by J. B. McGee
He reaches his hand across the table a little closer to me. “Gabby...”
I glance up and notice the gesture. I’m not sure I’m ready to be consoled by him. “Huh?”
“I can’t go back. I can’t change those decisions. I have to own what I did in every aspect.” He retracts his hand and runs it through his hair. “I have dealt with it in every way I could. The only thing left to do is to ask for your forgiveness and move on. We can’t change the past, but we can sure as hell make sure the future is better.”
He has a point. I mean, we can sit here all day long and talk about what he should have done. They say hindsight is always twenty-twenty. This is all just too much. My head has started to throb, and all I want to do is go to sleep. It has all of the sudden hit me that I am emotionally and physically exhausted. This little meeting, the puking...it has hit me so quickly.
“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” I glance over to Bradley, who is staring impassively at me, before looking back to my dad. “I really appreciate you doing this. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, either.”
“You’re welcome.”
I turn to Bradley. “You ready? I’m so tired.”
“Yep.” He scoots his chair out and extends his hand and I place mine in his.
“I’ll let you two out, and then lock up,” Dad says as he gets up and heads towards the door. After he unlocks the deadbolt, he opens the door. “You two be careful. If you have any other questions after all this has settled for you, just call me. You know how to find me.”
I nod. “Thanks.”
Bradley puts his arm around my back and leads me out of the door. I don’t want my dad to see that I’m still upset with him. After he shuts the door back and locks it, I scoot out of Bradley’s grasp.
He opens the door for me to the car, and I slide in silently while and he does the same. We’re completely quiet on the way back to the house. I appreciate his help and support, but I’m still pissed that he was so rude and demanding. He totally ruined my mood. He made me lose my cool. I was nervous enough as it was. I didn’t need to deal with his being macho.
When we get back home, I let myself out of the car, and we both quietly walk to the bedroom. The tension between us is palpable. Our chemistry and need for one another is pulling us together like those huge magnets we had as kids on the fridge, yet our brains are trying to pry us apart. Both of us are stubborn as a mule, and I refuse to give in to it this time. For some reason I feel like I have to stand up to him.
I walk to our closet and strip out of my clothes to where I’m down to just my light pink lace bra and matching boy short panties. When I go into the bathroom to take my contacts out and wash my face, he follows me and acts like he’s busy. He’s pissed me off even more than I already was. I turn on my heel to leave the bathroom, and he grabs my elbow right as I think I am out of his reach. He pulls me back and crushes my body against the wall, pinning my arms above my head. He has his other hand on the wall beside my face. His body is so close to mine that I can feel his heat radiating onto my exposed skin. He glares at me, still silent. I lift my chin and narrow my eyes at him. My desire has pooled between my legs, and I am literally bound and determined to not say the first word.
He shakes his head to the side and rolls his eyes. “You’re so damned set on ignoring me tonight.”
“Hmph.” is all I give him the satisfaction of hearing.
“Why couldn’t you just drink the damn water?”
“It wasn’t about the water,” I spat as I break our eye contact for the first time. He’s so sexy like this that I can’t even think straight.
He uses the hand that was on the wall to move my chin back up to where I have to look at him. “Oh really?” He licks his lips. “If not the water, then what?”
“You were being rude and bossy,” I pout.
He chuckles. “I noticed you pouted there, too. I must say, you’re sexy as hell when you pout fully dressed, but you just took sexy to a whole new level.”
I inhale and exhale sharply, trying to get a grip on the raging heat that is consuming my body. “It was hard enough without you being a dick.” I look away again.
“Gabby,” he whispers as he moves a piece of hair behind my ear. “Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you do that to yourself? To subject yourself to that?”
I shake my head and gulp. “No,” I mutter.
“You know I crave control, and I don’t know that I have ever felt so out of control in my life. You have no idea how hard it was for me to sit there and watch that unfold. To watch your heart being sliced open and served on a damn platter right in front of me.” He looks up to the ceiling and I can tell he’s trying to contain his anger, or maybe it’s frustration. I don’t know what I’m seeing in front of me right now. “I had to try to do something to help you. And you shut me out, Gabby Girl.” When he turns his head to look back at me his blue eyes are intense. They sear me. “You shut me out, and you shut me down.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I bite my lip to keep from crying.
“Partners. You gotta quit shutting me out.”
I close my eyes for a minute. I hate myself at this moment. How did I ever get so lucky. I tip my head and rest my forehead on his, and move our lips to where they are touching. I want to kiss him so badly.
He rubs his nose against mine. “I want you so bad, do you know that?”
“Uh huh.” A smile curves on my lips for the first time in what seems like forever.
His eyes turn to icy blue. He softly kisses my forehead, then drops my hands. “Goodnight, Gabby Girl.”
What the hell? “You’re going to bed?” I ask under my ragged breath.
“Yep.”
“Um. Am I missing something?”
“You’re a smart girl. Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”
I glance up at the ceiling while I take a cleansing breath. My stomach has gone from churning, to rolling, to fluttering, and back again tonight. I don’t know how much more I can take. “No. You’re shutting me out.” Tears well in my eyes, and I walk to the bathroom door and lean into the side of the door. “You’re punishing me?” I ask.
“No, I prefer giving you a taste of your own medicine.” He pulls the duvet back on our bed and climbs in, then glances back to me. “Doesn’t taste very good, does it?”
“That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair, Gabby? That you can shut me out, but I can’t shut you out?” He scolds me like I’m an errant child and it feels like crap.
“It’s different. I shut you out because you were being rude to my dad. You weren’t acting supportive even if you were trying to be.”
“Oh, making sure that you had hydration because your mouth was so dry you could barely speak? How’s that not supportive?” His voice rises as he speaks the sentence. “Then you completely clam up after I tell you about your dad. I’m about to call the damn therapist and you’re just pissed so you don’t talk.” He throws his hands up in the air. “Gabby, you were a hot mess. I was worried about you. I wanted to help you in the only way I knew how and you wouldn’t let me.”
“It’s the way you went about it.” I look away. “You were mean.”
“Oh, Gabriella. You don’t know mean from me. I don’t want to diminish your feelings because I know it’s been a rough day, but I think you’ll feel better in the morning after you’ve had some rest.” He pats the bed. “It’s late. We both have a long day tomorrow. Come to bed.”
I want to buck him so bad, but I know I can’t. I know I have to submit on this. I put my head down as I walk to the bed and climb in beside him and roll on my side. He snuggles in behind me and I hear him inhale. “Mmm, night Gabby Girl.”
I stand at the door after I have closed and locked it while watching them safely get in their car and leave. I remove the key from the door and shove it into my pocket. I finish the clean-up of the shop. I glance back to that table where we sat tonight and shake my head as a tear
trickles from my eye. I have made some horrendous mistakes in my life. I never thought I’d have a second chance with my girls. I say a quick prayer as I thank God for the miracle he has placed in my life, my angel. My Gabriella. I pray that she can find a way to forgive me. I pray that we can find a way to build a future and not dwell on our past. A past, which she can’t even remember.
As I walk towards the back of the shop, I pick up the vase of flowers I had gotten for Cindy to bring home. She has been so incredible this morning. She has been a constant source of support since Gabby literally walked back into my life. Provided that Gabby, and eventually Sam come around, I don’t think my life could be any better than it is right now. I have everything I’ve ever wanted. More than I ever thought or even think I deserve.
I cut the lights as I pull the keys back from my pocket. I move the vase to the crook of my arm as I enter in the combination for the security alarm. I swiftly open the door, close and lock it. When I turn on my heel to walk to my car, I am blinded-sided. Everything in my life flashes before my eyes as I see a man dressed in all black holding a gun. He turns and pushes me to the wall of the building causing the glass vase to crash to the ground, shattering into millions of pieces.
“Take whatever you want,” I try to say strongly as I brace myself on the bricks, both of my hands on either side of my head.
“Shut the fuck up,” he barks. “Don’t move or say a word. You do, you’re dead.” He puts the gun to the back of my head. I stand there and wait. Unsure of what to do to get myself out of this situation. I feel paralyzed. I’m unable to move, talk, or even think. He quickly empties my pockets. I can feel his breath, smell the scent of alcohol and smoke.
Suddenly my world goes black as I feel an intense throbbing pain in my head. I feel my legs give way and my body slides down to the ground, hitting my head on the concrete pavement. Warmness flushes through my body as I am unable to keep my eyes open any longer.
I am startled when I hear the phone ring. I jump as my eyes flash open and I realize it’s still dark outside. It’s never a good sign when your phone rings in the middle of the night. “Hello,” I grumble into the phone.
“Gabriella?” The woman says on the other line. I think I hear her sniff. Is she crying? I don’t recognize the voice or the number.
“Who is this?”
“I’m Cindy, Gabe’s wife.”
“Oh,” is all I can mutter. Thousands of thoughts start crossing through my mind. “Is everything okay?”
“No,” she sobs into the phone. I nudge Bradley and perch myself up on my elbow as I listen intently. “He was robbed leaving the shop tonight. He was airlifted to Grady. He’s still unconscious.” I swallow and try to think of how to respond. I am speechless as the guilt consumes me. He was there late because of me. Cindy sniffs. “I just thought you should know.”
I don’t think I can go through this again. I don’t think that I can lose another parent, especially when I was just wrapping my head around him. “May I see him?” As soon as I say it I realize that I am fighting back tears. Why? Why am I fighting back tears for this man? He hurt me to the point I don’t even remember him. I don’t know him. He’s a stranger to me. I should consider him dangerous to me like Bradley and Sam say. But I can’t. I shake my head. “Cindy, may I see him?” I ask urgently.
“Please. I don’t know if it will help, but he says you’re his angel. Please come, Gabriella.”
“Okay. I’ll be there soon.” I hang up and nudge Bradley. “Hey, wake up.” I shake him again. He’s so hard to wake up sometimes. “Bradley. I gotta go, please wake up.”
He mumbles and rolls over trying to nuzzle me. “Wake up,” I urge him as I shake his shoulders.
“Huh?” Even in the dark those blue eyes can pierce me.
“It’s Dad. He was robbed tonight after we left the shop.”
His playful, half-awake look turns serious. “Is he okay?”
I shake my head, and as I say, “No,” the tears I had been able to contain on the phone start to flow from my eyes. “He’s at Grady. He’s unconscious.” Bradley uses the pad of his thumbs to brush away my tears. “I want to go see him. Will you drive me?”
“Of course, I’ll drive you.” He kisses my forehead. After our fight, I’m glad to see that he’s being so nice. “Can I get you something?” he breathes onto my forehead.
I learned my lesson earlier. I can’t shut him down or out right now. I need him. I need to lean on him like no other. “Some kind of a pain killer for my headache.” And a small smile curves on my lips. “And some water.”
He grins. “Ah, water, huh?” he asks and then gently takes my lips into his. “Get dressed, and I’ll get that for you.”
I climb out of the bed and open the drawer to the dresser to pull out a pair of black sweats. There is an elastic for my hair on my bedside table. I pick that up and start to gather my hair onto the top of my head and secure it with the elastic.
Bradley comes back into our room with a glass of water and pills. He extends one hand to me. “For the headache.” I smile and put them in my mouth and reach for the glass. He hands it to me. “Drink it all.”
I smile as I take the glass and turn it back to swallow the pills. I look at him as I chug the water. A smile forms around the lip of the glass.
"Atta girl." He smirks and crosses his arms, causing his chest to bulge. He looks so smug as he says, "You know almost all headaches are caused by dehydration."
Smart ass.
I finish it and hand him the glass back. “Almost being the operative word.” I wink and walk away to get dressed. As distracting as the playful banter is, I’m worried and I really can’t get to the hospital fast enough.
I threw on a sweat suit because I know from what I went through with my mom that hospitals are always freezing. I thought after mom passed away, that I was done with needing to be in hospitals, certainly done with hospitals for parents. The overwhelming feeling that I have as I walk through those sliding doors is hard to describe.
I’ve just met him, and I feel like I’m already losing him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted a relationship, but now I feel like that decision is being stolen from me. It’s being taken away. It’s not on my terms. Some punk made it for me. For what? For a couple of dollars? I don’t understand what’s wrong with people.
Maybe he deserved it. Maybe this is karma catching up with him. I just can’t resign myself to believe that, though. I can’t resign myself to believe that he won’t be okay. I need time with him. All I’ve been able to think about on the way here was how I was the reason he was even there that late.
This is my fault.
I don’t know that I will be able to handle the guilt that will eat me alive if he were to die because of being at the shop late begging for my forgiveness. How will I ever be okay with that?
I prayed the entire way here for him to be okay. So that I can have another chance if I want one, and so I won’t have to know what it feels like for the rest of my life to know that he died because of me. My body starts to shake as we walk up to the desk. There is a security guard there. “Who are you here to see?”
“My dad. Gabe Gerhart.” I pause to keep the tears that threaten at bay.
Bradley fills in the rest for me. “He’s in the ICU.”
The guard makes a call and asks if we have permission to visit. When he hangs up he nods his head and points to the area in front of us. “Go down this hall. The elevators will be on your right. Take it to the 4th floor.” He motions to the left. “The ICU waiting room will be on your left after you exit. There’s an intercom for you to buzz to get to the nurses when you get up there.”
“Okay, thank you,” I whisper. We walk down the frigid, sterile corridor towards the elevator and up to the intensive care unit.
Bradley must notice that I’m shaking because he wraps his arms around me as the doors open and walks me into the quiet space. The hospital is pretty much a ghost town since visiting hours are over. When the doors clos
e, he turns me around and pulls me close into a hug. He kisses the top of my head. “I wish I could tell you it’s gonna all be okay.”
“It’s okay that you can’t.”
“I wish I could take away all the pain that you have had to endure, do you know that?”
I nod and swallow. “That means a lot.”
“It’s the truth.”
The doors open to the fourth floor. Just as the security guard said, there’s nothing on the fourth floor other than the ICU. We barely have to move before we’re in the waiting room. This woman with blonde hair and eyes as beautiful and blue as Bradley’s walks over to me. I assume she’s Cindy. “You must be Gabby.”
“I am.” I smile. Not exactly how I thought I’d meet her. I have a moment where I realize I have a step-mom. I have a brother. I have a family. It’s mine if I want it. And I don’t think I realized how much I have wanted that until now. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” I look over to the boy on the couch playing a hand-held video game. He looks like Sam. Lighter hair, but his features look so much like her. He’s a mini-dad. “That must be...?”
“Evan. That’s Evan, he’s your half-brother.”
The tears that have threatened me since I got here escape. I cover my mouth and turn to Bradley and bury my face into his chest. He puts his hands on the back of my head and whispers, “Shh.” into my ear. “I got you, Gabby Girl. I got you.”
I don’t think it’s any one thing that has caused the flood gates to open. It’s a combination. It’s everything I learned tonight. It’s the assault. It’s meeting my step-mom and my brother for the first time. It’s going from essentially being an orphan to having a family that I might lose at any moment. It’s just too much. “I need to sit down, and I need water, please.”
Bradley pushes me back and down into an uncomfortable couch. “You want anything else?”
I shake my head. I look to Cindy. “I’m so sorry. It’s just a lot to take in all at once.”
She sits next to me. “Sweetie, I completely understand. I know about everything. I know this must be so hard and overwhelming for you.”