by Gerri Hill
“I want you so much.”
“Oh, Lee . . . you have no idea,” Kate whispered. She forgot about the others. She forgot about the party. There was only Lee. There was only Lee and the moon.
But Lee didn’t forget. When Kate pulled Lee’s shirt from her jeans, when her warm hands would have slid up to Lee’s breasts, Lee stilled them.
“Kate, we can’t,” she whispered. “Not here.” She glanced nervously toward the deck, seeing the others as they mingled. How long had they been gone? Ten minutes? Twenty?
Kate groaned, leaning her head heavily against Lee’s chest. No, they couldn’t. Jesus, all she wanted was to touch Lee. But no, they had a goddamned party to deal with. And she had Robin to deal with.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. She pulled out of Lee’s arms, taking deep breaths, trying to still her racing heart. “Jesus, I’m so sorry.”
Lee didn’t know what to say. She was afraid to touch Kate, afraid she couldn’t stop. “You should go back,” she finally said.
Kate nodded. “I know.” She looked up, meeting Lee’s eyes. “I know.”
Lee watched her walk away, her heart breaking with every step Kate took. She was going back. Back to the party, back to Robin . . . back to her life. She turned away, her eyes moving to the sky, finding the moon. She took a deep breath, then closed her eyes, aware that she was wishing—praying—that Kate would not go back to Robin. But it was out of her hands. There was nothing she could do. It was all up to Kate.
“Ariel?”
Lee turned slowly, not really surprised to see Sunshine standing behind her on the trail.
“Your journey is over, Ariel.”
“Yeah? Well, it kinda sucks.”
Sunshine moved closer. “How does it feel to be in love?”
Lee shoved her hands in her pockets. “Well, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be,” she said lightly. “In fact, I didn’t think it was supposed to hurt this much.”
Sunshine smiled. “To quote an old song . . . love hurts, Ariel.”
“I have a really bad feeling, Sunny.” Lee looked away. “I’m not sure Kate feels the same, you know.”
“Why do you doubt?”
“Well, you know, Robin is here, for one. And two, she’s got issues with me.” Lee shrugged. “Issues with my past dating habits.”
Sunshine laughed. “You can’t blame her for that, Ariel.”
“No. I know.”
“And as for Robin, no, there is no energy there, Ariel. There is nothing between them. I don’t think there was ever anything between them.”
“There is something between them. They’ve been together for a couple of years, they live together. So, yeah, there’s still something between them.”
“Ariel, you must trust. You must trust the fire between you. Kate knows, just as you know.”
Lee stared. “Knows what?”
Sunshine smiled. “The fire between you . . . it’s true, Ariel.” Lee slowly shook her head. She didn’t know what to say. “Didn’t I tell you the Fates always win?”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“I didn’t think they’d ever leave,” Robin said as she helped Kate and Brenda with the dishes.
Kate and Brenda exchanged glances.
“It’s barely after ten, darling,” Brenda said.
“And that’s two hours longer than normal people can stand talking to Harmony.” Robin reached into her pocket. “My God. Look at this shit.”
Kate and Brenda smiled, then laughed outright as Robin held out a palm full of crystals.
“What the hell am I going to do with this? She said I needed to work on my negative energy. Can you believe that?”
Kate and Brenda again exchanged glances.
“Harmony and Sunshine are very attuned to energy levels,” Brenda explained.
“Well, they’re weird. And I’m sorry. I know they’re your friends and all but they kinda freak me out.”
“They are absolutely harmless,” Brenda said.
Kate put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher, wondering at her urge to defend Harmony and Sunshine. Yeah, she thought they were kinda weird too. But as Brenda told her months ago—they grow on you.
“I don’t know how you two stand it up here. Even Lee was acting weird tonight. I swear, she didn’t say five words all night.”
Kate flicked her glance to Brenda, then looked away. No, Lee hadn’t said much. She sat in a corner of the deck, brooding, watching as Robin doted on Kate all night. In fact, Kate couldn’t seem to get away from her. She and Lee didn’t have another moment alone and without warning—without even a good-bye—Lee had gotten up and left.
“Lee is having some personal issues,” Brenda said. “It has nothing to do with the group.” She smiled. “And Kate and I stand it up here just fine, darling. Perhaps it is you who should reconsider the next time you have the urge to visit.”
Brenda left without another word, the door to her bedroom closing rather forcefully.
“What is it with everyone tonight? I can’t believe she just spoke to me that way.”
“Well, Robin, it’s the truth. Each time you’ve been here, you’ve done nothing but complain.”
Robin stood in front of her, her eyes questioning. “Why are you still here Kate?”
“What do you mean?”
“Your book’s all but done. You’ve been here since May. Five months, Kate.” She shrugged. “I guess I want to know if you’re coming back to Dallas or not.”
“Well, of course I’m coming back. I have an apartment there, I have my things there.”
“What about me, Kate? What about us?”
Kate swallowed, then cleared her throat. “What about us?”
“Oh, come on, Kate. I hardly know you anymore.”
Kate nodded. She pulled out a barstool and sat down. It was time. Past time, really. She leaned her elbows on the bar, resting her chin on her hands.
“I know I’ve changed, Robin. But I’d like to think it’s in a good way.” She cleared her throat again nervously. “You may not agree, though.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve . . . I’ve met someone, Robin. And it’s made me realize that what you and I have isn’t . . . well, it isn’t love.”
They stared at each other, Kate waiting for the angry explosion she expected. It never came.
“You met someone, huh? Well that’s good, Kate. I mean, it wasn’t like we were exclusive or anything. It wasn’t like we’d declared our undying love.”
“What?” Kate hissed.
Robin took a step back. “We never once talked about that, Kate. I still dated occasionally. I thought you did too.”
“What? When?”
“Well, I don’t know, whenever you and I weren’t doing something.”
Kate closed her eyes. “Let me get this straight. We’ve been dating? We’ve not been in a monogamous relationship?”
“Well, no. What gave you that idea?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Kate said sarcastically. “Maybe because you’ve been living in my bedroom for one thing!”
“You offered me a place to stay,” Robin reminded her.
“Yes. And when you moved into my bedroom, I assumed that meant you weren’t out dating. Jesus, I cannot believe this.”
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t like I went out all the time or anything.” Kate stared. “And while I’ve been gone?”
“Well, I’ve been going out, yes. In fact, I met someone too.”
Kate rubbed her eyes. She had a sudden urge to laugh hysterically. The guilt she’d carried with her most of the summer vanished with Robin’s words. Even the anger she’d initially felt was gone as quick as it had come. She and Robin’s relationship was just a farce, a sham.
“You’ve met someone too? The Hot Springs massage person?” Kate guessed.
Robin blushed. “Yes. How did you know?”
“So, just a few weeks ago, you were sharing a romantic weekend with her. Yet last night, you wanted to have sex with me?”
“Well, we’re not really exclusive, either. I mean, she’s been staying at the apartment with me, but—”
“Are you kidding me?” Kate stood, her voice rising. “You’ve had another woman staying at my apartment while I’ve been gone?”
“I didn’t think it’d be a problem, Kate.”
Kate stared. She didn’t know what to say. To say she was floored by Robin’s words would be a gross understatement. Months ago, when she’d first told Lee about Robin, Lee had questioned the exclusiveness of their relationship. Kate remembered being shocked that someone would assume she and Robin were not monogamous. Apparently the thought had never crossed Robin’s mind. Monogamous. Most likely, that word had never crossed Lee’s mind either.
“You know what? It is a problem, Robin. I should have never let our relationship develop as it did. I knew I wasn’t really in love with you. I shouldn’t have asked you to move in. I shouldn’t have accepted that what we had was good enough. Obviously, you didn’t. But despite all of that, it’s still wrong what I’ve done. In my mind, we were a couple. And this summer, I met someone, someone who made me feel all the things you didn’t. But I should never have let it go as far as it did with her, because you and I were still officially a couple. And I have been eaten up with guilt, Robin. And yes, I was going to end things with you.” She walked toward the deck, staring through the glass doors. “I don’t know what’s going to happen or what I want to do now.” She turned back around. “But when we say good-bye tomorrow, I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Kate pulled the blanket around her, trying to chase away the chill. The moon had traveled across the sky, yet still high enough to light up the cliffs. In the distance, she heard the lonely call of a coyote.
She had been out here for hours, it seemed. Robin was in bed. Kate had claimed the sofa, although she couldn’t sleep. She didn’t doubt Brenda had heard them, but she’d not come out of her room. Perhaps she sensed Kate’s need to be alone.
“What a fool you are,” she murmured to herself. Two and a half years she’d been dating Robin. Counting all the months she’d been up here, they’d shared an apartment for nearly a year. And it was all nothing. How stupid could she be?
And Lee. God, what was she going to do about Lee? She could no longer use the excuse that she was involved with someone. She rolled her eyes. As if that excuse had worked lately anyway. Officially, she was single now. If she stayed here for awhile longer, what would she and Lee do? Would they date?
I don’t want to date her.
No. Tonight she realized she was past that stage. The brief time they were together tonight, the few kisses they’d shared—the stolen moments when they couldn’t stop touching—Kate accepted what it felt like, what it meant.
She was in love with Lee. It was as plain as day to her now. And it was most likely a huge mistake. After all, Lee was Lee.
Tonight, after Lee left so abruptly, where did she go? Kate doubted she went home. At least not alone. No, she’d watched Robin, had seen Robin touching her, hugging her. Robin had kissed her unexpectedly. When Kate looked up, Lee was there, watching, staring at them. She saw the pain in Lee’s eyes. But there was nothing she could do. And shortly thereafter, Lee simply got up and left.
No, she doubted Lee was alone tonight. The ache in her heart worsened and she rubbed lightly against her chest.
Lee stood still, not noticing the cold, her eyes staring out at the moon-kissed cliffs across from her. The occasional call of the coyotes only made her sullen mood worse. It had been hours, but she still couldn’t get the picture of them kissing out of her mind. She knew that it was Robin who had kissed Kate. She knew that. But still, the image was there. And it was so obvious that they were a couple, the way they touched, the way they looked at each other.
It wasn’t really Kate, she reminded herself. But that hardly mattered. Here she was, alone, standing at their spot, standing at the spot she’d never brought another human being to—except Kate. And Kate was in bed with another woman. She didn’t want to think beyond that. Kate had said they hadn’t slept together. But their actions on the deck indicated otherwise.
“Sunshine was wrong,” she murmured.
Trust the fire.
“I guess the Fates really don’t like me after all.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Brenda watched them drive away, curious as to the tight hug Kate had given her. She could see the uncertainty in Kate’s eyes and as much as Brenda loved her, there was nothing she could do for her now. She let her leave, knowing she had to work this out on her own.
She went back inside, intending to have the last of the coffee out on the deck now that the air had warmed up. The phone interrupted her and she put the coffeepot back, thinking Kate must have forgotten something.
“It’s me. Please, I’ve got to talk to her, Brenda.”
“Oh, darling, I’m sorry. You just missed her.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’re on their way to the airport, Lee. I’m sure—”
Brenda stared at the phone before putting it down, wondering why Lee had hung up on her. “Women, I swear,” she murmured, again grabbing the coffeepot.
*
Lee downshifted as she took a corner too fast, dangerously sliding the Jeep on the rocks then speeding up again. Once she hit the county road and pavement, Lee shifted into fifth, speeding along as she attempted to catch Kate. She didn’t pause to think about what she was doing, she only knew she couldn’t let Kate leave. finally, up ahead, she spotted the rental car. Without thinking, she flipped on the police lights and siren, not caring in the least that it wasn’t protocol.
“What the hell?”
Kate slowed, her eyes fixed on the rearview mirror.
“What is it?” Robin asked.
“It appears to be Sheriff Foxx.”
“Were you speeding?”
Kate rolled her eyes. “No, Robin, I wasn’t speeding.” She pulled over to the side and stopped. She was out of the car before Lee even opened the door to her Jeep.
“What the hell are you doing?” Kate demanded.
Lee stared. “I . . . I, er . . . you were speeding.”
Kate put her hands on her hips. “Like hell.”
“You were. Really.”
“Fine. You going to give me a ticket or what?”
Lee shifted nervously. “Kate, please . . . don’t go.”
“What?”
“Please don’t leave.”
“Lee—”
“Hey! We’ve got a flight to catch,” Robin yelled. Kate glanced at her watch. “I’m sorry, Lee.”
“Please don’t do this, Kate. Don’t leave.”
Kate frowned. She wished they had time to talk, but now was not the place. Not with Robin right there. “I’ve got to go, Lee.”
Lee stood in the middle of the road, watching in disbelief as
Kate drove out of her life. She was sure her heart stopped beating as the car faded from sight.
I love you, Kate.
“What did she want?”
Kate shrugged. “I’m not really sure.”
Robin turned in her seat, watching Kate. “You said last night that you’d met someone, but you didn’t say who. Is it Lee?”
Kate paused, then nodded. “Yes. It’s Lee.”
“No wonder she was acting so strange last night. She was jealous. I’m sorry, Kate. I had no idea.”
“I know. It’s my fault. I should have told you.”
“So, what’s going to happen with you two?”
“I don’t know.” Then she smiled. “I feel kinda funny talking to you about this.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“And I did some thinking last night. There’s really no reason for you to have to move right now. I mean, I don’t know when I’m coming back.”
“Really? That’d be great. Because I really like it there and it’s close to work.”
Kate nodded. �
��But I’m not going to continue paying all the rent. I’ll pay half, since I have all my furniture there but that’s it.”
“Fair enough.”
God, they were being so civilized with each other, it was almost nauseating. No doubt Robin was as relieved as Kate was to formally end their relationship. She let her thoughts drift back to Lee, puzzled by her odd behavior. Lights and siren? What was up with that?
Chapter Forty
Lee drove in a daze, going to the only place she knew she would find solace. She found her on the deck, out in the sun. They looked at each other, then Brenda motioned to a chair.
“Sit, darling.”
Lee nearly fell into the chair, her head hanging. “What’s wrong, Lee?”
Lee shook her head. “I just can’t believe she left. I can’t believe she left without even talking to me.”
“Kate?”
“Of course Kate.” Lee stood, pacing along the deck. “There’s something between us, Brenda, I know there is. She knows it too.” Lee clutched at her chest. “She knows it, Brenda. But she thinks she can’t trust me.” Lee shrugged. “I can’t blame her. Hell, I’ve been with more women than I can count. But it’s different now. It’s different with her. I mean, I can’t even think about being with someone other than her.” Lee stopped pacing, standing in front of Brenda. “How could she just leave me? Without a word? I mean, not one goddamned word. Did it mean nothing to her?”
“Lee, what are you talking about?”
Lee spread her arms. “I’m talking about Kate! I’m talking about me!” she nearly yelled. “How could she just go back to Dallas without a word?”