The Gilgal Passage

by Bob Brown

  “But the thing is, I can’t possibly go in peace knowing that your relationship with God is broken, that you’ll add my death to the baggage you’re already carrying. I want to enjoy my last days on earth secure in the belief that you will one day follow me into eternity. I couldn’t bear the thought of dying without that knowledge.”

  Kyle was struggling with the words, and Jason could see the tears in his eyes.

  “Jason, do you remember the things you acknowledged the night you became a Christian?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, has so much really changed since then? I believe that deep down you still believe that God loves you and has a plan for your life. I believe you are, or want to be, the same person you were on that mountain eight years ago. But you’ve let your pride and anger come between you and God. You’ve been carrying your own burdens instead of praying to God for strength and guidance. In Matthew 11:28-30 it says:

  ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’

  “Jason, it’s time for you to unburden your heart and return to God.”

  It had been awhile since Kyle had challenged Jason so directly about his faith. Jason suspected that during the past year Kyle had been silently respectful of Jason’s need to work things out in his own way, in his own time. But now time was running out. Jason could feel the sense of urgency in Kyle’s trembling voice.

  Jason wanted to make things right with God and give his friend the measure of peace he so richly deserved. He stared off into the distance, searching for the strength to make the words say what he was feeling in his heart.

  “Kyle, as always, you’re right. I’ve been consumed with anger over the things that have been taken from me, and I’ve failed to appreciate the things I have. I will always miss my parents and will be forever sad that they’re gone. But I cherish the time we had together. I should be thankful for that.

  “As for my job, since the very first day, I had it all figured out in my head. I knew exactly where I was going and how I was going to get there. Then it all came apart. But I should be thankful for the opportunities I’ve had and look forward to the challenges ahead.

  “I guess what I’m trying to say is that for this past year I haven’t been who I want to be. I’m ashamed and embarrassed, and I’m humbled at the thought that God would even want me back. You’re right. I need to fix this.”

  Then almost as an afterthought Jason added, “Besides, if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. You know there’s nothing in this whole world I wouldn’t do for you, Kyle.”

  Jason looked up just in time to see Kyle wipe away a tear.

  “Jason, no matter how often or how far you stray, God has the capacity to forgive. In Daniel 9:9 it says:

  ‘The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.’

  “Do you remember the story in the Old Testament about how Joshua led the Israelites into the Promised Land?”

  Jason nodded. It had been awhile since he had read the Bible, but he loved the stories of the Old Testament, including those in the book of Joshua.

  “Remember that, under Moses, the Israelites were led from slavery in Egypt, only to wander in the Sinai wilderness for forty years because they subsequently abandoned their covenant relationship with God. Only after the death of Moses did God fulfill the promise He had made through Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and allow passage across the Jordan River into the Promised Land.

  “That passage occurred at Gilgal.”

  Jason loved it when Kyle told Bible stories.

  “Jason, the story of the forty years in the wilderness and the Gilgal passage are much like your own life, much like the life we all live. No matter how hard we try, sometimes we sin and turn away from God. We suffer the same fate as the Israelites as we wander aimlessly in search of purpose or direction, never realizing that all we need to do is surrender our lives to God, ask His forgiveness, and let Him lead us.”

  Kyle paused and let out a sigh. Jason knew his friend was tired. But Kyle was clearly determined to make sure Jason understood the message.

  “You see, Jason, for most of your life you’ve been wandering in the desert. You’re a good man, but up until the time of your conversion, you were wholly focused on your own journey, not the one God would have you on. The same has been true of your wanderings this past year.

  “Now, just as with the Israelites, it’s time for you to complete your Gilgal Passage and see God’s promise for you fulfilled. You may not yet know what that means any more than the Israelites knew what they would find on the other side of the Jordan. But you can be certain that if you let God lead, then you will be everything that God meant for you to be.”

  Kyle let out another sigh, then there was silence, interrupted only by the sound of the waves against the rocks. Then, right there, on the rocky outcropping above the tide, Kyle drifted off to sleep, his head resting gently on Jason’s shoulder.

  Chapter 50

  Kyle was finding it difficult to maintain his schedule at work. He was always tired. Some days he didn’t make it to work at all. Some days he showed up, did what he could, then went home. He was increasingly frustrated by his inability to do what needed doing.

  After his diagnosis, Kyle had called a meeting and told his employees everything, including the prognosis. Kyle knew that his employees would be especially concerned about the future of the dealership and the security of their jobs, so he did his best to reassure them that the ‘family’ part of ‘We are a Christian, family-owned business’ included everyone who earned a paycheck from Garrett Motors.

  *****

  On Tuesday morning, Jason arrived at the dealership at 8:15 AM to take Kyle to his plasma treatment. Kyle had told Jason he was actually looking forward to the appointment, because Dr. Neumann had said that most patients responded favorably to the exchange, experiencing a renewed sense of energy within days or weeks.

  But Kyle didn’t have the courage to ask how long the positive effects lasted.

  “Good morning sir,” Jason said in his best ‘your taxi has arrived’ voice as he pulled up in front of the dealership.

  “Hey, buddy,” Kyle replied as he pulled himself into the passenger seat. “You mind if I give Sydney a quick call before she starts class? I had promised to call last night, but as usual I fell asleep early.”

  “Not a problem.”

  Kyle punched in the single digit for Sydney and held the phone to his ear. Jason did his best to concentrate on driving and not eavesdrop on the one-sided conversation.

  “Hi, Syd. Sorry I didn’t call last night. But I was sound asleep by 7:30.”

  “No, seriously I’m fine. Like I’ve been saying, it’s just a little crazy at work right now. And I’ve got so many things going on in my head at night that I’m just not sleeping well.”

  “Absolutely. Of course I’m thinking of you. That’s part of the reason I can’t sleep at night.” Kyle glanced over at Jason and gave him a wink.

  “Uh, sure, that sounds good.” He cupped his hand over the phone and said to Jason, “Sydney wants to know if she can come over and help keep me up at night.” He gave his friend a big smile.

  “Hey, Syd, I’ve got to go. I just wanted to call and apologize for not calling last night. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

  “It’s a date. Have a great day. See you later. Bye.” Kyle flipped his phone shut.

  Jason had just merged onto the freeway, heading south on Interstate 5, and was approaching the exit for Sea World Drive. Seldom did he drive by without thinking of Karen and their chance meeting at Sea World just over a year ago. The thought usually made him smile. Not today.

  A few minutes later, Jason glanced over at Kyle. He was staring blankly through the windshield a
t the morning traffic as Jason transitioned to Interstate 8, curving east into the morning sun. Something had occurred to Jason during Kyle’s phone call, and much as he hated to bring it up, he knew sooner or later it would need to be discussed.

  “Kyle, what about Sydney?”

  Sometime after the Padre game a week ago, Kyle had confided to Jason that he thought he was falling in love with Sydney. After half-listening to their phone conversation, he knew it to be true. He also knew that Kyle had not told Sydney the truth about his illness.

  “Why don’t you tell her how you feel about her?”

  “It wouldn’t be fair to her,” replied Kyle. She leaves next week, and she’s got her whole life ahead of her. That’s something I don’t have.”

  “But what about God’s plan?” insisted Jason. “What if God intended for you and Sydney to be together, if even for a short time?”

  It had been a long time since Jason had invoked a reference to God’s plan. He wasn’t even sure he felt comfortable doing it, given that he was just now starting to rebuild his relationship with God. But he was willing to take a chance if it would provide any measure of comfort to his friend.

  Kyle was equally insistent. “Jason, you and Karen have to promise me that you won’t tell Sydney about this disease or about my feelings for her. She needs to go do what God is calling her to do. She has so much to offer, and she can do so much good if she’s allowed to use the talents God has blessed her with. Promise me.”

  Jason could see the tears in Kyle’s eyes, even though Kyle tried hard to hold them back.

  “Kyle, I’m not sure about this. Don’t you think Sydney has a right to know? Besides, if you’ve told everyone at your dealership, it may leak out anyway.”

  “I’m counting on the fact that she won’t find out before she leaves. One day, when she does find out, she’ll understand and know that this was how God meant for it to be. Promise me she won’t hear it from you.”

  Jason just looked at his friend. He thought of all the things that Kyle had done for him and of all the things he had taught him, or tried to teach him. There’s no way he could ever repay him. Except maybe by granting this one simple request.

  “I promise. And I’ll ask Oz to honor your request, too”

  “Thanks, buddy.”

  Once again Jason felt like his heart was breaking. He had never in his whole life felt as helpless as he did at that moment. Nothing he had ever faced in his life had prepared him for the intense sadness he was now feeling.

  Not even the death of his parents could compare. Their loss had been sudden, and though painful in the weeks and months afterward, it was not the same as the lingering sadness that comes from knowing the best has already been and all that remained for his friend was a slow, inevitable march toward death.

  Jason found himself wondering ‘why not me?’ and actually wishing it were him. He would have done anything to trade places with Kyle, to allow him the joy of growing old in the love he had obviously found with Sydney.

  As he merged onto Highway 163 and again headed south, Jason found himself wondering once more about God’s plan. Why take Kyle? Kyle was one of the good guys, a much better Christian than Jason could ever hope to be. Surely someone who could part the Red Sea could plan better than that.

  Once again Jason came to the realization that he didn’t have a clue about God’s plan, even after all this time.

  *****

  Fifteen minutes later, Kyle was seated in an oversized Barcalounger in the outpatient special treatment ward at Mercy Hospital. He was listening intently as a nurse discussed the procedures for the plasma replacement therapy. Kyle pulled up a metal folding chair and sat next to his friend.

  “We’ll insert an IV into your left forearm to extract blood, which we’ll then pass through the plasma separator over there. The blood will be mixed with new fluids and re-infused through a tube which I’ll connect into a vein in the back of your right hand. Any questions so far?”

  Jason and Kyle both shook their heads.

  The nurse continued. “Although we don’t expect any problems, it’s possible you may experience a drop in blood pressure, which could cause some dizziness, chills, or cramping. If any of these occur, please let me know. Some patients also experience a reaction to the solution which we use to replace the extracted plasma. So if you detect any itching or breathing difficulties, please let me know.

  “The process should only take a couple of hours, but when we’re done I’ll want you to stay put for an additional hour or so, just to make sure you don’t have any delayed reactions to the procedure.”

  “So will I feel any different when we’re all done?” Kyle asked.

  “Probably not,” replied the nurse. The best we can hope for is that you won’t experience any reactions. It will take some time for your body to adjust to the infusion. It varies for each patient, but I expect you’ll feel better within the first week after the treatment.”

  The nurse paused, waiting for additional questions. “Shall we begin?”

  As Jason watched, the nurse inserted the dual IVs as she had described and completed the connections to the exchange unit, which she then turned on. Jason was surprised at how little noise it made. Just a low hum. She also connected Kyle to a standard electronic patient monitoring device to measure his pulse, heart rate, and blood pressure.

  “I’ll be back periodically to check on you,” said the nurse. Then, as she turned to leave the room, she added, “If you need anything, just press the call button there on the table.” With that she was gone.

  “Well, it looks like I’m a captive for at least a couple of hours,” said Kyle. “Too bad we didn’t bring any games to play.”

  “You sure you don’t want to just take a nap?” asked Jason.

  “Nope. Anymore I spend half my life either asleep or too tired to do anything. I’m wide awake now.”

  Kyle paused, as if not sure how to proceed. “You know, Jason, we’re going to have fewer and fewer opportunities to talk, just you and me. So if you don’t mind, let’s just talk. Tell me the latest about your job.”

  “Well, I think I’ve pretty much told you everything there is to tell. As we discussed the other day, I’ve decided I’m going to quit. I just haven’t worked out the details of how and when.”

  “So you don’t see things getting any better? There’s nothing left to salvage?”

  “Not that I can see.”

  “And do you know what you’re going to do once you quit?”

  “Nope. Haven’t figured that out either.”

  “Jason, you’re probably tired of me quoting scripture at you as the solution to all your problems. But I really believe in the power of God’s word in the Bible. So please allow me my moments. I may not have many of them left.”

  “Kyle, you’ll never know how much you’ve impacted my life. I’ll always listen to what you have to say.”

  Kyle adjusted himself in the oversized chair. “There are a couple of things I would like for you to consider. First, let me just say that I have every confidence that you’ll find what it is God means for you to do. Even though you may not know what it is, God does. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:10:

  ‘For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.’

  “And second, as I’ve said before, you have to trust God. You have to be willing to follow where He leads you. In Jeremiah 33:3 it says:

  ‘Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’"

  Jason was ashamed that his best friend, in his weakest moment, was having to use the last of his energy to help him resolve the problems in his life.

  “How am I supposed to know what great unsearchable things God has prepared in advance for me to do?”

  “Well, there are those who would say that if you believe and trust in God, then whatever you are doing is God�
��s will. I happen to believe that’s true.”

  “So it’s God’s will that I be unemployed?” Jason asked sarcastically.

  Kyle chuckled as he settled back against the headrest and tilted his head toward his friend.

  “Well, I’m not sure I’d go that far. Just remember that God always provides us with what we need to do what he has called us to do. You just need to pray and listen to know what that calling is. Romans 12:2 says it best:

  ‘Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will.’

  “Jason the perfect illustration of what I’m trying to say to you is in the New Testament book of Acts, in the story of the apostle Paul. You may recall that Paul was not always one of Christ’s chosen. Quite the opposite. Paul was a highly respected member of the Jewish religious leadership that actively worked to discredit the early work of the apostles. But God still found enough good in Paul to call him to help spread the gospel to the Gentiles.”

  “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “My point is this: God called Paul from among the most unlikely of sources. And when Paul saw and felt the power of God, he wholeheartedly committed to the task that God called him to do. He didn’t wait around for more guidance, or special training, or for more people to join him. He just got busy doing what God willed him to do.

  “It was actually Paul, in 1 Corinthians 15:58, who said:

  ‘Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.’

  “So stick with the journey, Jason. Pray. Listen to God and discern what He would have you do. Then move forward with confidence, knowing that God will bless your efforts.”

  Kyle slumped a little lower into the chair as the nurse returned to check the values on the plasma transfer and patient monitor. By the time she had recorded the information in Kyle’s chart, he was sound asleep.

  Chapter 51

  It was time. Jason just decided. He didn’t necessarily contemplate it or plan for it. But he did pray about it.