by Bob Brown
“Yea, I’m wondering that myself.”
Today was the day that Sydney left for Portugal. Her departure from San Diego’s Lindbergh Field was scheduled for 10 PM.
In the previous two days, Jason, Kyle, and Karen had helped Sydney pack for her extended overseas trip. The effort had been physically and emotionally draining for Kyle, a difficult process made worse by the prospect that Kyle and Sydney would likely never see each other again. And only one of them knew it.
“Why don’t you just take off. Go spend the day with Sydney.” Jason knew that his friend’s heart was breaking.
“We’re getting together later this morning. Going to spend some time at the beach. Syd had some things she needed to take care of first.”
Jason just didn’t know what to say. “Kyle, I wish I knew how to make it all better. I keep praying that God will somehow roll back the clock and make the last month just go away. You don’t deserve this. Of all people, you don’t deserve what life is throwing at you.”
Kyle looked at Jason. Jason suspected Kyle had something scriptural in mind, but when he spoke, his words didn’t have the same positive energy and conviction that Jason was used to hearing from his friend.
“Jason, I’m sure you’ve heard the common expression that ‘God will never give you more than you can bear’. Truth is, that’s not even in the Bible. It’s probably derived from 1 Corinthians 10:13, where Paul says:
‘God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.’
“You and I have talked about this before. It’s not God’s purpose to eliminate all suffering, and nowhere in the Bible does he promise to remove pain and heartache. God’s all about grace. Just like others who have gone before me and those who will come after, I’ll somehow get by on the promise of God’s grace.”
Jason looked at his friend. His eyes were tired and sad. Jason had never seen him look this way. The easy conversation from earlier was gone, replaced with a sorrow that seemed to squeeze the very life from his soul.
On top of everything, Kyle had not yet experienced any physical improvement from the plasma treatment. If anything, he seemed to tire more easily. Kyle was becoming increasingly frustrated and agitated. His mind was still sharp, but his body simply could not stand the pace Kyle demanded of it.
Concerned, Jason had called Dr. Neumann, wondering when Kyle could expect to see some improvement. Dr. Neumann had simply advised that it would take time, that Jason and Kyle would have to be patient and let Kyle’s body adjust to the earlier treatment.
But Jason could sense the concern in Dr. Neumann’s voice. When pressed, the doctor had acknowledged that for some patients the treatment worked better than for others. If Kyle was one of the ‘others’, his decline would begin more quickly and progress more rapidly than Dr. Neumann had anticipated. She had given Jason her private number, so that Jason could call her directly if there was anything Jason thought she should know.
“Tell you what,” Jason began. “How about I drive you home so you can catch a few hours of rest. I’ll call Sydney and ask her to pick you up there for your beach date. Then tonight I’ll pick you guys up so we can all go to dinner before going to the airport. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds good. I guess I’m more tired than I thought. But I need to hold it together for Sydney. At least for one more day.”
*****
Later that evening, after an emotional dinner at Sydney's favorite restaurant overlooking the marina on Harbor Island, Kyle and Sydney were joined by their two best friends under the replica of the Spirit of St. Louis in the baggage area of Terminal Two at Lindbergh Field. Sydney had already checked in, and the four were just looking for some quiet space, delaying the inevitable. Kyle knew that he was within minutes of watching Sydney pass through the security check-point and out of his life.
For her part, Sydney was comfortably clueless. She was chatting easily with Karen, promising to email pictures, create a blog, and start looking into arrangements for the four of them to get together in Portugal. She was holding Kyle’s hand, unaware that when she let go, it would be forever.
“I’ll call you as soon as I land at Heathrow,” Sydney promised Kyle. Then she caught herself. “Wait, what time will that be here?” she laughed.
“Doesn’t matter,” replied Kyle. “You just call. Day or night. Anytime you want. Just call.” He kissed the top of her head.
“I can’t wait for you guys to come visit,” Sydney went on, obviously excited about the trip. “We’ll have to start thinking about dates pretty soon. Maybe we could do something over Christmas. They’ve got some great resorts less than an hour south of Lisbon. Or maybe we could catch a flight to Madeiera and spend a week in Funchal. I’ve heard the Ministry flies a private jet down twice a week.”
“I’m sure you and Karen will get it all sorted out and let us know,” Jason replied, trying to sound encouraging. But his heart wasn’t in it.
“How about you, Kyle?” Sydney asked. “Do you have any thoughts about when might be the best time for you all to come visit? Come to think of it, you guys can come more than once. I’ll be there two years. We could even tour Europe a little bit if you wanted. I can’t wait.”
Jason looked at Kyle. Sydney had no idea how much pain she was causing him. The more she went on, the more he retreated within himself. It was becoming increasingly difficult for Kyle to hide the hurt.
“Syd, I need to get some coffee," said Kyle. "Anybody else want anything?” Kyle just needed some space.
“I’ll go with you," Jason replied.
“Don’t be too long,” Karen called after them as they turned to find the nearest vendor. “Sydney needs to pass through security yet. Probably ten or fifteen minutes.”
“I know,” Kyle said to Jason as soon as they were beyond earshot. “I’m not handling this very well. But it’s tearing me up inside.”
“I understand,” Jason replied, his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can still tell Sydney that you love her, that you need her to stay. She doesn’t have to get on that plane.”
“I keep going over it in my head, wondering if I’ve made the right decision. I’ve agonized about it and prayed about it so much that I’m not sure anymore that what I’m doing is what I think God wants or just what I want.”
Jason tried his best to be reassuring. “How about this,” he began. “How about you just accept the decision you’ve made for now. It’s what you thought was right initially, and I’ve never known you to make a wrong decision. Then if, for whatever reason at all, you decide that you need or want Sydney to come back so you can tell her what’s really going on in your life and how you feel about her, then that option is always there, too. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
Logic. It’s what Jason did, who he was. He could tell immediately from his body language that Kyle relaxed, if just a little. He just needed a little hope. Jason was happy to provide it.
“Thanks, Jason. That sounds like a good idea.”
Jason and Kyle returned to where the girls were still chatting. Neither had any coffee.
Ten minutes later the airline Departure board changed the status of Sydney’s flight to ‘Boarding’, and the moment everyone had dreaded arrived.
Karen and Sydney hugged each other, and each kissed the other on the cheek. Both were already crying.
Next it was Jason’s turn. He threw his arms around Sydney in a bear hug and lifted her into the air. As her feet dangled six inches above the tile floor, Jason kissed her on the cheek and whispered softly in her ear. “Kyle loves you, Sydney, and he needs you. He may not say it, but don’t you ever forget it.” Then he set her gently back on the ground.
Sydney turned to Kyle and looked into his eyes, the tears running down her cheeks. Then she was in his arms, sobbin
g uncontrollably. Jason put his arm around Karen and pulled her close, and the two watched helplessly as Kyle did his best to console Sydney. He kissed her again and again, his own tears mixing with hers, as he promised her that the time would pass quickly and that soon they’d be together again.
It was a lie Jason knew God would forgive.
Minutes later, as four become three, Sydney passed through the security check-point and disappeared into the crowd beyond.
Chapter 53
Jason celebrated his thirtieth birthday by doing something special with his closest friends. With the help of Karen, he chartered an evening aboard one of the private yachts available from the Shelter Island Marina north of downtown San Diego.
Jason didn’t want one of the public party boats that would have included half a dozen different groups of partygoers and as many people as the cruise line could pack onboard. Jason wanted something private, more personal. He wanted something special for the last birthday he would share with his best friend.
He also wanted Kyle to know that he was not alone, that he had a circle of friends who cared about him and would stand by him as he faced the difficult weeks and months ahead. It had been just over a week since Sydney had left, and Jason knew that his friend was still hurting. The evening on the bay was more about supporting Kyle than it was about celebrating his birthday.
So on a clear Friday evening in early June, Jason and Karen, dressed in their best formal attire, walked hand-in-hand onto the seventy five foot, single-masted ‘Pierre’ for an evening of relaxed elegance while cruising the San Diego Bay. They were greeted with two glasses of wine, presented on a silver tray by a white-gloved steward dressed in a dark dinner jacket with accenting maroon tie and cummerbund. Jason kissed Karen gently, then raised his glass in a toast.
“To friends,” said Jason.
Karen smiled and raised her glass. “And more than friends.”
*****
Kyle was first to arrive, smiling as always, in spite of his hurt. He was followed closely by Tub, Susan, Merle Perkins and his wife, and, finally, Gus and Mrs. Gus.
Everyone was dressed in elegant evening wear, except for Tub, who had apparently failed to read the fine print on the invitation and was comfortably attired in a pair of baggy cargo shorts, Grateful Dead T-shirt, and sandals.
“Hey, I thought this was, you know, a boat ride,” he said by way of apology.
“You’re fine, Tub. Really,” laughed Jason. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
Even Gus looked like he belonged on the cover of the AARP version of GQ. He was sporting a three-button tux, topped with a sea green tie-it-yourself bow tie.
Jason just couldn’t resist the temptation to tease his friend. “Hey, Gus. You finally give that coat of yours a day off?”
As always, Gus was up to the challenge. “Not really,” he said. “I stuffed it into my wife’s purse. I plan to put it on later, once we get past the formalities.” They both laughed.
As the steward circulated with drinks for his guests, Jason summoned Karen and moved to the stern of the yacht, where he looked out across the bay to the gently curving expanse of the Coronado Bay Bridge in the distance. Then, turning, he put his arm around his girlfriend and addressed his friends.
“May I have your attention for just a moment, please.” He paused, as the various conversations died.
“First, I want to thank you all for being here tonight to help me celebrate my birthday. I count myself truly blessed to have such wonderful friends. Second, I want to thank Oz for helping me plan the evening and for being the girl I always hoped for but never deserved.”
Karen smiled up at him, and Jason leaned down for a kiss. Someone said, ‘Hear, hear.’
Jason stared at his feet and twirled the stem of his wine glass in his hand as he searched for his next words. When he looked up, he had tears in his eyes.
“You know, there isn’t one of us here tonight who is immune to the pains and disappointments of life. At some point, we all experience them. The real measure of who we are is in how we deal with them.”
Jason paused, struggling to find the right words. As Karen slipped her arm through his and leaned her head against his shoulder, he continued.
“I think we all know how precious and fragile life is. I just want you to know how much I love you all and how very grateful I am that God has put you in my life. I can’t imagine how different my journey would be without the friendship and support you continue to provide me. For that, I will be forever in your debt. God bless you all.“
This time when Jason paused, there was applause.
When the applause had died, Jason continued again. “My friends, before we officially begin our cruise this evening, I’d like to ask for your patience as I offer a brief word of prayer.”
As all heads bowed, Jason prayed:
“Oh most gracious and merciful Father. We offer you our thanks for this beautiful evening, for this wonderful place, and for these precious friends. We ask you to bless our time together. Tonight, Lord, we especially ask for your blessings on your faithful servant, Kyle. Please care for him, comfort him, and strengthen him for this journey that you have laid before him. Grant him your peace, and provide him the reassurance that, through you, all life is eternal. We ask this in the name of your precious son, Jesus Christ. Amen.”
*****
‘Pierre’ slipped her moorings and drifted toward the center of the channel. As the crew engaged the winch to raise the sail, the Captain pointed the bow westward, toward the setting sun beyond Ballast Point and the Cabrillo lighthouse.
As Karen slid away to mingle with the other guests, Kyle came alongside and put his arm around Jason’s shoulder. “Thank you for that, Jason. It means a lot.”
“My pleasure.” Jason paused for a moment and then added softly, “I wish Sydney were here.”
“Yea, me too.”
“Do you regret not telling her?” asked Jason. “I mean, I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted, but maybe she could have delayed her departure until, you know, later.”
Jason immediately regretted his choice of words. He tried to recover by adding, “Or maybe she could have deferred her program. As it was, she didn’t even have the option.”
Kyle was silent, looking downward at the hull where it skimmed along the surface of the bay.
“Jason, I know you mean well, so please don’t ever be afraid to say what’s on your mind. There are certainly moments when I wish maybe I hadn’t let Sydney go. But I really do love her. And I didn’t want her to have to go through what comes next. I’d rather she remember me as I am. Better that she cherish the past, with the good times we shared, than fear the future, where the worst is yet to come.”
“Well, please just think about it. I know that Sydney would be back in a heartbeat if she had any idea you loved her and needed her. She’d gladly spend her life teaching fourth grade in the inner-city classrooms of San Diego just to be with you.”
*****
‘Pierre’ sailed gracefully past the lighthouse at the entrance to the harbor and began a slow turn outside the channel to realign itself for a return to the bay.
Jason knew from talking to the captain that once the yacht was safely back inside the harbor, dinner would be served. Thereafter, the remainder of the evening would be spent cruising the lights of San Diego Bay, past the aircraft carriers docked at North Island on the one side and the downtown skyline of San Diego on the other, underneath the Coronado Bay Bridge, and southward as far as Mariner’s Point and Seaport Village. The cruise was scheduled for four hours.
As the steward announced dinner, Jason’s guests quickly found their seats and settled in for a four course meal in the main salon below the weather deck on ‘Pierre.’ It was an elegant affair, served on bone china amid settings of fine silver and lead crystal.
Following dinner, the guests mingled leisurely on deck, admiring the night sky and city lights, whi
le casually sipping coffee or after dinner drinks.
Then, as ‘Pierre’ passed beneath the Coronado Bay Bridge for the second time, about thirty minutes before returning to the dock, Jason asked the steward to summon everyone to the salon once again.
“I trust you all have had as much fun tonight as I have,” Jason began, as he looked around the cabin at the smiling faces of his friends. Thank you again so much for coming. Now before we dock, I have a couple of things I’d like to share. Jason retrieved a small box from the inside pocket of his tux.
“First, even though it’s my birthday, I have a gift I'd like to present.”
He turned to face Kyle, who was sitting in the corner of the cabin with his customary bottle of Pacifico. “Kyle, I’ve probably told you this a thousand times. But even if I told you a million, it wouldn’t be enough. I love you like a brother, and I’m so grateful that you’re my best friend. I want you to have this, and I hope you’ll wear it always.”
Jason opened the box and removed an ornate, gold crucifix on a gold chain. He held the necklace up so that everyone could see.
“Kyle, this necklace is special to me. It was custom made from the scraps of jewelry I was able to recover from my parents' house in Oklahoma, after it was destroyed by the tornado. Until now, this necklace was all I had left of my family. Kyle, you are now my family.”
Jason replaced the crucifix in the box and passed it across the table to his friend, who smiled broadly and silently mouthed ‘Thank you.’
Jason continued. “Second, with the help of Oz, I managed to search through my old photo archives to come up with something I hope you’ll all enjoy. It’s a collection of photos of Kyle and I when we were in college. There are pictures from around campus at USD, from sports we played, and from trips we made. There are even a few from some of our classes and different projects we worked on together. Believe it or not we did actually go to class sometimes.”
Everyone laughed.
He looked at Karen and said, “And in case you’re wondering, Karen made me take out all the pictures of the bars we visited and girls we dated.” Karen stuck out her tongue playfully, and everyone laughed again.