“Wait,” he said dragging his mouth from hers. “Not here.”
“My house?”
“I’ll follow you.”
Her apartment was close to the station and it was a short drive. Lucas contemplated the wisdom of the decision but his lust overpowered his reason as always. All he could see was milky skin. All he wanted to do was satisfy his lust.
He pulled up behind her car in the rear of the building and followed her to a door on the first floor. Her apartment, though small, was decorated with modern furniture which gave her home a cosy ambiance. It felt warmer than his place.
“Would you like a drink? Or I could make you some dinner.”
“No, um, thanks.”
Suddenly he felt awkward, he shouldn’t be here. He didn’t want to have dinner with her. He wanted to get her naked. If he didn’t soon, he was going to bolt. As though sensing it, she pounced on him again.
Before he became aware of what was happening he was naked and on the floor. She took control and he let her. It was quick and satisfying but had none of the same passion or intensity of their last encounter. Instead of feeling euphoric or relaxed he felt emptiness and shame. He shouldn’t be here, his compassion tore through him.
Lucas eased her from him, stood up and began to dress. This situation needed to be resolved and fast. Avoiding her was the only solution. Now came the hard part.
“I, um, have to go,” he told her.
She stood up and gazed at him with a hurt and puzzled expression. Damn my foolishness.
“Why?” She asked looking forlorn. His heart lurched. “I thought I could make you dinner, maybe you would like to stay.”
“Sasha … I …”
Tears filled her eyes as she dressed. “Why did you come here?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
“Why would you use me like that?”
“Sasha, you’ve been asking me for this for weeks.”
“I didn’t want you to come in here and fuck me then leave. I like you, I want more.” Her face, already pink from satisfaction, became a darker pink in anger.
“I told you that first night, I don’t want that.”
“Then why are you here?”
“It was a mistake, I’m sorry. I think I should go.”
The slap across his face took him by surprise. He deserved it. His behaviour was despicable. He took in her hurt face for a moment and internally kicked himself before turning and leaving.
At home, beer in hand, he sat out on his small patio overlooking the high rises surrounding his building, raked with regret. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he enjoy women without having to feel? This was why he didn’t get attached, too many people got hurt. He pushed every feeling, every emotion down deep inside and aimed to keep them there. Cold indifference and an empty bed was the only way.
26
In the line of fire
Standing on Carrie’s doorstep he put on his impassive face and allowed only the love he felt for his family to surface. The rest remained buried and he wouldn’t allow his sister to notice the change. Keeping a distant, strong reserve would be the only way to continue through life from here on in. If he could hide from his sister he could hide from everyone.
Carrie answered his knock with Mabel and Tommy in tow who both began chattering at him at once, while his sister’s scrutinizing gaze tested his resolution. Squatting down so he could be face to face with his niece and nephew he basked in the glow of their unconditional love for a few moments.
“Okay you two, go and get your backpacks.”
She urged them with her hands towards the hall and they scurried off to their rooms. She continued to stare at him with intent.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Did something happen?” Her eyes did a lap of his face before locking onto his as though she was trying to read his mind.
“No.”
“Are you still upset about Maggie?” He laughed. “What’s so funny?”
“Maggie is the furthest from my mind at the moment.” He realized his slip so he averted his eyes from her penetrating gaze.
“What is on your mind then?”
“Carrie, really, I’m fine.”
“Look at me then.”
He lifted his eyes to meet hers and held them for a moment before looking over her shoulder and down the hall watching for the children, anything to avoid her scrutinising eyes.
“I don’t like seeing you unhappy, Lucky.” He flashed a warning gaze her way and clenched his jaw. “Spending too much time alone or at work—”
“Carrie, I don’t need a lecture right now.”
Her small, warm hand came up to rest against his cheek while she held his gaze. “Please don’t forget who you are.”
Mabel and Tommy saved him at this point and his relief at being able to escape had him scooping them up and carrying them giggling to the car. They chatted during the whole journey to the zoo and their joy and excitement was contagious. Being with them was the only time he could allow his guard to drop.
Their enthusiasm bubbled over as they strolled to each enclosure. Mabel attempted to teach Tommy how to pronounce each animal’s name correctly. Her tiny hand never left Lucas’ as she patiently taught her brother.
Lucas sensed Mabel wanted to talk to him about something but held back, that is until they were sitting down to lunch. Her dark blue gaze so intense, like her mother, had him averting his eyes as quickly.
“Uncle Lucas, why don’t you have a girlfriend? Uncle Jared does and he’s younger than you.”
He thought carefully before answering. “I haven’t met anyone I like enough.”
“Are you sad living all alone?”
“No, Mabe babe.”
She giggled before continuing her inquisition. “Why do you look so sad then?”
“I’m happy here with you and Tommy. I’m not sad.”
“You were when Mummy opened the door. I saw.”
“I’m not now. Sometimes my work makes me sad.”
“If you had a girlfriend you wouldn’t be.”
“I think you’re too smart for your own good.” He smiled and she stared at him with big eyes. “Don’t worry about me, okay?”
She processed the information for a moment, her head tilted on the side as though she tried to read his thoughts. Then she smiled, stood up from her spot beside him on the bench they occupied and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I guess I’ll just have to love you more.” She kissed his cheek and sat down again.
Monday morning brought in a very exhilarated looking Maggie. Lucas, already at his desk, watched as she slipped into her seat. He glanced at her beaming face and curiosity got the better of him.
“What are you so happy about?”
“I’m getting married.” She bounced in her chair like a child with a balloon.
“Congratulations, Mags.” He smiled. He was surprised but happy for her.
“I know it’s quick but we probably won’t get married till next year.”
“I’m happy you’re happy.”
His phone rang cutting short their celebration.
“There’s a domestic shooting and an officer down,” he told Maggie after he’d hung up.
They arrived at the scene to find three squad cars and an ambulance in attendance. The paramedics were attending to the officer who’d been shot who lay with their feet facing the house, not far from the front door. Lucas’ initial assessment determined she may have been shot from the doorway of the house. The assailant was pinned to the car by one of the officers and was being handcuffed as they walked towards the officer protecting the scene from on-lookers.
“Why have we been called?” Lucas asked him.
“He claims his girlfriend shot Officer Taylor when she answered the door. Then when he attempted to wrestle the gun from her, it went off and he shot the girlfriend accidently.”
“Where
was Taylor’s partner?”
“He’d gone round to the rear as their knock was going unanswered and they could hear a scuffle towards the back of the house.”
“Where’s the girl?”
“Just inside, the ME and Tech’s are already here.”
As they walked towards the house Lucas glanced at Officer Taylor, caught sight of blonde hair and his heart dropped. Sasha.
“You go ahead, Maggie.”
She gave him a quizzical look before going to speak with the Medical Examiner. He knelt beside the paramedic performing CPR. Blood flowed from the corner of her mouth. It didn’t look promising. He caught the eye of the paramedic who offered a defeated look.
“How long?” Lucas asked.
“We have been at it for twenty minutes and we’ve no response from CPR or de-fib. We’re waiting for the doc.”
“Why didn’t he attend to her first?”
“We have it under control but it’s probably too late anyway. I said I would keep doing CPR until he’d finished. I thought you would want to get your investigation started.”
Shock overcame Lucas as he stood slowly and walked towards the house. Maggie and the Medical Examiner, David Walker, chatted as they walked towards him.
“I think they need you over there, Dave,” Lucas told him.
Maggie’s brow furrowed. Her ability to see through his façade never ceased to amaze him.
“What is it? You’re pale, are you alright?”
“Um, yeah. I know her,” he said as he pointed towards Sasha.
“How?” Her brow was still creased.
“Let’s just say I do. I’m just a bit shocked. I hate when any cop goes down.”
“Me too. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll meet you in the car.”
She nodded and walked over to chat with the officers at the taped off scene.
Lucas came to stand behind David as he asked questions of the paramedics. He then asked them to stop CPR so he could check her vital signs. When he’d finished he shook his head at the paramedics and pronounced her death. While the paramedics went to retrieve the gurney, Lucas crouched beside her. He stared into the face of the girl who he’d only two days before fucked and then hurt. Someone else who cared about him had lost their life. This validated the very reason why he didn’t get close. He barely knew the girl and his heart ached from the loss. Imagine if he’d let her in, as she had wanted, where would he be now. How he wished their last moment together hadn’t been hurtful. His last image of her alive had been a tear soaked face. Winding a curl around his finger, which had escaped its bindings, he remembered her pink stained cheeks. He cursed. Standing up abruptly, he walked towards the officer they spoken to on arrival.
“Where’s Taylor’s partner?”
He pointed to a male officer about Lucas’ age sitting with his back against the fence which ran along the side of the yard, his head in his hands. Lucas strode towards him with fury running through his veins.
“Why the hell did you leave your partner?”
The officer looked up at a charging Lucas and before he could scramble to his feet Lucas heaved him up by his shirt front.
“Why didn’t you wait for back-up? You left your partner alone and now she’s dead.”
“I … she … it’s my fault.”
“Too right it’s your fault.”
A hand came to rest on his arm but he shrugged it off and shoved the officer hard against the fence.
“Lucas,” Maggie shouted and grabbed his arm again. “Let him go.”
He turned to Maggie and his anger dissipated. It was no-one’s fault but the criminal who pulled the trigger. The guy would be suffering enough, he didn’t need Lucas’ guilt laid on him as well. He let him go.
“I’m sorry.” Lucas mumbled.
Without another word he stormed off to the car, slammed the door and waited impatiently for Maggie to join him. When she did, she turned on him instantly.
“What the hell was that about?”
27
Reflection
Carrie unlocked the front door to the salon and Tommy raced in ahead of her, straight out to the ‘play’ room set up in the rear. Quite a number of her staff had small children so Carrie had set up a large area in the back of the shop and hired a nanny. Mabel had been dropped at school on the way so Tommy happily played with toys alone before the other children arrived with their mothers.
As she set up for the day her mind wandered to Lucas and her concern grew. Over the years she’d hoped his guilt and sorrow would have faded somewhat and he would have moved on with his life, been happy. Instead he had thrown himself into work and bed hopping. Lucas would never reveal his nocturnal activities to her but she knew exactly what he got up to. She knew him much better than he suspected. All she wanted was for him to be happy and when he’d been with Maggie she’d seen shades of the old Lucas, the sweet, compassionate and considerate brother she thought had died with their parents.
It appeared the change had been as temporary as their relationship. When he’d arrived on Saturday to collect the children there appeared to be no life left in his soul at all. A cold, reserved man stood at her door. The only time he’d slightly let his guard down was with Mabel and Tommy and this was still only the shell of the man she knew him to be. She could barely remember when he’d been happy, been the true person he was and could be.
She sighed as she placed the drawer into the till before walking over to unload her brushes and scissors from the sterilizer and onto the tray. It would do no good to talk to him as he would dodge all her questions. It broke her heart to see him so lonely, closed off and living in solitude.
Then there was his work, a mistake from the beginning. Being exposed to the heinous crimes only made moving on with his life more difficult. His thirst for revenge had been his reasoning behind joining in the beginning but now it seemed it was all that kept him going each day. She wished he wasn’t so stubborn and would talk to her or let someone into his life. Hopefully he was still writing in his journal, this would at least give him an outlet.
Her staff began to arrive so she pushed thoughts of her brother to the back of her mind to retrieve later and then decide on a course of action. After each client came and went she contemplated calling him to invite him over for dinner, get him out of his dreary apartment but then her next client would arrive and time slipped away from her.
Lucas paced outside the station, smoking with a shaky hand. The habit he had kicked when becoming a detective had returned. The burn lessened the pain of regret living in his chest. He’d never had a chance to apologise to Sasha for his appalling behaviour. His ‘screw her and bolt’ treatment of her. All she had wanted was for him to like her, want her in return and he’d taken advantage of that and now she was dead. There was no making up for the hurt he had caused her.
Maggie would be waiting for him so they could begin the interrogation the perp but he needed to numb the pain a little first and get a hold of his temper. He lit another cigarette from the last and although hated the smell and after taste, he relished the physical discomfort and numbness overwhelming him. With haste he finished and threw the butt in the bin provided. His partner stood waiting outside the interview room, foot tapping. She glared at him as he approached.
“About time, where have you been?”
“Cooling off.”
“Are you smoking again?”
“Yeah what of it?”
“What’s going on with you?”
“I already told you I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, well, I hope you have your emotions in check. I need the cool, hard Detective Hudson in there with me.”
“You got it.”
Her expression was wary as she opened the door and he followed her in. Their brawny suspect perched on the edge of the chair. He lowered his gaze from his stare down of the wall above their heads to them before resuming his scrutiny of the wall. His eyes flickered back and forth as
though studying the room but avoiding contact with them. His legs bounced up and down and his fingers beat a rapid beat on the table. Lucas knew the signs; Damien Stradbroke was as high as a kite. The speed surging through his veins had his whole body in permanent agitated motion.
Maggie took the chair opposite their suspect at the table and Lucas stood in the corner and watched, ready to take in each answer and assess his body language. It was always what they didn’t say that spoke volumes.
“Mr Stradbroke, could you please run through exactly what happened?” Maggie asked.
“I already told the other coppers.”
“I realise this, Mr Stradbroke but I would like to hear it from you.”
His eyes darted to Lucas and back to Maggie before staring at something only he could see on ceiling.
“Mr Stradbroke?” Maggie prompted.
“Rachel was pissing me off as usual. Naggin’ and moanin’ about something. We were fighting, nothing new. She went and got me gun and started pointin’ at me. Someone musta called the cops coz we heard em bangin’ on the door. Rachel told me she was gunna kill me and the cops starting bangin’ louder. She opened the door and just shot ‘er, that police woman. When I thought she was gunna shoot me too, I tried to grab it off her, ya know and it just went off and Rachel went down. The other copper came round the front and told me to drop the gun. I did an’ gave meself up.”
“Mr Stradbroke are you certain this is exactly what happened? Maggie asked.
He nodded and Lucas knew what the gun residue test had already told them, the victim, Rachel, did not shoot the weapon. The man sitting before them, showing all the usual signs of lying his ass off, had shot both Sasha and Rachel as he had residue on his hands. It appeared they weren’t going to get a confession too easily.
“We did a gun-shot residue test on your hands.”
“Yeah so? I said I shot ‘er by accident.”
“We didn’t find any on Rachel’s hands, Mr Stradbroke.”
Hudson Page 14