by Bob Brown
“You feel like talking yet?”
“What do you mean?”
“Yesterday, on the drive up, you drifted out for awhile. Said you didn’t want to talk about it. I just thought maybe now you might want to talk. Either way, it’s OK with me.”
Jason sat quietly, staring out the front window of the café. Then he suddenly blurted out, “The thing is, I’m confused. Sometimes, when I’m not really thinking of anything, I have this overpowering sense of emptiness, like there’s something I should know but don’t. Or I feel lost, like there’s someplace I’m supposed to be but don’t know where it is. Then just as suddenly I’ll have this incredible sense of well-being. I can’t really describe it. But it’s like I know I’m OK, like I don’t have to worry about anything.”
Jason turned quiet again and continued to stare out the window. “Let’s just drop it. I’ll eventually figure it out. Then we’ll both know.”
*****
It was approaching mid-morning when Jason and Kyle finished breakfast and stepped back into the warm mountain sunshine. The air was filled with the scent of pine. The sky was cloudless, a brilliant blue.
Jason and Kyle wandered along the sidewalk in front of the various shops in the village, here and there pausing to look into a window and admire a display. It was still reasonably early, and many of the shops had yet to open. There were few pedestrians, and traffic on the single-lane road through town was light.
Kyle entered a small Christian bookstore. It was the last shop on the street, tucked slightly back from the rest and just before the row of storefronts ended abruptly in a dirt and gravel lot that was occupied by a 1950’s-era gas station.
The old station sported two antique pumps in front of a run-down station office. What was left of the office was barely visible through a grease-smeared glass window scripted with words as faded as their meaning: 'Service is our business’. Jason thought about checking out the old gas station, but instead he followed Kyle into the shop.
As Jason entered, Kyle was already chatting with the clerk at the counter, a bookish looking woman in her thirties. Around her neck was a large wooden cross attached to a leather strap. She nodded toward the back of the shop, directing Kyle to the bookshelves on the far wall, then returned to her work at the counter. She smiled as Jason passed and joined Kyle.
“I’ll only be a minute,” said Kyle. “Just looking for this new book I read about. It’s based on the book of Judges in the Bible.”
“No problem.”
While Kyle looked for his book, Jason wandered among the rows of shelves, occasionally lifting a book with a unique title to look inside the front cover. He found a book on popular Bible stories and retreated to one of two over-stuffed plaid chairs in the center of the shop. He sat down and started flipping pages, pleased that many of the stories were from the Old Testament and about people he still remembered from his church days years ago: Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, and Job.
Jason felt a touch of sadness. He wasn’t sure why. He tried to dismiss it as a reminder of his happy days growing up, of his parents, and of his years spent reading Bible stories at church. He used to love those stories. But the sadness seemed deeper than that.
Kyle finished with his purchases at the counter and returned with a yellow plastic shopping bag tucked under his arm. “Ready?”
“Sure. I was just looking at this book. Not sure exactly why, but it took me back to when I was a kid growing up. I used to read these stories all the time. Guess I actually miss it.”
Jason rose and went to replace the book on the shelf. He heard the front door of the shop open and close, and when he returned from the book stacks, he saw that Kyle had already gone outside.
“Anything in particular you want to do?” asked Kyle as Jason rejoined him on the sidewalk out front.
“Nope. Maybe get some sun, catch the golf tournament on TV this afternoon, take a nap.”
*****
Jason and Kyle spent the rest of the day in relaxation at the cabin. They napped in the sun, watched TV, and played cards. They even found time to wash Kyle’s truck, which was part of the new ‘Responsible Kyle’ persona that Jason had inspired.
After dinner, as dusk descended on their second night at the lake, Jason and Kyle followed the stone steps down the hill behind the cabin to the boat dock. Jason had picked up a long stick on the walk down the hill, and he sat down at the end of the dock, twirling the stick in the darkening water. Kyle stood beside his friend, looking across the lake toward the deepening shadows in the trees beyond. The lake was perfectly still in the calm, cool, night air. The smell of smoke from countless unseen cabins drifted across the twilight.
Almost imperceptibly, the words came from Jason’s mouth. “I know what it is, Kyle.”
“What’s that?”
“I know what it is.” He simply said it again, as if there was nothing more to be said.
Jason paused, searching for the right words to say. Then he added, “Kyle, I want what you have.”
Kyle was about to ask his friend for clarification, but he sensed that what Jason was about to say would require no prompting.
“I want that sense of peace and purpose that you have as a Christian. I want the knowledge and understanding and a chance at eternal life. I want that ‘peace which transcends all understanding’ that I felt yesterday in the Immaculata, the same thing I felt again last night, right here at the lake.
“I want what you have,” he said with a sincerity that deeply moved Kyle. “I want to know what it is to be a Christian.”
Kyle had been standing next to Jason, listening intently, unconsciously staring into the distance. Now as Jason finished, he moved quietly and sat down next to his friend. He put a strong arm around Jason’s shoulder and said softly, “Jason, God loves you. And so do I.”
Jason stared at his feet, unsure what to say, unsure whether he should say anything. He stabbed his stick into the water. Then he withdrew it. Then he stuck it in again. Then he simply let it fall from his hand and watched unseeing as it slipped away into the night.
When Jason finally spoke, it was softly, almost in a whisper. “Thanks, Kyle. I know I haven’t always been what you wanted me to be. But it’s not because I didn’t care about you. It’s because I wasn’t sure who I was or where I was going or what I wanted to be. But now I know. Now I understand what it is you’ve been trying to teach me.”
Kyle waited for Jason to continue. But Jason just sat, head down, rocking gently back and forth.
When Kyle spoke, it was with compassion and conviction. “Jason, in Revelation 3:20 the Bible says:
‘Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me.’
“Becoming a Christian means opening the door and entering into a new relationship with Christ. Nothing would make me happier than to help you open that door.”
Then, as if on cue, the sun dropped silently beyond the distant hill, bringing both the end of another today and the hope of a better tomorrow. As he had before, with others he had brought to Christ, Kyle gently guided Jason through the litany for new believers.
“Jason do you now believe with all your heart what is written in John 3:16:
‘That God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.’”
“I do.”
“And do you now admit your sins before God, and acknowledge what it says in Romans 3:23:
‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.’”
“I do.”
"And do you now accept that it is through the grace of God alone that you can be forgiven and receive His salvation?"
“I do.”
"And do you now truly accept the gift of Jesus Christ as your Savior? For in John 1:12 it says:
‘Yet to all who received him, to those w
ho believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.’”
“I do.”
Kyle then led Jason in prayer, pausing after each sentence so that Jason could repeat the words:
“Father, I know that I have sinned and that my sin has caused me to separate from you. For this I am truly sorry. Please forgive me. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ, died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, and lives again. I ask Jesus to hear my prayer. And I ask that Jesus be with me today and for the rest of my life. Amen.”
When he looked up from the prayer, Kyle could see that Jason had tears in his eyes. He threw his arms around his friend and hugged him. Then, looking heavenward, he thanked God for His grace and for the salvation of his friend.
For Jason, something was missing no more.
Chapter 20
Jason spent a sleepless night, his heart alternately pounding in his chest with the excitement of his new-found faith, and in the next instant seemingly ceasing to beat, as a deep sense of comfort embraced his soul.
He wasn’t sure exactly what would come next or how his life would change. It didn’t seem to matter. Because Jason just knew that whatever lay beyond the bedroom door and the darkness of that night, God would be in control. For the first time, Kyle’s reassurance that ‘God has a plan’ seemed real.
As the first fragile rays of sunlight filtered through the blinds into his bedroom, Jason tossed back the covers and climbed out of bed. He pulled on his cargo shorts and a T-shirt and slipped into his sandals. Then he slipped silently through the glass door to the deck, careful not to wake Kyle.
Jason sat down in one of two oversized chaise lounges and wrapped himself in a wool blanket he found folded on a chair on the deck. It was still cool in the early dawn, and the brightest of the stars and planets were still visible in the cloudless sky. Jason pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and inhaled the scent of pine in the fall mountain air.
Jason sat quietly, savoring the beauty and solitude of the morning. After twenty minutes, he retreated to the kitchen, made coffee, poured himself a cup, then returned the deck. He wrapped himself once again in the blanket. He was warm, comfortable, and at peace.
As dawn gave way to sunshine and deep blue, Jason crept back into the cabin. He made his bed, showered, and dressed again, this time in jeans, polo shirt, and tennis shoes. It was still early. But it was, after all, Sunday. Jason pulled the phone book from a drawer in the kitchen and flipped to the listing for ‘Churches’ in the yellow pages. He searched the ads for times and locations, then walked across the great room and knocked softly on Kyle’s bedroom door.
*****
Thirty minutes later, Jason and Kyle were among fifty or so in the small congregation for the 8:30 service at the Lakeside Village Chapel. The chapel was small, and obviously well-used. It reminded Jason of something from a holiday greeting card. The outside was plain, just whitewashed pine, green fiberglass shingles, and the standard white steeple. A couple of stained glass windows completed the picture.
Inside, there was nothing remarkable. Just time-worn wooden pews, an equally worn and scuffed wood floor, a small altar, and an aging Hammond organ. The warm morning sun filtered through the two stained glass windows. There was no choir, no contemporary ensemble, no overhead projector. Not even a pulpit. Nothing. Except God.
Nothing was missing.
Jason and Kyle worshipped with their hearts, in jeans and sneakers, in the presence of God, and in the fellowship of the mountain locals dressed in their Sunday best. They sang. They prayed. They listened earnestly to the words of a sermon on ‘The Kingdom Promise.’ And when the service ended, they mingled enthusiastically with their brothers and sisters, greeting each with sincere smiles, connecting on a level deeper than the shared hand-shakes.
It all felt perfectly natural to Jason. It felt like home.
Chapter 21
It was difficult for Jason to leave the mountains, and especially the cabin at the lake. Aside from the beauty and serenity it had offered, it would forever hold a special place in Jason’s heart. He had occasionally heard the testimonies of people who had come to Christ. Some were remarkable. Some were the stuff of novels and made-for-TV movies. And some were much like Jason’s -- just simple admissions that there had been something missing.
Jason had realized during the weekend that it wasn’t by some accident that he just happened to find God below the back deck of an A-frame cabin in the hills. God had blessed him with loving parents and with a safe and happy childhood. God had been at work in his life even when all he thought about in church was meeting Meagan at the donut table after the Benediction. He knew that God had been guiding him in high school, through the college application process, and into USD. God had especially made his presence felt when he brought Kyle into his life.
And although he didn’t understand or appreciate God’s presence in his life for over twenty years, Jason knew that it was God who had taken him to the mountains, to the A-frame cabin on the lake.
But there was one thing that surprised Jason. Even though he felt different on the inside, everything outside was still the same. Once Jason and Kyle came down off that mountain and Kyle merged into the freeway traffic heading south toward San Diego, Jason knew what Moses must have felt like when he came down from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments.
The world was as it was, as it always had been. There were no parades, no broad smiles, no hearty ‘hellos’. No one seemed to care that Jason’s life had changed and that he had committed his life to Christ. The world still rotated on the same axis, with the same tilt.
Jason would find later that people still jostled and jockeyed for position, honked and cussed and made obscene gestures. There was cheating and conniving and lying and stealing. And all that was just on the campus at USD, a Catholic-affiliated university.
So Jason immediately understood Kyle a little bit better, and he respected him a whole lot more. He understood the courage it took for Kyle to live as a Christian when doing so was often frustrating and even invited the possibility of ridicule. He understood that sometimes being a Christian would be like the old Bob Seger song: Like running against the wind.
Kyle had even cautioned Jason about feeling bullet-proof in his faith, even when surrounded by other Christians. According to Kyle, although Christians may hold themselves to a higher standard, they still sin, and fail, and fall down. Then they pick themselves up and do it all over again. And all the while they ask for God’s guidance and forgiveness and fervently pray for salvation. Kyle assured Jason that there were no shortcuts, that a Christian’s battle to overcome sin and walk with God would be waged every day.
As Kyle had said, 'Christians find strength in numbers, but evil fights hand-to-hand, one sinner at a time.'
The more Kyle shared his insights and wisdom, the more Jason respected him.
*****
During the drive back from the mountains, Jason had asked Kyle about the best way to begin a disciplined effort to read the Bible.
“Well, there are different thoughts on that,” Kyle had replied. “Some think the best way to understand the Bible is to just start at the beginning, in Genesis, and read the whole thing. Others believe Christianity is best understood in the teachings of Jesus, which are found in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and in the Acts of the Apostles. Still others think that there is much to be gained by reading the vivid stories available in some of the shorter books of the Bible, such as Daniel and Job, and in the trials of key figures, like Moses and David.”
“Wherever you start,” Kyle had continued, “and wherever your heart leads you, God will be with you. It’s all good in the Bible.”
So Jason made a commitment that he would begin reading the Bible, even if just a little bit each day. He decided he wanted to start at the beginning. It just seemed appropriate. He was, after all, at his own beginning.
*****
>
Later that night, Jason called his parents, proud of where his journey had taken him and excited about his new-found faith. He wanted to share his joy and optimism. More than anything he wanted them to know that now, once and for all, he truly believed. There would be no more make-believe church.
Jason also felt compelled to find out exactly what it was his parents believed. Strange as it seemed, he had never actually asked. Because he didn’t know it was a question worth asking or one that needed to be asked. But now he understood the need. And he understood the implications. Christ meant salvation. Salvation meant eternal life. It was definitely a question worth asking.
Shortly after his conversion, Kyle had shared a parable from Matthew with Jason. Kyle had said, “In Matthew 5:15 Jesus taught:
‘Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house.’”
Kyle had told Jason that the parable was meant to demonstrate that true Christians don’t hide their faith, but instead actively seek to share it with others. Jason wanted to be a light for his parents.
Unfortunately, the conversation with his parents had not gone exactly as he had hoped. Although happy that their son had found a sense of purpose in his life, they could not see a huge leap from where they were and where Jason wanted to take them. After all, they had been baptized. They attended church, worked on various committees, and tithed regularly. Didn’t that make them Christians?
Jason tried his best to make them understand, but in the end they couldn’t seem to grasp that a commitment to the church was not necessarily the same as a commitment to Christ. Jason said he would continue to pray for them.
Chapter 22
As February rains gave way to warmer temperatures and drier skies in March, Jason was feeling unsettled. He wasn’t sure exactly why. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong in his life. In fact, it was all good.