People strained against the cordon of soldiers. Hands reached out to her. Voices cried out her name. She absorbed it all, uncomfortable, but also welcoming it. It was nice to know she was making a difference.
She turned suddenly at the sound of a commotion. Someone had managed to break through the cordon and was moving towards her. The Drazi soldiers had caught him and were forcing him down, raining blows on his body.
"Stop," she said firmly, with more authority than most military commanders could muster. The guards hesitated, and she stepped down from the procession to approach the prone figure. It was a Brakiri. He was clearly old, and his face bore numerous scars and old wounds. Around his arm he wore an black armband, a sign of mourning indicating he had survived the grim days of the Drakh occupation.
She bent down and helped him to his feet. His eyes widened as he saw her. "It is you," he whispered, his tone reverential. "They said you were dead."
"I was," she said. The shouts and cheering had stopped. Everyone was looking at her. "I was dead," she said again, louder. Then she smiled slightly. "I got better."
There were more cheers. People shouted her name, but she did not hear any of it. She only heard the Brakiri's voice, rasping and harsh as he tried to speak through floods of tears. "I knew it," he said. "Thank you. Oh, thank you."
"What for?" she asked, genuinely puzzled.
He looked surprised. "Everything, of course.
"Everything."
* * *
With all the delays it was hardly surprising that it took her far longer to reach the Neuadd than she might have expected. There were numerous other attempts to break through the cordon to approach her, and she had to deliver a quick speech on the steps of the building before she went inside, Lethke following attentively.
"It is good to have you back, Delenn," the Brakiri said, smiling. "I cannot tell you just how good."
"And it is good to be back. I have missed you, Lethke. You.... and everyone here. How are things? I heard so little on Proxima."
He paused, and looked around. "They are.... not as you remember. A lot has happened since you.... disappeared. That was a long time ago, and much has changed. The war, of course, but...." He shook his head. "Problems with the Narns, and the Centauri.... and the Drazi as well."
"I had heard the Centauri had allied with the Shadows," she said slowly. "It was a lie, wasn't it, Lethke?"
"I wish I could say it was, but.... There was footage. It was truthful, not a forgery. We had it checked. A great deal, and every test showed it was not a fake. Centauri ships were fighting alongside the Shadows, against the Narns."
"I do not believe it of Londo. I do not."
"Nor I. It is possible the Shadows arranged this, but.... I do not want to believe it, but there is little choice. We have not been in communication with anyone from the Centauri Republic for months. The Narn representatives here are pressuring us to aid them in their war with the Centauri. They were never so zealous before, and they still provide little help in the wider war. And the Drazi...."
"How is the Council?"
"Fractured, Delenn. You were always the one who united us, whether you realised it or not. Without you.... Anyway, you will see now. G'Kar has done what he can, but his official status is.... unclear, and some are using that against him. The Narns have an Ambassador, but he is largely powerless. Come, we are wasting too much time here. The Council waits to see you. They are probably growing impatient."
Delenn smiled. "We cannot have that. Unless Taan has learned to control his temper since the last time...."
"I doubt it," Lethke deadpanned. "But we will not have to worry about that, as he is not here. He is with the fleet. Vizhak is here, and he.... Ah, you will see. I hope you can do better with them all than I can."
"I will do my best. I can promise you that."
"I have never asked for anything more from you, Delenn. And I never will."
* * *
The room was silent as she entered, and she stopped, an uncomfortable feeling creeping over her. Everyone was looking at her, and then, all as one, they rose to their feet.
Delenn smiled at each one as she walked past, recognising the familiar, welcoming faces, but feeling uneasy at the number of those she did not know.
G'Kar moved forward and embraced her warmly. She held him back, enjoying his presence. Ta'Lon was just behind him, his one–eyed face impassive. "I know," G'Kar whispered. "Sinoval told me."
Her face displayed no shock, but inwards, her mind was turning. She had sent four messages out before she had left for Z'ha'dum, messages to friends, companions, and a lover. John and Lyta she knew had never received theirs, and it was doubtful that Lethke had either. For the sake of the Alliance, for peace, for everything, none of them had to know her true motives for going to Z'ha'dum.
But Sinoval did know, and she was unsure if that was a blessing or a curse.
"We will talk later," she replied, stepping back. Then she smiled. "I missed you, G'Kar."
Another Narn was next. G'Kael. Delenn had known him for a while, and although he rarely spoke in the Council meetings she had attended, she was very aware that something was shining in his mind. She was reminded of a phrase she had once heard. A mind like a diamond. Brilliant, but cold.
G'Kael bowed, but said nothing. His assistant Na'Toth did likewise.
Her eyes passed over the empty spaces where the Centauri should have sat. Londo should be here. His Ambassadors should be here. He had done as much for the Alliance as anyone.
Vejar's chair was also empty, although that was not uncommon. Delenn was not thinking of him. Not now. There would be time for a conversation later. There were many things to be said.
Lethke had taken his seat by now, and Delenn turned to see a human bow formally to her, a trace of fear in his eyes. For a moment she did not recognise him, but then memory returned. Major Krantz, who had served Bester long ago. Bester had betrayed them all, and now he had disappeared. He was hiding somewhere in the shadows, waiting. No doubt he would return, and it seemed prudent to have someone who knew him as an ally when he did. Krantz had been too eager to change sides, claiming to have known little about Bester's plans. His lies fooled no one, but his presence was useful.
Disgusted at herself for thinking like a politician, Delenn greeted some delegates who had not been present before. Kalika, of the Abbai, with whom she had been in discussions before her departure. A Gaim representative nodded at her. A Llort was also present, his people finally having chosen sides.
And then there was Vizhak. The Drazi looked at her for a moment with piercing eyes, a terrible suspicion there.... bordering.... not quite on hatred, but a on strange emotion she could not identify. Vizhak nodded and then sat down.
Puzzled, Delenn took her seat, and caught a glimpse of something from the corner of her eye. It seemed strange in this room, incongruous. Something drew her to that sight, and she could not explain why.
It was shards of crystal. A data crystal. A crystal that must have been hurled against the wall with great force.
Shaking her head, Delenn turned back to the Council. There was a lot to be done.
* * *
Delenn felt drained by the time the meeting ended. The long hours of talk and argument and dissension had only reminded her of how much time had passed and how much had changed. It also depressed her greatly. Was everything they had built really so fragile? Did everything truly depend on her life? She had believed it would endure without her, that honourable men like Lethke and Vizhak and G'Kar could hold together the Alliance without her as a figurehead.
It had not been as she had imagined. There were deep rifts within the Alliance. Vizhak in particular was changed. He had said little. Delenn gathered he had been surly for the past several months. There was a conflict within him, one Delenn had finally recognised halfway into the meeting, the conflict of a man struggling between his conscience and his people.
G'Kael had delivered a message from his Government, d
emanding the Alliance dispatch even more Dark Stars to aid the Narns in their war with the Centauri. He made the request without shame or embarrassment or indeed any emotion at all.
Lethke pointed out that that would leave Kazomi 7 all but undefended. Even now there were no Dark Stars around the planet.
Nothing had been decided. Delenn could only think of Londo, could only think of sending more ships to help attack the people he loved so much.
There had been arguments and debate and discussion and nothing of anything had been resolved. She was only just beginning to understand what her departure had wrought.
She had chosen to go to her death knowingly, but only now did she realise the ramifications of what she had done.
This is a time for warriors, not healers.
Sinoval's words. He was right, but in a sense he was also wrong. This time needed both warriors and healers.
These thoughts weighed heavily on her mind as she walked down the stairs and through the corridors of the building. There had been several vacant seats in the Council Chamber, but the one her eyes had most turned to had belonged to Vejar.
There were many words to be had with the technomage.
She reached the door to his chambers, the rooms in the very basement of the building, where few others visited. The council building had been largely rebuilt over the old administrative buildings which had been all but destroyed during the Drakh occupation, but some parts of the old Kazomi 7 remained. Vejar's quarters were one of them.
As she reached the door a symbol appeared on it, glowing bright gold. A face appeared through the symbol, a nightmarish creation drawn from myths and nightmares. Delenn, who had seen more in real nightmares than any fake ones, simply stared it down, and it faded. The door swung open.
"Come in," said Vejar's polite tones from inside. "I've been expecting you."
Without any trepidation she crossed the boundary, and everything became dark. Hesitating, her heart thumping in her chest, she nevertheless moved forward. She could see nothing, but there was little here to be afraid of. Not any more.
A light appeared around her, and she discovered Vejar sitting before her. There was an empty chair opposite him. She sat down and looked at him. He appeared unchanged, still looking as young and fresh–faced as when they had first met. On the inside, however, she knew he was a very different man.
"Who are the effects for?" she asked softly.
He smiled, sadly. "A little art. A little power. We have existed always through trickery and deception and illusion. I suppose, in my last days, I could not entirely divest myself of all that we are." He paused, and looked directly at her. She could see into his eyes, and she knew that for all the power, all the wisdom, all the knowledge there, he was alone. So very alone.
"Yes," he said. "So you have met him. I wondered.... when I heard from Proxima about what had happened. The First One. The Eldest. We speak of him in hushed voices, wondering always if he was real, or not, if he still lived. He is real, then."
"Yes," she said simply.
"Ah. Well, that is good to know. One mystery solved. Many more still unanswered. Such is the way of all life, I believe. I suppose you wish to have me killed."
"No."
"Ah. I betrayed you, Delenn. You came to me in a gesture of trust. You needed my help for a great purpose, for a great sacrifice, and I betrayed you. I would not blame you for hating me, for wishing me dead."
"I do not hate you, Vejar. I do not wish you dead. I made the choice you spoke of. It was hard, it was painful, and the cost of it will remain with me always. Sometimes.... I still dream...." Dream, of a heartbeat that was not hers, but a part of her. Dream, of the cold black vastness of death. "But dreams are all lies. I live, and what was done....
"I do not hate you, Vejar."
He sighed, and genuine relief showed on his face. "I see.... Thank you, Delenn. You have learned a lot since last we met. More than I ever have. I owe you a great debt, Delenn."
"I could show you. The things I have seen, Vejar, they all come from one simple understanding. Vejar, I have seen the power you wield. We both know what you can do. Help us. The war is almost over. Help us finish it all. Help us to build a better world, a finer world."
He shook his head. "I cannot do that."
"You said you owed me a debt. This would erase that, would erase all debts."
"That was unfair! Delenn, please, listen to me. Who are you fighting for? Who are you? What do you want? Can you answer those questions? I know who you are fighting for, and I will never fight for them. What will your peace bring you, Delenn? What will be the result of your war?"
"The war will bring us peace. And peace will bring us joy."
"You do not see, Delenn. Oh, I am sure you believe that, but you are blind. All of you are. You fight this war, and you will win. The Shadow will be gone, but another will be cast over you, one greater and more powerful than the last, all the more so because it will look like the light. You will win, Delenn, and doom yourselves in doing so."
"The Vorlons are not the Shadows. They are not our enemies."
"They sent you to die, Delenn."
"They had their reasons."
"Yes, they did. They are not your friends. They are a greater threat by far than the Shadows could ever be."
"Then help us! Help us defeat the Shadows! Help us create a better world without the Vorlons! You have power, great power. So use it!"
He shook his head. "You do not understand."
She rose and turned. There was nothing more to say. She was angry, and the sound of her own heart beating pounded loudly in her ears, an echo of another heart, one much weaker, just behind it. "It is strange," she said finally, as she left. "The Vorlons say the same thing. I think we all understand much more than either of you gives us credit for."
Vejar said nothing. The beating hearts almost deafened her as she left.
* * *
Delenn knew what G'Kar was going to say. She had listened to him in the months since her return, listened to his pain and his grief. She had seen the battles between the Narn and the Centauri. She had felt G'Kar's anguish over watching his people fight to the death against his oldest friend.
And it was all the worse because the war was being fought in his name. A jihad. A holy war.
She thought of the Blessed Delenn and a dark cloud passed over her.
There was no other option. G'Kar had to go to Narn, had to go to the Kha'Ri himself. He had to tell them.... to tell them.... to show them that there was another way, that the war must end now.
"Are you sure about this?" she asked softly, looking at him across the table. He would be, she knew that, but she had to ask.
"Yes," he told her. He paused, deep in thought, and she nodded. The war had to be finished. The Shadows had to be defeated, yes, but not at this cost. This was only performing their task for them.
"I have waited too long," he continued, "afraid to confront my own errors. But now there is no time for fear, and no more time to wait." Delenn knew there was something G'Kar could not say, something he wished very much to keep to himself, something G'Kael and Na'Toth were also hiding. She did not pry.
"The war will soon be over," he whispered. "But what will the peace bring?"
"It will bring what we make of it, surely," Delenn said, hoping she could believe her own words.
"So there will still be no rest." G'Kar shook his head and rose from his chair. "I have missed you, Delenn, those long months you were gone." It seemed for an instant as if he was going to say more, but then he stopped himself and paused, beginning again a moment later.
"I am glad you have returned to us, Delenn. I wish we had more time together."
"As do I, but we will see each other again, G'Kar."
"Will we? I wish I had your faith. Sometimes I think.... a dark cloud is putting out the lights all across the galaxy. There are very few left shining now."
"The war will soon be over."
"That was not what I w
as referring to." She shivered.
* * *
It was of necessity a meeting that had to be held in private. It was not that either of them did not trust the other, but that both were very much aware of the shadows that lurked everywhere, darkest and most terrifying where it seemed to be lightest.
Vizhak and Taan Churok had never been close. On opposing factions during the last transitional period, a mutual animosity had arisen between them. Vizhak was a career politician, a man willing to work for the good of his people, to represent the Drazi abroad and to profit them all from his actions. Taan Churok was a bartender, a man interested only in his own concerns, but who had been forced by fate to take a more active hand.
However, as the Drazi representatives on the Alliance Council they had been forced to work together, and a tentative alliance had arisen, although it had taken far longer for these members of the same race to learn to trust each other than it had those of radically different peoples.
"When did you return?" Vizhak asked. It was he who had been invited here, and the unfamiliarity of it irritated him. He was no stranger to intrigue, but his experiences had largely been of the legitimate world. It had been something of a revelation to learn that criminals could evade and conceal just as much as politicians.
"Returned yesterday," replied Taan. "Came in secret. Not want others to know. Not yet. Time not right."
"How is homeworld?"
"Wounded. Streib attack bad. Very bad. We live still, but many dead. Too many dead."
"No help from Dark Stars?"
"None. Dark Star fleet too busy to aid us. We were here from start, but no aid for us. And more. Orders from Sheridan. More ships are needed. More soldiers to go and die somewhere else. More deaths while homeworld suffers."
"Delenn is back now. Talk to her. She understands."
"Not Delenn that is problem. Sheridan. Vorlons. Everywhere we look, Vorlons are."
"Still, talk to Delenn. She will help."
"No! You think she will help us, when her lover will not? She wants war over. She grieves for dead, yes, but they are still dead. And behind her, are Vorlons, yes."
A Dark, Distorted Mirror. Volume 4. A Future, Born in Pain addm-4 Page 67