“So, you decided to not even bother talking with Dixon?”
“Seriously, what the hell do you think, Savannah!?” Brooklyn says, while filling the cups up with more beer from the keg. “I’m not going to be his little go-to gal whenever he’s lonely. I’m done with the head games. That man makes me dizzy. One minute he’s bringing two skanks back here with him, and then the next he’s trying to flirt with me and act like nothing happened?”
Dixon definitely has made himself look like a total douche bag, but I can’t help but think maybe he’s being this way because he’s scared and not sure how to handle Brooklyn. Kayden said Dixon likes her, but he’s not sure if he’s ready to settle down into a monogamous relationship. A few weeks ago Brooklyn was okay with this, but now she is getting all territorial with Dixon, and wanting him all to herself.
“I don’t know what to say, Brooklyn. I saw you all hot and heavy with Jax today, and it just is rubbing me the wrong way. You just told me last night; there’s nothing between you two but hot steamy sex. I don’t want him to get hurt because it’s going to put Kayden between a rock and hard place if things between you two go south.”
Rolling her eyes at me, I can see her entire body stiffen, as her face changes from happy to pained. “Don’t you think I already thought of this? I’m sick of being lonely. Xander is a man-whore who’s only good for one thing. Yeah, he’s fun for a random hookup, but I’m not kidding myself. He’s sleeping with a new girl in every city they stop in. Dixon, I knew was a player, but I loved the idea that maybe I could change him, like you changed Kayden. But I guess I was just fooling myself. I’m sick of being alone, so Jax is the safe bet to roll with. Our chemistry in the bedroom is off the charts, and maybe over time that could change into something deeper.”
Moving around the table, I set the last red beer-filled cup down and wrapped my arms around Brooklyn. I hate seeing her pulled in so many different directions. “All I can say is, don’t settle Brooklyn; you’re an amazing person and my bestest friend in the entire world. I want you to have a guy who’ll love you unconditionally and make you feel the way I do when Kayden looks at me. So loved that you think if you died today, you can die knowing you spent your last days with your soul mate. Almost dying really puts life into perspective.” I laugh to try and ease the moment, but inside I’m completely shaken to the core.
Almost dying was the worst and best thing that’s ever happened to me. It made me really look at my life and put it all into perspective. People spend way too much time just going with the motions and not grabbing life by the horns. I don’t want Brooklyn to settle for anything less than the best. I hope when she looks back on her life; she won’t have any regrets or what if’s.
“You told me last night that Dixon makes you feel everything you’ve only dreamt of feeling when a man looks into your eyes. You need to ask yourself: Is he feeling that too? If so, maybe he’s just scared shitless and running away. I think before you jump into anything more with Jax, you need to have a serious talk with Dixon. If you’re not meant to be together, then do it for closure so you can try to put the feelings you have for him aside and move on with your life.”
Chapter Twelve
After a few games and a good buzz later, Kayden and Jax make their way back up to the deck. “So who kicked who’s butt?” Jax asks, walking over to lean against the beer pong table. They both watch as I take a shot and miss; Kayden quickly scoops the ball up and tosses it over to Brooklyn.
“I’m getting my ass beat; it’s embarrassing how badly I suck.” I say, just as Brooklyn sinks another ball.
Stepping up behind me, Kayden snakes his arms around my waist, pressing himself firmly against my backside. Leaning down and resting his lips against my ear, he whispers, “The only one who should be beating that pretty little ass of yours is me, and baby, you suck so good…I’m hard right now just thinking about it.”
I can feel my face turning as red as the tropical flowers surrounding us. Spinning around, I slap Kayden’s chest as my mouth falls open in shock. “You are so bad! I swear you have the ability to make anything dirty.”
Before Kayden can respond, the doorbell chimes and echoes throughout the house; I can’t control my excitement. I know that has to be the surprise Kayden has planned for us tonight.
“Ooh! I finally get to find out what you’ve got planned for us!” I feel like a Mexican jumping bean as I jump up and down in front of Kayden. Hopping up, I wrap my legs tightly around Kayden’s waist and lock my fingers together behind his neck. I can feel his growing erection pressing against me, thanks to all his impure thoughts he has bounced around that dirty head of his.
Squeezing my cheeks in the palms of his hands, Kayden gives me a wink and carries me through the house towards the foyer where Alec and Jerome are standing with a man and woman. Extending their hands, they introduce themselves as Kayla and Jason from Bahama Mama’s Hot Inks Tattoo Shop. It’s the highest rated tattoo shop in all of the Caribbean.
“Tattoo artists, Kayden…that’s the surprise?” I ask turning and jumping down from Kayden’s arms.
“Yup! You ask; I deliver darlin’.”
I’m in shock right now. I mean yeah, I was contemplating getting a tattoo, but tonight?! This is insane and very permanent! Other than my infinity tattoo on my neck, I don’t have any other tattoos on my body.
Shaking their hands and giving them a polite hello, I grab Kayden and drag him to the corner of the room to talk in private. Brooklyn, Jax, and Dixon are all keeping Kayla and Jason busy while I have a much needed pow-wow with my sneaky boyfriend.
“I don’t know if I can do this Kayden.” I blurt out, as panic runs through my veins, making my stomach do flip flops. “I’m not too big on self-inflicted pain. I know I’ll love the tattoo I want to get, because of what it represents, but its permanent Kayden! What about you? Do you really want to do this?”
Resting his hands on my shoulders, Kayden smiles warmly at me, trying to ease my mini panic attack, when he says, “Yes, I’ve never been surer of anything in my life Savannah. The tattoo I’m getting will be the last one I get until the day you bless me with gorgeous, blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies.”
Hearing Kayden mention babies sends my head into a whole new level of panic. Since my kidnapping, the want to have children has increased, but our relationship is so fresh and new. Having a child is the last thing we need right now. “What are you planning on getting?” I finally ask, my words sounding shaky.
“Like I said baby, it’s a surprise. And you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?”
With those words, holding hands, we make our way into the living room where the tattoo artists are setting up their things. Kayla is gorgeous, and you can tell she lives down here by the tan she’s sporting. With her tall, willowy figure and petite facial features, she reminds me of Kiera Knightly. She’s beautiful and isn’t afraid to show off her killer body either. She’s wearing short leather shorts and a white Bob Marley tank top that’s knotted on the side, revealing a tattoo that says Bibliophile in a gorgeous script font across her hip.
I’m assuming the man with her is her husband with how affectionate they are with one another, and both are wearing wedding rings. He’s also easy on the eyes and covered in a lot of tattoos! He stands a few inches shorter than Kayden; I would guess maybe 5’11’’and has a sleek muscular build. His black hair is cut short on the sides and slightly longer on top; it is disheveled, as if he runs his fingers through it multiple times throughout the day. He has that hardcore look but his dark chocolaty brown eyes are warm and welcoming.
Bouncing over to me, Brooklyn can’t contain her excitement, “Oh. My. Gawd, Savannah! I’ve been dying for a tattoo! I cannot believe Kayden had a helicopter fly these two here! What do you think of an infinity tattoo with a feather? And then the quote, ‘and in that moment I swear we were infinite’?”
“I can’t believe he flew them here! I mentioned this morning that I’ve been thinking about
getting a tattoo, and bam, here they are.” I laugh. Looking at Jason as he quickly gets to work tattooing something along the left side of Kayden’s ribs. Squeezing her hand, I turn back to Brooklyn, “I think your tattoo idea sounds perfect.”
~~~
I’m sitting in the jet, finding it hard to get comfortable with this bulky gauze taped to my lower back. After watching Kayden and Brooklyn get their tattoos, I decided to not be a chicken and just went for it. I’m glad I did; I not only ended up getting a kick ass tattoo that personally means everything to me, I also made an amazing new friend.
When I was going over my idea for my tattoo with Kayla, I mentioned how I loved the font of her tattoo. She told me that the script font is elegant, and one of her favorites to use. I couldn’t help but ask what a bibliophile is because I’ve never heard that word before. She revealed to me that not only does she run a tattoo parlor with her husband Jason, but she is also a book blogger. She explained that a bibliophile is someone who loves to read. Her blog is called Kayla the Bibliophile; she interviews authors and writes reviews on some of the hottest books.
I’m a huge book lover and take my iPad with me everywhere. I love laying by the pool or on the beach reading, so I was beyond giddy when we exchanged Facebooks and promised to keep in touch.
After going over what I wanted, we decided on two pistols pointing at each other, similar to the tattoo Miranda Lambert has. I decided on the quote, ‘Live as if you’ll die today, and dream as if you’ll live forever’ in the same font she used on her tattoo. With everything I’ve been through and almost losing my life, it’s a quote that I will cherish and try to live my life by every day. I decided on the pistols because of my daddy’s love for hunting and shooting which ended up saving my life that night. It turned out beautifully, and I cannot wait to show it off.
Kayden is hurting far more than me right about now thanks to the massive tattoo he got. It took Jason hours to do the entire thing; it was painful to watch! I can only imagine how it felt for Kayden, especially on his ribs. It took my breath away when I saw it after it was all finished. Even red and puffy, it was the most beautiful tattoo I’ve ever laid eyes on. I wasn’t the only one going all sentimental with my tattoo.
~~~
Sitting down beside us, Dixon stared at Kayden with a look of total astonishment on his face. “I cannot believe you tattooed your Girlfriends name on your body. Don’t you know that’s like bad luck or something?”
There it is: the tug-a-war with my head and my heart. I love Kayden with every single inch of my heart, but that urban legend says if a guy tattoos a girl’s name on his body, their relationship will surely end badly. I will fight every single day to make sure that never happens. Butting into the conversation, I lean forward in my seat and stare straight into Dixon’s bluish green eyes. “I think it’s romantic and having my name with Angel wings on each side of the “S” is absolutely amazing. We’re going to grow old together for your information Dixon.”
Rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh, Dixon sits back in his seat. “Yeah, I’ve heard that line before. Pretty much every guy I know who has a chick’s name branded on his body is no longer with that girl and then is stuck with her name permanently on his skin.”
“Wow, what a Debbie downer!” Brooklyn says, shooting daggers towards Dixon with her eyes. She’s sitting beside Jax, playing candy crush on her iPhone. “I think it’s sweet and if anyone can make it, I believe it is without a doubt these two. They are so in love it makes me sick.” She flashes a cocky grin at me before dropping her eyes back down to her phone.
“Thank you, Brooklyn!” Annoyance has now consumed my body. I suddenly have the urge to tear Dixon a new one, but decide against it. I will contain my fury and sit quietly for the remainder of the plane ride, while I read Reflected In You, by Sylvia Day.
My stomach is a ball of nerves because today is our first appointment together with Dr. Wilcott. As soon as we land, Alec will be driving us straight to her office in downtown Houston. Giving my hand a gentle squeeze, Kayden lifts it up to his lips, planting a sweet kiss on my knuckles. Smiling at me with his eyes as his lips linger on my hand causes a tiny fraction of my anxiety to evaporate, but not enough to relax me completely. I don’t know why, but I just have a bad feeling that things will not be all rainbows and roses at this appointment.
~~~
Sitting on the couch in Dr. Wilcott’s office, I’m looking around the room focusing on anything but her or Kayden. Bouncing my leg nervously as it’s crossed over the other, I try to do anything I can to keep myself from freaking out right now.
She just asked Kayden the one question I’ve been pondering in my head for weeks. It’s been like a parasite burrowed inside my brain. Spilling poison throughout my mind, little by little, until my brain is consumed with nothing but the constant wonder…who’s the woman that Kayden loved before me? The one who broke his heart so badly that he became a shell of himself in order to protect his heart from ever being hurt again?
Sucking in a deep breath and holding Kayden’s hand a little tighter, I watch the cars as they speed down the busy streets of Houston beneath us. I’m wishing I had a very tall glass of whiskey right about now, to try and calm myself before the storm of words spew from Kayden’s mouth. I just hope finally talking about this will bring us closer and not backfire and cause a strain in our relationship.
Chapter Thirteen
Kayden
When I volunteered to come along with Savannah to her appointment today, I assumed we would focus entirely on the issue at hand, Zak. Boy was I wrong. I think the air was just knocked straight out of my lungs a moment ago. Dr. Wilcott asked me how I’ve been coping with things since Savannah’s kidnapping, accident, and almost losing her. I could tell by the look she gave me she wanted the truth, not the sugar-coated kind I’ve been feeding Savannah and everyone else. I hate reliving those dark days. I’ve been trying to put them behind me and focus entirely on Savannah and our future, but it’s been harder than I thought it would be. I have so much guilt just eating away at me. I feel like if I would’ve looked into Jacob and Zak, all of this pain could’ve been avoided.
I haven’t slept a full night over the last several weeks because I’ve struggled with nightmares myself. I haven’t mentioned it to Savannah, and give her yet another thing to worry about. She’s dealing with enough right now and needs me to be strong for her. To make matters worse, I’ve began having nightmares about my sister. One minute I’m in the hospital pleading with Savannah to wake up, and the next I’m beside Melody’s hospital bed telling her goodbye before she takes her last breath. I haven’t dreamt about my sister in years.
The week of her death was the worst week of my entire life. Now, eight years later, I have to relive it all over again, and this is not even close to how I ever imagined telling Savannah. I wanted to do it privately when I felt I was ready to rip open these old wounds. Looking towards Savannah, I can see the look of panic on her face. She’s just as uncomfortable with this situation as I am. But, Dr. Wilcott thinks opening up about my past will help me cope with everything going on right now.
“Kayden, after hearing about the conflicting nightmares, I think you need to discuss the loss of your sister. Everything that’s happened with Savannah seems to have triggered your brain to bring those memories to the surface. You can’t ignore them and try to push them back. You need to face them and try to find closure.” Dr. Wilcott says, eyeing me intently.
Raking my hands through my hair, I take in a deep breath and decide to take the plunge. Better to jump straight in than to slowly try to sink into this. Focusing on Dr. Wilcott, I finally will myself to speak, “I’ve never spoken to anyone about my sister, so it’s hard for me to do so with a total stranger. But if it means I can help myself and Savannah move past all of this, I’m willing to do anything to have that happen.” I rub circles with the pad of my thumb on the top of Savannah’s hand as I speak, trying to silently calm her as much as myself.
“Well that’s great to hear, Kayden. You said that your engagement was called off around the same time as your sister’s death? That was your last serious relationship you had before Savannah?”
God, the last thing I want to talk about is fuckin’ Lulu. I’ve tried as hard as I can to wipe away every fuckin’ ounce of that woman from my mind. I immediately become tense from Dr. Wilcott mentioning her, and Savannah snaps her head towards me. I can see in her eyes that she wants to know.
I feel like shit because Savannah’s been so open with me. Yet I’ve not opened up or revealed anything about my past to her. I hate dredging up the past; it’s the past and that’s where I feel it should stay. Knowing it all, I’m afraid will only cause more bad than good.
“Yes, my fiancée and I called off our engagement the day of my sister’s funeral. I’d been with her since my freshman year of high school, and we broke up at the end of my sophomore year of college. It was devastating, and it’s the reason I close myself off from serious relationships. I decided casual dating was the best choice for me. Especially with my family having money, I never knew who wanted me for me and not just because I have money.”
Leaning back in her chair, Dr. Wilcott quickly types notes onto her tablet as I speak. Stopping, she brings her gaze back to Savannah and me, but then turns her full attention over to Savannah, asking her if she knew any of this. I feel like a pile of rocks is sitting in the bottom of my stomach. Immediately I feel sick, and guilt stricken. Am I a horrible boyfriend for not telling Savannah any of this when we first got together?
“No. I only know what I learned from my research I did for an article I worked on at my job. I didn’t want to pressure Kayden into talking about any of it until he felt he was ready.” Savannah says; her voice deflated, and the sadness in it shreds me. Wanting to do something to comfort her, I take her chin into my hand, turning her face to look at me.
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