same spot again, sucking a little of my skin into his mouth.
He pops the second button and moves his mouth a little further down, touching the top of my pelvic bone.
I pull on his hair a little harder and close my eyes as the wave of desire rips through me. A shiver of need pulses through me as my stomach flips with anticipation.
“Keep your eyes open, Allyn. I need to watch you.” Dominic’s voice is heavy with lust.
My eyes fly open and I look down to see Dominic watching me as he pops the third button and kisses me over my panties, inhaling deeply.
He slides my jeans down past my hips to my feet and I step out of them, all while his hands don’t once leave my needy body.
When he stands, my eyes focus on his chest, rapidly rising and falling as his hands go to my waist to lift my t-shirt and find the bare skin beneath. I slide my hands under his shirt and move them up his back, slowly lifting the material.
Dominic lifts his arms and I reach up on my tiptoes to pull his shirt over his head.
I carelessly throw the shirt to the floor, and look at the sprinkling of dark hair on his chest. I step into his space and press a kiss over his heart.
My tongue traces the line around his nipple as Dominic moves his hand to my nape and closes his fingers in a fist in my hair. He’s not forcing me, but guiding me to keep my wet tongue against his burning skin.
Warm becomes hot and sweet becomes intoxicating.
A rumble echoes from deep within his chest as I lovingly move to his other nipple, just sucking with the slightest pressure, moving my tongue with a teasing touch. He tightens his grip in my hair and keeps me where he wants me a little longer. Dominic lifts my head with his finger under my chin and drowns me in a kiss. His tongue massages mine, and his hands lift the edges of my t-shirt.
The intense connection of our kiss is momentarily broken as he takes my shirt off and drops it to the floor with his, creating a pile of abandoned clothes.
I’m standing in my panties and bra and look down to see all my disgusting scars highlighted against my pale skin that’s flushing with excitement.
“Keep your eyes on mine,” he rasps.
I nod once and look up at him.
With nervous fingers, I touch his chest and draw my hand down his stomach to the button on his jeans.
My touch is not as steady as his, but I manage to undo the button and zipper to slide his pants down his legs.
I want him.
I need him.
I need this.
The urgency to feel closer to Dominic is building and I’m yearning for more from him.
“I need to feel you,” I say, my voice a breathy rasp.
His eyes are heavy-lidded with desire, a molten cloud over his dark, impassioned gaze.
Dominic moves to unclasp my bra and suddenly, I don’t want him seeing me the way I am. I cover my breasts once my bra’s taken off and step back, looking away from Dominic.
“You didn’t hide from me at the pond, and I don’t want you to hide from me now. What we’re sharing is beautiful, just like the woman before me.”
I’m shaking and my breathing has become quick, shaky, but for the wrong reason. He’s going to hate what he sees. One of my breasts was almost hacked off and it’s heavily scarred. My body is covered with carvings and marks.
“Please,” he whispers. “Let me see all of you.”
I stand rooted to the spot with tears welling, and my ears are filled with a heavy drumming sound echoing from deep within.
I drop my hands and let Dominic see my scars and my ugliness, up close for the first time.
“Perfect,” he tenderly murmurs, just loud enough for me to hear.
With calm, determined movements, Dominic lifts his hands to touch my breasts. With his palms on each, he closes his hand around them and gently kneads them between his tepid fingers.
“Simply perfect,” he repeats in a low voice.
A single damn tear falls down my cheek.
He really does love me. Otherwise, he would have left the moment he saw me without the armor of my clothes.
“I love you,” Dominic declares and cups my face with his warm hands, gazing deep into my eyes. “May I?” he asks as his hands move down to my panties.
I nod but don’t dare look away from him.
Dominic smiles and hooks his thumbs in the sides of my panties and pushes them down my legs. He then does the same thing with his boxer briefs. Looking down I’m met with a large, excited, and definitely erect cock.
Wow.
“Come.” Dominic extends his hand and leads me to our bed. I sit on the edge and slide over to lie down. I hold my hand out to him.
Dominic climbs on the bed and my legs shamelessly fall open to accommodate his frame.
“Keep your eyes open and on me. Don’t look away and don’t close them.”
“Okay,” I say as I keep my gaze trained on his.
“Let me worship your body, sweetheart. Let me make love to your soul.” Dominic kisses me with the utmost tenderness before trailing his wet lips and tongue down my chin, nibbling and sucking on my inflamed skin.
When he reaches my collar bone, he brushes the top of my breast then moves to my nipple. Flicking it with his tongue and sucking before he moves to the other side, teasing the damaged skin with his hot tongue.
My mind empties as my body reacts to his sensual strokes. My breathing is rapid, my skin is hot and I can feel my sex is saturated as I eagerly wait for his attention to move lower.
“A
re you alright?” Dominic asks as he gently bites on my top lip then sucks it into his mouth.
“I’m wonderful,” I groan as his mouth dances with mine.
“Can you feel me?”
His rigid cock is at my entrance, ready to push in.
“I can feel you.” And I want to feel more.
“Keep looking at me,” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“Don’t take your eyes off mine, I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m more than okay,” I reassure him with a smile.
“I can stop if you want me to,” he says, giving me every opportunity to step away.
“Please, don’t stop. Make love to me.”
He returns my smile sweetly and kisses me deeply and passionately.
He pushes the tip of his cock inside me and stops, allowing my sex to adjust to his size. He keeps kissing me and pushes in a little further.
I take in a gulp of air around his mouth. It sort of pinches a little, and burns. Closing my eyes I try to concentrate on the feelings coursing through me. The feeling isn’t unbearable, just a little uncomfortable. But I’m soon accepting him completely and the discomfort is disappearing, replaced by a warm, full feeling.
“Keep your eyes open, so I can tell if it gets to be too much for you.”
“It’s not too much, I’m just accepting you.”
Dominic pushes more of himself inside me and my legs open further. He links our fingers together with our hands resting on either side of my head, and his lips don’t move from mine. He stretches me and I mold around him, a perfect fit.
He thrusts all the way in, and I let out a little whimper. His mouth absorbs my cry as he continues to kiss me. My breath becomes his; his breath melts with mine. Right now, we’re one complete soul. Joined together, moving together, in love together.
He lets go of my hands and leans up on his elbows, his face incredibly close to mine.
Dominic begins moving in and out of me, my own wetness coating his cock as he slides back and forth with ease. His movements are incredibly slow, almost torturous as his hips find a steady rhythm.
My nails scratch up and down his back as I let the feeling of him take my body to a new place.
My body surrenders. He owns me. Every part of me. Mind. Body. Spirit. It all belongs to him.
A Life Less Broken Page 18